Someone give the guy a cigarette and get it over with…

A pretty crowded afternoon slate today, highlighted by the Jaguars vs. Chargers game. Haha, just kidding. Also, not sure how I would type out a crying noise. Or the sound my fetal position makes. Honestly, it’s pretty much the Seahawks vs. Rams and Colts vs. Broncos show, but I’m let the deciding factor be the fact that Troy Aikman and Joe Buck are the crew for just one of those games. So Colts-Broncos game, here we go! Oh, what’s that? Jim Nantz and Phil Simms are handling that one? Oh, okay. Well then. Excuse me for a second. That being said, the Rams always seem to play their division rival Seahawks pretty close, handing them a some surprising upset wins the past few years. Surprising, as one team represents all the things you want out of a continually elite franchise with excellent results, and the other representing mediocrity and disappointingly low expectations year after year and a consistent and frustrating basis. Sure, you can be a person that loves rooting for the underdog, but when the underdog doesn’t even care all that much… and then we have the modernly “historic” (all the oxymoron points) game between the Colts and Broncos, a matchup that hasn’t featured Peyton Manning as either quarterback since 1993. So thanks for making me feel old!

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I don’t have a lot of injury analysis for you in this one.  Just some quick hits and an amazing Tyler Eifert update.  Tyler Eifert missed last week’s game with a neck injury… Perhaps he was malingering so he could do this instead of playing on Sunday:

Okay, not that the picture was taken on Sunday.  I don’t think it was.  But look, this picture is just.. weird.  A grown man probably shouldn’t be sitting on Santa.  So I hope this had some tie in to an official appearance or some kind of charity benefit.  I wonder if his #NiceList refers to what he’s done for fantasy owners this year?  Jay, maybe you need to get in the holiday spirit and come out with a “Naughty/Nice” list for fantasy football this year.  You know, the list more commonly known as Bust/MVP.  I’m not saying it’s a good idea, I’m just saying it’s an idea.  Anyway…  Tyler Eifert (neck) was “limited” for practice Wednesday after he missed last week’s game. So that makes me think he’ll play this Sunday.  But they’ll probably want to be certain on this one so I wouldn’t be completely surprised if he missed.  But I think he’ll play.

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Julian Edelman’s Sunday shoes are most definitely going to be “kicked off” for the next several weeks.  I actually started, umm, researching, let’s say, the Kevin Bacon movie Footloose to see how I could work a Julian Edelman Footloose pun into this post.  Then I came across something… interesting.  See, I’ve also spent a lot of time researching Star Wars: The Force Awakens as well.  And OH MY GAWD OH MY GAWD OH MY GAWD, you guys, it turns out the character’s name from Footloose is Ren McCormack!

The Knights of Ren follow Ren McCormack?

Perhaps all of these fellas just want to… cut footloose?

Anyway, depending on whom you ask, injuries might be the worst thing about fantasy football, the NFL and football in general.  (Another candidate for worst thing might include the fact that playing fantasy football can put us in a position where we end up rooting for some real scumbags…).  Writing this post sometimes makes me feel like I’m the bearer of bad news.  Nevertheless, I’m tasked with bringing you information to help you succeed in playing fantasy football.  In my quest to provide actionable fantasy analysis I like to reference people with medical credentials.  Well, this primarily turns out to be one person (named David Chao), not people, and as it turns out he is a very controversial figure in the NFL.  Yet he also has some of the best, readily available, film based injury diagnoses.  I’ve included a paragraph at the end of this post that addresses why I’m ultimately OK with using him as a reference for these injury situations.  So with that out of the way let’s talk some fantasy football injuries… (and I promise it’s delightful and full of people missing weeks due to foot injuries).

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 Image result for peyton manning picture
  • The soft glowing light from the sky when the sun is below the horizon, caused by the perception and hope that the backup can somehow be better than the inept starter.
  • Hit movie in 2008 that caused panties to moisten, which is the only reason men should know about this movie.
  • A period or state of suckitude.

As you all know, Peyton Manning was benched for the first time in his career due to bad play. I apologize to the word “bad.” Horrific is more like it. 5/20 for 35 yards and four interceptions.

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Another week of football means another crazy week of Fantasy Football. Former number one pick candidate in drafts, Eddie Lacy, was inactive Sunday after just disappointing everyone who owns him this season, and James Starks had a decent, but uninspiring day against the lowly Lions, finishing with 96 yards from scrimmage on 21 touches. Lacy is borderline droppable in leagues simply because of how much better Starks is playing and also the fact that Lacy is injured as well, and who knows when he could even be relevant this season, if at all. In most leagues, he is still worth owning and having on your bench, but won’t be more than a low-end RB3 for Week 11. Starks, meanwhile, will be a low-end RB2 for the time being.

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History has been made. If you watched yesterday’s game between the Chiefs and Broncos, you saw Peyton Manning achieve an amazing feat, one that could only be done in a robust and tenured career. That’s right folks. There hasn’t been a quarterback in the modern era that has done what Manning did. And that’s throw for five or less completions with at least four interceptions and less that 40 yards, something that hasn’t occurred since 1977, and he’s only the sixth quarterback to ever hold this prestigious monument to futility. Oh, and he also broke the all-time passing yards record held by Brett Favre. The man is a true record breaker folks. To be fair, Gary Kubiak, post-game, stated his regret in starting Manning due to major foot and rib injuries, leaving me to believe that Gary Kubiak is a pretty bad football coach, but we already knew that. No matter what it was, Manning has had a truly great career, probably the best quarterback in the history of the NFL. But instead of remembering the game for a truly remarkable moment, we’ll be remembering the game for a truly remarkable moment. Peyton Manning was benched in favor of Brock Osweiler… I honestly can’t see how this can get any worse. Oh, what’s that, Tim Tebow is still alive? This is gonna be good

Here’s what else I saw during Week 10’s Sunday games…

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I’ll admit it. That was probably the best Sunday Night Football game of the season, and it had everything I’ve come to expect from an NFC East divisional game. It’s almost as if the Giants and Washington were there in spirit. In what was the second and final match-up between the Eagles and Cowboys, the game feature two quarterbacks that would probably be quite successful at the collegiate level. And most likely Canadian Football. And the aforementioned ingredients for this divisional game? All there. Turnovers, questionable officiating, amazing plays, the bi-weekly Sean Lee injury (honestly, Lee needs to be banned from playing football for his own good), back and forth scores leading to overtime, and of course, derp. In the end, the Cowboy’s failed to tackle anything during overtime (last play shown above) and now the Eagles have an insurmountable lead in the division at 4-4, good for second. Because Giants, that’s why. So… in summation: F*ck Greg Hardy.

Here’s what else I saw during Week 9’s Sunday games…

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Notable injuries yesterday: EVERYONE. That’s correct my friends and fellow fantasy players, the time has come to huddle together and drown in our collective tears. And when I say tears, I don’t just mean the kind that comes out of our eyes. I’m talking the kind that comes happens to our body parts… Chances are, if you had a player on your team playing yesterday, they exploded and tore something. Entire body sections were lost yesterday, as if millions of ACLs and MCLs suddenly cried out in terror and were silenced. Steve Smith? Out for the year with a potentially career-ending Achilles tear. Reggie Bush, carted off the field with a torn ACL. Ryan Fitzpatrick, left the game early in the first quarter. The Chargers entire roster left their game against the Ravens before the second half. (Twelve total players.) Matt Forte, an undisclosed knee injury. In fact, Andrew Luck felt so left out from yesterday’s festivities, reports were released showing that he’s been playing with fractured ribs along with a still-present shoulder injury. And, of course, Le’Veon Bell’s injury (shown above) looms large as we continue to wait on any kind of news. As of now, it appears that Bell has avoided the dreaded ACL injury and that it might just be limited to a MCL injury. That basically means a multi-week setback at best, but doesn’t rule out a season-ending one. [Update: The latest reports show that he did suffer a full tear of his MCL, most likely ending his season.] As of now, DeAngelo Williams returns to the starting role, an area which he excelled at early in the season during Bell’s suspension, and Dri Archer will also see some carries, further proving that he is still as useless as ever. Gentlemen and ladies, these are the times when I realize alcohol is an important part of the life process. Let us drink, and hopefully not be injured while doing so…

Here’s what else I saw during Week 8’s Sunday games…

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Razzball squire back reporting for duty! In many cases, I would be appalled by the nickname “squire”. I think to myself no one is as great as me! NO ONE. Then I took a look at Tehol’s jawline and general being and… then I realized I had to change my pants. My new jeans then spoke to me and told me “learn from this man and better yourself”. Then I looked at the RCL writers standings and my pants were suddenly no longer dirty. I am ahead of God himself. Bless…

Last week we took a look at the Cardinals offense. Carson Palmer looked fantastic again. He had it all going. Short, medium, and long routes. I’m still sad this is not how Peyton Manning is playing. John Brown looks like he is slowly taking the lead role and stealing Palmer’s heart away from Larry Fitzgerald. It makes me sad because I have no shares in Brown as I was able to steal Larry in the late rounds in many leagues. When it comes to debating whether to start Amendola or Fitz, I instantly get sad. Chris Johnson is clearly the lead back moving forward until he craps the bed, gets injured or fumbles one too many times. Avoid the rest but I would be ok with trying to acquire Ellington at a discount to handcuff CJ2K.

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Another week, and unfortunately another huge injury. On Sunday, Arian Foster tore his Achilles’ tendon and is out for the season after coming back only a few weeks prior from preseason groin surgery. A tough blow for owners who had seemed to have gotten a steal when drafting him back in August and September. The situation in Houston tough and to try and replace their star running back is not going to be a pretty one. Alfred Blue is expected to receive the first shot at replacing Arian Foster, but it’ll be hard to trust someone that outside of a 31 carry/139 yard/1 touchdown in Week 3 versus Tampa Bay (it’s Tampa Bay for Godsake), has gone for 95 yards rushing on 29 rushing attempts (3.28 yards per carry). He should still be picked up in most leagues but stashed on benches as he can’t be trusted as more than a low end RB3/FLEX option for the time being. Neither Chris Polk nor Jonathan Grimes are worth rostering for the time being, however.

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