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I only hold hands when I hold balls. Totally makes sense.

It has been pointed out that in my 2014 Fantasy Football Rankings, Montee Ball ranks quite lower than that of my peers. And while my first argument for this would be: gravity, bro (get it?), there are still many question marks here that prevent me from fully believing, kind of like Scientology. But less-less crazy and with more of Peyton Manning‘s forehead. And, sure, it’s easy to point out that the Broncos offense remains elite from last season’s historic run, which certainly played a large role in Knowshon Moreno‘s gaudy totals. And it should be noted, in that environment, Ball was able to average 4.7 yards-per-carry for the season (5.9 YPG in the final two months). But there are some things still holding me back. But don’t worry, I’m still the big spoon in this scenario. We can all rest easy friends.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Welcome back for another strategy session, where you and I sit down, group our intellect together, and prepare to discuss fantasy football ad nauseum, and then promptly get distracted by Pornhub.com. So pretty much every other Tuesday, for me at least. We already have a Beginners Guide to Fantasy Football for those of you who had no idea fantasy football existed… I’m sure there are dozens of you. DOZENS! But now that we have the “101″ stuff out of the way, now we arrive at the do’s and don’ts of a draft. As what should be pretty self explanatory, there are things that you should do, and things that you should not do. Crazy stuff, I know. Granted, these are based on my own practices and experiences, so take them for what you will. Which, frankly, should be lots. Because it’s free. Free stuff is always good. Unless it’s crayfish in your pants. That’s something that’s free, mysterious, titillating, and scary all at the same time.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

2014 Rankings: Top-200 | Top-200 (PPR) | Top-200 (Half-PPR) | QBRB | RB (PPR)WR | WR (PPR) | TE | TE (PPR) | K | DST |

Well, this is it folks. We are nearing the end of what was a glorious and scrumptious set of weeks going over the bulk of our fantasy rankings. Coincidentally, glorious and scrumptious is how I’m described at most dinner parties. With a hint of lilac and ginger. So I’m basically a hot tea. Hot tea. Hottie. HUUUUUUR. Anyways, you should give me a dollar for these set of rankings. Why? So I can give you some quarters back…? I’m simply on fire here. No, I’m serious. It’s the District and we’re in the unbearable humid stage of summer. So I literally need to stick a fire extinguisher between my thighs to prevent chaffed rashes and combustion. It’s like the forest from Fern Gully down there.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

2014 Rankings: Top-200 | Top-200 (PPR) | Top-200 (Half-PPR) | QBRB | RB (PPR)WR | WR (PPR) | TE | TE (PPR) | K | DST |

Welcome to the second part of receiver rankings, where we here at Razzball put the PP in PPR. Wait, what? As stated in the standard receiver rankings, I find this position the hardest, though your mom never complains. ICE BURN. Just the sheer volume of names combined with the fact that your standard roster size requires at least three to four of them, well, you now know what’s going on in my general vicinity. And if you’re that close, WATCH OUT, for you will like love the cut of this jib. Because I guess it’s 40′s throwback vernacular Thursday. [Puts on fedora, winks, begins to swing dance.] So let’s go ahead and begin the great quest to put our PP in PPR (there’s gotta be a better way to say that) and get to the rankings… (wearing pants is optional, but frowned upon in this establishment.)

Please, blog, may I have some more?

The following post has some of my thoughts for the first three rounds of the draft. You can catch Jay’s thoughts on Round one here. I will be covering the players (either drafted or the players affected by the new draftees) that weren’t covered in-depth by Jay, and what this does to their value for the upcoming season in redraft leagues. All of my views will be for that of a standard (Non-PPR) scoring.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Interestingly enough, Ben Tate going to the Cleveland Browns might end up improving his fantasy prospects (or a strange attempt to prevent more rib-breakage), while Steve Smith signing with the Baltimore Ravens might end up doing the opposite. Yet another example of why a fantasy game with fake teams based upon real players based upon a real game isn’t always rational in the scope of things. (Just like that sentence.)

You see, under the scope of ‘real’ football, these moves mean the exact opposite. Steve Smith goes to a team that should be in or around the play-off picture, a somewhat competent (based on NFL standards) coaching staff, and a team that has some interesting weapons. Just make sure to hide if you’re a fiancée. On the other hand, Ben Tate has basically gone to the football equivalent of Siberia. But with Skyline Chili. So much worse. However, add some fantasy context, and the sky is no longer blue, roses are no longer red, and Skyline Chili does not exist. Totally worth it…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Well, here we go. What? You didn’t get enough Jackie Battle news this past week? What about Tony Fiammetta? Breaking! I just signed Terrell Owens, and all it cost me was a Subway Tuna sandwich. Yeah, I know I overpaid. But, to be fair, there wasn’t any mayo, so I had that going. But enough about me, let’s take a look at some of the key news that’s happened so far during free agency week, all through the fantasy football scope. That scope is real by the way. I’m serious. It has chrome plating and comes with a bottle-opener.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Again, not exactly breaking news… I’m still waiting for Michael Vick to sign so I can finally dust off my notebook full of dog abuse jokes. Which is sitting right next to my Nazi Pun’s notebook, if you were wondering. Did Nazi that coming. This post is now outside Mein Kampfort zone. That’s just a taste. I have plenty more to commit complete and total SEO suicide, just you wait and see.

Anyhow, guess what? The Denver Broncos have double-downed (POKER AND FOOTBALL DOUBLE PUN ALERT) on Montee Ball and C.J. Anderson, allowing Knowshon Moreno to become a free agent. What say you Knowshon Moreno?

If that was what he did during the National Anthem, you gotta wonder what the hell he did on 9/11…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Well, this is it, the day we’ve all been waiting for. And yes, the Fantasy Football season has long since ended, and there are no more points to be had, no more injuries to deal with, no more lineups to set. Most importantly, we are that much more removed from having anything to do with C.J. Spiller. And, well, if you are still playing Fantasy Football, congratulations, you are the most inventive person I know. OR, you are suffering from schizophrenia. Regardless, you might be wondering what’s going on here. Why is there a post here on a Sunday? And that, my friends, is a very fantastic question.

We’ll be starting a new trend where I will throw-up (#ChuckStrong) a post on game day, that will serve as a sorta ‘base-of-operations’ for the morning and afternoon slate of games, including Sunday Night Football. And, as a bonus, I’ll be hanging out with all you fine folks in the comment section. Why? Why not? We’re here to talk football, and more specifically, fantasy football, amiright? I AM RIGHT. So this will be one of the new toys for the upcoming 2014 season, and we’re going to call it ‘Sunday Razznic’. Because Razzball is awesome. And Picnic’s are awesome. Because sammiches. And not to worry! There will be Monday Razznic’s and Thursday Razznic’s, to fill all of your Fantasy Football needs. So let’s start this picnic off the best way we can, and that’s with this year’s Super Bowl. Or Superb Owl, as some have called it. Or, you know, Su Perbo Wl, which no one, has in fact, called it. Yet…

Please, blog, may I have some more?