PEAK WASHINGTON
I was promised derp, and boy did we get some derp. Sure, it took an insufferable amount of time to receive said derp (three-and-a-half quarters), along with sitting through an equally insufferable fourth quarter that lasted about 32 hours longer than it should have, but when that derp came… I mean, there was just no way to predict that Matt Jones would fumble there (shown above), but I think we all saw it coming in our hearts. And folks, it was everything I knew Washington derp would be. “District derp”, if you will. Which, coicidentally, will be the name of my new band. It’ll be a cross of Taylor Swift and Bon Iver. In a game that will further put the NFC East in flux, Washington came into Thursday Night Football as the favorites to win the division if they only existed and didn’t somehow die of dysentery. Hey, it happened all the time in Oregon Trail, which, if I remember correctly, was based on a true story. But alas, the Giants showed some competency (don’t hold your breath) and Washington returned to their roots. But with Dallas still pitting all their hopes on Brandon Weeden (now with more Matt Cassel back-up power!), and the Eagles struggling to muster two yards of total offense, the division remains up for grabs. So it wouldn’t surprise me if the 49ers somehow ended up taking division title from all of them…
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Odell Beckham Jr. – 7 REC, 79 YDS, 1 TD. Odell Beckham, Jr., he catches the footballs. Expert analysis brought to you by the letter Jay.
Kirk Cousins – 30/49, 316 YDS, 1 TD, 2 INT. This might surprise some people, but Kirk Cousins is not very good. With RG-Me not suiting up, who’s Cousins’ backup at this point? Colt McCoy? Pocahontas?
Jamison Crowder – 6 REC, 45 YDS. This is a New England soup too, right?
Rashad Jennings – 11 Car, 32 YDS and 3 REC, 25 YDS, Andre Williams – 14 CAR, 29 YDS, 1 TD, and Shane Vereen – 6 CAR, 23 YDS. I lumped all three of the Giants’ running backs together, for they are a black hole from which no form of Fantasy Football team can escape. They could suck in Matthew McConaughey and I still wouldn’t be interested. Alright, alright, alright… I’d be a little interested.
Matt Jones – 11 CAR, 38 YDS, 1 FUM. I honestly thought Matt Jones was a white guy with grit. Regardless, Jones had a pretty underwhelming game, redeemed only by providing the derp I wanted. Nay, needed. But believe it or not, Alfred Morris (6 CAR, 19 YDS) was even worse. In fact, I wondered for most of the game if Morris was even alive. But I want to be clear that I still remain a bit more positive than others on both moving forward. Morris was always going to be a RB2 for your team, but don’t forget about his Week 1 production. With Jones having a monster game in Week 2, that muddies the waters to be sure, and at best this is a time share. No matter which one you own, you’ll have to play match-ups accordingly, but for now, I still think Morris is the lead back for this team by a slight margin.
Eli Manning – 23/32, 279 YDS, 2 TD. It’s almost like Eli Manning has more experience in the NFL than Kirk Cousins…
Rueben Randle – 7 REC, 116 YDS, 1 TD. Has Chris Berman ever referred to Reuben Randle as “Randle in the Wind”? He must have, right?
Final Thought
Last night’s game condensed from 67 hours to three seconds.
