Greetings! Oh ye followers of the Lord, I humbly summon you to partake in a birthday celebration fit for... fit for... well, a Lord. Tis my birthday on Thursday, and myself and the Lord's keeper (Jay-Wrong) will be guzzling absinthe by the gallon while we watch Lord Grey Albright and Ralph Lifshitz joust to the death. I must mention the fact that Lord Grey is our liege Lord and his death can simply not be allowed. Therefore, Prospector Ralph must take one for the team. He will be deeply missed, and by deeply I mean that I will piss on his ashes and move his wench into my private quarters for a few months and add his children to my service staff. Spotted d*ck and rhinoceros steak sandwiches will be served for all of those interested in joining. Jay and I are both turning 25 this year [Jay's Note: Haha.], and though we've accomplished so many tremendous things in our lives thus far, I see an even brighter future upon the horizon. Our partnership has become stronger than that of Siegfried and Roy as we continue to master fantasy football together as one. Let's just pray neither of us is mauled by a Tiger. [Jay's Note: Amen brotha...]
I am Tehol Beddict and this is Disgrace/Delight. Take heed! 
Monthly Archives: October 2016
Greetings! Oh ye followers of the Lord, I humbly summon you to partake in a birthday celebration fit for... fit for... well, a Lord. Tis my birthday on Thursday, and myself and the Lord's keeper (Jay-Wrong) will be guzzling absinthe by the gallon while we watch Lord Grey Albright and Ralph Lifshitz joust to the death. I must mention the fact that Lord Grey is our liege Lord and his death can simply not be allowed. Therefore, Prospector Ralph must take one for the team. He will be deeply missed, and by deeply I mean that I will piss on his ashes and move his wench into my private quarters for a few months and add his children to my service staff. Spotted d*ck and rhinoceros steak sandwiches will be served for all of those interested in joining. Jay and I are both turning 25 this year [Jay's Note: Haha.], and though we've accomplished so many tremendous things in our lives thus far, I see an even brighter future upon the horizon. Our partnership has become stronger than that of Siegfried and Roy as we continue to master fantasy football together as one. Let's just pray neither of us is mauled by a Tiger. [Jay's Note: Amen brotha...]
I am Tehol Beddict and this is Disgrace/Delight. Take heed! 
Working the Wire, Week 6: Don’t Hulk for Hogan, Brother
October 11, 2016 | 2016 Fantasy Football, 2016 Waiver Wire | 49 Commentsby: M@
Hit it or Quit it, Week 6: Jesse James Catches Balls to the Face
October 11, 2016 | 2016 Buy/Sell, 2016 Fantasy Football | 20 Commentsby: Jennifer
Welcome back, my Horde! What an eventful week it has been. On one hand, I did manage to survive my trip to “Filthadelphia” this past week, but it seems that I am on a terrible fantasy losing streak these past 2 weeks and can’t seem to catch a break. Even the waiver wire was not kind to me this past week and I am convinced that it is now in cahoots with my Black Widow Curse. C’est la vie. The Fantasy Gods giveth, and most of the time they taketh away. So, how are all of you this week? Beaten, battered, and bruised? No? Then perhaps you need to experiment a little more, and I don’t just mean with your rosters, but I digress. It also looks like my Black Widow Curse feasted on some more tasty man-flesh this week, so I am sure you all have quite a few holes to fill (which may be a new concept for some of you). So, let’s get down to business, shall we because time is money, and honey, I ain’t cheap. Ladies and gentlemen, convicts and inmates, perverts and weirdos, I give you what you all have been waiting with baited breath for…the Week 6 edition of Hit it or Quit it! 
World Wide FAAB, Week 6: Meredith Me!
October 11, 2016 | 2016 Fantasy Football, 2016 Waiver Wire | 30 Commentsby: RotoLance
Before we get to Cameron Meredith and other waiver wire recommendations, let's review last week. Step 1, Acquire Martellus Bennett. Step 2, Start Martellus Bennett (at Flex if necessary). Step 3, Profit. I profited in two (of three) leagues I play in after I acquired him off waivers. I know he wasn't widely available, but I'd rather write about a player with a chance to make a huge impact in a few leagues than one that might make little or no impact but is widely available. So I'm patting myself on the back for a good call. It feels good to be right for the sake of being right but it also feels good to give helpful recommendations. That's why I'm taking the time to write this every week. Here’s your players to consider for week 6 FAAB (Free Agent Auction Bidding) waiver claims. The prices are for $100 budgets. View the prices as percentages if your league doesn't use a $100 budget... 
Ladies and Gentlemen, Your NFC South!
October 11, 2016 | 2016 Fantasy Football, 2016 News & Notes | 105 Commentsby: Jay
WHAT. A. GAME. And while those Tampa Bay Buccaneers jerseys will never not be ugly, I want to establish that out of the two statements I just made, only one was leaking sarcasm... and I'll let you figure out which one. Honestly, at what point should the NFL stop serving endless vodka with a heaping side of cocaine when they're picking matchups for Monday and Thursday night? In a game that featured what seemed like six hours of tied football when Roberto Aguayo wasn't missing and making field goals in sequential order (because that's what you want from a field goal kicker) I don't think we learned much. I mean, except for the fact that Derek Anderson is the consummate professional. He'd been out of the starting role for how many decades now? And as you can see above, he was instantly back to form. Our national nightmare is over everyone, the epoch of Derek Anderson has begun. Again.
That was the Most Eli Game Ever
October 10, 2016 | 2016 Fantasy Football, 2016 News & Notes | 68 Commentsby: Jay
Paired up against the second Presidential debate, it was easy to get distracted away from football to see the immediate fallout off the now infamous Donald Trump video, that amongst other things, had him describing how he likes grabbing women's bathing suit areas as a mating ritual of some sort. (Let’s approach this anatomically really quick... can you actually “grab” someone by the hoo-ha? I mean, wouldn’t that be like picking up a bowling ball with just your thumb? It doesn't even make any sense...) While I want to acknowledge that there was a very important moment in history that occurred last night in terms of how much you enjoy the consumption of popcorn while watching an 167-car pileup, I would only say this one thing before I move on: I wish someone had asked a fantasy football question. I mean, with all the bye weeks coming up, it IS topical as f*ck, right? So that being said, I'll continue where the title of our post teases, which is: was that the most Eli game ever? That might have been. I mean, on one hand, Eli Manning somehow led the Giants to two Super Bowl titles. On the other hand, there's stuff like this: 18-for-35, 199 yards and 1 TD, and the bi-weekly fumble (as opposed to his bi-weekly interception). This sort of relates to him as a fantasy quarterback too (XBox Segue Achievement Unlocked), in that at the base level, he's a pretty run-of-the-mill option that ends up giving you 3500+ yards and 30+ touchdowns. There's value to that, sure, and of course the Razzball community knows our policy with quarterbacks in most formats is to delay in the draft as long as you can (like my lovemaking), and this is usually where we end up: a bit below Ben Roethlisberger and a bit above the Andy Dalton line. But what I think separates the quarterbacks in this group are their weapons. Having probably one of the best receiving trios in the NFL is a fantasy boon is something that certainly keeps his value up, even when there are macabre games like this.
Here's what else I saw during yesterday's Week 5 Sunday games... (Maybe this will be the first week the Chargers don’t lose a high profile player to injury. MAYBE.)
Sunday Games Live Thread, Week 5
October 9, 2016 | 2016 Fantasy Football, 2016 Game Day Live Thread | 110 Commentsby: Jay
Whoo-weee folks, have we got a Sunday for you! Not depressed enough? How about the Patriots and Browns? Want to question life in the most existential way possible? Well, I've got the Titans and Dolphins! Are you secret misanthrope ready to break free from those commercial and societal chains? Well then, Washington and the Ravens are just for you... okay, okay, we do have a few interesting games, the mysteriously 3-1 Texans visit the even more mysterious 4-0 Vikings, the Bengals will bring as much mediocrity as they can to combat the Cowboys usual peak levels of mediocrity, and if you squint really hard, like so hard your eyes start stinging and you see as many glowing tiny white lights as a J.J. Abrams movie, the Falcons and Broncos game seems intriguing. And something else intriguing to think about, which may start your alcoholic consumption early today (my rallying call), is that if the playoffs started today, it would included the Texans, Vikings, Falcons, and Rams. Holy. Sh*t.
Be sure to check out our Start and Sits for today’s games here, along with Rudy's updated projections (which finished 11th most accurate last week) for Week 5 by clicking here. And as always, our updated rankings are available after the jump! 
Start ‘Em and Sit ‘Em, Week 5: Stairway to Evans
October 8, 2016 | 2016 Fantasy Football, 2016 Roster Strategy | 79 Commentsby: Zach
Fantasy Football sucks. Let's be real, it's very, very frustrating.
Things don't go our way. Remember the Giants-Saints game that was supposed to be a 100-point shootout. Big shoutout to those guys that thought THAT would happen (I thought that would happen).
But as corny as it sounds, Fantasy Football is a marathon, not a sprint. Over the course of 16 weeks, there are 16 Tuesday night's to win your league at the Waiver Wire. Overspending on Fozzy Whittaker sucks, but it should kill you. There are other weeks to make it up. There are 16 opportunities to make the right call on gameday. Benching C.J. Anderson Week 1 against Carolina won't and shouldn't kill your league.
It is best not to get too down when we make a bad decision, and to not get our own biases in the way. Certain players are frustrating to watch on Sunday's (I'm looking at you Amari Cooper), but like I mentioned five seconds ago, it is a process, and it only takes a few weeks for a certain player to get going and make ourselves pat ourselves on the back for choosing him over the other options.
Through the first four weeks of the NFL season, the Tampa Bay Buccaneers have certainly been frustrating, as many (including myself) would have thought their record would have certainly been a little bit better than 1-3.
However, this is a week for the Bucs that will define their year, a very important road division game that will put an emphasis on a win if they were to achieve it. And in order for Tampa Bay to win, it will have to go through their wide receiver, Michael Lynn Evans III (SIDE NOTE: What a weird middle name!) 
Deep Impact, Week 6: Heavy Rainey in the Forecast
October 8, 2016 | 2016 Deep Leagues, 2016 Fantasy Football | 7 Commentsby: Alex Lee
Welcome everybody to this week’s edition of “Dap Impacts”, our recurring series here at Razzball analyzing the most important fist bumps in history. This week, we’ll highlight Barack Obama, a man who has dapped more world leaders than all other human beings combined. And who could forget the time he dapped his own wife when accepting the Democratic party’s nomination for President, in a heartwarming moment that Fox News lovingly described as a “terrorist fist jab”… *answers call from Jay* I’ve been informed that this is actually another installment of Deep Impact, and also that Fox News did not mean that as a compliment. For those of you who haven’t been reading (looking at you, Sam Hinkie), this is for fantasy football players who like to go rummaging through the Dumpsters looking for hidden treasures. Not literally, Steve, get out of the trash and for the love of all that is holy please take that out of your mouth. For everyone who has been reading this series from the beginning, wow that’s a great haircut, very sharp. And is that new cologne I smell? Well, someone is really out to impress. Here are some plays this week to reward you for being so dapper...
Whether it’s real or fantasy football, we see time and again the difference between winning and losing can come down to just one play. The Denard Robinson stat correction fiasco of last year’s playoffs caused a change in many a fantasy football result. Yet, few are as frustrating as an official’s call affecting player points, like holding on a TD run or offensive pass interference on a big gainer.
That got me thinking, did anyone suffer bitter defeat because of points taken away from Duke Johnson last week, when inexplicably, officials ruled Washington recovered the ball on a fumble that was never actually lost? I’ve yet to see it in the fantasy football universe, but if it happened to any of you out there, comment below. Regardless, like a mysterious recovery, we fumble through the Week 4 update...
What an Enormous Johnson
October 7, 2016 | 2016 Fantasy Football, 2016 News & Notes | 105 Commentsby: Jay
I have to say, during yesterday's "Dress Like an Empty Seat Day" game in San Francisco, it dawned on me that if you were to do it all over again, I'm pretty sure David Johnson would be your number one overall pick. I'D DRAFT HIM AT BIRTH SON. Obviously, that was literal, but even if you take it figuratively, and probably you'd still go Antonio Brown, but who else is there? And to be fair, I think there were probably more question marks with Johnson than that of Todd Gurley entering the season, but what we've seen here is a perfect storm of Bruce Arian's random play-calling, a passing attack that thinks consistency is a dirty word, and an unwillingness by the other team to do something as fundamental to football as tackling. And all of these things were on full display last night, starting with a first quarter that convinced me the game would end in a 0-0 tie. Granted, I think it became a watchable game after three hours of CBS promotions, but even by Thursday Night Football standards, it was pretty terrible. Are you ready to whine and moan about the quality of the game and everything associated with it it but still watch it every week? These are the tough questions folks. That being said, Jeremy Kerley became a thing. So I guess it's 2012 again.
By the Numbers, Week 5: Bennie and the Jets
October 7, 2016 | 2016 Buy/Sell, 2016 Fantasy Football | 22 Commentsby: Mike Honcho
Whoa... It's Week 5 already? How'd that happen? Time flies, right kids? Or as Bill Shakespeare would say "the swiftest hours, as they flew." I love going all 1609 on you. You're impressed, admit it. Plus the college girls just love it when I show up to the local watering hole and quote "Othello" all night until they acknowledge me. Ha! Just kidding. I'm too old for college girls. They all ignore me anyway. Plus, I'm way too busy on Saturday nights for any kind of commitment. So there! Here's a typical Saturday night for me: Check all 158 fantasy lineups....for the fifth time. Check voicemail.....Empty....Iron my Ed Hardy shirts in case anyone calls....Update my "Dream Journal." Update my "Fear Journal." Look in the mirror....do six push ups.....Look in the mirror again. Log into Facebook.....get political information. Work on application for Trump University. See folks, Honcho's time is at a premium. I need to be efficient in every aspect of my life. That's why I put so much time into what's important: Fantasy football stats. Really, to be honest, I do it all for you. Because we're best friends. You're just not aware of it yet. Invite me over sometime and I'll prove it. So here's the deal. This week contains a handful of nice passing match ups, but there's one that really stands out. I'm going in big on Ben Roethlisberger this week as the Steelers host the Jets at Heinz Field. The Jets' pass defense has struggled mightily this year, and they allowed 288 yards passing, three touchdowns and had zero interceptions vs Russell Wilson and the Seahawks last week. Through their first four games the Jets are allowing 285 yards passing per contest and they've yielded 8 passing TDs as well. They're also giving up 23.9 fantasy points per game to opposing QBs (5th most) and 10.4 (8th most) fantasy points per game to TEs. The Steelers are absolutely loaded at wide receiver so you can expect Ben to continue his air assault this week against a Jets group ranked in the bottom half of the league in points allowed to WRs.
Here's a look at some of my favorite passing and rushing matchups for Week 5:
