Author: Jay

Jay is a longtime Razzball everything who consumes an egregious amount of Makers Mark as a vehicle to gain wisdom and augment his natural glow. Living in the D.C. area, he also likes spending time visiting the local parks and feeding lettuce to any turtles he encounters, including Mitch McConnell. You can follow him on Twitter @jaywrong.

Read some of Jay's 685 posts

Early Games Live Thread, Week 1

by: Jay

iggle

With the Panthers and Broncos Super Bowl 50 rematch in the books thanks to Graham Ganope doing his best impersonation of Blair Walsh, or, you know, the O.G.: Billy Cundiff, the first Sunday of Football has finally arrived! And what a plethora of choices to choose from in the morning portion of today’s schedule… so many historic matchups, so many engrossing storylines… we have the Packers visiting the Jaguars… uh, err. Okay, never mind with that one. We have the Bills taking on the Ravens. Uhhhh no. Hmm. Bears at Texans? Eh… Okay, okay, we have the Browns at the Eagles! Actually, what the f*ck? Oh, wait everyone, I found an interdivisional game with a storyline to boot… the Buccaneers take on the Falcons! Sh*t, that’s from the NFC South, the NFL’s very own dumpster fire. Vikings at Titans? Seriously? Bengals at Jets… Raiders at Saints… Chargers at Chiefs? Okay, honestly, what is going on here? Yeah, excuse me, NFL scheduler? Yeah, you should probably drive over to my house so I can promptly punch you in the ear. Sigh. It’s like they know that we haven’t had any real football for the last 20 years and they are getting rid of all these terrible games in the first week. I’d respect the strategy if I wasn’t stuck watching the execution. Welp, might as well check out the Browns and Eagles, that seems like a game that could reach derp level ten in no time… or cause profound alcohol consumption. Seems good.

Oh, before we get to our updated rankings and all of your lineup questions, if you missed it, Rudy released the Pigskinator (which can be accessed from our Menu above or by clicking here). These tools provide you with in-season weekly projections that you can use on a game-by-game basis. In addition, we also unveiled a brand new Daily Fantasy Bot that’ll help you win some of that cash monies, if you’re into that sort of thing. I mean, it’s money, so you could say I’m a fan. Check these out, as they are completely free to use for the next four weeks!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Graham Ganope

September 9, 2016 | 2016 Fantasy Football, 2016 News & Notes | 72 Comments

by: Jay

ganope

Granted, there isn’t a rich history to draw from in terms of “quality football” on Thursdays, but you have to think that this being an actual Sunday Night production, coupled with the fact that we actually haven’t had a real game in what feels like decades, I’m pretty sure I would have been enamored if it was the Vikings playing against the Titans (which we’ll actually receive this Sunday! Wooo?). That being said, the game was actually pretty good on the scale of Graham Gano to those muscles in your arm that benefit the most if you’re throwing a penalty flag. (I mean, there were so many flags this game, it felt more like a United Nations summit, amirite?) Both teams looked sluggish throughout though, which was probably to be expected in the first game of the season. The Broncos and Panthers burned a lot of timeouts too, each for their own derpy reasons. For Denver, they seemingly forgot to count and had multiple downs where 12 men were on the field. For Carolina, five total timeouts from both halves were wasted because of terrible clock management by Newton (though I’m pretty sure Jerry Richardson was only upset with three-fifths of them). In fact, Andy Reid probably uploaded all these timeouts to his PornHUB account. That being said, I have to add that I found myself pretty frustrated with the continued non-calls on what were some brutal hits to Cam Newton. There were at least three blatant roughing the passer calls that were missed (or ignored?), and the last hit, late in the fourth quarter that actually drew a flag (you can see it after the jump), which was a helmet spear of all things, was offset by an intentional grounding. Oh, okay then, that makes sense. But the game was close throughout and quite entertaining, and due to the fact that Trevor Siemian flirted between the lines of profoundly mediocre and downright awful, the Panthers had a chance with seven seconds to win the game with a 44-yard field goal attempt in altitude… so yeah, we know how that turned out. Congrats to your 0-1 undefeated Panthers! Wait a second…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Season Opener Live Thread: Panthers vs. Broncos

September 8, 2016 | 2016 Fantasy Football, 2016 Game Day Live Thread | 78 Comments

by: Jay

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Sorry, drinking has already started because today is the day. Today is the day football starts! Yeah, I know that you know, but I wanted you to know that I know because I now know that you know. And that’s when my computer exploded. Regardless, not only does the debut of football bring us, you know, football, I also get to debut my beloved Live Game Day Threads. A place where we can hang out, enjoy some memes, discuss the games in front of us, and hopefully learn something. Like in this case, what a Siemian is and what it can do. To be honest, I could tell you better what it could do if one of those vowels were dropped. Like, any of them. But yes, if the GIF above or the just stated close-but-not-so-close sexual innuendo didn’t give it away (or even the title!), our first game of the year features two teams that have a long and storied rivalry dating back to… uh, well, one game. But, to be fair, that game was the Super Bowl (50, or as the Romans would say “L”), a game in which the Broncos defense carried Peyton Manning to another title so he could retire knowing he had one more ring than Tavaris Jackson. It’s important to have goals folks. And while I’m amazed that the NFC South was able to produce a team that actually knew what it was doing last year, an entire offseason has passed since these two franchises met. Will there be a different outcome? Well, unless they’ve figure out how to stop Von Miller, I doubt it… but to be fair, if I still have a Cam Newton combined with the return of Kelvin Benjamin led by the distinguished gentleman known as Riverboat Ro, alln going against a quarterback I hadn’t heard about until a week ago, I’d say your chances to win are preeeetty gooood. Sorry, I’m at the elongated vowels stage of alcohol poisoning…

Our Week 1 Rankings can be found here!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Podcast: Preview of Week 1 with Bonus Production Value

September 8, 2016 | 2016 Fantasy Football, 2016 Podcast, Fantasy Football Podcast | 49 Comments

by: Jay

Football is back, so naturally, that’s what we talked about in Episode 5 of the Razzball Football Podcast. Tehol and Zach joined me with special guest Ramona from SportsGalPal. And, as the title denotes, we did that with PRODUCTION VALUE. That was the theme of the night, because we had Tehol talking on the phone while driving, which is totally something we don’t condone. Zach eating his mic was a nice issue to have. And I left music on here and there because what do I know about closing windows and pressing buttons on my mouse? Hint? I. Don’t. Know. Much. Despite all this, we do get to every Week 1 matchup with some thoughts, pontifications some would say (probably just me), and predictions for you to consume. Hopefully with an alcoholic beverage. Or some tacos. I don’t know, spice up your experience man. SPICE IT UP. (Is that a saying?) Whatever, Episode 5 is after the jump!

Our Week 1 Rankings can be found here!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Fantasy Football Rankings, Week 1

September 7, 2016 | 2016 Fantasy Football, 2016 Rankings, 2016 Weekly Rankings | 116 Comments

by: Jay

Year	Accuracy	Rank	High	Low	Percentile
2015	57.5%	22 out of 123	59.9%	51.6%	Top 20%
2014	58.1%	31 out of 125	60.7%	50.6%	Top 25%

That’s right folks, we made it. Another football season is about to begin, and we’re bringing our Week 1 Fantasy Football Rankings a day early than our normal schedule dictates as sort of a way of celebrating the fact that real football spanning over the next five months (or about a month-and-a-half if you’re an Eagles fan) is just a short 24-hours away. ITS A CELEBRATION! And I would like to proclaim that this real “Football” will, in turn, produce that which will fill our Fantasy Football “holes”. That makes it sound so technical and coarse and sexual… much like my lovemaking. Regardless, with the new season budding with excitement and hope for all fans across the U.S. of mutha effin’ A (unless you live in Philadelphia), it is now time to release the first iteration of our Weekly Rankings, because if there’s anything I’ve learned during my time here, it’s the world needs rankings. Nay… the world demands it. Honestly, what else is the point of having a Fantasy Football site if not to start knife fights over subjective numerical values? So get your best Ray Lewis going and make the jump for our Week 1 Rankings!

Note: With the preseason ending the season beginning tomorrow, we’ve moved our Draft Kit off the main page and into our Tools menu, found above. Our Draft Rankings and Projections have been updated for what will be the last time unless something drastic changes in the next 12 hours, and you can now found our Weekly Rankings (and soon-to-be-released Rest of Season Rankings) on the same menu above. Special thanks to the Razzball community for making this site what it is!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

The 2016 Razzball Writers League Draft Recap

September 6, 2016 | 2016 Fantasy Football, 2016 Razzball Commenter Leagues | 128 Comments

by: Jay

We had a special presentation last night as we aired, for the first time ever, the 2016 Razzball Writers League Draft. If you were bored, nappy from all the Labor Day BBQ, or just wanting to make fun of Tehol, you had the chance to join us and have a bit of fun! And some of you did! We had a few hundred viewers last night, which was great. I’m happy that this new presentation was well-received, and not to be outdone, we made sure to record the draft as well, for posterity. And to hold Tehol accountable for the things he said. The YouTube recap can be found below, along with the team info and complete draft recap after the jump!

And if you’d like to join your very own RCL, you can here!

Notes: Tehol, Zach, Matt (M@) all joined me for the commentary. If you just want to watch myself and M@ analyse and grade all the teams, that starts at the 1:33:40 mark. Thanks for watching!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

The 2016 Razzball Writers League Draft LIVE

September 5, 2016 | 2016 Fantasy Football, 2016 Razzball Commenter Leagues | 8 Comments

by: Jay

We’re going to be having a special presentation tonight as the 2016 Razzball Writers League drafts at 10:00 PM EDT. If you’re bored, nappy from all the Labor Day BBQ, or just wanting to make fun of Tehol, be sure to join us for live video and audio while we draft for the official Razzball Writers League RCL! And don’t forget to interact! Feel free to post your questions, smack talk, and critiques down below in the comment section or in the Twitch chat when the draft goes live…

UPDATE: DRAFT IS OFFLINE! Thanks for joining, we’ll have a recap with YouTube of the stream up soon!

And if you’d like to join your very own RCL, you can here!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

The Official 2016 Razzball Football Picks

September 5, 2016 | 2016 Buy/Sell, 2016 Fantasy Football | 78 Comments

by: Jay

Ah yes, so we meet again… wait, did we actually formally meet? I mean, technically we’re meeting again, we’ve done this before… but did we really meet? Of course I’m an existential crisis waiting to happen, but that’s only because clinical depression requires so much work. I mean, I’d rather jog than emo, ya know? But back to where we started, this is your (and “our” I suppose) official 2016 Razzball picks. Or selections. Or whatever nomenclature you prefer. I guess whatever it takes for me not to force you to read word “nomenclature” over and over again. We do this because, frankly, we just can’t write about everyone and everything that we love or hate. I mean, we’re talking about 1,696 players here. And so this is the quick and easy “viewer-friendly” version that allows you to quickly see our likes/dislikes/predictions for all of you to promptly point and giggle at…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Welcome to the 2016 Razzball Football Season

September 5, 2016 | 2016 Fantasy Football, 2016 News & Notes | 30 Comments

by: Jay

hjpN6kC

We made it folks. You know that because #buttfumble. Yesterday was the last Sunday without regular season football for a long time, and I can’t wait to get this season started. I’m just so excited for what we have in store for you this year, but I could also be excited from eating copious amounts of Guinness (part of an essential and balanced meal) on this wonderful Labor day. Even if it’s some strange combination of the two, it matters not, for Football, and Fantasy Football is back. Follow me after the jump to see what we are cooking for you this year at Razzball HQ. Hint: It’s not edible, even though I said we’re cooking. I mean, you can eat your computer if you want, but I would recommend unplugging it first. And probably adding some salt. Also… we don’t really have a HQ, because this sh*t right here is global. MUTHA F*CKING GLOBAL. (You should probably read that in Samuel L. Jackson voice. Really brings out the best in all things, I say.)

There are still a few spots open for our Razzball Commentator Leagues… if you want to take on fellow readers and our own contributors for a chance at some cool prizes, join up here!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Bradford Traded for 1st Rounder… Wait, What?

September 3, 2016 | 2016 Fantasy Football, 2016 News & Notes | 62 Comments

by: Jay

Injured Philadelphia Eagles quarterback Sam Bradford, in street clothes, at Lincoln Financial Field late in the game against Tampa Bay November 22, 2015. The Eagles had a very frustrating game losing 45-17. ( CLEM MURRAY / Staff Photographer )

In what is surprising news for an unsurprising outcome, Sam Bradford finds himself traded yet again, this time to the Vikings. After Teddy Bridgewater went down with 2,398 explosions in his leg, many wondered what direction the Vikings would go. Was it going to be a destination for Mark Sanchez (LOL)? Maybe even Colin Kaepernick? Or as I aptly put it the other day on our weekly Podcast: sticking with the status quo and having A Shaun Hill to Die On? All of these options could have been considered for a franchise (including other ones), that despite suffering a huge setback this year by losing their starting quarterback, still had a lot of pieces to compete in the near future with. And while the type of injury Bridgewater suffered is something that could affect his career outlook, so far the prognosis had been slightly positive. Even with that in mind, the Vikings’ Rick Spielman and Mike Zimmer decided to mortgage a major part of their future for the very mediocre, and very injury-prone Sam Bradford. Here’s how the deal looks based off today’s reports:

Eagles send:	Vikings send:
Sam Bradford	2017 1st Round Pick
$11,000,0000 (of $18,000,000) in Total Salary	2018 Conditional 4th Round Pick*

*The conditional pick can become a second or third rounder based on the Vikings success, as in, for example, if they reach the NFC Championship Game, it turns into a third, and if they reach the Super Bowl, it becomes a second rounder.

Okay, so, my non-expert opinion is this:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Podcast: A Shaun Hill to Die On

September 1, 2016 | 2016 Fantasy Football, 2016 Podcast, Fantasy Football Podcast | 90 Comments

by: Jay

After a week off (not by choice), we’re back at it with our fourth episode of the season. And when I mentioned a week off, it wasn’t like we were all on a tropical island drinking Mai Tais (well, Tehol might have been). Nope, we recorded what was probably one of the best Podcast ever… Zach, Jen, Kevin, Tehol, and yours truly was doing our best impression of Dylan and spitting hot fire. But alas, technology railed against us in our time of need and all was lost. But do not fret, do not fear, Tehol and I are back and better than ever, delving into the unknown knowns (LOL, thanks Rumsfeld) of Tony Romo’s injury-palooza, Teddy Bridgewater’s 21 leg explosions, Colin Kaepernicks (valiant?) stand against the man, and our season preview of what teams finish where and how the NFL playoffs will shape and our Super Bowl winners. A betting man would expect us to pick the Seahawks and Chargers, so I guess this is my way of saying you should become a betting man (or woman). But still, it should be at least entertaining to see how much verbal calculus it takes us to get there… right? RIGHT? Right!

Anyhow, here’s Episode 5 4 :( of the Razzball Football Podcast!

Special Note: Next week, we’ll have our full panel going over the latest NFL news and the first week slate of games, including special guest Ramona Rice from our friends at Sports Gal Pal!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

RCL Update, Preseason: Quick Question

September 1, 2016 | 2016 Fantasy Football, 2016 Razzball Commenter Leagues | 51 Comments

by: Jay

So, if you guys and gals didn’t know, our podcast last week didn’t happen. Tehol, Jen, Kevin, Zach, and myself all recorded what was basically the best podcast ever know in the history of the entire universe, but technology conspired against us and the files came to be just static and a couple grunts by Tehol. Which, to be honest, is kinda how he picks up women. Don’t ask me how I know, I just do. We did cover this in the latest podcast, which actually did record (yay!) which will be released later today, but I did want to cover something that we tried to on the aforementioned “pod that was lost in time”. And that was the Razzball Football RCLs. And as the title states, I did have a quick question. Actually, they are probably a few questions I want to ask, but the main one that branches out into the others (tree metaphors, woooooo) is basically this: What changes would you like to see next year?

Please, blog, may I have some more?