Just north of Chicago, Fermilab was one of the most important sites in the Manhattan Project, which resulted in the development of the first atomic bombs during World War II. Throughout the Cold War, the particle accelerator at Fermilab crashed protons together at speeds nearing that of light, and scientists investigated their interactions to learn the deepest secrets of the universe. With research budgets under attack, the scientists at Fermilab brought in the top minds from Japan to work with the local businesses — namely the Chicago Bears — to study the deepest secrets of quarterbacks. With some of the nuances of English lost in translation, many of the Japanese scientists said they had unlocked the energy that would bring success to the Bears’ franchise quarterback. The report they drew up was titled, “Big Mitch Power.” 

But there was a group of dissenting scientists who argued that “Big Nick Power” was the secret to the Bears’ success in 2020. They kept pointing to the salary of the Bears’ backup quarterback, Nick Foles, as the proof that the incumbent Trubisky was indeed a “Little Mitch.” Meanwhile, Big Nick Power had the arm and the salary to justify his stature as the Bears starting quarterback going forward. 

Until Week 3, it was unknown whether Bears’ head coach Matt Nagy was concerned about his QB being a “Little Mitch,” but when Trubisky failed to inspire the Bears offense during their matchup against the Falcons, Nagy indeed outed himself as a believer in Big Nick Power. 

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You ever watch that move Napoleon Dynamite? Come on, you’re looking at advanced statistics for your imaginary football team — I KNOW you’ve got that movie on DVD and a “Vote for Pedro” shirt sitting non-ironically in your closet. ENYWHEY, there’s the character of Uncle Rico, who kept taking film of himself throwing a football in an effort to chuck it over a local mountain or grain field or really, just about any object that could be placed in front of him. Now, after the complete decimation that your fantasy football team received in week 2, are you thinking, nay, hoping that some team will sign Uncle Rico so he can bring his swagger and dynamite — see what I did there? — arm to your favorite team? Well, worry not! Blake Bortles has come back! Undrafted free agent Nick Mullens is taking the field! Taysom Hill is making $8 million to be the third best quarterback on the Saints and he’s completed 6 passes in his NFL career. And Kaep is still on the outside. At this point, let’s give Uncle Rico a shot. Heck, Gardner Minshew is 90% Uncle Rico DNA. Fingers crossed no more QBs get hurt in Week 3, otherwise you should be gearing up to start Dwayne Haskins in your next DFS hot taek.  

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Another Election day has come and gone. Whether you’re red, blue, or somewhere in between, hopefully you made it out to the polls and made your voice count. Politicians are a lot like streaming fantasy options. You don’t really know if you made the right choice until it’s too late. Regardless of your choice, it’s very possible that you get absolute nothing out of them. And every now and then, you find one worth of holding on to for the foreseeable future.

To be honest, the vote with the most impact on my life was to the Sunday brunch bill that will move the alcohol service time in Georgia on Sundays up from 12:30 PM to 11:00 AM. Brunch is a huge thing in the South and it always felt odd to me that you couldn’t sit down on Sunday and enjoy a nice mimosa or bloody mary until about the time NFL games start. And don’t even get me started on the lack of alcohol on the golf course on Sunday mornings…

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That is how I envision Nathan Peterman going out on Sunday will look like. It’s an embarrassment to football and modern civilization that he continues to get opportunities to start games in the National Football League. Where we all saw Nick Mullens last night destroy a Raiders team that is actually an abomination, it will be a real contest to see if Peterman can do worse. Let’s look at some of the key games for fantasy this week…

Please, blog, may I have some more?