Welcome to another edition of Jay’s (hey, that’s me!) Review of all things Week 2. Except for Monday Night Football, just as bad as Thursday Night Football, but now without Chris Berman. So slightly better. Maybe. Who knows actually? I’m just waiting for when the NFL figures out how to have a game on every night and additionally draw out the NFL Draft for entire offseason. You think it might not happen, but Roger Goodell is already telling Robert Kraft to hold his beer (usually it’s his penis). So yeah, that was basically me saying that MNF is too late for this existential journey, maaaan. And sure, what I just typed may have come off as sassy, but that’s only because MB RSVP’d (so many acronyms, so little time!) probably the best GIF from Week 2 with the Lynch Safety Dance. You probably only understood that reference if you’re a member of AARP, but hey, on the bright side, more acronym dropping. So instead, I have chosen Todd Gurley to shine my light upon with the utmost care and love. Which is what I also refer to as a boner. And behold above, if that GIF doesn’t turn you on, I don’t want to be off. I feel like this could be the new Dyson’s vacuum cleaner slogan. Or the first last line I’ll ever say to a first last date. The possibilities are endless, just like a world with a functioning Todd Gurley. Is he back? (Maybe?) Was he ever gone? (Yeah.) (Vague) Answers to these questions and your usual daily allotment of hot takes, yokes (jokes in egg form, or I guess I could have just corrected the typo instead of typing this long sentence out… wait, am I still typing?), and your Week 2 Top Plays in GIF form are all after the jump!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I apologize for my absence the last two weeks. I had some major final exams and they kicked me in the ass. I am a better human after finishing it however; I have not seen natural light from the sun in 20 days. The doctor told me I had to wear sunglasses at all times until yesterday; the worst experience to be forced to look like a hipster. Story time! This guy from Greece, let’s call him Pat, bought a five-step ladder in Canada and had it sent to him in Greece. Because he is smart, he fell of the small ladder and subsequently sued the manufacturer and the store that sold it to him because he felt it had two defects: defective material and no warning labels. Experts deemed the ladder perfectly made and the judge told Pat that because an adult of average intelligence would know how to handle himself on said ladder there is no need for warning signs. In addition to this there are glue stains where the warning signs were, so also ripped them off. This man was then given criminal time and had to pay punitive damages. Fraud = bad. Don’t be this guy.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Week 16 is here!
Happiness and cheer!
Fun for all that champs they call
Their favorite time of year!

Let it just sink in. The nostalgia of that animated tune from 1965. You’ve heard it before right? Here’s a refresher:

So, I changed the lyrics a bit. What you’re looking for is a big ol’ ‘You’re Welcome,’ right? For real, though, you can’t watch that and not feel a certain je ne sais quoi for this time of year! It’s the best, hands down.

As you read this Christmas has come and gone, and in its wake we’re left with New Years Week 16 of the NFL Season, or as fantasy footballers call it: Championship Week! And if that doesn’t bring ‘happiness and cheer’ to each of you I don’t know what will. Huh? What’s that? Oh, you didn’t make your league’s championship? Well, poopsickles! Good news is this entire article is about to focus on how you can still play all of your football fantasies out in Week 16… FanDuel!

Each week we offer a 22-man Razzball-only FanDuel Contest that pays out the top-5 finishers! Think you’re good enough to operate beyond just luck and work your way to the top of the standings? Then put your money where your fingertips are and enter the $5 Contest for Week 16 (Sun-Mon Contest)!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

jsteww1315

Technically, it’s “Newton’s law of universal gravitation”, but let’s not cut hairs here when it comes to aesthetically pleasing titles. I’m into that whole brevity thing, man. But like Newton’s law — that two bodies in the Universe attract each other with a force that is directly proportional to the product of their masses and inversely proportional to the square of the distance between them, or, like how Paula Abdul explained while singing with a cartoon cat, that opposites attract, Cam Newton has been able to work with what is probably the most underwhelming receiving depth in the league. Not counting the Browns. (You never count the Browns.) I mean, Ted Ginn Jr. is a starter. THIS IS CRAZY. With last night’s win against the hapless Saints, the Panthers are now 12-0 and the only undefeated team remaining. Or, if you live in Carolina, they are now the only undefeated team with a 11-1 record. Regardless, no matter what unfolds the next month, at this point, it looks like the Panthers are set to make their run to the Super Bowl, where they’ll likely face off against the not-Bengals…

Here’s what else I saw during Week 13’s Sunday games…

New to Daily Fantasy Football? Try out this new free FanDuel’s contest, where half the league is guaranteed to win. (Played on FanDuel before? You can build a team for $5 for a chance of $100,000, part of a one million dollar prize pool!)

Please, blog, may I have some more?