Note to self: don’t get cute with your picks. Not only will the readers let you hear it, but it’ll blow up in your face. I threw one too many hail marys in my article last week and I’m not sure if any of them were caught. Odell Beckham, Brandin Cooks and Russell Wilson are just a few of the guys who this idiot recommended. Don’t worry, I’ll do better fam! Leave them comments below if you’ve got league specific questions… 

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Greetings! Today, I write to you from the uncomfortable seat of an Alaskan Airlines coach seat. That’s right, I’m headed to Maui, where I hope to relax, get a savage tan, and bust more nuts than Alvin and the Chipmunks at Thanksgiving. [Jay’s Note: I hope you’re staying in Kihei. Like a second home for me…] If you happen to follow me on Twitter, I’ll be posting daily pictures and trust me, you’re going to want to see this… Actually, you might hate me if you don’t already, but when you’re a professional fantasy football writer/thong model, you get to experience some pretty cool things. I just pray Ralph Lifshitz’s wife is able to meet me as planned, as it’s where we first met and created Ralph’s first child. Who am I kidding, she wouldn’t miss it for the world. You’ve got to be realistic about these things.

I am Tehol Beddict and this is Start ‘Em and Sit ‘Em! Take Heed!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

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The word coming out of Pittsburgh is that the Steelers aren’t about to panic, but it should be noted this is what people usually say when they are panicking. In an epic battle between two 3-3 teams (funny story, did you know Seattle is also 3-3?), the Steelers look to rebound from what has been an inconsistent season so far. In this case, whatever Ben Roethlisberger has wanted, did, in actuality, not happen. Maybe the story would be different if their games were played in the bathroom stall? But the next best thing for them is they are on a three-game set at home, starting with the equally inconsistent J.J. Watts, who some people call the Texans. Watt leads the NFL with 20 hits on quarterbacks (please hit Ben a lot tonight), and has 40% of the team’s sacks. What would help is Ryan Fitzpatrick showing more of that Fitzmagic. Err, wait, that magic has actually led to a 58.9 passer rating, so maybe less magic here bro. But keep the beard. Trying to figure out if you’re a confederate general from the Civil War, or the lead singer of the Spin Doctors is the only thing that entertains me when you’re trying to drive the football. It’s Monday Night Football, so it’ll be interesting to see if my television can survive the Chris Berman onslaught combined with Steve Young’s hot takes. Trying to figure out what Wes Welker snuck into Jon Grudan’s water is also high on my priority list.

Please, blog, may I have some more?