Before we get to jamming and cramming the waiver wonders that could win your week, I want to welcome you all to the Razzball Lounge, my fantasy friends. The lounge is the place where we Razzball scribes come to kick back, relax, trash talk and cry in our boilermakers. Fantasy seasons have been won and lost in this dimly lit dump and now that the stench of stale beer and fantasy baseball has been washed away, it’s time to for us fantasy footballers to take over. Rip down that Mike Trout Fathead and make room for this life size pic of Gronk. Here in the lounge we find Sky cutting up old magazines as he creates a “love letter” to Doug Martin that will land him with a restraining order later in the week, “YoU’Re DeAd To mE, mUScLe hAmStEr!!” At the jukebox we find JayWrong in his Dan Fouts throwback dropping quarters as he plays “Stairway to Heaven” over and over, “Hey guys, you really should pick up Philip Rivers.” *bottle smashes above head* At the bar demanding another Labatt’s is our resident podcast host Nick, “The greatest football team will always be the Toronto Argonauts.” *throws up on shoes* Locked in the ladies room with this sweet honey is the one and only Tehol who is about to make a big discovery, “Whatever happens in the Razzball Lounge stays in the Razzball Lounge, right guys??” And standing here at the pool table is your humble-but-nonetheless-handsome Guru. *closes eye, aims cue, sinks 8-ball off three rails, downs flaming shot, accidentally lights turban on fire* “It’s time to jam it or cram it. What’s that smell?”
Jam or Cram: Brian Hoyer, QB, Cleveland Browns
Availability: 94% Yahoo, 96% ESPN
Stat Me Up: In two starts, Hoyer has gone 55-of-92 for 590 yards with five touchdowns and three interceptions.
$$$ Value: $1. Hoyer is worth a buck. Ask JayWrong for some quarters.
The Gist: Hoyer has scored 18-plus fantasy points in each of his first two starts for the Browns. While he’s no number one, there’s no need to throw number two at him. Deep leagues, bye week streamers and the truly desperate should take a serious look at Tom Brady’s former ball boy.
The X-File: The job is Hoyer’s until further notice. Brandon Weeden is filling out job applications at Chick-fil-A.
Jam it or Cram it: Hoyer gets the Buffalo Bills next. The same Bills that made Geno Smith look like Joe Namath. Hoyer could look like Bernie Kosar Thursday night. Not the drunken Kosar, but the good, semi-sober Bernie. JAM
Jam or Cram: Rashad Jennings, RB, Oakland Raiders
Availability: 95% Yahoo, 99% ESPN
Stat Me Up: Jennings carried 15 times for 45 yards and had eight catches for a team-high 71 yards on Sunday against Washington.
$$$ Value: $1. Jennings could be a Dollar Store special.
The Gist: Darren McFadden is hurt already? Who saw that coming? Oh, we did here at Razzball when we said, “don’t draft McFadden.” Backup Marcel Reece is also limping around. Jennings is the last Raider standing and hopefully running.
The X-File: Jennings gets San Diego this week. The Chargers have given up the 10th fewest fantasy points to RBs this season
Jam it or Cram it: If you’re in the Al Davis Memorial Fantasy League, Jennings is a must add. Everyone else feel free to ignore and add Andre Ellington. CRAM
Jam or Cram: Nate Washington, WR, Tennessee Titans
Availability: 86% Yahoo, 80% ESPN
Stat Me Up: Washington hauled in four passes for 105 yards and two touchdowns against the Jets Sunday.
$$$ Value: $2. I’m greedy with my waiver bucks, but I can’t see spending more on a guy who’s QB is in the hospital and now has Ryan Fitzpatrick throwing him the ball.
The Gist: Washington is off to a great start. He has more fantasy points than Larry Fitzgerald, Andre Johnson and Reggie Wayne. That got your attention. Now that I have it, you should know I’m dating your sister. Let’s move on.
The X-File: Through four games, Washington is on pace for 76 catches, 1328 yards, eight touchdowns and four ref runovers.
Jam it or Cram it: Washington is not a highly regarded fantasy commodity. Mostly because he’s not very consistent. He could score you 20 fantasy points, he could nab you three. Ugh. Need a bye week fillinski with high upside? Grab Nate, take him out for a nice seafood dinner and never call him again. JAM
Jam or Cram: Garrett Graham, TE, Houston Texans
Availability: 96% Yahoo, 98% ESPN
Stat Me Up: Graham had five catches on six targets for 69 yards and a touchdown in Sunday’s loss to the Seahawks.
$$$ Value: $1. Someone should give me a dollar for writing about Garrett Graham.
The Gist: After four games, Graham is on pace for 48 catches for 504 yards and 12 touchdowns. Anyone know what happened to Owen Daniels? Oh, Garrett has him bound and gagged in the trunk of his car.
The X-File: The Texans get the San Francisco defense this week. Houston, we have a loss.
Jam it or Cram it: While Graham is quietly putting numbers up that are better than Greg Olsen, Kyle Rudolph and other tight ends actually drafted, his streak of good luck will come to an end this week as the fine folks of Houston toss his quarterback Matt Schaub into the Gulf of Mexico. CRAM
Jam or Cram: St. Louis Rams Defense/Special teams
Availability: 49% Yahoo, 37% ESPN
Stat Me Up: The Rams have given up over 30 points in their last three games.
$$$ Value: Throw a dollar at them this week. Better yet, throw 20 nickels at Jeff Fisher’s head.
The Gist: I expected a lot more from last year’s top 10 scoring defense. So far things look UGLY.
The X-File: This week the Rams get just the thing to help turn around a season: The Jacksonville Jaguars.
Jam it or Cram it: Like to stream defenses? Me too. Like to cross streams in the men’s room? See Tehol. I’ll pick up any team facing the Jags from the St. Louis Rams to the St. Louis Slam. JAM
Thanks for hanging in the Razzball Lounge. Follow The Guru on Twitter @TheGuruGS for the daily jam or cram, fantasy roster 411’s and other gooey shenanigans.