As we pick up the pieces in Week 8’s aftermath, the injury Gods have once again smiled on me, and shat on all of you. In last week’s post, I proclaimed that I was rooting for injuries from here on out, and as Megadeath once said, “Killing is my business… and business is good!” So do I care that Le’Veon Bell’s knee crumbled like Tehol’s self respect after being tricked into trappin’ on a weekend trip to FLA? No! No, I do not. My job is not to sob with you, oh no. My job is to slap you in the face, get you to man up, stop crying, and prepare for the war ahead. I’m like General Patton, but for fantasy sports and with a Jewish last name. I think the easiest way to put it is, we got injuries y’all. There is a very solid chance that there is a team out there that three weeks ago boasted Jamaal Charles, Arian Foster, Steve Smith, and Joseph Randle. That guy was probably pretty smug at the time, because his team was probably pretty good. Now he’s panicking like a cabbage in an Irish garden. If you were a good friend, you’d send him here, tell him to ask a question, and let him know it will be alright. If you’re anything like me, you’d give him some bad advice, send him here for even worse advice, and bluntly state “You’re screwed Brah”. But let’s forget that hypothetical owner for a moment, his girlfriend is too hot for him anyway, and he smells like mothballs. We got injuries on injuries this week, so let’s get into it. Here are your wavier wire adds for Week 9 of Fantasy Football…
Breaking it Down by Injury
Injury – Le’Veon Bell
Replacements– DeAngelo Williams (Yahoo 25% – ESPN 28.4%) – This one is as easy as pie to see. I mean it’s rule número uno that you replace a running back with two upper case letters in his first name with another running back with two upper case letters in his first name. Elementary stuff really… Now it helps a little that DeAngelo Williams is a pretty talented fellow in his own right. In fact one might make the argument that he WAS the best backup running back in the league. Pick him up and just play him until he gets hurt. At which point you’ll probably have to pickup Isaiah Pead and buy a rubber sheet for your RB2 spot.
Injury – Steve Smith Sr.
Replacements – Kamar Aiken (Yahoo 20% – ESPN 20.6%) – So did you drop him a week ago? Do you want him back now? It’s Fantasy football FFS, you know it always works like that. Well olde Stevie Smith finally met his match and is out for the season. Kamar Aiken now assumes the responsibility of being the guy who catches Joe Flacco’s elite passes more than the other guys who catch his elite passes. Which is better than being one of the other guys. He’s a matchup based WR3, certainly not a set and forget option. The Ravens are on the bye this week anyway, so if you’re a Smith owner you were already looking elsewhere.
Injury – Matt Forte
Replacements – Jeremy Langford (Yahoo 10% – ESPN 3.7%) – The rookie running back out of Michigan State has a chance to be the first NFL player to sound like the cool jock in an 80’s brat pack flick. He also has a great shot at sliding into Forte’s role while he’s out, which is reportedly 2 plus weeks. Langford is quick, has some wiggle, and the ability to get outside with burst around the corner. He ran a 4.42 40 at the combine for what it’s worth. J-Langy is more than just a burner though, good hands, and solid pass pro will keep him on the field for potentially all three downs. If DeAngelo is already owned I’d make Langford my first claim. Who knows, maybe you get lucky and Forte’s MCL injury is worse than expected. I’m not thinking about Diggs, or the threat of them signing the despicable Monte Ball and all the ruthlessness that goes along with owning him.
Injury – Keenan Allen
Replacements – Malcolm Floyd (Yahoo 21% – ESPN 27.7%) – So quick story, I own John Brown everywhere and in preparation of him potentially missing the Cardinals week 8 matchup, I picked up reinforcements. Figuring Brown was more than likely out I plopped my Brown replacements into my WR3 slot and didn’t think twice about it until Sunday morning, when I saw that Brown was active. Upon hearing the news, I proceeded to hop onto my roster and switched him in for his replacement. I have Brown in five leagues, his replacement was Malcolm Floyd in 3 three of them. Yeah, real stroke of genius by yours truly. The good news is I still have Floyd, the bad news is I missed a 23 point game. Keenan Allen was hospitalized overnight with a Kidney injury with more news expected today. I’d expect him to miss a few weeks if not longer.
Replacement – Ryan Fitzpatrick and Geno Smith. For the sake of Jets fans I hope Fitzpatrick borrows some miracle water from Russell Wilson and Tom Brady and heals his thumb. Even Jets fans deserve better than Geno Smith. Hell, Isis deserves better than Geno Smith…… Can I make an Isis joke?
Dudes Who Aren’t Taking Over For Injured Dudes
Vernon Davis (Yahoo 34% – ESPN 15.5%) – Traded to Denver. Free at last! Free at last! God almighty FREE AT LAST! I’m buying, and I haven’t wanted anything to do with this guy since Bush was in office. I was wearing a velour suit at the time. Peyton’s revived and C.J. Anderson isn’t dead, so the good folks in Denver decided to dip Davis’ lifeless body into the Miracle, Texas-esque healing waters of Mile High Stadium.
Joique Bell (Yahoo 20% – ESPN 30.2%) – Got all of the work in the run game before the game got out of hand, so the first five minutes. The Lions have the obligatory post UK-bye this week, but Bell is worth a wavier claim. Don’t forget Sunday morning was our first look at new OC Jim Bob Cooter’s (or the Coot’s) offense. Maybe he’s partial to Bell, maybe Bell didn’t call the fuzz when Jim Bob broke into Joique’s bedroom in his Calvin’s. Just saying there’s more to this story.
Robert Woods (Yahoo 5% – ESPN 5.6%) – I told you to add him last week. This is a reminder if you didn’t