AFC-WEST

So wait… You mean to tell me that we’re only a few weeks away from real, live concussion filled NFL action? Where did the time go? Anyway, for those of you not familiar with my work, which would include everyone not in my immediate family, I’m Mike Honcho and I’m usually pontificating on baseball this time of the year. However, it’s hard to say no to the persuasive ways of Unbreakable MB and Jay Wrong. They’re like the Razzball version of “Brazilian security guards” at a gas station at 6 A.M. – You just can’t say no! So here I am, ready to tell you how the AFC West will unfold in 2016. How will Denver cope without America’s favorite “Non-PED using” quarterback? Can Derek Carr take the next step and lead the Raiders to the postseason? Did Andy Reid serve his 15 hours of community service for habitual clock-management violations? Finally, can Phillip Rivers generate enough excitement for the dozens of Chargers fans in San Diego? Theses questions and more (well, not much more) will be answered below. I’ll list the teams in order of predicted finish and give you a few helpful nuggets to help you navigate the choppy waters of fantasy draft season. Join me, won’t you?

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For the unfortunate few that did not have the pleasure of experiencing Tom Vu in the late 80’s, you truly missed out. His infomercials were the best thing on late night television, which prompted In Living Color, Saturday Night Live, and Family Guy to all pay homage to him. Put all the clowning to the side, though, because we as fantasy football degenerates should emulate the great Mr. Vu. Look past the terrible accent, the allegations of securities fraud and false advertising, the beautiful women, and the fancy cars. What do we have? The OG of VBD (Value Based Drafting). Okay, David Dodds and Joe Bryant over at Footballguys.com created VBD for fantasy football, but Tom Vu was VBDing in real life before fantasy football was cool. Look past all the sizzle and you will see that, at the core, he was all about finding value. Scooping up distressed properties (foreclosures, bankruptcies, divorces, tax liens) and milking a profit from them. Sound familiar?

Come to my seminar and I will show you the best value in the fantasy football market today!!!

Virgil Green. Is it any coincidence that the color of money is green? I think not.

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What’s the saying again?  Fool me once, shame on you.  Fool me twice, shame on me.  Or, should I say, Foles me once and twice.  Last time I picked Nick Foles as a streamer, he kind of spit the bed, if you will.  Now, it’s tempting to go with him again in Green Bay, as the opposing quarterback puts up good fantasy numbers be default thanks to Aaron Rodgers being locked in at home. But no.  Not this time, though I would consider him if I needed someone. This week, both of the top streamer quarterbacks come from the same game in Kansas City.  Let’s get right to it, shall we?

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Peyton Manning Red Forehead

Well, I’m confused. This past weekend’s outcome were just weird. Some trash won, other garbage teams looked average; I don’t know what to make of this anymore. Everyone to 8-8! Well c’mon Max you dumb mofo, tell me something that’s not making me dumber. Well okay, okay, I shall drop some knowledge on you: The AFC East and NFC West look like the best divisions, by a long margin, in the NFL this year. The AFC South and NFC EAST look like my cat’s turds. Who goes into the weekend wanting to see a Blake Bortles vs. Ryan Mallet game? Maybe a Kirk Cousins vs. Sam Bradford match-up interests you? The only team that looks like they can be really dominant this year are the Cardinals. The Bills are resembling Jekyll and Hyde, while the Broncos look hella confused about their identity. This is the weirdest season I’ve been a part of in my lifetime.

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Smith lol
If you had judged this game by the first three quarters and half of the fourth, you might have thought that Monday Night Football had given way to Thursday’s Prime Time to tenaciously make us feel like a nap is a better use of the time. True, it could have been a combination of Peyton Manning’s multiple incompletions where the ball traveled roughly an inch a second, Alex Smith’s continued ability to only throw five-yard slants, Andy Reid’s ability to literally eat all of this timeouts, and Phil Simms just stringing together random nouns. OR maybe it was that every other play there was a penalty flag. There hadn’t been that much yellow flying around since that incident at R. Kelly’s house years back. But just like last week, Denver’s defense found a way to lock in another win, forcing a fumble on Jamaal Charles with 30 seconds to play, allowing as much Monday morning quarterbacking as possible on Reid’s decision to not take a knee into overtime. I’m personally neutral on the decision, I think most coaches consider a draw there to be a low-risk “let’s see if we can get any yardage” type of play, but, I would admit that the correct move at the point would have been just to take the knee. It wouldn’t have mattered because Andy Reid would have been blamed for any decision he made, but since he could probably eat me plus a Sizzler, I’ll end on that note.

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