We made it folks. Yesterday was the last Sunday without regular season football for a long time, and I can’t wait to get this season started. I’m just so excited for what we have in store for you this year. I could also be excited from eating copious amounts of Guinness (part of an essential and balanced meal). But even if it’s a combination of the two, it matters not, for football, and Fantasy Football is back. Follow me after the jump to see what we are cooking for you this year at Razzball HQ. Hint: It’s not edible. I mean, you can eat your computer if you want, but I would recommend unplugging it first. And probably adding some salt…
New to Daily Fantasy Football? I am too! I’m trying out this new free FanDuel’s contest, where half the league is guaranteed to win. If you want, you can join up with me! (Played FanDuel before? You can build a team for $5 for a chance of $100,000, part of a one million dollar prize pool!)
Sunday
We’re continuing a trend from last season of hosting a live gameday thread on Sunday for the early games, the afternoon games, and, of course, what is tacitly known as the premier match-up of the week, NBC’s Sunday Night Football game. Which is sometimes on Thursday. And Saturday. And was on Tuesday that one time. Who knew these sorts of things were allowed? Not I. Sunday Night Football on Thursday… makes total sense. Regardless, be sure to drop by, hang out with your boy (man) Jay, and try really hard for that restraining order.
Monday
You’ll get your normal recap of all the Sunday games, with my fresh hot takes, which actually makes it sound delicious. Almost sounds like cake to be honest. Now I want some cake.
Tuesday
The Monday Night Football recap will, of course, be offered to you as good tidings, and then we’ll have one of our longtime contributors, Ralph, go over the waiver wire, giving you his take on who you should be grabbing. (Protip: No physical grabbing, as this is most likely illegal. Figurative grabbing could also be illegal, but that’s only if you have telekinesis. I have no clue what any of this means.)
I’m also proud to introduce the return of Jennifer who will be bringing you her take on who are the buys and sells for the week.
Stan, who’s been talking some sleepers this preseason will be continuing the Razzball tradition of Bear or Bull, a series about animals. Well, okay, not just animals, but also football players. And whether or not they are animals. Don’t worry, it’ll make sense.
Wednesday
Your favorite specimen blessed by the Elder Gods (his words, not mine), Tehol will stop by and write about something. He says it’ll be about his Disgraces and Delights, a series made popular by ranking Tyrod Taylor as the number two overall player this season, but honestly, I have no idea what it’s going to be about. If it’s anything like baseball, just expect a lot of Evan Longoria b*tching, and Domonic Brown’s name just copy and pasted all over the place.
Zach will be helping you with your Daily Fantasy, but my suggestion is to just add more porn. It really helps the fantasy aspect of it. Though, I would probably rename it to Hourly Fantasy, if you know what I mean… yeah. You know what I mean. I’m winking right now. You can’t see it, but just trust me. I’m winking.
Malamoney returns with the popular Who Are They? series, discussing players that I guess are unknown to all of us… basically they are super spies that are hidden amongst us, using a computer surveillance system to track everything that we do. Are they good? Are they bad? Time will only tell. I may have just described the plot of Person of Interest…
Max will end the day discussing the week’s biggest newstory. Whatever it is. I’m assuming with the way the preseason has gone, we should expect content focused only on Tom Brady’s balls and Robert Griffin’s inability to escape from the District.
Thursday
This day will be rankings day, because, SPOILER ALERT, our weekly rankings will be released. We’ll also have another longtime contributor, Kevin, bring his IDP expertise in the form of rankings and commentary. I don’t DP, but I certainly watch other people do it. Wait, there’s gotta be a better way to say that.
When Smokey remembers (who knows what happens inside such a large fog cloud), he’ll be providing you with a player spotlight, giving you his take on the situation. I always like situational takes, but I guess it depends on the situation. Wordplay is hot. Call me, ladies.
Rounding out the day, before the Thursday Night Football live gameday post, will be an addition from the Baseball side of Razz, Lance. He’ll be creating an Injury Report just for you. Aren’t you special? You are. But only if you think we’re special. Quid pro quo and what not. I don’t know what that means, but I heard it once and now I just use it all the time.
Friday
After the Thursday Night Football notes, assuming that I survived Jim Nantz, Jack, will go over everything RCL. You know, the Razzball Commentator Leagues? The ones with prizes… you seriously don’t know? Well, believe it or not, you can still join up!
Waterloo will be returning and he’ll be going over streamer options, focusing on the QB, DST, and K position. I wanted to work in a stream metaphor here with his name, but I’ll just talk about doing it. Because I’m so meta.
Malamoney, pulling a double shift, will bring back his Stats Machine, giving you in-depth analysis on players using math. You should definitely listen to him, seeing as how when explaining his methodology, Mala also had to give me a math lesson. So it has to be for real. All eight of it. See? That lesson is totally paying off…
Saturday
Finishing up the football week, Tehol is back to go over your starts and sits for Sunday’s games. I prefer the sits because I like sitting. It would seem to be my most natural position, well, next to lying down and napping. Which would seem to be my life story.
You ready? Football’s back folks…
