Tyrod Taylor: The Return of the Rodfather

Greetings! Tis I, returning to the glorious world of writing after three long years studying the art forms of Yoga, selflessness and celibacy. I won’t dedicate a significant amount of time discussing the past, as I prefer to live in the now, but in order to make an agonizingly long and fascinating story short (Details saved for the book), my Guru instructed me to expunge my pen name, Tehol Beddict; for in order to shed the purest levels of light and love, one must crawl from the shadows, exposing their mind, body, and soul, for all to witness, for all to judge like Sir William Wallace on the execution block. Yes, there’s a reasonable chance I have my genitals and intestines removed with a dull shovel, get stretched like Rita Farr making sweet love to Mr. Fantastic, only to then receive the kind of whooping Adrian Peterson himself would be proud of before ultimately being beheaded……….BUT, there’s also a decent chance that Mel Gibson makes a movie detailing the events of my life. Say one thing for Mel Gibson, say he’s a psychotic anti-semitic, racist, who’s fall from grace has been been more horrendous than celebrity that is not currently rotting in prison. You know who also had a fall from what was a brief grace? My man, Tygod! The Rodfather! Read on, if you’re curious as to why the man is ranked by PFF, ahead of some of your fantasy faves like: Drew Lock, Josh Allen, Teddy Bridgewater, Daniel Jones, my boy Gardner Minshew and Joe Burrow. He’s two spots behind KYLER MURRAY! Interested yet? Take heed! 

Those of you who know me from back in the olden days (maybe like two of you) will undoubtedly recall that I was the FIRST analyst to go on the record saying Tyrod Taylor would win the starting job for Buffalo in camp, and be a solid fantasy option at that. There I go again, being the opposite of selfless, but I’m just trying to reiterate the fact that I’ve been Rod supporter since his days at Virginia Tech. The man was able to produce at a high level for the Bills, with arguably the worst weapons we, as human beings, have ever witnessed. Sammy Watkins was injured for what seemed like the entirety of Taylor’s Buffalo tenure, leaving Charley Clay, who was also incredibly injury prone, as his number one option. What Taylor was able to accomplish in that pathetic situation was almost godlike in my opinion. I won’t dwell on the past, as again, I like to live in the present, so no need to speak on the atrocities that occurred in the dumpster fire which some of you refer to as the Browns of Cleveland. Let’s talk about what’s happening in the gorgeous, currently locked down city of Angels! 

Let’s cut to the chase, shall we? The Chargers are the superior of the two Los Angeles teams, two years removed from the Rams making the Super Bowl. Defensively, the Bolts have beastly playmakers on all three levels after taking my cousin, Kenneth Murray in the late first round. This ALMOST makes up for the fact that they drafted Justin Herbert, whereas I would have either traded down, or drafted one of the three monster offensive tackles still on the board. I’ve clearly been wrong before (More times than I can count, actually but I’M ONLY HUMAN!!! Sorry for screaming), but a big Hebert believer, I am not. Hebert not being ready for the starting gig, plus the top heavy roster talent on both sides of the ball, means, to me anyway, that these Chargers have a legit shot at contending, and the longer they are competitive, the longer Taylor holds onto that starting job. Oh, and if you’re in the mood for massive salivation, take a peak at the Chargers schedule this season. To say I could cut glass with my nipples right now just might be the understatement of the century. Should I actually mention the tools the Tool man Taylor will have available in his proverbial garage, if only to cease this incessant rambling? Aaaaaaahkay, let’s do it. 

With the bodacious bro pairing of the kingly Keenan Allen and the majestic Mike Williams (Contract Year. HE WILL BALL), a pair talent-wise I would put place in the top five of the entire NFL, budding star tight end, Hunter Henry, who amassed over 650 yards to with five tubs in 12 games, and PPR legend Austin Ekeler breaking off highlight reel catch and runs, the Chargers are LOADED at the skill position. This group was ranked 16th in the NFL on ESPN? Oh, no you didn’t! Don’t forget that addition is sometimes done by subtraction, and removing Phillip Rivers, who’s play last season caused me pain equivalent to viewing the entirety of a Donald Trump or Joe Biden interview from start to finish, only thankfully I didn’t have to hear about Phil’s leg hear when it gets wet in the pool. So subtract Rivers, divide it by 12, take the square root of 12, multiply by 12, and you get TYROD TAYLOR. Should I mention Rod throws a poetic deep ball (Williams’ specialty)and is one of the most gifted running QB’s the NFL has ever enlisted, running for over 500 yards in back to back seasons for Buffalo. None of the backs behind Ekeler are proven or overly talented, so one would assume the Chargers will be dropping bombs this year. Maybe I should also mention the offensive line is solidified by the arrival of Brian Bulaga and Trea Turner to go with former first rounder, Mike Pouncey who made the Pro-Bowl in 2018. Taylor and this unheralded squadron of misfit toys are primed for a playoff run, and IF healthy, possibly a deep one.

HOWEVER, I should mention that the Chargers are EXTREMELY thin at the wideout position after the top two hogs. Any time your 5th and 7th round draft picks are considered “locks” to make the roster….well, well, shoot, guys/gals, that’s a Mark Zuckerberg booty sized problemo. Virgil Green somehow remains in the NFL and the rest of the offensive line is still in utter shambles, so if multiple studs go down, we could be looking at extinction level event.  Wait, the offensive coordinator is…..WHO!?!?!?!?! I take it all back. I’m joking, my goodmen, for I would never play with your emotions in that manner. Taylor is a great option in 2-QB leagues and has top 15 upside if things break right for us. It’s good to be back. Witness, and of course, Namaste.