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Hello everyone and welcome to “Please Tell Me When It’s Safe to Go Outside”, Razzball’s new weekly piece where we wonder what the hell is going on, and debate whether or not we should venture into the terrifying outdoors to see what hellscape awaits us. This week, we will discuss fun activities you can do in your home/security bunker, such as knitting, or fashioning ammunition out of various metal objects you may have laying around *answers call from Jay* I’m being told that this will instead be another installment of Deep Impact, and also that things are pretty much the same as they were last week. For now, at least, it is still safe to go outside, but why do that when instead you can distract yourself from the horrifying state of our current political system by playing fantasy football! As we do every week, we’re looking at less than 10% owned players in the Yahoo game to scrounge for starts, and for once I actually held myself to my own threshold. Be proud of me, everyone!

Start:

Dontrelle Inman (WR, San Diego Chargers, 4% owned) – Maybe Proposition C would’ve got some more love from San Diego voters if it included public funding for healthy knees for Chargers receivers. Just kidding, a new ACL for Keenan Allen isn’t worth saddling the city with hundreds of millions of dollars of debt so Dean Spanos can have a shiny new plaything. Travis Benjamin hasn’t been practicing this week with a PCL sprain, and Tyrell Williams has been limited in practice with a knee injury of his own. What does that all add up to? Inman being pretty much the only fully healthy guy catching passes on this entire roster (not including the husk of Antonio Gates that shuffles around the field like a Walking Dead extra). He’s seen an uptick in targets each week over the last four weeks, hitting nine last week with six catches for 56 yards. With Benjamin looking very unlikely to play this week, Inman is worth plugging in, especially in PPR leagues.

Ronnie Hillman (RB, Minnesota Vikings, 3% owned) – Pure speculation here, but NFL coaches like the hot hand as much as my uncle Steve who goes to get special massages every week. Hillman was the hottest hand in the Vikings backfield last week, which sounds impressive until you see the stat line of seven carries and one reception for 62 total yards. He got the same number of carries as Jerick McKinnon (who only got eight yards) and two less than Matt Asiata (who only managed 27 yards). This is probably one of the worst backfields in the league to try predicting right now, but if you’re reading this article, it probably means that you don’t have many better options. Hillman is probably good for at least 10 touches as the team starts trusting him more and more with the playbook, and has a cake matchup against a Redskins rush defense that’s been shredded just about every week so far this year.

Benny Cunningham (RB, Los Angeles Rams, 1% owned) – Todd Gurley was held out of practice Wednesday and everyone assumed it was a preemptive move. Then he missed again Thursday with his thigh injury, and now I’m paying attention. Watch for the injury reports on Friday; if he sits again, there’s a slim chance he plays Sunday. Be ready with Cunningham if that’s the case, as he would be likely to get the lion’s share of Gurley’s workload. If you have Gurley, I’d stash him now to be on the safe side. If you’re just someone who could use 15-20 touches this week, keep glued to the news and be ready to pull the trigger.

Stash:

Taylor Gabriel (WR, Atlanta Falcons, 2% owned) – While watching the Browns struggle to a 0-10 start, I find it pretty funny that someone they threw on the scrap heap during the season would be finding some success with one of the 6-3 Falcons. Gabriel is a burner with touchdowns in back to back games, and last week the team got him more involved with five targets and a couple of carries to boot. If he tops out at 5-7 touches a game, he’s probably not too valuable the rest of the way, but he’s worth grabbing on to now in deep leagues in case the team keeps ramping up his utilization. If he puts up another good stat line this week, chances are he’ll be a popular add next week. The Browns are reportedly upset they let him get away, don’t make the same mistake yourself.

Fitzgerald Toussaint (RB, Pittsburgh Steelers, 0% owned) – One of the best names in the NFL (seriously, every book written by someone named Fitzgerald Toussaint would be an instant classic) just got moved up the depth chart in Pittsburgh with DeAngelo Williams getting his knee scoped. Reports are that Williams is going to miss at least a few weeks and if you’ve got Le’Veon Bell, it’s scary to go any stretch without the insurance policy in deeper formats.

Drop:

Ryan Mathews (RB, Philadelphia Eagles, 74% owned) – Well, it happened again. Last week I said to feel free to drop Zach Ertz, and he responded with by far his best game of the season (eight grabs for 97 yards). I doubt my streak of bad calls in this section ends now, since this week’s drop/breakout candidate is Mathews, whose touchdowns in the last two games mask the fact that he’s only getting 11% of snaps in the same time span. He’s been phased out of the offense in favor of the dynamic Darren Sproles, and isn’t worth holding on to if he’s only going to get 4-5 carries a game. If you’re a weekly reader who cut Ertz, Golden Tate and Jordan Howard loose at my command, I understand your hesitation, but just remember all those other great calls I’ve been feeding you and have faith.

  1. MAGA says:
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    catchy title, I wish people would actually back their word when they say these things. good riddance. also hope california and its 55 electoral votes becomes its own country…. good luck to the dems winning a presidency without their shoe in 55 electoral college votes.

    it’ll never happen, but its a funny concept.

    oh and nice article

    • Barry says:
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      @MAGA: No Passport people are funny.

      • Alex Lee

        Alex Lee says:
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        @Barry: Not sure I follow your point here. Are you implying I don’t have a passport? Either way, at least you think I’m funny. I’ll take it!

        • Barry says:
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          @Alex Lee: I’m implying @MAGA has no passport, likely a small worldview.

          • Alex Lee

            Alex Lee says:
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            @Barry: Ah, man I really got the whole thing wrong there, including thinking that you found me funny.

    • Alex Lee

      Alex Lee says:
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      @MAGA: I was leaving either way (for work), this is just one more reason I’m happy to make the move. But the title is tongue-in-cheek, I don’t think people have much reason to worry because I doubt the guy will be able to implement much of what he promised. Hell, he’s already changing his stance on Obamacare and he’s been elected for less than a week. None of us know what we’re in for, all we can hope for is the best. Anyways, glad you enjoyed the article!

      • The Harrow says:
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        @Alex Lee: it’s standard pre-pres extreme siding for votes (in this case no small part geared at some very nasty voting blocks). he never had any intent to nor think it possible to lock up or keep out all brown people or gays, nor repeal anything of any sort. it’s why people think these politicos in the 2 parties aren’t different at all well over half the time. very little of any of that weirdness they spout have they any intention of doing once they are elected, even if it were possible.

        • Alex Lee

          Alex Lee says:
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          @The Harrow: All true, but a) most people pivot back in the general election towards more moderate stances, and b) I don’t recall an election where a candidate went that extreme at any point in the process and won the nomination, let alone the presidency. Understanding that very little will actually get done, as you said, the part of this that is most disappointing is I doubt most of the voters look at it that way. They believe what politicians tell them (that’s why their trust of politicians is so low, right?). That means people who believed Trump’s desire to do some serious unconstitutional shit signed up to ride on the rollercoaster we’ll all be on for the next four years.

  2. Tommy Charles says:
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    I second the comment above. I bet fantasy football players as a whole chose Trump over the other candidate. Good luck.

    • Alex Lee

      Alex Lee says:
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      @Tommy Charles: I wouldn’t bet against you, take a look at the demographics of fantasy football players. As of 2015, it looks something like this: average age of 34, median income of $92k, 80% male, 90% caucasian. Fantasy football players most likely went Trump more than Clinton. Not sure what that has to do with anything, but good luck to you as well sir.

    • The Harrow says:
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      @Tommy Charles: uneducated white females got him elected, that and urban voters going right on back to pre-obama levels of actually voting.
      another funny thing about this was the pretty obvious misogyny going on, as 5% reported supporters of obama’s actual policies voted trump (10% of those who voted obama too), you know, those same types that would often look more aesthetically pleasing to see hanging from trees according to most trump voters (or at least the ones he preached to more openly than anybody in any presidential election in about 60 or more years)

      • The Harrow says:
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        @The Harrow: it is entirely funny and apt that this very misogyny (esp since some of it was clearly from their own voting blocks) that helped beat the dems (along with extreme voter apathy when their only “choice” was hillary) was that they themselves locked out their own candidate that would’ve probably gotten even more people who usually never vote to do so than obama did.

        • Alex Lee

          Alex Lee says:
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          @The Harrow: The apathy is the key. I think the thing Trump did best was put a bad taste in people’s mouths about the election as a whole and about Clinton to the point where people just didn’t care to vote. He pulled less voters than Romney in 2012, but she pulled significantly less than Obama.

  3. Woodrow the Impaler says:
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    You heard it here first- Kanye 2020

    But most importantly, whom do I start out of this motley crüe (2RB; 1 FLEX):

    Forte
    Booker
    Gurley
    Ware
    Michael Thomas

    I’m leaning towards the first three, but would love a second opinion.

    Thx buddy!

    • Alex Lee

      Alex Lee says:
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      @Woodrow the Impaler: Two weeks ago, I laughed at the thought of President Yeezus. Now? It feels like the country’s logical next step. I’m leaning Ware over Booker. When making a decision between better player (Ware) and better matchup (Booker), I go with the better player. It’s a good problem to have though.

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