I wrote my original dynasty quarterback rankings while tripping on mushrooms, which led to Kyler Murray ahead of Deshaun Watson and Tua Tagovailoa ahead of Joe Burrow. Now I’ve moved on to a delightful concoction of LSD and MDMA. Because pandemics are once in a lifetime events, make the most of it. Needless to say, I’m not backing of the drug-induced hot takes. But I did make a few tweaks to my top 20 dynasty quarterbacks for 2020 fantasy football:Â
Please, blog, may I have some more?
So a couple days ago you checked out my updated Kerryon Johnson rankings, I mean my updated dynasty running back rankings, and you avoided smashing your computer in disgust? I’m impressed! Now just wait til you see how high I’ve ranked Kerryon in my updated dynasty wide receiver rankings. I can’t help it, I love Johnson’s. And football players with the last name Johnson. Alright, enough Johnson talk (no such thing), here’s my updated top 20 wide receivers for 2020 PPR dynasty football leagues:
Please, blog, may I have some more?Kerryon? Yo Kerryon, is that you?
Nope, it’s just cold hand of death here to take away all my Kerryon Johnson hopes and dreams. When the  Lions spent pick 35 of the 2020 NFL Draft on D’Andre Swift, it got ugly in House Donkey. My imaginary girlfriend—I call her Kerryon— had me on suicide watch for the entire weekend. With all the sharp objects hidden, I took to Reddit for my punishment. There’s still days when I think about tossing the toaster in the bathtub. Unfortunately, we don’t have a bathtub. We don’t have a toaster either. I live in more of a barn than a house. Anyway, here’s my updated top 20 dynasty running backs for 2020 PPR fantasy football:
Please, blog, may I have some more?You know what they always say: April Antonio Gandy-Golden showers bring May fantasy football starpower. And starpower is exactly what we’re bringing you with Razzball’s Post-NFL Draft, 2020 Dynasty Rookie Mock featuring some of the biggest names in the fantasy football  industry, plus our very own Boof (AKA “al_FF_red”—don’t ask). If you’d like to read a little more about each of the incoming rookies taken in this mock—or 45 of them—please reference my top 10, top 20 and top 50 rookies for 2020 dynasty football. Anyway, here’s the 2020 experts dynasty rookie mock draft for PPR fantasy football:Â
The Participants
Mike Beers – RotoViz
Danny Kelly – The Ringer
Heath Cummings – CBS Sports
Pat Fitzmaurice – The Football Girl
Michael Salfino – The Athletic
Bob Harris – Football Diehards
Howard Bender – Fantasy Alarm
Gregsauce – 4for4
Donkey Teeth – Razzball
MB – Razzball
B_Don – Razzball
Boof – Razzball
Please, blog, may I have some more?
Top places to avoid during a pandemic?Â
#1 Adam Gase’s Basement (not just during pandemics, that guy’s clearly crazy)
#2 Emergency Room
#3 Dentist Office
I avoided only one of those locations in the past 24 hours. It all started at dinner last night when I began to choke on some sugar beets. Taking Grey’s advice from this past week’s Razzball Patreon Podcast—where we talk TV shows, movies and a bunch of other nonsense each week for only $5/month to support the site, shameless plug!—my imaginary girlfriend dragged me to the front door and threw me outside. As Grey says, you don’t want EMTs coming into your house during a pandemic. So I crashed head first into the sidewalk cracking a 3 inch gash in my forehead which would require an ER visit along with 10 stitches. Next it was off to the dentist for an emergency repair of a chipped front donkey tooth. I now sit here, wearing sunglasses and nursing a concussion as I write this post which will surely make even less sense than usual. Anyway, here’s my top 50 rookies for 2020 PPR dynasty football:
Please, blog, may I have some more?As I watched the early parts of day two of the 2020 NFL Draft, the excitement began to build in my nether regions. Denzel Mims was slipping and my Bears were only a couple picks away in the second round. When the Bears were on the clock and Mims was still there my loins reached maximum tingle. But in a move which surprised absolutely no one, Ryan Pace drafted the Bears tenth tight end in Cole Kmet.
Seven picks later the Bears were back on the clock and Mims was still there! Of course, Mr. Pace again passed. Guess us Bears fans should just be happy we didn’t draft another tight end. That was the point where I decided watching a Real Housewives of New Jersey marathon with my imaginary girlfriend would be a less painful way to spend the rest of my Friday night. Later that night I went ahead and poked my eyes out. Anyway, I gave you my updated top 10 dynasty rookies yesterday, so here’s my updated top 20 rookies for 2020 PPR dynasty leagues:Â
Please, blog, may I have some more?You know that feeling after you’ve been on a week long drug bender and you’re finally coming down from the high? That’s how I feel today. And not just because of my week long drug bender. The 2020 NFL draft high gas come and gone too. On the plus side, we now know what team’s all of the shiny new rookies will be employed by, so we can stop guessing at that piece of the puzzle. Now we can start guessing at other pieces of the puzzle such as the impact of COVID-19  on the rookie class’s acclimation to their respective systems, what their immediate opportunity will look like and what Mike Vrabel’s sons are up to. Before the draft I gave you my pre-draft top 10 and top 20 rookies for 2020 dynasty leagues. Now here’s my updated top 10 rookies for 2020 PPR dynasty leagues:
Please, blog, may I have some more?As I crawled thru the barren-sportsless Corona Desert, desperately clinging to the last few precious ounces of my own bottled urine, a glorious oasis appeared on the horizon. Was it a mirage!? No! It was the the 2020 NFL Draft, and it was very real! And it was very glorious!
I leapt to my feet, slurped down the final drops of my warm pee rations and sprinted towards the only sports I’d seen in weeks—and likely the only sports we’ll see for weeks to come. There at the edge of the NFL Draft Oasis stood none other than Clyde Edwards-Helaire, waiting to welcome Donkey to the party (scroll to the bottom for my thoughts on CEH, I literally buried the lede). Anyway, here’s what else I saw during day one of the 2020 NFL Draft for fantasy football:
Please, blog, may I have some more?
Brady Lights Up Gronk Signal in Tampa
April 22, 2020 | Fantasy Football Daily Notes, Fantasy Football Strategy |by: Donkey Teeth
Over the past four weeks Tom Brady has been slowly settling into life in Tampa Bay, scouting retirement communities and getting to know his new Buccaneer teammates. On Monday young tight end O.J. Howard ate Brady’s spinach, arugula and GOAT cheese salad out of the team fridge while complaining about the lack of tomatoes. Howard then violated the quarterback’s 6-foot radius of personal space before coughing without covering his mouth. Enough was enough, it was time for Tom to dust off his trusty Gronk signal and shine the big man’s light into the balmy Florida night sky. And Rob Gronkowski wasted no time in answering the call of his old friend. By Tuesday afternoon Gronkman had been traded from the Patriots with a 7th-round pick in exchange for the the Buccaneers 4th-round pick.
Gronk battled injuries from 2016-2018 missing 13 games over his final three seasons prior to his early-retirement. He also looked quite slimmed down during his 2019 public appearances. That said, you can’t help but root for the big boy, and a year of rest and relaxation likely did his overworked body some good. Off the bat, I’ll pencil him in as my #7 tight end behind Kelce, Kittle, Waller, Ertz, Andrews and Hooper. And I’ll give him an initial projection of 50 receptions for 700 yards and 6 touchdowns with lots of upside (and downside) from there. Anyway, here’s what other news I saw around the league for 2020 fantasy football:Â
Please, blog, may I have some more?Quarantine Day 41:
The price of oil hit -$37 per barrel yesterday. That’s not a typo, NEGATIVE 37 dollars! As in, they’ll pay you $37 to take a barrel of oil off their hands. So I told my oil guy to mark me down for 1,000 barrels. Figure I should be able to fit at least 900 barrels in my bathtub and then a couple dozen in the kitchen sink, right? Hope so, because I already spent my $37,000 on Chicago Bears season tickets. Da Bears are even throwing in a 20-pack of N95 masks as part of the deal this year. To avoid thinking about how the Bears will blow this years draft picks (at least we don’t have a 1st rounder to waste) I’ve compiled my top 20 rookies for 2020 dynasty football—went over the top 10 rookies last week. Obviously we don’t know landing spots or draft capital yet, so take these rankings with a chaser of West Texas crude. Anyway, here’s my top 20 rookies for 2020 PPR dynasty football:
Please, blog, may I have some more?Quarantine Day 36:
I’ve been watching that new show Devs on FX starring Nick Offerman aka Ron Swanson. As the great Ron Swanson once said, “Give a man a fish and feed him for a day. Don’t show a man to fish, feed yourself. He’s a grown man and fishing’s not that hard.” Fishing for rookies isn’t hard either. There’s a bunch of talented ones and, as Devs has shown us, there’s infinite realities. So all these rookies must pan out as superstars in some reality or another. Nobody really knows which reality we’re in or who’s actually going to be good. We’re all just casting lines and pretending we know what we’re doing. Also, ranking these guys before the NFL draft is like fishing without bait. But I’m hungry and the grocery store shelves are getting picked over. Anyway, here’s my top 10 rookies for 2020 PPR dynasty football:
Please, blog, may I have some more?Quarantine Day 32:Â
This virus is really throwing a wrench in our economy as well as our professional sports enjoyment. Have you seen the latest proposal for the 2020 Major League Baseball season? I’m not talking about that whole Arizona/Florida restructured league proposal with the 30-team playoff. The latest idea on the table is one where Elon Musk and Richard Branson fly all the baseball teams to the moon where they’ll play the entire season without gravity. Even Tim Tebow with be launching dingers into orbit. This is especially exciting because if all goes well, rumor has it the NFL season will be played on Mars. In anticipation, Bill O’Brien just traded Deshaun Watson for a cardboard cutout of Buzz Lightyear. Anyway, I went over my top 15 dynasty tight ends last week, here’s my top 30 tight ends for 2020 PPR dynasty football:Â
Please, blog, may I have some more?