I just snuck out of a court ordered gambling rehab facility to write this post, so I’ll have to be brief. After I was arrested for stealing old ladies’ purses from the retirement home down the block to fund my string of Arizona Cardinals’ Super Bowl wagers (a 50:1 lock!), the judge sentenced me to 6 month’s of in-patient rehab. Since I’ll be releasing my weekly fantasy football rankings each Thursday morning (except Thanksgiving week!) for the duration of the season, I’ve decided to throw in some bonus bold Thursday Night Football predictions along with my expertly handicapped pick for the contest:
Patriots (+6) at Rams
Forecast: I was walking down the street the other day eating a falafel pita wrap when I ran into none other than Bill Belichick taking his pooch for walk. To my surprise, Bill stopped me and told me eat Subway instead. I argued with him about the nutritional value in a Subway sub–they’re bread can no longer be legally called “bread” in Ireland. Then Bill suddenly cut the sleeves off my best dress shirt and whispered into my ear, “Bet on us to cover Thursday night and don’t start any of our running backs, ever.” He was gone as quickly as he appeared. It was a surreal experience. And who am I to go against sweatshirt Bill and his trusty dog? Patriots 27, Rams 20
Wager: Patriots +6 (4 Units)
2020 Season: 3-9 (-0.65 Units)
Anyway, here’s my fantasy football rankings for week 14 which will be frequently updated until Sunday kickoff:
*If you’d like more robotic weekly rankings with projections, check out Rudy’s Pigskinonator which is available on a free trial and then only $5.99 for the rest of the season.
