Well, this is it folks. We are nearing the end of what was a glorious and scrumptious set of weeks going over the bulk of our fantasy rankings. Coincidentally, glorious and scrumptious is how I’m described at most dinner parties. With a hint of lilac and ginger. So I’m basically a hot tea. Hot tea. Hottie. HUUUUUUR. Anyways, you should give me a dollar for these set of rankings. Why? So I can give you some quarters back…? I’m simply on fire here. No, I’m serious. It’s the District and we’re in the unbearable humid stage of summer. So I literally need to stick a fire extinguisher between my thighs to prevent chaffed rashes and combustion. It’s like the forest from Fern Gully down there.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Welcome to the second part of receiver rankings, where we here at Razzball put the PP in PPR. Wait, what? As stated in the standard receiver rankings, I find this position the hardest, though your mom never complains. ICE BURN. Just the sheer volume of names combined with the fact that your standard roster size requires at least three to four of them, well, you now know what’s going on in my general vicinity. And if you’re that close, WATCH OUT, for you will
like love the cut of this jib. Because I guess it’s 40′s throwback vernacular Thursday. [Puts on fedora, winks, begins to swing dance.] So let’s go ahead and begin the great quest to put our PP in PPR (there’s gotta be a better way to say that) and get to the rankings… (wearing pants is optional, but frowned upon in this establishment.)
The following post has some of my thoughts for the first three rounds of the draft. You can catch Jay’s thoughts on Round one here. I will be covering the players (either drafted or the players affected by the new draftees) that weren’t covered in-depth by Jay, and what this does to their value for the upcoming season in redraft leagues. All of my views will be for that of a standard (Non-PPR) scoring.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Interestingly enough, Ben Tate going to the Cleveland Browns might end up improving his fantasy prospects (or a strange attempt to prevent more rib-breakage), while Steve Smith signing with the Baltimore Ravens might end up doing the opposite. Yet another example of why a fantasy game with fake teams based upon real players based upon a real game isn’t always rational in the scope of things. (Just like that sentence.)
You see, under the scope of ‘real’ football, these moves mean the exact opposite. Steve Smith goes to a team that should be in or around the play-off picture, a somewhat competent (based on NFL standards) coaching staff, and a team that has some interesting weapons. Just make sure to hide if you’re a fiancée. On the other hand, Ben Tate has basically gone to the football equivalent of Siberia. But with Skyline Chili. So much worse. However, add some fantasy context, and the sky is no longer blue, roses are no longer red, and Skyline Chili does not exist. Totally worth it…Please, blog, may I have some more?
Well, here we go. What? You didn’t get enough Jackie Battle news this past week? What about Tony Fiammetta? Breaking! I just signed Terrell Owens, and all it cost me was a Subway Tuna sandwich. Yeah, I know I overpaid. But, to be fair, there wasn’t any mayo, so I had that going. But enough about me, let’s take a look at some of the key news that’s happened so far during free agency week, all through the fantasy football scope. That scope is real by the way. I’m serious. It has chrome plating and comes with a bottle-opener.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Again, not exactly breaking news… I’m still waiting for Michael Vick to sign so I can finally dust off my notebook full of dog abuse jokes. Which is sitting right next to my Nazi Pun’s notebook, if you were wondering. Did Nazi that coming. This post is now outside Mein Kampfort zone. That’s just a taste. I have plenty more to commit complete and total SEO suicide, just you wait and see.
Anyhow, guess what? The Denver Broncos have double-downed (POKER AND FOOTBALL DOUBLE PUN ALERT) on Montee Ball and C.J. Anderson, allowing Knowshon Moreno to become a free agent. What say you Knowshon Moreno?
If that was what he did during the National Anthem, you gotta wonder what the hell he did on 9/11…Please, blog, may I have some more?
Before we get started, don’t forget to cover your doors with lamb’s blood. The groundhog saw his shadow, which means the polar vortex is here to eat all of your first-born. Or something like that. So, where to begin? I heard there was a football game on last night… pray tell.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Well, this is it, the day we’ve all been waiting for. And yes, the Fantasy Football season has long since ended, and there are no more points to be had, no more injuries to deal with, no more lineups to set. Most importantly, we are that much more removed from having anything to do with C.J. Spiller. And, well, if you are still playing Fantasy Football, congratulations, you are the most inventive person I know. OR, you are suffering from schizophrenia. Regardless, you might be wondering what’s going on here. Why is there a post here on a Sunday? And that, my friends, is a very fantastic question.
We’ll be starting a new trend where I will throw-up (#ChuckStrong) a post on game day, that will serve as a sorta ‘base-of-operations’ for the morning and afternoon slate of games, including Sunday Night Football. And, as a bonus, I’ll be hanging out with all you fine folks in the comment section. Why? Why not? We’re here to talk football, and more specifically, fantasy football, amiright? I AM RIGHT. So this will be one of the new toys for the upcoming 2014 season, and we’re going to call it ‘Sunday Razznic’. Because Razzball is awesome. And Picnic’s are awesome. Because sammiches. And not to worry! There will be Monday Razznic’s and Thursday Razznic’s, to fill all of your Fantasy Football needs. So let’s start this picnic off the best way we can, and that’s with this year’s Super Bowl. Or Superb Owl, as some have called it. Or, you know, Su Perbo Wl, which no one, has in fact, called it. Yet…Please, blog, may I have some more?
A different kind of dirty Sanchez…
Folks, we are beginning something special here.
Not that we didn’t already have something special. If you know Sky, you know he is special. We are just going to be doing a different kind of special. If you didn’t read Sky’s transitional piece, which was something akin to a 1500-character love poem to me, well, check it out. SPOILER ALERT! It’s not a love poem. It’s an apology for ranking Doug Martin numero uno for the 2013 season. Haha, just kidding. It’s not that either. And don’t ever let anyone tell you that’s the reason that I’m here and not Sky. Because that’s totally not the reason. Maybe. The truth is, life happens. If the infamous #buttfumble didn’t show us that, nothing ever will. Theme tie-in alert!Please, blog, may I have some more?
I get it. I’ve seen ‘My Strange Addiction’ on Netflix. You’re like Lauren who can’t leave her furry life at home. Nope, everywhere you go, you gotta be wearing your fursona. It’s cool, it’s your thing, just don’t act like it’s not a bit weird, m’kay? We have 4 QBs to choose from here. That’s four for those whose computers can’t read digits for some reason. They say variety is the spice of life and we have as many QBs to rank as we have Spice Girls in the world. Ponder that, ponderer. I’m not gonna pretend like there’s huge discrepancies this week other than Golden Tate. If Seattle is gonna win, a wideout needs to step up and I’m saying it’ll be Tate. That’s my story there. Outside of that…eh, how ’bout them Cowboys? I don’t know what to say here, I’m at a loss. Four flipping games, people! If New England wins, Brady has a huge day. If Denver wins, the Bronco backs have huge days. Up in Seattle, it’ll most likely be a slugfest and offensively pretty blahtastic while we’re at it. It will be interesting to see Kaepernick in a playoff game in Seattle. Most other times he’s looked about as rattled as you’re ever going to see him but he’s proving to be quite the playoff quarterback in his short stint so far. This will definitely be a defining game for him one way or another. As much of a Seattle fan as I am, I can’t help but notice Wilson has underperformed quite a bit the last four to six weeks while the defense has basically carried them. That can’t happen this week if the ‘hawks want to move on because if that doesn’t change, I think San Fran makes the Super Bowl. At this point, I wouldn’t be surprised by a Broncos and 49ers Super Bowl based on current performance. Just don’t think the passing game is the same without Gronkowski for New England and really don’t think Seattle’s offense can right the ship that’s been going so wrong of late. And now that I’ve talked about nothing that has to do with rankings for about 90% of this, let’s move on. Here are the Divisional Championship rankings for the 2013 Fantasy Football season…Please, blog, may I have some more?