I just snuck out of a court ordered gambling rehab facility to write this post, so I’ll have to be brief. After I was arrested for stealing old ladies’ purses from the retirement home down the block to fund my string of Arizona Cardinals’ Super Bowl wagers (a 50:1 lock!), the judge sentenced me to 6 month’s of in-patient rehab. Since I’ll be releasing my weekly fantasy football rankings each Thursday morning for the duration of the season, I’ve decided to throw in some bonus bold Thursday Night Football predictions along with my expertly handicapped pick for the contest:
New York Giants (+4.5) at Philadelphia Eagles
Forecast: I hope you all appreciate the gravity of what’s happening here—0-6 against the spread is no small feat. My new goal is to do something even the 2008 Detroit Lions and 2017 Cleveland Browns were unable to achieve, an 0-17 record. In the return of Thursday Night Football we’ll also find the return of Desean Jackson, who was out on sabbatical visiting Hitler’s grave. Jackson’s return will be short lived when he’s ejected for attacking Giants’ safety Nate Ebner. Carson Wentz will resume throwing to his witness protection receiving corps of Greg Ward, Travis Fulgam and Richard Rodgers aka Dick Rod. Up front the Eagles will suffer even more issues as both of their 6th string offensive tackles will leave early with injuries, giving way to emergency offensive linemen Jalen Hurts and Darren Sproles. All of that still won’t be enough to keep the the second worst football team in New York competitive on Thursday night. Eagles 24, Giants 13
Wager: Eagles -4.5 (2 Units)
2020 Season: 0-6 (-9.35 Units)
Anyway, here’s my fantasy football rankings for week 7 which will be frequently updated until Sunday kickoff:
*If you’d like more robotic weekly rankings with projections, check out Rudy’s Pigskinonator which is available on a 7 -day free trial and then only $17.95 for the full season.
