Tehol’s Rankings: Top-200 (Standard)| Top-200 (Half-PPR) | Top-200 (PPR) | QB | RB (Standard) | RB (Half-PPR) | RB (PPR) | WR (Standard) | WR (Half-PPR) | WR (PPR) | TE (Standard) | TE (Half-PPR) | TE (PPR) | K | DST | Top-50 Rookies
Greetings! Football season is upon us, my goodmen! And in the year of your Lord Beddict 2016, dual threat quarterbacks have never been more flamboyantly hot. Russell Wilson, who by the way, just discharged a quart and a half of man juice into Ciara on the night of their wedding nuptials, has a legit shot at being the number one fantasy QB in football this season. With Beast Mode moving on to smoking greener pastures in Oaktown, my Seahawks’ passing game should deliver more scores than the Kardashian Clan at a BLM afterparty. With the continued development of young legend Tyler Lockett, the outside speed of former second rounder Paul Richardson, and the return of touchdown machine Jimmy Graham, the Hawks could conceivably have the most explosive offensive in the NFL. Did I mention Seattle drafted C.J. Prosise, a former wide receiver, to be their third down back, opening up more opportunities for big plays? Also, I’d be doing you no favors if I didn’t bring up the fact that Wilson only had one rushing touchdown last season, even though he ran for 533 yards, and that number is sure to rise like a puff pastry when the yeast and sugar interact. Yes, my goodmen, expect another year of Seahawks dominance. What a time to be alive!
The ultimate betrayal would be the Lord failing to even bring up the rising young God, Tyrod Taylor, aka ‘The Rodfather.’ You have seen me famously predict his Godliness BEFORE he even won the job last season. Other so called experts laughed at me behind my back, telling their cruel jokes, angry that their significant others had tantric orgams imagining me use a Super Soaker 150 to spray their warm, naked bodies down with hot baby oil, before taking them to ecstasy. Little did they know that Tyrod was who I thought he was (RIP Denny Green), and now he’s playing for a new contract, ready to silence the doubters once again. And yes, Tyrod is in my top ten for 2016 as he should be the top running QB in the NFL this season. If the Elder Gods told me so during our weekly peyote bonfire sessions, then it must be true. These OTHER “experts” need to be more realistic about these things.
I am Tehol Beddict and these are my pre-season early QB rankings. Take heed!