Tehol’s Rankings: Top-200 (Standard)| Top-200 (Half-PPR) | Top-200 (PPR) | QB | RB (Standard) | RB (Half-PPR) | RB (PPR) | WR (Standard) | WR (Half-PPR) | WR (PPR) | TE (Standard) | TE (Half-PPR) | TE (PPR) | K | DST | Top-50 Rookies

Greetings! Football season is upon us, my goodmen! And in the year of your Lord Beddict 2016, dual threat quarterbacks have never been more flamboyantly hot. Russell Wilson, who by the way, just discharged a quart and a half of man juice into Ciara on the night of their wedding nuptials, has a legit shot at being the number one fantasy QB in football this season. With Beast Mode moving on to smoking greener pastures in Oaktown, my Seahawks’ passing game should deliver more scores than the Kardashian Clan at a BLM afterparty. With the continued development of young legend Tyler Lockett, the outside speed of former second rounder Paul Richardson, and the return of touchdown machine Jimmy Graham, the Hawks could conceivably have the most explosive offensive in the NFL. Did I mention Seattle drafted C.J. Prosise, a former wide receiver, to be their third down back, opening up more opportunities for big plays? Also, I’d be doing you no favors if I didn’t bring up the fact that Wilson only had one rushing touchdown last season, even though he ran for 533 yards, and that number is sure to rise like a puff pastry when the yeast and sugar interact. Yes, my goodmen, expect another year of Seahawks dominance. What a time to be alive!

The ultimate betrayal would be the Lord failing to even bring up the rising young God, Tyrod Taylor, aka ‘The Rodfather.’ You have seen me famously predict his Godliness BEFORE he even won the job last season. Other so called experts laughed at me behind my back, telling their cruel jokes, angry that their significant others had tantric orgams imagining me use a Super Soaker 150 to spray their warm, naked bodies down with hot baby oil, before taking them to ecstasy. Little did they know that Tyrod was who I thought he was (RIP Denny Green), and now he’s playing for a new contract, ready to silence the doubters once again. And yes, Tyrod is in my top ten for 2016 as he should be the top running QB in the NFL this season. If the Elder Gods told me so during our weekly peyote bonfire sessions, then it must be true. These OTHER “experts” need to be more realistic about these things.

I am Tehol Beddict and these are my pre-season early QB rankings. Take heed!


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  1. Zach

    Zach says:
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    Bold.

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Zach: Yet wise

  2. Criminaltype says:
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    Fuck QBs. Won last year with Dalton and whatever that Raiders QB’s name is

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Criminaltype: maybe check back for running backs then……..yeesh

  3. T Davis says:
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    Where will my boy fitzmagic be ranked when he re signs with the jets?

    • T Davis says:
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      @T Davis: whoops, didnt see him there

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @T Davis: should have another big year….but not as big

  4. slappy says:
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    I like it. the real risk here is injury. to tyrod and his weapons. but, if all healthy…ya

  5. Nick says:
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    Tehol,

    here is my Keeper team:
    i was hesitating to keep Taylor, but he has the same bye as … Luck !
    and… i’m BOLD at RB ;)
    round1: Antonio Brown WR1
    round 2: Todd Gurley RB1
    round3: Doug Martin RB2
    round 4: Mark Ingram RB3
    round 5: Thomas Rawls RB4
    round 6: Randal Cobb WR2
    round 7: andrew Luck QB1
    last keeper would be Travis Kelce TE1

    then on the bubble are
    QB2 Taylor, no use cause same bye week! except if he’s better than Luck!
    WR3? Diggs or Hurns
    RB: i’m full but i can also keep LT Murray!!
    and i’ll look to get Sims as Doug ‘ backup

    what about a Kaepernick come back?

    Cool in Keeper Nick :)

  6. Beans says:
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    I once considered myself a fan of your work and would use your knolage in my decision making but that has come to a SKREECHING HAULT!!!!!!!! Can you please shed some light on how in this great free world you have Cousins and Bortles ranked higher than my boy Eli?? And then if I understand where you are coming from I might return as a fan.

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