Welcome to Stat-o-Matic where we will look at some advanced stats around the NFL. As a disclaimer, I am using this space to play around with some numbers and present some interesting findings. But, by no means is this validated or predictive data. I hope that it will lead to meaningful discoveries or it could inspire you to go down your own rabbit hole. We’re going to explore together, crunch some numbers and see what pops out. Stats courtesy of PlayerProfiler.com.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

So I was out of town this past weekend and I was flying back Sunday in the late morning. As much as airports suck and flying in general can be a real drag, I’ve always enjoyed watching football while waiting for a flight. If I’m by myself I can enjoy my overpriced beer served by an antipathetic server while I overhear the most ridiculous conversations of the nearby tables. When I’m with a friend, it’s just like being at a real bar, where shit talking reigns and wildly outrageous proclamations are never verified via cellphone. Watching football is one of the only saving graces of airports, and I for one, am thankful for it.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I know the climb has been brutal for you, as it has for us all. This past Sunday my eyes froze over as I watched many of my teams drop under .500 for the first time. As I write this, I am enduring Jason Witten hand me a loss one excruciating 3 yard catch after another. This section of the season is the darkest grind when the post-draft excitement has long worn off but the playoffs are still far away. Injuries and bye massacres come for us all, but it’s how we respond that defines us.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

After the NFL Scouting Combine this past year, much was made of D.K. Metcalf’s rippling muscles. My boss was talking up the Ole Miss product’s biceps. My girlfriend was enamored with his bustling chest. Even Momma-Donk called to ask about D.K.’s glutes. But what nobody talked about were his bulging calves. That is until week 9, when the Buccaneers defense was hypnotized by Metcalf’s leg beef.

The entire Seahawks offense took full advantage of this calf-muscle-induced hypnosis with Russell Wilson going 29/43 for 378 yards and 5 touchdowns—he now has 22 passing touchdowns on the season—Tyler Lockett snagged 13 catches for 152 yards and 2 touchdowns—he now has 6 touchdowns on the season—and the sexy calved beast himself, D.K. Metcalf, hauled in 6 catches for 153 yards and his 5th touchdown. The Buccaneer defense will attempt to snap out of the trance before gazing into Kyler Murray’s sparkling eyes next week. Anyway, here’s what else I saw during yesterday’s late games in fantasy football:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

The biggest story line coming out of Thursday night will be Patrick Mahomes’ knee. From the sounds of it as I write this, there isn’t a fracture to go along with the dislocated kneecap so that is not the worst news in the world if you depend on Mahomes in fantasy football.

I’ve started writing this at the end of the 3rd quarter. At this point the Broncos are lifeless and Flacco has been sacked 7 times. Nevermind, now it’s 8. Flacco is a corpse out there with zero mobility and the offensive line is not doing him any favors.

I saw this game going quite a bit differently. I thought that Denver had all of the momentum coming into this game off of two straight wins and KC with two straight losses. These teams were playing on 4 days rest and Denver’s roster was a lot healthier coming into the game. Kansas City can’t stop the run and coming into the game, they only had 11 sacks on the season. It turns out that this Denver offense is completely lethargic and unprepared.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

We have a new leader atop the RazzBowl standings after week 4—Pat Fitzmaurice of TheFootballGirl.com raced into the coveted spot on the legs of huge weeks from Chris Godwin, Jameis Winston, Austin Ekeler and David Johnson. Fitzmaurice now holds a meager 6 point lead in front of last week’s leader Michael Stepney, and the top 5 are separated by less than 30 points. Shout out to the 4 Razzball contributors who have risen into the top 12 (Zach 8th, Boof 9th, Pat 10th and Rudy 12th), keep up touching and squeezing, fellas. Yours truly is still stalking Donkey style down in 49th (of 180). I hope y’all are ready, things are about to get freaky on Team DT! 

What makes the RazzBowl especially unique compared to other best ball formats and industry leagues is our addition of a $10 FAAB budget for the entire season with a minimum of $1 bids. This allows teams to cycle out dead roster spots (e.g. Andrew LuckLamar Miller, etc) but it also means each team will only be allowed a maximum of ten moves for the entire season. Every dollar of each competitor’s free agent budget is just as precious as a Bill Belichick smile.

When teams choose to pony up their FAAB, it’s worthwhile to take a look and see why. There could be a goldmine of speculative adds buried in the RazzBowl transactions this season.

The first four weeks of the RazzBowl saw our industry competitors flush almost as much imaginary free agent money down the toilet as Antonio Brown managed to squander during two weeks of September. Week 5 saw our competitors tighten up their pocket books like Donkey Teeth when the dinner bill arrives. Seriously, who ordered all those drinks! 

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Of the notable rookie performances that I didn’t see coming in week 1, Terry McLaurin sits near or at the top of the list. Not somebody I was overly high on after reviewing his college film, but showed up for the Redskins who have limited options at the wide receiver position.

Still not sure where to take this column on a weekly basis. Maybe I’ll start looking ahead to 2020 rookies at some point, but for week 1, here are some thoughts on what we saw from the most notable performers.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

It’s no secret, Donkey likes em young. There’s just something about the trusting innocence in those big soft rookie eyes which can’t be matched by an old weathered veteran. And fantasy sports are all about having fun; what’s more fun than drafting the youngster your buddies have never heard of and watching the kid grow into a superstar on your fantasy team as your closest friend cries their self to sleep while clutching the last place penis trophy?

Please, blog, may I have some more?