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Muah! That’s the sound I expect to hear from you when you start Kirk Cousins this week. I fully expect your lips to be on the computer screen on Sunday giving your DraftKings lineup a big smackaroo because of the numbers he’ll bestow upon you. Just don’t slip your computer the tongue. I’ve heard about the sites you frequent, your computer is probably more diseased than a red light district at this point. It doesn’t take a genius to realize the Eagles and their secondary can be attacked. Heck, I think we all know this will be a full-blown offensive array by Philly and those Washington guys are gonna need to keep pace. Unlike the blowout Cincy got going early which negated Dalton’s upside, I don’t think there’ll be either team getting a chance to rest on their laurels this week.  Sure, Washington might rely on their RBs heavily to slow the pace of the game down.  Don’t get me wrong, it’s been tried before to keep the Eagles offense off the field.  Just don’t think Cousins will be afforded this opportunity and for that reason alone he’s worth it, nevermind the fact that he is only $7,300 for the week.  Cheap chance at a 300 yard passing day, friends; take advantage.  But enough about your cheapness, let’s get on with the slate.  Here’s some other hot takes on week 3 DraftKings…

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Matthew Stafford, QB: $8,800 – Stafford is my #1 QB this week if you’re planning on paying up.  He’s at home and against a defense that has struggled mightily thus far.  Given that Rodgers will keep the Pack in the game, it’s hard not to think Matthew won’t be chucking it all day to hold the lead.  Vegas has GB winning by one point in a 52 o/u game.  You’ll probably be happy with either side of the ball here, but Stafford is cheaper so for once he’s a better QB than Aaron.

Russell Wilson, QB: $6,800 – Doesn’t get much cheaper than this.  It’s a home game so the threat of it becoming a grind it down ground fest is real but so is the upside of RW3 giving you and a cheap Percy Harvin ($5,400) pairing a big day.

Calvin Johnson, WR: $8,900 – I’m paying this week.  Trust me, plenty of value elsewhere to make up for getting a little bit of Megatron in your lineup.  And by ‘a little bit’ I mean a lot.  Dude is huge.  And Golden Tate is only $5,000, you say?  Well…

Pierre Garcon, WR: $5,800 – Garcon was Garcoff last week, only nabbing one catch on four targets.  Philly gives up plenty of catches and yardage on quick outs and Pierre is built to burn there.  Eight to ten catches is well within reach in this type of game.  Make sure to tip your waiter this Sunday.

Sammy Watkins, WR: $5,300 – Very underpriced considering the game he just had.  The Bills realized they had something special going on week 2 with Sammy and I don’t think they let up on using him.  Now if only they’d let up on using EJ Manuel

Jerricho Cotchery, WR: $3,000 – Sure, weird call.  But guys love to show their old teams what they’re missing.  I think Cotchery gets an end zone shot or two in this game.  I’m not predicting a 100 yard game here but guys love to show up their old teams.  It’s science.  Revenge shout out to Santonio Holmes while we’re at it.  Could see the Bears trying to give him a red zone shot if the game gets out of hand.

Joique Bell, RB: $5,400 – Eleven targets for 6 receptions and ten rushes for a total of 97 yards. Those were his stats last week. Against a tough Panthers defense. Yeah, I’m all about stacking some Lions this week.

Lamar Miller, RB: $5,000 – I’d say this with more confidence if they hadn’t signed Daniel Thomas again.  His name is as bland as his game but the Dolfish just can’t quit him.  Regardless, Miller getting a huge amount of totes would make sense to me.

Bernard Pierce, RB: $4,800 – The idea of BP going HAM makes me wanna throw up in my lunchables but the reality is, he’s the better back between himself and Forsett.  If the game gets away from Cleveland, Pierce could find himself with another 100 yard performance and perhaps a TD all despite himself and his poor running ways.  I mean, he’s no Matt Asiata but c’mon…

Jeremy Hill, RB: $4,000 – It’s clear he’s playing second fiddle to Giovani Bernard for now but Cincy could have a second straight week of sitting on the ball in the second half given Locker’s struggles.

Khiry Robinson, RB: $3,900 – The Saints are 0-2.  You think Drew Brees is gonna let them fall to 0-3?  Methinks not.  Vegas loves the Saints by 10 at home with an o/u of 49.  This could become a ground game quickly and without Ingram, Robinson has a chance at a 100 yard game when it’s all said and done.  Pierre Thomas has the higher PPR ceiling but if this game is a laugher by halftime, you’ll be laughing all the way to the bank with Khiry.

Donald Brown, RB: $3,500 – Surprise!  Mathews got hurt.  What, you’re not surprised?  Yeah, me either.  Picking up Brown this off-season was one of the smarter choices the Chargers made in free agency right next to finding a face manager for Philip Rivers.  Starting him this week in Buffalo could be the smartest thing you do.  Plus he gives you flexibility for spending bigger on WRs, something I’m highly inclined to do myself.

De’Anthony Thomas, RB: $3,000 – All I’m saying is keep apprised of his injury status as the week rolls along.  DAT has big play ability and if he gets a chance to show them, they could show big.  Only use if you’re spending big elsewhere and need a big play punt away.  He’s definitely one.  And he returns punts so there’s actually a pun worked in there.  And now I feel shame…

Jared Cook, TE: 3,400 – I’m crying silently to myself at the mere mention.  Timing a big Cook game is like finding a Black Unicorn…wait, there he is!  Dallas has now given up 3 TDs, 14 recs and 186 yards on 21 targets this season to opposing TEs.  One was Vernon Davis – current SF 49er – and the other was Delanie Walker (former SF 49er).  So either they only cough it up to players associated with San Fran or they just suck against the position.  I’ll lean towards the latter.

Indianapolis Colts, DST: $3,100 – The Jags have given me and their fans the sags…er sads.  Colts just lost at home on a last second field goal and I don’t think they let up on Jacksonville this week as they are now 0-2 on the year.  Making Henne  have to throw is like forcing Seth Rogan to do porn: it’s not beneficial for anyone.  Well, except for the Colts defense…hrm, except the Rogan porn part, this was mostly on point.  I could see a TO festival down in Jacksonville on Sunday as they turn the Jags into a one-dimensional team which will make them a one-directional one…see that was a joke cuz the ball will be going backwards…