Football Player Pages Now Live!
September 16, 2016 | 2016 Fantasy Football, Fantasy Football Tools | 3 Commentsby: Rudy Gamble
Following up on last week's launch of weekly in-season NFL projections - aka the Pigskinonator - we are psyched to announce that we now have fantasy football player pages for all QB, RB, WR, TE, and defensive players!
Just like with baseball, our goal is to create the most useful player pages for FANTASY players. You're our only target. We feel the big sports sites awkwardly bridge the gap between actual and fantasy sports fans - usually at the detriment of the degenerate latter. Not us! (I refuse to put a picture of the player's face on our player pages. Last time I checked, there are no fantasy categories involving faces. Just a waste of space on the page.)
Some highlights:
Oh hey, didn't hear you come in. Sorry about the mess, I haven't moved since last Sunday afternoon. I've been here crying in the fetal position and clutching my cold, empty Keenan Allen jersey. I'll get by, no worries. But nonetheless, like the No.1 rated fantasy football player in the universe Barry Manilow once said "Looks Like We Made It." Yes we did, Barry. Yes we did. Anyway, we're into Week 2 of the fantasy season and I'm back to run you through some numbers that will identify some of the top passing and rushing matchups of the week. First let's get the obvious play out of the way. C.J. Anderson will run roughshod over the Colts baby soft run defense. Being a Colts fan, that was difficult to type. But facts are facts and the gory number here is 122. That represents then number of rushing yards Indianapolis allowed per game last season. That was good enough to rank 25th in the league and they also handed out 14 rushing TDs over 16 games in 2015. Last week Detroit put up 116 yards on 24 carries and found the painted grass twice on the ground. Basically, we've seen this movie before and it never ends well for Fighting Pagano's. Remember, the purpose of this article is just to touch on some of the better matchups of the week. Obviously if you own Cam or Aaron Rodgers - you're starting them regardless of what is written here. This is not intended to be a rankings piece. Jay does a tremendous job each week with the site rankings, which you should obviously check out if you care about winning. Also, check out Rudy's "Pigskinonator" for the best projections in the free world. That said, let's jump into some numbers: 
Welcome back everybody to this week’s edition of “Deep Implants”, our recurring series here at Razzball discussing the history of American spies planted overseas during war. This week, we’ll take a look at the exploits of Edward Bancroft, a Massachusetts-born scholar who was a key provider of intelligence from London to Ben Franklin during the Revolutionary War. Before diving into his espionage, let’s start with his studies that showed eels use electricity to capture their prey… *answers call from Jay* I’ve been informed that this is actually another installment of Deep Impact, and also that BANCROFT WAS A DOUBLE AGENT THE WHOLE TIME! NO, BEN FRANKLIN, STOP GIVING THIS MAN INFORMATION!!! As a refresher for those of you who missed the first regular season piece in this series, this is for fantasy football players who like to hang out in the deep end. Metaphorically speaking, of course; I don’t go into the actual deep end as I’m not a strong swimmer and the kids are really judgmental these days. Floaties are for adults too, dammit! 
I'll be honest, I was late turning on the game by about five minutes, and arrived to a replay of a stupid shovel pass by Ryan Fitzpatrick and a field goal. Honestly, the Jets had possession for like 14 minutes in the first quarter and was losing... Typical I said! But whoa, 67,000 points later, I was like, what in hell actually happened? Would this be the game that might actually remove the dreaded Thursday night curse of beyond-sh*tty football? Well, probably not, Phil Simms is still alive... baby steps though. In what was a sorta-kinda "color rush" game, also known as GANG LIME JELLO NEON RAVE GREEN game, the Jets actually wanted it both ways, going with their usual white with green uniforms for the sake of the color blind. All eight percent of you. Which is fine, but if you're going to go all white, it better be something like K-Swiss or else I ain't even gonna notice. And yes, the game's final score of 37-31 seems closer than the game actually was (and was probably quadruple what the O/U from Vegas was), but we did find out some valuable information moving forward. First, the Jets defense kinda sucks. Second, I saw some personnel issues with the Bills. Those include: The Bills. Oh, there were also 13 total penalties this game, good for 109 yards. If only I had picked up the referees off waivers instead of the Jets defense...
Special Note: As you might notice after the jump, our new Player Pages are up and running (whenever a player's full name is written, you'll be able to click on it and be taken to a magical box of info and other nifty thingamajigs). Special thanks to Rudy for this brand new feature, and he'll have a post on this later today delving into the development, his process, and what you can expect moving forward. It'll probably be a bit more informative than calling them "thingamajigs", that's for sure. But if you want a quick look-see, check out my favorite player's 
Well, this is a matchup that makes me think: Man, what did I do this week to deserve this? And on a Thursday night no less! You know we're going to see a 3-0 game here, and if we're lucky, maybe it'll be 6-3. I could even see a 1-0 game. Honestly. I mean, one can only hope that we get a safety out of this so we can at least have a few laughs. Oh, god, I almost forgot this marks the debut of Phil f*cking Simms, and his favorite enabler, Jim Nantz. What. The. Hell. Not only that, but we have a hobbled Sammy Watkins to deal with, Tyrod Taylor trying to climb himself back into relevance, and a Jets offense that's more boring than Cris Collinsworth hyping up Tom Brady. I guess this is my way of telling you to make sure all your favorite alcohol beverages and antacids are stocked up. And probably get your ear plugs, and probably blindfolds in the ready position...
The rankings have been updated just now for tonight's game, and can be found 
Welcome back to the Razzball streamer article. I have some work to do after week 1. None of my plays had big days and a few were downright awful. Maybe I dove a little deep, perhaps things didn’t fall my way, or maybe I, flat out, don’t know what I’m talking about. Whatever the case may be, I’m going to try and be more useful to you this week.
I mentioned last week that I was going to add droppables to this article and we probably are a week or two away from that. I don’t want to jump to conclusions after week 1. If we were going to jump to conclusions after week 1, Adrian Peterson would be one of the worst running backs in the league and everyone would start Will Fuller over Dez Bryant. Actually, I probably would start Will Fuller over Dez Bryant because of my pure disdain for Dez. I never draft him so I don’t have to worry about that... 
Greetings! As we speak, I'm rectally inhaling MDMA in order to get through this post without breaking down into hysteria over my rankings from last week. To those of you I've wounded, I give my sincerest apologies. And to those of you I helped...anyone? ANYONE? Never mind. You've got to be realistic about these things. Anyway, I absolutely adore that beautiful-minded Eli Manning this week. He gets a Saints defense that just got bent over a barrel and shown all 50 states by the Las Vegas Raiders, and, oh, by the way, they just lost their best corner. Say one thing for the New Orleans Saints, I have absolutely no freaking clue on who the next man up is. I suppose that's not surprising, considering I was unaware that this nobody who was injured was their best DB. That's right ya'll, the Saints defense is thinner than Giraffe schlong, and I, for one, plan on taking full advantage of it. Doubt me if you dare, for the last occurrence where I was doubted, I ended up with my chiseled glutes spread with my cousin's tongue between them. She was a second cousin and not by blood. [Jay's Note: Wait, what?]
I am Lord Tehol Beddict and this is Disgrace/Delight! Take heed! 
Was it just me, or were running backs pretty disappointing during the first week? It could just be me. My weekend consisted of a bachelor party and watching the games at a bar in New Jersey on Sunday sandwiched between two three-hour flights. Sure, there were good performances, but overall it left me feeling validated that I targeted wide receivers in the early rounds over running backs whenever possible. Anyway, here we are with the week two handcuff, which I guess is technically the first full handcuff report. 
Most would have undoubtedly considered the lineup I am about to throw at you to be ridiculous had I recommended it last week for last week's matchups. I am certain my readership would have plummeted from fifteen to about five. Even though that's an eighty percent decrease can I still use the word "plummet" considering how small the numbers are with which we are working? There are more than fifteen people in any of the men's rooms at any given time at an NFL stadium during a game. Are those my followers? Are you sh!tting me? I love it! While most would have quickly clicked "unsubscribe to malamoney's posts", when they read the papers on Monday morning and saw the results, I'm not sure if they would have called me lucky, and lucky idiot, or just an idiot. Probably all three, which is technically the second option. Led by Alex Smith and Theo Riddick, the following lineup would have won just about any matchup in its path... 
