In my post-NFL Draft quest to update all of my 2020 dynasty rankings I’ve finally come to tight ends. And you know what I’ve always said about tight ends. Better than loose ends! Rob Gronkowski has the tightest of ends, and he wasn’t leaving any loose ends in his legacy with Brady. Weaving the Gronk into these rankings in the wake of his comeback wasn’t easy due to his wide range of outcomes. But as Big Daddy Kane once said, “Pimpin’ Ain’t Easy.” Anyway, here’s those sweet, sweet updated top 15 tight ends for 2020 PPR dynasty football:

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Quarantine Day 27:

Hey all you cool cats and kittens. Did you see the story about the tiger at the Bronx Zoo that tested positive for coronavirus? Very sad. I blame Carole Baskin. Not just for the infection of this poor feline, but for the entire COVID debacle. Speaking of which, the CDC just released some new guidelines and in order to receive a COVID-19 test in the United States you must now meet at least one of these requirements:

     a) Politician

     b) Professional athlete (Major League Soccer doesn’t count)

     c) Movie star (Porn does count)

     d) Valued tiger at the zoo

And if you check all four boxes the CDC even throws in a free roll of TP. So far only one man has cashed in on that free roll of one-ply: my preferred 2020 presidential candidate, Darren Waller. Anyway, here’s my top 15 dynasty tight ends for 2020 fantasy football:

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Every season in the NFL is full of evolution. You’ve heard a million times that the NFL is a copy cat league and teams lower in the standings try to emulate whatever the stand out teams did in the previous season. No matter what the hot trend is, the tight end position will not die in fantasy football. Each season the position lacks depth which makes hitting your pick in the draft pretty important. 

That doesn’t necessarily mean you have to spend an early draft pick on a tight end though. Through spending some time and doing the proper research you can find the later round guys that have a good chance of popping. If you read Razzball in your 2019 prep, you probably ended up with Darren Waller on a lot of your fantasy teams. Let’s take a look at a few categories to break down the tight end position from the 2019 season as we look ahead to 2020. 

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What’s better than a dynasty football slow draft in February when there isn’t any football to watch anymore? I refuse to acknowledge the XFL, by the way. Okay, maybe a fantasy baseball draft would be a little more exciting than a football draft because the season is a lot closer. Some of us prefer football over baseball and there’s some of us that can do both. A fantasy sports Eiffel Tower, if you will. 

I was lucky enough to catch an industry friend’s tweet about a start up dynasty that was going to draft in February and I gave it about 0.2 seconds of thought before I came to the conclusion that I was all for it. I messaged Matt Williams and he gladly accepted me assuming that I don’t have a reputation of ghosting my teams (I don’t). It is a 12-team PPR superflex league with a TE premium. My opponents include: Scott Fish Bowl 8 champion Stompy, Matt Williams, John Hogue, Kane Fossell, Nick Faber, @DFSMich_5, Caleb Pierson, Steven Toroni, Jon Helmkamp, John Hesterman, @GOATDistrict and @EverydayFFB. Those are 12 names, but two of them co-own a team. 

I’ll mostly just be writing about my roster, but I will also point out some tidbits on how the draft board was shaking out. Most of the meat of the analysis will be in the first 10 or so rounds. First drafts of the season are rusty, and there will be plenty of trading in this league, but I’m hoping that a good portion of these picks shape out. I drafted from the 11 spot. 

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Not long ago I threw a bunch of pieces of scrap paper with random letters scribbled on them into my fedora. I then randomly drew fifty letters from the titfer. Next I conducted several ritual sacrifices to the fantasy gods, assembled those fifty illegible letters into twenty-five pairs and selected the first football player who came to mind with matching initials to compile my Top 25 Dynasty Rankings for 2020 Fantasy Football. And that’s the story of how Kerryon Johnson landed at #18 overall, as the readers pointed and mocked.  Of course, I’m kidding about this process. I don’t own a fedora, it used a baseball cap.

A week later I repeated the same exercise to compose my Top 50 Dynasty Rankings for 2020 Fantasy Football which landed Juju Smith-Schuster at #50 overall. And outrage ensued. The angry mob called for Donkey blood. So I quickly handed over my Top 75 and Top 100 Dynasty Rankings for 2020 Fantasy Football. But those only fueled the riots. “Put the rankings into one easy to view list,” they said. “We don’t need your stupid explanations and jokes,” they said. “You’re the ugliest Donkey we’ve ever seen,” they said.

So I withdrew into solitude for a couple weeks, rosterbating and meditating and then rosterbating more until finally I had another 100 arbitrary player names collated into one easy to read list for the bloodthirsty mob’s viewing pleasures. Anyway, here’s my updated top 200 dynasty rankings for 2020 PPR fantasy football leagues:

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Two weeks ago I amused the people with my top 25 for 2020 dynasty football where I wrote about my crooked hard-on for Kerryon Johnson from my cushy American barn. Last week I captivated the audience with my top 50 for 2020 dynasty football where I insulted JuJu Smith-Schuster while vacationing in Madrid. This week I’ll regale the world with my top 75 for 2020 dynasty football, written while stranded in Paris on Jesus’s Birthday. Long story short: the Europeans are on strike. Nobody wants to work, making my holiday travels a challenge. But there’s worse places to get stuck than Paris where Donkey has made the most of it by visiting world renowned Peyronie’s Disease specialists, eating hay crêpes and discovering new football talent; I’ve heard this Cristiano Ronaldo hombre will be a great kicker. Anyway, here’s my top 75 for 2020 dynasty football:

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B_Don triumphantly returns from his European adventures, now infinitely more cultured. And infinitely more food poisoned. B_Don returns just in time for Donkey Teeth to leave the country himself. But not before the guys discuss their top 5 (or 6) waiver pickups for week 15, including DeAndre Washington, Adrian Peterson, Raheem Mostert, A.J. Brown, Anthony Miller, Noah Fant, Patrick Laird and Russell Gage.

Then in the deep pickups segment B_Don and Donk discuss Trequan Smith, C.J. Prosise, Tony Pollard, Justin Watson, Wendell Smallwood and Josh Adams. Plus DT’s obligatory mention of Ryquell Armstead as Leonard Fournette matches his way toward a full 16 game season, against all odds. Catch all of this and the A**hole of the Week on this weeks Razzball Fantasy Football Podcast! 
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Welcome to Stat-o-Matic where we will look at some advanced stats around the NFL. As a disclaimer, I am using this space to play around with some numbers and present some interesting findings. But, by no means is this validated or predictive data. I hope that it will lead to meaningful discoveries or it could inspire you to go down your own rabbit hole. We’re going to explore together, crunch some numbers and see what pops out. Stats courtesy of PlayerProfiler.com.

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