Week 6 Injury Report: Jabroni World

Is it me or are a lot of guys injured? Normally, I’d have some little cutsie intro to get into the carnage but sheesh, man! I don’t know about you but I’m getting killed out here! I actually sprained my right knee on a fishing boat last weekend and was listed as limited but here I am, dammit.

When I see the players I roster in person someday, I’m gonna tell them: If I can man up and type up a bunch of nonsense about fake football with a ligament injury, well then YOU GOTTA PLAY TOO, YOU BIG BABY!

As you can tell, this has been a tough week. Between my injury, all the injuries on my fantasy teams, and what’s happening to my Raiders… Well, we’ll get into that last part later.

And to add to the prevailing roster chaos we have our first bye week of the year! See you next week Jets, Falcons, 49ers, and Saints!

Let’s segue right into Sunday morning with an Intra-Florida showdown in London.

The Dolphins will finally be getting back their controversial QB Tua Tagovailoa who’s gotta be under just a ton of pressure to show out against the Jaguars over in Chip-Chip-Cheerio stadium or whatever they call it over there in that European dump. It’s anyone’s guess how he’s going to look since he wasn’t exactly lighting things up before his injury and London games always tend to be a bit weird. It’s especially concerning with Miami being down DeVante Parker with a shoulder and hamstring injury and Will Fuller on IR with a broken finger. Tua is going to have to lean on Jaylen Waddle, Mike Gesicki, and maybe Preston Williams if he’s healthy or a fringe player like Albert Wilson. He won’t be facing a very good secondary but it’s tough to place too much stock into Tua until he can really prove he can be a fantasy contributor at this stage of the season. 

The Vikings appear to be out of the weeds with Dalvin Cook finally off the injury report along with Justin Jefferson and Adam Thielen. You can put Alexander Mattison back on the shelf, for now, folks. 

Facing the Vikings this Sunday is the Carolina Panthers who, and I’m starting to sound like a broken record, are going to be without Christian McCaffrey… Hopefully this guy can get healthy soon… I can’t take much more! Until then, Chuba Hubbard should continue to rack up yardage on the ground and maybe finally get a tudder in his statline against Minnesota who have had some trouble allowing the rush to prosper. 

For the Bengals, Joe Burrow is a go even with his voicebox exploded or whatever the hell has the medical staff asking him to not use his voice almost at all during practice. Every count is a silent count! Joe Mixon who is dealing with a sprained ankle and only had 10 carries against the Packers, looks set to return to action Sunday and is reported to be in line for a full workload against the dismal Lions. If he can’t play for some reason, Chris Evans (Avengers Assemble!) will step into the lead role in the backfield with Samaje Perine on the COVID list. I’d be hammering Mixon for a bounce-back here against the Lions. 

Speaking of the Lions, have D’Andre Swift and Jamaal Williams been on the injury report literally every week so far? I guess it’s hard to blame them for being banged up when they’re really the lifeblood of this… tepid Lions offense. If they’re out, converted safety Godwin Igwebuike will take over in the backfield… yikes. T.J. Hockenson is also dealing with a knee injury and is questionable as he was last week. I’d think he suits up but I wouldn’t blame the Lions for not risking further damage to their top receiver. If he’s out Amon-Ra St. Brown, Kalif Raymond, and maybe Darren Fells should get a bump. 

The Bears will be playing the Packers without their RB1 David Montgomery and without their RB2 Damien Williams. It’s Khalil Herbert season, baby! Thankfully, now that it seems Bill Lazor is calling plays in Chicago instead of noted Jabroni Matt Nagy, the team is actually running the football! Hooray! Khalil should be a low-end RB2 or a high-end RB3 this week if the game script is anything like last week against Vegas. However, the Packers could pull out ahead early and force Justin Fields to throw the ball which could be more complicated with Allen Robinson questionable with a hammy injury. If he’s out Darnell Mooney is the play on Sunday. 

For Kansas City, Tyreek Hill is questionable with an injury with his quad which could be bad news for the Chiefs if he ends up unavailable on Sunday. Beyond Hill and Travis Kelce, the talent on the receiving end on the Chiefs drops off steeply with Mecole Hardman, Byron Pringle, and Demarcus Robinson. And this team has proven that with their defense that if they can’t have explosive offensive output they’re going to lose game. Along with losing their RB1 Clyde Edwards-Helaire to an MCL injury and having to rely on Darrel Williams in the running game, hard days could be ahead for the Chiefs… Good thing they’re playing a non-existent secondary in Washington! Whoopie!

For Washington, Curtis Samuel is out again with his lingering groin injury. Any lingering hope I had for him this year is drifting away as it becomes more clear that this isn’t going away anytime soon. Terry McLaurin was a surprise addition to the injury report with a sore hamstring that kept him out of practice on Friday. It’s worth monitoring but with Logan Thomas on IR, Cam Sims out, and Dyami Brown limited with a knee injury the only real receiving target I’d be looking at are Adam Humphries and maybe Ricky Seals-Jones or J.D. McKissic but they’re entirely touchdown dependant. Antonio Gibson is listed as questionable with the same shin injury that was bothering him last week but he should be playing this weekend.

In their matchup against the Rams, the Giants are at least going to have Daniel Jones back after he was feared to be suffering a concussion. He’ll be back and we’ll be spared the fate of a classic Mike Glennon game. Saquon Barkley is going to be out after suffering an ankle injury that should only sideline him one week which is unfortunate because he was just finally starting to play decently to justify his inflated draft price. Meanwhile, Devontae Booker will be the lead Jabroni in the backfield and could be in line to get demolished by the Rams rush defense. The Giants will again be without Kenny Golladay and Darius Slayton and Kadarius Toney are listed as questionable but at least Sterling Shepard is back! Can’t wait to find out which receiver is going to get the Jalen Ramsey treatment but I’m going to try not to be the sucker who’s leaning on any of these guys to win my matchups this week. 

The Chargers have Mike Williams questionable with a knee injury but it seems like he will probably suit up. If he doesn’t maybe this is the Jared Cook or Jalen Guyton blow up game? Probably not but hey you gotta dream! 

On the other side for the Ravens, Sammy Watkins is going to be out and other than Marquise Brown and Mark Andrews the options for Lamar Jackson to throw to are pretty dismal between guys like Devin Duvernay and James Proche. Their best option is to establish the run game early and try to expose the Chargers’ run defense which has rebounded but showed weakness early in the season. 

The Indianapolis Colts are going to without their kicker Rodrigo Blankenship with a hip injury and picked up kicker Michael Badgley to replace him. Yay for a kicker segment!

The Arizona Cardinals are gonna be without their head coach Kliff Kingsbury who caught COVID after smoking cigars with Zach Ertz while making fun of Howie Roseman. More importantly, Chase Edmonds is questionable again with a shoulder injury after a mediocre game against San Francisco. My arch-nemesis James Connor is lurking in the corners waiting to steal touchdowns from him in the meantime if Chase is out. 

For the Browns, Nick Chubb is out with a calf injury and Kareem Hunt is questionable with a hurt wrist and knee. It’s a good thing Jarvis Landry is back this week because the passing game is going to be key if the Browns end up with D’Ernest Johnson as their RB1. No bueno. 

For the Cowboys visiting Foxborough, Ezekiel Elliott is questionable with a rib injury. There hasn’t been a ton of information pointing to his availability at this point but it should be noted he was questionable last week too and he put up over 100 yards and a touchdown against the Giants. He should be fine and could eat against a banged-up New England defense and if he doesn’t Tony Pollard will.

The Patriots are dealing with a rib injury to Damien Harris but appears to be on track to play Sunday, if he doesn’t James White should be next up to get buried by the Cowboys. Guess what? Another kicker mention! Nick Folk has an injury to his left knee and you really shouldn’t be rostering him in fantasy anyway. I guess their punter Jake Bailey would fill in if Folk is out unless they can make a last-minute roster change? Whatever! Figure it out, Bill!

The Last Vegas Raiders are without their former head coach Jon Gruden after he contracted carpal tunnel from sending a bunch of racist, sexist, and homophobic emails to the guys from the football team named after a slur. Not great!

He should have listened to Clippy:

Anyway, yeah Gruden is a certified Jabroni so good riddance. Doesn’t feel great since there’s probably a treasure trove of dirt on other scumbags in those emails that’ll never see the light of day but it is what it is. At least we got Rich Bisaccia to lead the team. He seems like a cool dude and if I had to guess they don’t even give the special teams coach an email address. For their matchup against the damn Broncos, Josh Jacobs looks to be a full-go and maybe we see a reimagining of the run game with Gruden out the door. 

For the Seahawks, Russell Wilson is on the IR and will be missing the next few weeks at the least. I was down on Geno Smith last week but who knows, he’s got plenty of weapons to throw to maybe he’ll make something happen over in Seattle. Just to make it that much harder on him, the run game is going to be impacted with the loss of Chris Carson, also ending up on the IR with a neck injury. Alex Collins is the next man up in Seattle and with a very tough NFC West, godspeed to this team.

The Pittsburgh Steelers have lost JuJu Smith-Schuster for the rest of the season after he received shoulder surgery. A tough blow for a team that has struggled to establish a real offensive rhythm in the passing game. At least they’ll have Chase Claypool and James Washington back. But this offense looks to be leaning all the way on Najee Harris.

Other Notable Injuries:

The Dolphins are going to be without CB Xavien Howard which should effectively knock an INT off Trevor Lawrence’s statline. Regardless, it’s hard to see the Jaguars beating even the Dolphins who haven’t really been any good at all. 

The Bears are again dealing with a bunch of questionable guys on the defensive side with LB Khalil Mack, LB Joel Iyiegbuniwe, DT Akiem Hicks, DB Artie Burns, DB Duke Shelley, and S Eddie Jackson all showing up on the report. Now, they were able to stand up against Vegas last week but their coach at the time was a homophobe so those defensive stats don’t count. Plus Aaron Rodgers might have a field day carving this team up if that front seven isn’t rock solid. 

I mentioned it up there but the Chiefs are again without DE Chris Jones and could be without their LG Joe Thuney with a broken hand unless they just club the sucker up. The Washington boys haven’t been great at creating pressure this year partially because their secondary has been so porous but this could open up some opportunity to smack around Patrick Mahomes and maybe get their defense back on track. 

The Giants could be missing two linemen in OT Andrew Thomas and LG Ben Bredeson which is basically par for the course for this team. How can a defense prep for your OL when it’s different personnel at different positions every week!? Anywho, the Rams and Aaron Donald are gonna manhandle these suckers. Next!

The Browns are again dealing with a whole hell of a bunch of injuries against the Cardinals, DE Myles Garrett, DE Jadaveon Clowney, DE Takkarist McKinley, CB Denzel Ward, and a few more who might miss the opportunity to pray on the replacement for Cardinal OL Rodney Hudson who’s out with a rib injury. If these guys are out and with the injuries to the Browns running game, the Cardinals could pull away quickly and force Baker Mayfield to air it out.