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Hey, any of you guys see where my offensive line went?

Hey guys, I get it, risk is scary. Most people go their entire lives doing whatever they can to avoid risk. No matter what it is, people avoid risk like I avoid poison ivy and country music. Well consider me to be the fantasy version of the tacky motivational poster on your boss’s wall. Throughout my years as a fantasy football player, I’ve come to know a few things to be true. Never draft a Mike Shanahan coached running back, never draft a QB in the first round, and those who take risks, win. Some of the best picks I’ve made have been some of my riskiest over the years. For example, Randy Moss in 2007 was going rounds after other top receivers after a futile stay in Oakland and a Training camp of DNP’s. What ensued was pure fantasy magic as the combo of Moss and Brady carried several of my teams to Payout City. Think of all the players that avoided Peyton Manning last year coming off of neck surgery. Now think of all the laughs the owners had who took the risk on Manning, as they cashed the more conservative owners checks.

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It was an eventful Wednesday last week to say the least. A man found a 1938 comic book inside the walls of his house, a jailed Pussy Riot member is currently on hunger strike and Paris Hilton signed with Lil’ Wayne’s recording company and plans on dropping a new album in the near future…hey I said it was eventful, I didn’t say it was all important. Of course the real news is that the San Francisco 49ers have lost Michael Crabtree for the foreseeable future to a torn right achilles tendon, for which he had surgery Thursday. To quote Harbaugh on this shituation ‘we do not anticipate it will season-ending for Michael’. Of course, that means we shouldn’t expect Crabtree to be ‘season-beginning’ anything either. Instant fantasy analysis: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!! Ok, now that we got that out of the way, let’s see what this all entails for this 2013 Fantasy Football season…

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NBC asked Obama to speak last night just so sports fans would switch to the NBC Sports Network for the first time ever. Also, judging from the timeslot, I’m guessing the President didn’t have any of the Patriots or Niners on his fantasy team. I think we’ve had a rough couple of days, as a nation, so I will only bring up two points– First, watching all the news, hearing all their names, listening to the speeches… it’s been the opposite of fun. And secondly, I think my ceiling fan was making my eyes water. Maybe kicking up some dust-mites? Now, let’s get back to talking about football!

I previously called this game Waterworld, due to all the rain. I am now referring to this game as ‘New Year’s Eve’, because everyone dropped the ball. What was the rain made out of? KY Jelly? Wait, wait, is it too late to call it the Boston Turnover Party?

Here was my drinking game of choice last night:

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As we head into the last week of the regular season, there are three types of teams remaining. First, the top seeds. These teams clinched the playoffs weeks ago, some even clinching byes, and they have turned their eyes towards Weeks 14-16. Next, the playoff contenders. These teams are fighting for their playoff lives, likely […]

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The Arizona Cardinals must’ve got a clean bill of health from their last visit to the clinic.  So clean, they went out of there way to avoid Michael Crabtree every time he caught the ball.  Michael went for 72 yards and two touchdowns on 5 receptions during a night in which I saw more fumbled […]

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Three Off-Season Moves That Will Move Your Fantasy Team or How Jimmy Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Fantasy Football By Josh Carey The Jumbo Man Moving Company van cruised down the Interstate. Jimmy stared at the endless road in front of him from behind the wheel. He hated this time of year. Not only […]

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