Helicopter blades whirl above my head, the whomp whomp of each rotation replacing my own pulse, putting me into a transcendent state where I commune with the all-knowing extra-dimensional beings of fantasy football. I pull a knife from my pocket and cut plastic strips from forty-pound bags of pellets of synthetic mosquito hormone. I lift the bags chest high to hand them to my partner, who dumps them in the hopper attached to the side of the helicopter. Whomp, whomp.  “You’re drafting with experts,” I hear from my inner monologue as I cut and lift and cut and lift. “It’s the RazzBowl. You can do this.” In 37 seconds we dump 320 pounds of pesticide into the hopper. When the bags are empty my partner and I step quickly away toward a row of pickup trucks baking in the sun. We secure our waste bags, pull out the sun umbrella, lower the tailgates, and watch the helicopter take off to distribute the pesticide in wetlands across the St. Paul area. I pull out my phone. It’s time. I’m on the clock in RazzBowl. With Christian McCaffery taken at 1.01, I pick Alvin Kamara at 1.02. I shout out my victory to my co-workers, who nod and go back to their League of Legend highlight videos. By the end of the day, I’ve drafted Keenan Allen, and I think–I know!–that I’m going to win in RazzBowl. 

[record scratch]

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Our buddy Pat Fitzmaurice of FootballGirl.com and the Fitz on Fantasy podcast stops by to reminisce about his strong performance in the inaugural RazzBowl last year. B_Don and Donkey Teeth ask Pat about his strategy for this year’s RazzBowl. Then, we ask him about some of the players from his team last season to see what he thinks about them for 2020.

Whether he’s done with David Johnson and where he would take Dalvin Cook with a pending holdout looming. He weighs in with the ongoing TE feud between podcast hosts, Mark Andrews vs Darren Waller, before we move onto some discussion about his Green Bay Packers.

We ask him about Aaron Jones possible holdout, and the Packers questionable draft day moves. He gives us his thoughts on who he’s looking at to fill in at WR after Davante Adams. B_Don tries to understand the fascination with Jace Sternberger. 

The guys wrap up with some rookie RB talk from Pat’s Wisconsin fellow alum, Jonathan Taylor, to Clyde Edwards-Helaire, and his overall ranks of the big 5 rookie RBs. 

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Bienvenidos a Miami Nashville! I guess I need to switch from a Cuba libre over to a mint julep for this article. Let’s begin with the storied Miami Dolphins franchise. Miami rostered three quarterbacks who passed for over 20,000 yards and threw for over 120 touchdowns. You may have seen the bronze busts of the first two–Dan Marino and Bob Griese–in Canton, Ohio, at the Pro Football Hall of Fame. Yet it is the third Dolphins quarterback who owns the lowest interception rate and highest career quarterback rating of the trio. Yes, that’s right, Ryan Tannehill just made you say “no way,” but in that confusing dude-bro style that means “yes, extra sriracha pickles please.” Let’s take a closer look at Ryan Tannehill, who is an ideal quarterback to target in 2020 fantasy football, whether it be redraft, dynasty, best ball, or daily fantasy.

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B_Don and Donkey Teeth are joined by the co-founder of Rotowire, Jeff Erickson, on the newest podcast. We start by discussing the Dalvin Cook holdout and how people should be valuing Dalvin and his backfield partner (that may sound different than I thought), Alexander Mattison, along with the chance of multiple other backs potentially holding out.

Jeff and B_Don then compare notes from the 2019 RazzBowl to see which owner assembled a more lackluster squad. Jeff gives us his thoughts on the format and how he may adjust his approach from last year. We also discuss how COVID restrictions may affect the season and where there might be opportunity to find value.

Speaking of no way to go, but up, we finish our conversation with Jeff asking about his favorite team, the Bengals. We look the RB situation and discuss a potential Joe Mixon holdout, and ask Jeff where Mixon comes in his rankings. We wrap up with some talk about the passing game starting with Joe Burrow and moving on to the talented WR group that the Bengals have put together.

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Darik Buchar of the National Fantasy Football Championships (and NFBC, the whole NFC/Sportshub domain) joins B_Don and Donkey Teeth to talk about the RazzBowl and the other offerings  that the NFFC have to offer. The guys talk about their favorites including the Silver Bullet Tournaments and BB10s before jumping into some RazzBowl format and strategy discussion.

After we tell you about all the mistakes we made in last year’s inaugural RazzBowl, DT and I ask Darik about his favorite team, the Vikings. We ask him about Adam Thielen’s expanded role, his expectations for the hyped rookie Justin Jefferson, and how the TE split may work with both Kyle Rudolph and Irv Smith Jr. on the roster.

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I heard the other day that beer is on the decline in the United States. Over the past 5 years beer sales are down around 2.4% and a whopping 1.5% over the last year alone. More and more Americans are turning to spiked seltzer, canned wine and hard liquor these days. And I understand it. When my RazzBowl dreams were dashed on a dropped Will Fuller touchdown during week 13 Sunday Night Football, beer wasn’t strong enough to kill the pain. I was forced to turn to hard liquor—and hard drugs—to find momentary contentment.

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The first round of the first ever RazzBowl Playoffs is now in the books and the RotoViz crew isn’t playing around. Mike Beers and his three headed monster backfield of Christian McCaffrey, Dalvin Cook and Derrick Henry are striking fear into the butts of the RazzBowl field as they carry a first place lead into the second round of the playoffs. If you’re looking for something to put into your ears, The Beers Man made a special guest appearance on the Razzball Fantasy Football Podcast this past week. Beers’ RotoViz compadre Hasan Rahim is hanging out in second place, with a squad also led by McCaffrey along with Ronald Jones and a slew of wide receivers including Mike Evans, D.J. Moore and Calvin Ridley.

To recap the very simple, not at all confusing, RazzBowl Playoff format: 90 out of our 180 team field (140 industry titans & 40 fans) advanced into the playoffs after week 9. The top 3 teams from each of our 15 leagues were placed into the RazzBowl Championship Bracket and the next 3 teams in each league were placed into the RazzBowl Wildcard Bracket. The scores for round one of the playoffs were tabulated by taking the teams’ scoring average from weeks 1-9 plus their cumulative scores from weeks 10, 11 and 12. The top 15 teams from the 45 team championship bracket will now continue on to round two of the playoffs in the championship bracket while the next 30 teams from the round one championship bracket will be funneled into the round two wildcard bracket.

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B_Don and Donkey are joined by special guest Pat Fitzmaurice of TheFootballGirl.com on this show. The crew talks about Pat’s approach to the unique RazzBowl format and the foundation for his regular season success as well as his playoff downfall. They also take a look at the future outlook of several players on Fitzmaurice’s team including David Johnson, Chris Godwin and Mark Andrews.

Then the guys discuss some of the keys to Pat’s perennial success in the FantasyPros Accuracy Competition before delving into his thoughts on Bo Scarbrough, Will Fuller and several other receivers for this week. Tune in and discover master’s super secret ranking formula! 
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It’s the inaugural episode of The Razzball Football Podcast formerly known as The Ditka, Sausage, and Fantasy Football Podcast also known as Two Dudes Talking about Football who may or may not be recording the conversation. It’s still a sausage fest as Rudy Gamble joins B_Don and Donkey Teeth to celebrate the podcast re-branding/re-launch with an intimate conversation about football projection methodics.

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