I hope for your sake that you were busy Monday night and unable to watch the Bears vs. Rams puke fest. Here’s how bad the game was: the undisputed player of the game was Rams’ punter Johnny Hekker. In all fairness to Hekker, the man can punt with the best of em. All five of his kicks pinned the aimless Bears offense inside the 10 yard line, and he booted a 63 yarder down there too. Needless to say, if you own Hekker in a punter league—I’m sure these actually exist—then you had a great fantasy night; unlike the rest of us. Fantasy Lord willing, this will be the last time I ever write an intro about a punter. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday for fantasy football:

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Le’Veon Bell pulled the ultimate fleece on the New York Jets. Well, either that or the Jets fleeced themselves by signing Bell and then hiring a head coach that wouldn’t use Bell correctly. Gase and Bell were a match made in Hell from the beginning, so the end result is not a surprise at all. 

Le’Veon Bell expressed frustration about his usage after the Jets’ loss on Sunday, and boom, a couple days later he was cut, cleared waivers, and was free to sign with whatever team he wished. Being a New York Jet on Sunday and then a Kansas City Chief by Thursday is like going from the mail room to CEO in four days. Also, anyone who thinks that the New York Jets Bell is going to be comparable to the Kansas City Chiefs Bell is high on crack. Bell is 28 years old, and only a few years removed from being one of the three most dynamic backs in the NFL. His workload has been light since his last year in Pittsburgh, including a year away from football and some missed time this season.

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Donkey Teeth is back to discuss week 5 with B_Don. Dak Prescott is down for the season and the guys discuss what it means for the receiving threats, Ezekiel Elliott, and where Andy Dalton fits in with some of the other possible FA QBs. Dalton Schultz was a big riser last week for B_Don, but the TE may be falling as the TE position seems harder to find each week. 

We discuss the Dalvin Cook injury and where Alexander Mattison fits in for week 6. We move on to talk about some of the big performances from week 5 in Chase Claypool, Henry Ruggs, and Travis Fulgham. B_Don asks DT about a couple statements from his week 5 recap article where he says Miles Sanders is a 1st rounder and Calvin Ridley is a WR1 all season. 

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Week 1 is finally here! Are you ready for some football? Thursday night party! And by party I mean small gatherings of less than 6 people. 

B_Don and Donkey Teeth have to talk about the recent Odell Beckham story to lead off the show. Then, we get into the tight end overview. Both of us have Kelce over Kittle and then we talk about DT’s infatuations, Darren Waller and Rob Gronkowski. We give our case for why we are lower on Tyler Higbee than the industry coming off his strong 2019 finish. B_Don then tries to talk DT off Jonnu Smith’s bum a**. 

After the TE discussion, we take a look at some seasonal awards where we both give you our MVPs, draft values, SB predictions, sleepers, busts, breakouts, and ROY. We wrap up the show with a couple of fan questions from @AGrieke and @BensGotTweets as they prepare for week 1. 

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The NFL COVID opt out deadline passed last week and it was more uneventful than my high school social life. On the offensive side of the ball, we lost a handful of o-linemen and a few dart throw wide receivers, but the only big news was Chiefs running back Damien Williams taking a passing on the 2020 season. This opens the door for first round rookie Clyde Edwards-Helaire to take on a much larger workload and jump into the top 10 running backs, which have been updated accordingly. As Rudy Gamble so eloquently put it, the early season CEH overdrafters are sooooo lucky! In other news, Razzball offered me a voucher for a free oil change at Cledus’s Auto Salvage if I opt of out of writing this year. Still thinking the deal over as the deadline approaches, but in the meantime, here’s my top 20 tight ends for 2020 PPR fantasy football:

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Five Guys Burgers and Fries and is an American fast-food chain serving…well…hamburgers and fries. They were founded in Virginia by former 1982 NFL MVP (albeit strike-shortened), Mark Moseley, a placekicker for the Philadelphia Eagles, Houston Oilers, Washington NFL Franchise, and Cleveland Browns. Moseley is one of just three non-offensive players in league history to capture the NFL’s Most Valuable Player award. He was one of those straight-on kickers you see in the old films, the last since Dirk Borgognone in 1995 to defy the instep kicking movement.

Mark Moseley earned his MVP by converting 20 of 21 attempts in the ’82 season, a seasonal accuracy record, however, it wasn’t all roses for Moseley. He bounced around the league in his first two seasons, eventually heading back to Texas to install septic systems while practicing his kicking trade with his wife. He worked hard, returned to the league, won that MVP, and is still the Washington NFL franchise leader in points. Not to mention, he nailed it with the burger joint after his career ended. I mean, buckets of peanuts while you wait is just as American vintage as that straight kick.

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B_Don and Donkey Teeth are back with another podcast episode to discuss DT’s dynasty QB and TE rankings. They start with the QB position and discuss their different tendencies toward more rush heavy or pass heavy QBs in dynasty. Additionally, the guys talk their appetite for starting a dynasty roster with an elite QB and an elite TE, and which players would be worth taking early. 

B_Don brings up a few top 10 dynasty QBs for DT that they have differing opinions about their future. Starting with Kyler jumping up to 3, Josh Allen coming in at 6, and then Baker even being in the top 10 QBs. After we go through those 3, DT admits his love for the ‘stache while B_Don is less enamored with facial hair.  

At TE, we start with a discussion about whether Kittle belongs in his own tier as the sole elite dynasty TE. We check in on the second tier and discuss DT’s boy Waller and why he has him over Mark Andrews. Overall, the duo talk about the TE tiers and how they could be arranged. We go on to discuss the Bucs, Rams, and Jets TE situations, with varying opinions on where those TEs should fit in the rankings. 

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In my post-NFL Draft quest to update all of my 2020 dynasty rankings I’ve finally come to tight ends. And you know what I’ve always said about tight ends. Better than loose ends! Rob Gronkowski has the tightest of ends, and he wasn’t leaving any loose ends in his legacy with Brady. Weaving the Gronk into these rankings in the wake of his comeback wasn’t easy due to his wide range of outcomes. But as Big Daddy Kane once said, “Pimpin’ Ain’t Easy.” Anyway, here’s those sweet, sweet updated top 15 tight ends for 2020 PPR dynasty football:

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The 2020 tight end class lacks top end talent, but there were 5 players taken on day 2 which bodes well for future production. These will be my final off-season rankings now that we know landing spots and draft capital. For more background information, please check out my initial TE article for details on the players’ profiles and more of the process used to rank the position. 

The List!

Rank Movement Name Team  Draft Round
TE1 +1 Adam Trautman Saints 3
TE2 +1 Cole Kmet Bears 2
TE3 -2 Brycen Hopkins Rams 4
TE4 NR Devin Asiasi Patriots 3
TE5 NR Dalton Keene Patriots 3
TE6 +1 Colby Parkinson Seahawks 4
TE7 NR Josiah Deguara Packers 3

NOTE: There are no tiers for this list, as everyone is going to be a slow burn for fantasy relevance

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Quarantine Day 32: 

This virus is really throwing a wrench in our economy as well as our professional sports enjoyment. Have you seen the latest proposal for the 2020 Major League Baseball season? I’m not talking about that whole Arizona/Florida restructured league proposal with the 30-team playoff. The latest idea on the table is one where Elon Musk and Richard Branson fly all the baseball teams to the moon where they’ll play the entire season without gravity. Even Tim Tebow with be launching dingers into orbit.  This is especially exciting because if all goes well, rumor has it the NFL season will be played on Mars. In anticipation, Bill O’Brien just traded Deshaun Watson for a cardboard cutout of Buzz Lightyear. Anyway, I went over my top 15 dynasty tight ends last week, here’s my top 30 tight ends for 2020 PPR dynasty football: 

Please, blog, may I have some more?