Prediction for this week’s Bears game, 352 to t’ree. I know, I know, but I think Miami keeps it close and gets the late field goal. It’s time to appoint a new master of ceremony for Da Bears though, and I think it may be Da Mitch! Da Mitch actually did throw that ball over them mountains. He hangs out with Chuck Norris’s beard on the weekend. He beat Al Bundy’s record and threw for 5 TDs for Polk High School.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

My apologies for dragging MB through the mud last week on Ryan Fitzpatrick. Sorry MB. I’m stupid. You’re smart. I was wrong. You were right. You’re the best. I’m the worst. You’re very good looking. I’m not very attractive.

Ryan Fitzpatrick is the greatest thing since sliced bread (is it really that hard to slice bread?), but then what does that make Patrick Mahomes? What was the greatest thing before sliced bread? The wheel? So Mahomes is the greatest thing since the wheel, and we could maybe say that Patrick is rollin’ with Ma-homies.

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I want to take you back to a simpler time. A time, let’s call it, the era of Blockbuster. Now, do you remember having to drive to an actual brick and mortar store, spend 20 minutes walking up and down several aisles, carry around 4 boxes so nobody took the last copy of whichever movie you decide to take home and watch…Then, the world changed.

Netflix delivered movies to your door, but only 1 at a time unless you paid extra, and heaven forbid you lose the damn DVD or envelope. Well, that was a mess and while an interesting concept, still didn’t quite push out the era of Blockbuster.

Eventually Netflix, among others, decided that streaming movies directly into your house or phone was the way to go. No more driving, no more walking up and down the aisles only to find the 35 copies of the one movie you drove to the store for had all been checked out. You simply scroll through and click on the movie or show you wanted to watch (or in my case, scroll, scroll, scroll, keep scrolling, then watch the same shows and movies I’ve seen a dozen times).

Well, I can’t promise that the world of fantasy football will go to a full fledged streaming service, unless you count DFS, but there are a few positions that can be more easily found via streaming than others. Quarterbacks, tight ends, and defenses are the primary areas that I would recommend potentially using the streaming strategy.

This is a strategy I have long since employed as quarterbacks don’t have the same point discrepancy that exists at other positions; tight ends outside of the top few tend to be very TD dependent; and defenses are matchup based more often than not and we really only have so much information going into the season about how a defense will look. I will give a shallower and a deeper option each week… and here are Week 1 Streamers after the jump…

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I come to you from two weeks in the future. Like a really short-term Terminator. A… Sherminator?

I joke, I kidd. But seriously. I’m a sophisticated sex robot sent through time to change the future for one lucky… fantasy… player…

Let’s get real. Your fantasy drafts are starting. You can almost feel the tick-of-the-pick clock in some scenarios. Everyone is cramming in as much information as they can. Top 200’s, position ranks, team previews, hot takes galore. And so, like all that cramming you did in college, you have to choose some things to skip over and hope they don’t matter. Like foreplay or lubrication. Oh, you thought we were talking about a different type of cramming?

Take me on in the Razzball Commenter Leagues for a chance at prizes! Join here!

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If you’re still reading at this point, you either really love fantasy football, or you’re within a game or two (stop playing into Week 17!) of winning your fantasy championship. Ideally, your lineup is set at the typical streamer positions at this point. Well, unless you somehow managed to advance after Andy Dalton’s early injury last week. More than likely you didn’t, but perhaps you did.

I know I did.

Yes, despite Dalton’s one-point performance, I was able to survive my first-round playoff matchup to move on to the semifinals. It’s also a league where every team thinks it’s necessary to hold two or three quarterbacks, so the pickings were slim. More than any other time this year, I’m desperate for some streamers.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

At this point in the season, you’re looking for streamers because you’re dealing with injuries, right?  The bye weeks are over, and you’ve had 12 weeks now to find a suitable fill-in at quarterback, tight end and the pointless positions (kicker and defense).

If not, I mean you’re probably just playing DraftKings or FanDuel, because your regular season is over.

Let’s get to it…

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Johnny Manziel is a punk.  Yeah, I like my sports to be entertaining, but I applaud the Browns for benching Manziel. What’s the big deal, you say?  Well, not only did he lie to the team, but he just left a rehab center and he’s out partying.  He’s a grown-ass man, but he’s also being paid as an investment.  Sorry, if my investment is acting like a clown when it’s clear he’s had issues in the past, I’m making the same moves that the Browns did. See you on TV in a few years, Johnny. Let’s get to the streamers.

Join Jay and your fellow readers in a special Razzball-only Contest! Buy-in is just $5.00 and the top-12 finishers in a 55-team league are all part of the prize pool! Sign up here!

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It was so close.  Literally, wide open in the end zone with no defender within 10 yards of him.  Slightly overthrown, but it’s a catch any pass-catcher in the league should make 100/100 times.  But not Kyle Rudolph.  No, not him.

When watching the game live and seeing the play develop, I got a smile on my face because the sure-to-be Rudolph touchdown would mean it was a good call for him as a streamer.  Instead, he dropped it, and instead of scoring 8 fantasy points, he scored 1.20.  That’s what happens with fantasy.  We only have so much control of what happens.  Rudolph let everyone down that was streaming him against the lowly Raiders defense.

Let’s get to the Week 11 streamers, shall we?

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Wednesdays are my favorite day of the week.  No, really.  Sundays are fun, but football is getting so tough to watch anymore.  Did you watch Monday Night Football?  Just brutal.  Alas, I’ll complain but continue to watch. But Wednesday is the best.  It’s my Saturday off from my job, so a day off is always nice.  Don’t get me wrong.  I absolutely love my job.  I get to interview B-list celebrities, D-list celebrities, local celebrities and write about sports.  Not a bad gig at all.  But everyone loves a day off. For me, it’s my relaxing day, but it starts early.  It starts at 5:30 a.m., to be exact.  Yes, I set an alarm on my day off, but why?  Well, I have to see if I won my FAAB bids in my leagues, and whoever didn’t get picked up, I swoop in and grab them.

Obsessed?  Yes.  But you have to be if you want to win your leagues…

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Ryan Mallett always seemed like a jerk.  No, not Greg Hardy-level jerk.  He’s just plain scum.  But Mallett didn’t seem to care or get it at all, even dating back to college.  Watching Hard Knocks showed his personality even more, making it easy to root against him.  When he showed up late during the show, you gave him the benefit of the doubt.  But when he missed the team flight last weekend, he deserved to get canned, and canned he got.

The quarterback rotation that overrated Bill O’Brien implemented early on is no more, as it’s Brian Hoyer’s job going forward.  He’s not a real life good quarterback, but we only care about the results here in fantasy world.  Consider him a bye-week replacement or one of your streamers going forward.

Please, blog, may I have some more?