Zach Ertz

Donkey Teeth

Top 200 Dynasty Rankings for 2020 Fantasy Football

January 27, 2020 | Fantasy Football Dynasty League Rankings, Fantasy Football Dynasty Leagues |

by:

Not long ago I threw a bunch of pieces of scrap paper with random letters scribbled on them into my fedora. I then randomly drew fifty letters from the titfer. Next I conducted several ritual sacrifices to the fantasy gods, assembled those fifty illegible letters into twenty-five pairs and selected the first football player who came to mind with matching initials to compile my Top 25 Dynasty Rankings for 2020 Fantasy Football. And that’s the story of how Kerryon Johnson landed at #18 overall, as the readers pointed and mocked.  Of course, I’m kidding about this process. I don’t own a fedora, it used a baseball cap.

A week later I repeated the same exercise to compose my Top 50 Dynasty Rankings for 2020 Fantasy Football which landed Juju Smith-Schuster at #50 overall. And outrage ensued. The angry mob called for Donkey blood. So I quickly handed over my Top 75 and Top 100 Dynasty Rankings for 2020 Fantasy Football. But those only fueled the riots. “Put the rankings into one easy to view list,” they said. “We don’t need your stupid explanations and jokes,” they said. “You’re the ugliest Donkey we’ve ever seen,” they said.

So I withdrew into solitude for a couple weeks, rosterbating and meditating and then rosterbating more until finally I had another 100 arbitrary player names collated into one easy to read list for the bloodthirsty mob’s viewing pleasures. Anyway, here’s my updated top 200 dynasty rankings for 2020 PPR fantasy football leagues:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Donkey Teeth

Top 75 Dynasty Rankings for 2020 Fantasy Football

December 27, 2019 | Fantasy Football Dynasty League Rankings, Fantasy Football Dynasty Leagues | 11 Comments

by:

Two weeks ago I amused the people with my top 25 for 2020 dynasty football where I wrote about my crooked hard-on for Kerryon Johnson from my cushy American barn. Last week I captivated the audience with my top 50 for 2020 dynasty football where I insulted JuJu Smith-Schuster while vacationing in Madrid. This week I’ll regale the world with my top 75 for 2020 dynasty football, written while stranded in Paris on Jesus’s Birthday. Long story short: the Europeans are on strike. Nobody wants to work, making my holiday travels a challenge. But there’s worse places to get stuck than Paris where Donkey has made the most of it by visiting world renowned Peyronie’s Disease specialists, eating hay crêpes and discovering new football talent; I’ve heard this Cristiano Ronaldo hombre will be a great kicker. Anyway, here’s my top 75 for 2020 dynasty football:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
JCohn

NFL Week 16 DFS Guide

December 21, 2019 | DraftKings, FanDuel |

by:

Week 16 highlights another of the beauties of DFS.

While most leagues – more importantly, correctly run leagues – end their seasons in Week 16 with a one-week championship, DFS continues onwards. DFS braves the unpredictable nature of Week 17, goes all throughout the NFL playoffs, and extends fantasy football fandom to the very last play of the year.

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Pat

Rest of Season 80: The Last Man Standing

December 12, 2019 | Fantasy Football Rankings | 11 Comments

by:

Fantasy football is a tough game. In my opinion, the main reason is that player values change massively week to week in unpredictable ways. These things happen in baseball and basketball, but not nearly at the volume or frequency. There is no greater example of this in 2019 than Zach Ertz. During the pre-season Ertz was an obvious overvalue in the 3rd round.

Please, blog, may I have some more?
JCohn

NFL Week 14 DFS Guide

December 7, 2019 | DraftKings, FanDuel |

by:

It would be fun to play in a 60,000 person DFS tournament against 59,999 DFS equivalents of the Dallas Cowboys. The amount of chances that they’ve had to run away with the abysmal NFC Least and put the Eagles’ hopes away is ridiculous. It would be like if you drafted Kirk Cousins this week (don’t) with a huge expectation of his performance against Detroit, and though he didn’t perform up to par, the other 59,999 teams chose either Devlin Hodges, or Gardner Minshew, or Eli Manning (don’t take them, either) and just begged you to stay in the running.

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Pat

Rest of Season 80: The Playoff Push

December 5, 2019 | Fantasy Football Rankings | 9 Comments

by:

The fantasy football playoffs are finally here. In the interest of the rest of season rankings being as useful as possible I’ve thrown a whole pile of players in the 70-80 range that could potentially be a one week plug and plays for your team. I encourage all readers to map out their lineups throughout the playoffs to find expendable players. Ensure you have the optimal lineup for this week if you are in a playoff matchup, after that move on to week 15 and week 16. If there are players on your roster who will not make your projected lineup in any of those weeks those players become droppable (sans handcuffs). Prior to dropping any players, the last key question to ask yourself is will throwing this player to the waiver wire improve any potential competitor’s lineup substantially? If that isn’t the case find the highest upside players possible and get them on your roster. For a personal example, I have a first-round bye secured in a league. In the league I dropped Bo Scarbrough for David Njoku for the outside chance he returns against Arizona in week 15. Scarborough will never make my lineup. He is a usefully player, but the upside of Njoku against Arizona is worth the risk of one of my opponents snagging Scarborough.

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Pat

Rest of Season 80: We Got A Weird One Folks

November 29, 2019 | Fantasy Football Rankings | 5 Comments

by:

What an odd fantasy football year. By the end of the season there will likely be a single standout player at the 3 major positions in total points for PPR formats (Lamar Jackson, Christian McCaffrey, and Michael Thomas). The quarterback position has true tiers after being streamed for years. Oddly, the majority of the top 10 finishers at the quarterback position likely won’t have been drafted in the top 10, meaning everyone who waited with the intention of streaming made it out unscathed. Even more strange, the running back position seems to have a far higher percentage of players that maintained health and value in comparison to the wide receiver position in rounds 1-3. Frankly, this never happens. This is all made even crazier by the waiver wire being bone dry. It truly has been unlike any season I can remember. We have often heard, or used, the mantra that seasons aren’t won on draft day, but I’m not sure that applies to 2019. After we all win some fantasy championships over the next few weeks, I’ll go into more detail on my thoughts in reviewing the season and how it effects the game moving forward.

Please, blog, may I have some more?
JCohn

Week 12 NFL DFS Guide

November 23, 2019 | DraftKings, FanDuel |

by:

Julio Jones is always a costly receiving option. In the past seven weeks though, he has underperformed based on his expensive price point. Three catches for 79 yards against the Saints was fine, I guess. Six catches for 91 last week would have been awesome for a DFS WR3 option. But for Julio, this just doesn’t cut it for me.

This is exactly the reason why I hope he doesn’t get taken by the other CLUELESS daily fantasy players that don’t read my almighty advice before each Sunday. Those same people that didn’t read my advice on the Josh Allen-John Brown stack, or Zeke’s bounce-back performance, or Kyle Rudolph’s minimally-priced game last week. Sigh. Some people will never learn.

Here are the top value picks, alongside Julio, for DFS this week.

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Donkey Teeth

Kyler? I Hardly Know Her!

November 18, 2019 | Fantasy Football Daily Notes | 20 Comments

by:

Have you heard Kyler Murray was not only the #1 overall pick in the 2019 NFL draft but also the #9 overall pick in the 2018 MLB draft? Of course you’ve heard, you haven’t been living under an Antonio Brown fart for that last five months. Wait, you HAVE been living under an Antonio Brown fart for the last five months?! What was it like under there? How did you survive? Tell me everything! Oh right, Kyler Murray—he’s an incredible athlete on par with the Deshaun Watsons and Lamar Jacksons of the world. Murray flashed his freak athleticism this week against the stout 49ers defense going 24/33 for 150 yards with 2 passing touchdowns while tacking on 8 carries for 67 yards and a rushing touchdown. Kyler Söze now has 14 passing touchdowns and 3 rushing touchdowns on the season as he led the Cardinals in a valiant effort against the first place 49ers,  falling just shy of a huge upset. Anyway, here’s what else I saw during yesterday’s late games in fantasy football:  

Please, blog, may I have some more?