Handcuff Report, Week 14: Grice Lightning

Can I tell you that due to the title of this post, I get some of the kinkiest followers on Twitter? Let's just say I didn't realize the "handcuff market" was so vast and expansive. Because these people are following me and supporting my efforts here, I feel it only necessary to give them a shout out. To all the weird fetish sites that obviously have never read a word of my writing, thanks for the follow and keep up the good work! Now onto business, lots of handcuffs to discuss due to some evolving situations in Phoenix, Cleveland, Minnesota, and New Orleans...

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IDP Rankings, Week 14: All Bets Are Off

by: Kevin Kumpf

2014 In-Season Accuracy: 57.0% (2nd out of 21 Experts, 59.8% Highest, 46.0% Lowest). Week 14 marks either last the week of the regular season or the first week of the playoffs, depending on your style. Either way, we've reached the can't-lose portion of the season. Apologies for abandoning you all during the playoff push, but I'm back from Argentina, full of steak and wine and empanadas, and ready to do nothing but watch football (not futbol, which I had to put up with for the last 2 weeks). Because the upcoming games will likely dictate how much you enjoy the next 9 months, it's time to re-wire your brain for the playoffs. Preseason assumptions stopped being meaningful long ago, but even players we thought we knew 2 weeks ago might not be the same. You obviously know that Chris Borland is an IDP god sent here to wreak havoc on all that he touches. But there are some other players who aren't as much of a sure thing, and that can be dangerous in the playoffs. Let's take a look at a few of them.

Not 8-8

December 5, 2014 | 2014 Fantasy Football, Fantasy Football Daily Notes | 53 Comments

by: Jay

So that's a wrap folks. All the 8-8 jokes... they're over, done, the end is here. The Cowboys have won their ninth game of the year, something they hadn't accomplished since 2009, including three 8-8 finishes in the past three years. But that's okay, I actually researched this on Google and it turns out that Romonobyl actually has four reactors, which means there's still plenty of time for the Cowboys to deliver their always consistent dose of schadenfreude during the holidays. I know this, because science bro. Their gift to all of us, if you will. The Bears in the meantime, well, wow. Total self-destruct mode has been achieved. I mean, with some improvement, this team could be as good as a slightly better but still not very good team, so there's that, I guess. The real question I keep asking myself is: if a Bear doesn't give a sh*t in the woods, does any one hear it?

Streamers, Week 14: Over the Hill

December 4, 2014 | 2014 Fantasy Football, Roster Strategy | 18 Comments

by: Nico

Hellooooo! I hope everyone enjoyed their Thanksgiving weekend. I'll go out on a limb and say that you're only reading this if you got into your league's playoffs. Congratulations! Unfortunately, it also means you're weak at one of your positions... On that note, ownership numbers are doing weird things right now, and there is some renewed position jostling on those teams with injuries (and those that are completely out of it). So, while there are some new opportunities, half your league isn't making roster moves. That means those weekly gems that have been added and dropped repeatedly might be stuck on someone's bench somewhere... I'll do my best to provide some deep value, as that might be your only option during these important few weeks.

Rankings, Week 14

December 4, 2014 | 2014 Fantasy Football, 2014 Weekly Rankings | 98 Comments

by: Jay

2014 In-Season Accuracy: 57.90% (27th out of 129 Experts, 60.60% Highest, 49.80% Lowest). Week 13 Results: 58.40% (73rd out of 129 Experts, 71.40% Highest, 48.40% Lowest).

	Accuracy	Rank	Experts	Highest	Lowest	Score +/-	Rank +/-
Week 1	61.80%	22	134	66.10%	48.20%
Week 2	54.00%	35	135	61.30%	42.10%	-7.80%	-13
Week 3	57.40%	88	128	67.10%	44.30%	3.40%	-53
Week 4	56.50%	48	128	61.10%	42.80%	-0.90%	40
Week 5	56.50%	70	131	69.40%	47.00%	0.00%	-22
Week 6	56.30%	27	133	63.10%	41.50%	-0.20%	43
Week 7	59.70%	33	132	64.30%	46.50%	3.40%	-6
Week 8	56.30%	67	130	64.80%	45.20%	-3.40%	-34
Week 9	60.30%	23	131	66.00%	46.10%	4.00%	44
Week 10	57.80%	68	130	66.90%	48.40%	-2.50%	-45
Week 11	52.10%	64	131	67.60%	42.60%	-5.70%	4
Week 12	59.10%	29	129	66.20%	42.40%	7.00%	35
Week 13	58.40%	73	130	71.40%	48.40%	-0.70%	-44
Totals	57.90%	27	129	60.60%	49.80%

And now, your Week 14 Rankings…

Who Are These Guys, Week 14: Extra! Extra! Reed All About It!

December 3, 2014 | 2014 Fantasy Football, Roster Strategy | 47 Comments

by: malamoney

For the past 13 weeks, I have presented you with fantasy football lineups that your league mates might set for you if you got drunk, passed out, and left your laptop open and logged in. While some were fitting you for a roman soldier helmet, others were laughing it up as they picked some of the shittiest options available for your lineup and changed your team name to something terribly immature. Well here's another such group of players that appear to be a guaranteed one-way ticket to last place. But once again the joke's on them as this lineup combined for 214.42 points in Yahoo! half point leagues and undoubtedly would have won any head-to-head match up.

Battle Flex, Week 14: Insert Your Johnson/Woods Jokes Here… I Mean…

December 3, 2014 | 2014 Fantasy Football, Roster Strategy | 25 Comments

by: J-FOH

With the playoffs beginning this week, I want to begin by giving all of you who made the playoffs a big over-the-net high five. *slaps screen* Job well done! But now comes the hard part. The stakes are high for you, because winning can really help you with your ego trippin'. Success gives you a free pass to have one with your friends. If you are feeling insecure then just remember that keepin' the faith is better than crying. At the end of the day it's all about me, myself and I, no one else can do it for you. Oh wait a sec, that's what we are here for. Eye know, how could I forget? The following was brought to you by the De La Soul show I attended the other night.

DraftKings: Shades Of His Former Shady-ness

December 3, 2014 | 2014 Fantasy Football, DraftKings | 48 Comments

by: Sky

When previewing matchups on DraftKings, it gets a little too easy to be lazy. Just roster the guys with the green OPRK, avoid the guys with it in red and maybe kinda/sorta glance at the neutral white guys. BTW, neutral white guys should be the name of the political party in Switzerland. You're free to use it, Swiss Mrs. out there...but more to the point, I have a little secret for you. Come closer so I can whisper it into your ear. No, closer...EVERYONE CAN BE RUN ON! Sorry, felt the yelling would smack you from complacent analysis. Not like it hurt your ears, you've been listening to Rise Against at top volume with your ear buds jammed into your head. PS, don't do that. Both listen to them and jack the volume up. Both are bad for you. Now where were we...oh yeah, anyone can be run on. When looking at Seattle's rush defense, you have to allow for caveats. Yes, their numbers suggest running on them isn't a good thing. They've only allowed 3.5 yards per carry on the year, a stat which is 4th best on the year. They've also only allowed 1036 rushing yards, good for 5th best. But I have two stat lines for you to debunk this mindset: 29/115/1 and 20/159/2. The first stat line is DeMarco Murray from week 6 in Seattle and the second one is Jamaal Charles from week 11 in KC. The rest of the lead backs Seattle has faced this year? A litany of circumstantial meh. Alfred Morris without RG3 under center in week 5? Trash. Darren McFadden at home in week 9? C'mon, man. Andre Williams in week 10? Dumpster fire. In fact, Seattle gave up 18/85/1 to Tre Mason and 16/79 to Jonathan Stewart this year too but if you asked anyone if Seattle is a stout run defense and they'll say 'yes'm'. Well, maybe not 'yes'm' unless you talk with a lot of people from the south. But that doesn't tell you much about why you should start LeSean McCoy, of course so lets get Shady for a minute. First, let's talk price tag: $6,400. If he's your RB1 this week, that's prettay, prettay nice. Secondly, he averages 22 touches a game on the season. That's nice floor. Thirdly that's also a fourthly and possibly a fifthly, he's scored a touchdown and/or had over 100 yards from scrimmage in 6 of his last 7 games and three of his four touchdowns this season have come in the last four games. Don't be throwing no shade at Shady this week, friends. But enough about that, let's talk about another that. Here's my red hot takes on the week 14 DK slate... New to DraftKings? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well try out this 10 team league of Razzball writers and friends to wet your DK whistle. Just remember to sign up through us before you do. It lets us know that you care!

Waiver Wired, Week 14: Heeeeeeere’s Johnny!

December 2, 2014 | 2014 Fantasy Football | 19 Comments

by: Andrew Nordmeier

The Internet nearly broke this week when the Cleveland Browns announced they were going to start rookie Johnny Manziel at quarterback... or so we think. It looks like Brian Hoyer might be sent to the bench to give the Browns a spark, according to published reports. But is he worth it from a fantasy standpoint? We’ll examine that and more as we take a dive into the waiver wire. There are three or four weeks left in your fantasy season, so this is the time to make the solid moves that will get you into the playoffs. So, what about Manziel? Yes, he was a change of pace for the Browns, as he rushed for a touchdown last week, but let’s see why you don’t want him. Tight end Jordan Cameron is questionable for this week after missing his last five games with concussion symptoms. Miles Austin is still hospitalized after taking a hit to his lower back and hurting his kidneys. Andrew Hawkins is the best receiving threat the team has right now that’s healthy. Yes, Josh Gordon is there too, but I would want to see how Manziel works with all of his weapons before seeing how much he impacts fantasy values on Lake Erie. The Browns finish the season with Indianapolis, Cincinnati, Carolina in Week 16 and Baltimore in Week 17. The chances are there for Manziel to throw it a bunch and get the all-important rushing yardage as well with a pair of weak rush defenses during the fantasy playoffs. Dare we say it, Manziel could be a nice play down the stretch if you want a quarterback with a good situation that you can pick up now.

KC’s Review, Week 13: The Playoffs Are Here

December 2, 2014 | 2014 Fantasy Football, Fantasy Football Buy/Sell | 5 Comments

by: KC

At this point, you are either in your league’s playoffs, or you’re not…. You either won this week and secured your spot, or have already advanced to the second round. Or you completely lost, but you still care enough about Fantasy Football to keep reading. But I am assuming most of you are the "first ones"... ones that are still in the game and getting so close to the end (hopefully an end with money), that we cannot afford some fantasy blunders (like Drew Brees completely neglecting one of the top tight ends in the league. Jimmy Graham... seriously, not one freakin’ target!).

Oh, Jets. Never change.

December 2, 2014 | 2014 Fantasy Football, Fantasy Football Daily Notes | 70 Comments

by: Jay

So let me get this straight. The Chargers beat the Jets 31-0. The Dolphins beat the Chargers 37-0. So apparently by Monday Night Football calculations, we get something like this. I dare you to name ten worse games than this all year. You can't! And just think... we get to watch these teams square off again this season! Ugh. The next time some Patriots fan tells you that their derp-fest of division has nothing to do with their success, show them last night's game.

Regression, These Are the Cardinals. Cardinals? Meet Regression

December 1, 2014 | 2014 Fantasy Football, Fantasy Football Daily Notes | 39 Comments

by: Jay

While it's a bit too tempting to take time in the lede to discuss what was the "potential Super Bowl match-up" of the year between the Packers and Patriots, or even the discussing the Ravens snatching defeat from the jaws of victory against my Chargers. And heck, you could even throw in the Jaguars beating the Giants, who were in full derp mode, making Tom Coughlin even more salty and vinegary (to be taken at it's most literal definition), but, in the end, I do find the slow collapse of the Arizona Cardinals team fascinating... While I normally don't root for Cardinals, (that's more St' Louis' and Busch's fault. Double entendre alert!), you had to respect the fact that they found themselves 9-1 despite starting Drew Stanton, not Carson Palmer, for a majority of those games. While 9-1 and those two names don't really make sense when used in the same sentence, a stifling defense and some luck have been two things that lesser teams have had success with (See Broncos, 2011). But ending the regular season against the Chiefs, Rams, Seahawks, and 49ers, there are legitimate scenarios where they could now miss the playoffs, and some, where the Rams could actually sneak in. This is all to say, wow, the NFC South is a dumpster fire in the truest sense of the word. You could ask for reasons why that gives context (they did just lose to the 4-7 Falcons), but I would still say NOOOOPE, I need no reasons.