It seems like so long ago at this point but you remember when Joseph Randle made headlines? No, no silly, not for how he played on the field. It was his shopping for a five finger discount that rose an eyebrow or two. It’s one thing to steal when you’re poor or at least an intriguing item but…underwear and cologne? Do they correlate? Are you trying to tell us something, Randle? Did someone have an accident while at the mall and couldn’t think of a better way to cover it up other than a change and a spray? Did you even wipe? Oh well, bygones. Let’s look at why we’re actually here to talk about Randle. DeMarco Murray’s hand done broked and the likelihood of him starting this week is slim to NOOOOOOOPE. Sorry, had a Lana Kane moment. Again, it may be that by Thursday, we know Randle isn’t even starting but as of right now, I want all the Randle I can handle and at $3,000, I can handle a lot. Heading into Monday Night’s game, only the Saints have given up more fantasy points to opposing RBs over the last four weeks. Yes, that does still look back on the Pats game where Jonas Gray scored 4 but the opponents since haven’t exactly been rushing juggernauts. With how good the Dallas offensive line has been all year, it’s hard to imagine them deviating from what has gotten them to 10-4 just because their lead back is out. If Randle is starting, I wouldn’t go so far as to say he’s a must play but 20+ touch opportunity at a minimum price doesn’t come along very often. Probably locked into most lineups both for cash and tourney, you are either playing with the crowd to exploit other prices or you fight against the current. I won’t hate you either way. Well, at least not about this topic. But enough talk, have at you. Here’s my red hot takes for the week 16 DK slate…
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Drew Brees, QB: $8,400 – If I’m paying up, Drew is gonna do what he came to do. Ain’t that right boo? TRUEEEE. They’re playing for the division crown…and they need to win their remaining games to just finish .500. And some team between Dallas and Philadelphia isn’t gonna make the playoffs. Life just ain’t fair sometimes. But more to the point, Brees is at home in a dome against one of the worst defense in the NFL. I don’t think you need more info than that. GPP or cash
Tom Brady, QB: $8,000 – If there’s too much heat on Drew, I’ll take the Brady divot…I mean pivot. Sorry, was mesmerized by butt chin. The numbers say a Brady/Gronk stack would be highly profitable. What else is that you say, numbers? Investing in a 401(K) at a young age is also profitable? Ok, we know that but it’s not the subj…I’m sorry, what else did you say? Invest in oil? Alright, alright we get it…man, numbers never know when to shut up, especially when they’re right. GPP or cash
Matt Ryan, QB: $7,400 – You notice how many higher priced QBs I’m on compared to last week? Yeah, there’s a name or two in the lower tiers that might tickle my fancy but I’ll be happier paying up at QB this week than most others. Curse you Saturday games! But more on topic: Ryan. He’s aight. He looks even better in a dome and with Julio Jones back, which he should be if all reports are correct. Oh and it’s the Saints. You know, the team that gave up 41 at home to the Panthers just two weeks ago. The over/under for the game is currently 56, the highest total on the Sunday slate. Points will be scored, blood will be shed and Screech will still never get Lisa Turtle. Woah, what brain recess did that come from? Moving on…GPP or cash
Russell Wilson, QB: $7,100 – I wasn’t kidding, I kinda want to pay up at QB this week. The last time Wilson played Arizona, he had 73 rushing yards. Given the targets he has to throw to, this should surprise no one. Seattle won’t be able to get much from Skittles on the road so basically the offense is Wilson, maybe Jermaine Kearse and whatever TE is in the lineup when they’re in the red zone. I want it to be Tony Moeaki but I ain’t going back to that well until that well exists and has water in it. This is one of the few times going naked with a QB makes sense. BTW, hi to all those who googled ‘Russell Wilson Naked’. We won’t judge you here. And besides, he’s totes adorbs. Good on you. GPP or cash
Andy Dalton, QB: $5,900 – I don’t have the stats for his career but the Red Rocket’s prime time numbers are…less than one would desire. That said, Vegas thinks the game should be close. Me? Ehhhhh…you’ll find out later. If I’m building multiple tourney lineups, he’ll be in one. If I could name the various rosters I create, his would be titled ‘YOLO’. BTW, my last ‘YOLO’ lineup was from week 15. It featured Johnny Manziel. Yeah…GPP only
Johnny Manziel, QB: $5,500 – How many people roster him this week after that ugly debut? I’m guessing the numbers will be low. Carolina is still playing for something…I think. Whatever, I hate the NFC South exists at this point. The Manzealots will be quiet and everyone will say ‘never again’. I’m willing to give the benefit of the doubt in week 16 but he won’t be my QB if I’m only building 5 lineups for the week. GPP only
Case Keenum, QB: $5,200 – Ah, the legend of Keenum gets to live on. Maybe. IDK, as of this writing, they haven’t named the starter for the week. The Texans keep breaking their QBs. Don’t worry, they’re not good ones. It’s like your friend’s kid who is constantly knocking over the coffee table center piece and your friend keeps apologizing. It doesn’t matter, it’s Ikea! Keenum is a gunslinger. Or at least he was before Gary Kubiak tried to neuter him and make him a gunshy slinger. If he gets to unleash, he’ll be able to burn this Baltimore secondary that consists of the homeless guy down the street and your drunk Uncle Mark. This gives you a shot to start DeAndre Hopkins, BTW, and this is a good thing. And if it’s Thad? Well, just pretend I’m holding my tongue between my fingers while trying to say ‘sad’ when I mention him and you know your answer. GPP only
C.J. Anderson, RB: $6,900 – Oh Le’Veon Bell is good? I HAD NO IDEA. His matchup is great. Pretend I wrote about it and move on. Baby Bear has carried the load and I’m pretty sure he continues on Monday night. If you wanna talk gameflow, let’s consider it’s an away game against a tough secondary. What’s the best way to gain momentum? Quiet the crowd by grinding the ball down their throats. Not literally, that’s assault! Anderson seems like a lock for 100 rushing yards and 1 or 2 TDs. He’s my RB to pay up for if I can’t afford that other high-priced RB I pretended to write about. While we’re here, might as well mention that a Broncos/Anderson stack makes sense. So does Dalton playing for the Jaguars in 3 years but that’s a different story. GPP or cash
Jonathan Stewart, RB: $5,200 – Lots of ‘if’ here. If Cam Newton is back, this sexy matchup gets even sexier. But if DeAngelo Williams is back, there’s no way I’m in on the Daily Show. Keep apprised, my peeps. J-Stew touched the ball 23 times last week. That’s how you get scratch money. GPP or cash
Tre Mason, RB: $4,600 – This feels like week 13 all over again. Mason gets to play at home with a plum matchup against a Giants team that are giving up the most yards per carry at 4.9. You haven’t seen big fantasy numbers against them of late but that’s what happens when you play the Jaguars and Titans. If Randle is a lock to start for Dallas, it might be one of the rare weeks that having an RB at flex wins a tourney or two. GPP or cash
Latavius Murray, RB: $4,600 – You seeing why I’m ok with paying up for QB now? Don’t let the season long numbers for the Bills fool you, they’ve been gashed on the ground of late as opposing backs are averaging a nice 4.5 YPC against them over the last 4. If I were a betting man in the classic sense, I’d be taking the Raiders +6 at home. After beating Green Bay at home, General Akbar will be calling…GPP or cash
Chris Ivory, RB: $3,800 – The last time these two teams squared off, Ivory went for 107 and a TD. The Patriots have definitely tightened up against the rush since then and are only giving up 3.4 ypc over their last 4. That said, you know the Jets want to keep that beautiful Tom guy off the field and will stay run-heavy, especially at home. This is definitely a momentum and gameflow theory that goes against the grain. For that reason, you shouldn’t even be thinking this about your cash games. Oh, I just caught you, you were thinking it! GPP only
Jordy Nelson, WR: $7,700 – So we now know what song can’t be played in the Green Bay locker room in the future. Seven different receivers dropped passes from A-Rod da Gawd last Sunday and Jordy was a major culprit, dropping a 94 yard TD pass. Yes, 15+ fantasy points wasted. You don’t think the team comes out with a vengeance against the Buccs? Rhetorical. A big passing day seems to be lined up and this is how I plan to get in on it. GPP or cash
Josh Gordon, WR: $6,400 – You don’t have to pair with Manziel. Hey, you don’t have to play him at all but the reality is, there are outside factors contributing to his lack of production and low price. Those outside factors do NOT include weed, thankfully. His first two weeks back, Flash had 195 yards on 15 receptions. All the ‘out of shape’ and ‘doesn’t know the playbook’ talk is just that: talk. You’re hoping for two things here. One, Manziel gets it together or two, he sucks and Hoyer comes in slingin’ it. Either way, I like this as a bounce back spot for him to drop a hot box score (did you catch it?!?). GPP only
Brandon LaFell, WR: $5,300 – I don’t think I’ve mentioned him once this year. Consider the ice broken. The Jets are exploited in their secondary because their secondary isn’t even secondary to their primary, ya dig? They give up a lot of big plays overall which plays into Brandon’s bailiwick. GPP or cash
Charles Johnson, WR: $4,900 – The targets aren’t going anywhere and Charles has shown who’s in charge of the Vikings receiving crew of late. Given his size, he won’t draw the tough Grimes matchup. If he did, he’d Brent Grimes’ birthday cake and then some. Google it, I ain’t linking to that here. This is a family site. GPP or cash
Torrey Smith, WR: $4,600 – I think Smith will be at a full go finally for the first time in a couple of weeks. If that’s the case, we’re gonna get plenty of fireworks as the Texans give up the third most fantasy points to opposing wide receivers on the year. Keep in mind prior to his injury, he had a 6/65/2 week going against a whale’s vagina. Sorry, Ron Burgundy took over there for a minute. Either way, Smith was rolling. If he’s healthy, he’s the best 20+ point bet you have at WR under $5K for the week. GPP or cash
Martellus Bennett, TE: $5,700 – Bennett is the perfect in between. Don’t have enough for Gronk? Have too much left over for the cheaper plays? Play Bennett! The Lions have given up the 4th most receptions to opposing TEs on the year. You may not get a TD splash but the Black Unicorn could give you a 10/100 day. Just don’t watch the game, I’m warning you. The Bears have Yogi on suicide watch at this point. GPP or cash
Travis Kelce, TE: $4,600 – Consider this a recommendation of Coby Fleener while we’re at it. Kelce wins out simply because the Chiefs have thrown a TD to the same amount of wide receivers this year as I have in my entire career. Take note, I haven’t thrown an NFL pass to date. That was a trick question…or I guess statement. In either case, Travis has come on of late – or maybe the Walrus Reid has come to his senses – because he’s seen plenty of snaps and even caught a touchdown. I know, amazing right?!? He’s baby Gronk when used appropriately. When used in appropriately, he’s a napkin holder while Andy Reid goes to town on some KC BBQ. GPP or cash
Scott Chandler, TE: $3,000 – If you wanna get frisky, Oakland does rank in the bottom 10 for points against to opposing TEs. I don’t know how much stock I put in the numbers considering how they’ve had a big game against with Orange Julius (6/63/2) represented close to at least 16.7% of that production against in one week. All this to say, it’s not a sure bet but I sure bet you’re looking for a $3K value. And there it is. GPP only
Miami Dolphins, DST: $2,800 – There are a lot of road favorites this week and heavy ones at that. Gonna have to go Damon Wayans on that and say homie don’t play dat. The Dolphins haven’t looked good of late, getting gashed on the ground and even a bit through the air but I think there’s some bounceback action here. The Vikings are tied for 4th most sacks against on the year with 44 and the Dolphins defense has a reasonable 34 on the year. Given all the road traps out there, I’ll take my chances with the home team here. GPP or cash
Oakland Raiders, DST: $2,200 – I mean, did ya need the chalk calls? Really? If I were playing in a survival pool, I’d be taking the Raiders this week. Teams like the Bills aren’t built to keep momentum. Clearly this is a crazy go nutso call that you don’t even financially need to make but it’s here so there. GPP only
