I don’t play golf, but it seems to me that week 17 of the NFL season is the fantasy football equivalent of the 19th hole in golf. Sit back, enjoy your frosty beverage of choice, heck have three, and reflect on how you just played. If you are in a league that plays into week 17, find a new league. Seriously, find a new league. Any league that allows the champion to be decided in week 17 is one worth not playing.

While we’re on the topic, two week championship matchups should be a staple in all leagues. A season full of ups and downs shouldn’t be decided in a single week when your mediocre opponent happened to have a lucky week. I’ve instituted this rule in all of my fantasy baseball leagues and it’s due time for football as well. Baseball is a much longer season, but even with football, it makes sense.

It feels like every other week of the season I was writing about Kirk Cousins. On the season he is 10 yards shy of 4000 and has 26 passing touchdowns. He even has 5 rushing touchdowns, second most amongst quarterbacks after Cam Newton. Cousins has been a top 10 QB this season. How did he reward owners that stuck with him in the finals? How’s about 365 yards and 4 touchdowns. Will the real Captain Kirk please stand up. RG3 who?

This season’s MVP quarterback is likely going to Cam Newton, but I’m not about to count my chickens before they hatch because Tom Brady is giving him a run for his money. So how did Cam reward his owners last week? He served them up a giant sh!t sandwich, throwing for 142 yards, 0 passing touchdowns and a fumble. He did run one in, but still had his worst week of the season. I guess perhaps week 1 was just as bad, but week 1 didn’t cost anyone the championship. Cam Newton? More like Scam Newton. I guess I really can’t complain considering how much he did for me along the way. Unfortunately his week 16 output and a suspended Odell Beckham Jr. was too much too overcome and I was ultimately beaten in the Razzball Writers League Super Bowl to a team I beat twice during the regular season.

I know a guy that’s in a fantasy league with Peyton Manning and he said Peyton started Cousins over Newton. Man that guy’s smart. He even sat Gronkowski for Jordan Reed!

I don’t know about you, but the original Police Academy movies were pretty funny. After Cocoon and perhaps Three Men and a Baby, the role of Mahoney was Guttenberg’s best. I’m just kidding about Cocoon and Three Men. While mildly entertaining they don’t hold a candle to Police Academy. But it’s not actually officer Carey Mahoney that I’d like to talk about. Instead I’m giving a shout out to the intimidating 6 foot 7, Sergeant Moses Hightower. Dude had to rip out the drivers seat and sit in the back so he could fit in and drive a car! He even flipped over a police car after one of Captain Harris’ men insulted Hooks. The role of Hightower was played by Bubba Smith, who played nine years in the National Football League (NFL) with the Baltimore Colts (1967–1971), Oakland Raiders (1973–1974) and Houston Oilers (1975–1976). He was actually the number one pick of the 1967 draft.


While Moses passed away back in 2011, Tim Hightower was busy tearing it up last week, leading all running backs with 122 yards on the ground, 2 touchdowns, 3 receptions and 47 yards receiving. How’s that for a big game performance. What makes this even more impressive is the fact that up until a few weeks ago, he had been out of the NFL for about three years after tearing his ACL back in 2011. 2011 was a bad year for Hightowers! What is it they say, one man’s injury is another man’s opportunity. With Mark Ingram and Khiry Robinson out for the season with injuries, Hightower, who didn’t make the team at first, has stepped in and taken charge. Too little too late in New Orleans, but not so much for fantasy owners.

Anyone have the cajones to start Jerick McKinnon last week? If you did, you’re not very good at fantasy football. However, it certainly would have paid off. McKinnon rushed for 89 yards and found the end zone twice. Most McKinnon owners also own Adrian Peterson, and it was Peterson they undoubtedly started. How’d he do? AP ripped off 104 yards and a touchdown. Now can you imagine what Jerick Peterson or Adrian McKinnon would have done. Simple addition says 193 yards and 3 touchdowns.

Even Frank Gore showed signs of life in week 16. I’m sure he did so on most people’s benches however.

Throughout this season I have written a weekly post entitled Who Are These Guys where I presented you with a starting lineup of players cobbled together from the waiver wire that would have beaten any team of “superstars” you threw its way. For sh!ts and giggles here’s a team of players, that while not likely to be found on the waiver wire, were most likely riding the pine in the majority of leagues in the most important of all fantasy football weeks.

QB: Kirk Cousins (32.20)
RB: Tim Hightower (30.40)
RB: Jerick McKinnon (22.70)
WR: Jordan Matthews (19.40)
WR: Dontrelle Inman (18.20)
TE: Vance McDonald (14.60)
FL: Frank Gore (22.50)
K: Robbie Gould (16) – It’s up and it’s gould!
DST: Vikings (17)

This lineup combined for 193 points. Did you or anyone in your league top that? I didn’t think so. Congratulations to everyone that won their league!

  1. FrankGrimes says:

    fa fa fo fo foooey

    • malamoney

      malamoney says:

      @FrankGrimes: Baba freakin booooooey!!!

  2. Mike says:

    Need a flex
    James white or hurns??

  3. Scott says:

    Frank Gore killed it in Week 16 last year too. Guy in my work league won it all with a mediocre team due to Gore.

    • malamoney

      malamoney says:

      @Scott: GORED!!!

    • Mordacious Levator says:

      @Scott: he must’ve either got lucky he made the playoffs if he had to start gore all year OR got lucky that he had to bench somebody else better than gore for the last 2 weeks (a guy who was good but got hurt, stewart maybe), or maybe both.

  4. Scott says:

    Funny stuff, Yahoo.

    “A trophy has been added to your case. As you gaze upon your copper consolation prize, contemplate the many excuses for not winning your league and resolve to have no need of them next season.”

    • malamoney

      malamoney says:

      @Scott: Ha!

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