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Well, based on what happened yesterday, I’m surprised the NFL was able to field two teams with no replacement players. Tonight’s match-up features a not-as-good-as-last-year-but-still-should-be-pretty-good Nick Foles leading the Eagles into the two block by two block city known as Indianapolis. Going for a 2-0 start would be ideal, but with the Giants being the Giants, the Cowboys being the Cowboys, and RG-3 being RG-3, they really don’t have to try too hard this season. 7-9 seems like a reasonable play-off record in this division. On the flip side, we’ll get to see Trent Richardson try and run with the football further than my dead grandmother could have. This proposition seems 50-50 right now. Oh, and seeing as how I was telling everyone to buy on Ahmad Bradshaw and Dwayne Allen, it would be nice if they put up a combined 809 fantasy points tonight to erase the memory that I ever touted Ryan Mathews. It’s not Sunday folks, but let’s drink anyways…

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dysentery

To be honest, I’m not really sure what to do with myself right now. As I’m writing today’s recap (which will be yesterday’s recap when you read this), I find myself essentially writing my first ever obituary. It’s certainly not a fun feeling writing about gruesome, year-threatening, maybe even career-threatening injuries, but seeing as this all came on a day where we saw the Cleveland Browns finally have an opportunity to understand what this “happiness” emotion is that they’ve heard so much about, but have never experienced, and that the Bills are officially on pace to go 16-0, we can try to find some sort of silver lining here. Or just realize that the world is about to come to an end. Also, LOL Jets.

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NFL: Divisional Round-San Franciso 49ers at Carolina Panthers

I AM SEVENMAN!

Well, most of these games today were terrible, or required triage as the week 2 early morning games were brought to you by the NFL Kickers Union and Obamacare. I knew I should have gone to the bar instead of watching multiple games at home… but I’m not putting on pants now, so here I am as the second week of Sunday Night Football brings us the Bears and 49ers. While it’s still a game-time decision, as I let you know this morning, it appears that Brandon Marshall and Alshon Jeffery may not play tonight. Which I guess means that it’s going to be Forte all Forte long. Whatever that means.

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True nightmare fuel.

Who are these “Chargers” you speak of? Are we talking about my phone charger? Yeah, you’re right, such faux bewilderment by me is totally unbecoming of a true Charges fan. All 12 of us. But here we are, probably the biggest test of the young season, and… brah, check out those waves. Laters. Meanwhile, Pete Carroll is too busy helming the Northwest Death Star and poisoning San Francisco’s water supply to know what a Charger is or what it does. In fact, there are going to be more Chargers fans in Portland this Sunday than San Diego. And while you could accuse me of being a bit bias with the lede, I simply refuse to talk about a Houston-Oakland match-up. And no, the Rams and Cardinals seems equally as boring. And while I would have liked to have highlighted the Jets-Packers game, I’m pretty sure I would be forced to pay royalties to State Farm for doing so. Unabashed Chargers homerism it is!

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Sooo, not exactly what I would wear during hunting season…

That’s right ladies and gentlemen, I present to you, the AFC East 1st place team– The Buffalo Bills. Sure it’s only week 2, and they are in a three-way tie with the Dolphins and Jets, but let’s get real. The Jets will soon do what the Jets do best, and that’s not stay in first place. And the Dolphins, I’m sure, will find interesting ways to stay mediocre. Then again, both those things can be said about the Bills, but let’s enjoy it while it lasts. After all, some day in the future, someone will remember that one week where the Bills were Super Bowl bound and on pace for a 16-0 season. But probably not.

Week 2 Rankings have been updated for today’s games. You can check them out here.

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I hope everyone had a great week one. I didn’t. But let’s not dwell on me, because I’m here for you. This week I’m tinkering with the set-up as I seek the best way to go about this. I’m adding in ranks among the fantasy pros and our own honcho Jay’s ranks to give you some perspective. You might be asking yourself: What’s with all this three way talk? Well I needed an eye catcher, and I can’t afford to buy you all a beer, the shipping cost would kill me. What I am doing is a three way battle this week as I pit freshman hype vs. freshman handcuff vs. freshman who dat? Don’t worry, you’re not alone with all this three way talk, probably giving you a flashback of that one time you thought it might happen, only to realize the two girls wanted a ride and you were the safest person to get them home without getting all grabby in the car. Stupid insecure me…wait…I mean my friend with confidence issues named Mack. Yeah, Mack’s crazy insecure.

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Projections are like opinions, and you know what Dirty Harry said about opinions.

“Well, opinions are like as*holes. Everybody has one.” -Harry Callahan (Dead Pool, 1988).

Projections are “informed” guesses, often by someone who thinks they know more than the next. Hopeful approximations. A false promise almost guaranteed to disappoint. Projections are generally misleading and biased, and we can hardly rely upon them. If projections were accurate they wouldn’t be projections, they’d be stats. And if projections were consistently correct, fantasy sports would be an incredibly boring pastime. In a fantasy world filled with projections, many of us are starved for facts. But to where should we turn? The stats. Why? Because stats do not lie. In fantasy football they paint a near exact picture of what has occurred and how each player has, or has not, produced.

One famous, and dead, author might disagree. A long time ago Mark Twain said “There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics.” I call bullsh*t Mr. Twain. Me and everybody reading this article knows that if you were alive today, you’d not only be in at least four fantasy football leagues, but you’d be reading Razzball in hopes of uncovering that small bit of advice or oddball statistic that helped you win the coming week’s matchups and bring you one step closer to a fantasy championship.

Okay, enough banter. Let’s get to why we are here. How can we leverage the stats to help pinpoint players that are at the top of their game, or perhaps on their way there.

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Here is the next article in our series we are referring to as Deep Impact, where we at Razzball examine players who are tucked away deep in the player projections or waiver wire and are bound to surpass their underwhelming expectations. The benefit of these players, aside from showing off your fantasy football prowess throughout the season, is that they are often available on your fantasy league’s waiver wire and can provide relief to owners looking for quality talent in deeper formats. The player of focus in this article will be Jacksonville Jaguars second-year running back Denard Robinson.

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Thank god I don’t do these posts till Saturday, because you wouldn’t have liked my advice had I included Thursday night’s players into my start/sits. Everyone knows that Thursday Night Football is a curse for fantasy players.  Even Peyton Manning has fallen victim to it.  In the final TNF game of the 2013 season, Manning had arguably his worst performance of the year, completing just 65.8 percent of his passes for 289 yards in the Broncos’ embarrassing 27-20 home loss to the Chargers.  Maybe it’s the short week coupled by the night game, or the fact that it’s on national television.  Who knows.  But it doesn’t bode well for good statistics.

I had Ben Roethlisberger and Torrey Smith pretty high up in my Week 2 rankings, but that was just stubborn of me.  You can’t get much worse than the nine fantasy points Big Ben put up, Owen Daniels vulturing Dennis Pitta every step of the way, or the one catch for 10 yards Torrey had — especially after Joe Flacco had said earlier in the day that he expects his top receiver to catch 100 balls this year.

Sunday should offer many more offensive fireworks than Thursday night’s dreadful affair.  There are plenty of matchups to exploit, including the Saints vs. Browns, Patriots vs. Vikings, Chiefs vs. Broncos, Jaguars vs. Washington Football Team, and Cowboys vs. Titans.  But none should be more exciting (and fantasy-team boosting) than the Eagles/Colts game. The high-flying Eagles (pun intended) travel to Indy to take on the 900 horsepower Colts (pun also intended).  You’re always gonna start Andrew Luck, Nick Foles and LeSean McCoy, but their supporting casts deserve a lot of attention this week and are all nearly must starts in most fantasy formats. Fringe fantasy starters like Darren Sproles, Riley Cooper, Ahmad Bradshaw, and Dwayne Allen are near automatic starts this week, and even Colts’ tight end Coby Fleener is worthy of consideration in deeper leagues.  The only guys I’d be hesitant to recommend are Hakeem Nicks and Trent Richardson, who have proven to be too untrustworthy. Not only will this game have a large effect on the outcome of your fantasy matchups, but we get to wait till Monday night to have it all play out.  Now, that, my friends, is what fantasy football is all about!

Please feel free to post your start/sit questions below. Until then, here are the rest of my starts and sits for Week 2…

(All recommendations are based on PPR formatted leagues)

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Green Bay Packers v Minnesota Vikings

Did he beat his kid until he was purple? Jesus.

So, as if there hasn’t been enough negative news going around these parts, apparently, the Vikings running back wishes to keep the dominoes going. In other news, thanks for making me hungry for pizza too. Ya jerk.

Vikings running back Adrian Peterson has been indicted on charges of child injury in Texas, according to multiple reports. 

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Unfortunately, or fortunately, I’m too old and married to have ever used Tinder. I hear the younger guys in my office quite often comparing conquests and potential… ummmm partners. Working at a company with a bunch of 20-something males, the topic comes up with some regularity. I like to think it’s sort of like the wavier wire for skanks, male and female alike. No worries peeps, ain’t no shame in being a super hoe! This is a judgement free zone, well unless you’re this guy. Then I ‘m judging the heck out of you. Anyway, much like the wavier wire you take to Tinder to fill a void missing from your life. You might be looking for a one night stand or a one week plug-in. [Jay’s Note: Isn’t that a type of air freshener? That’s a type of air freshener…] Maybe a potential suitor flashes a little skin to get your mind racing with possibilities. The same way a player buried on the depth chart can come in and flash a little potential. We’re all looking for something new, shiny, and better than what we have. With this in mind randy fantasy owners took to the wavier wire Monday and Tuesday looking for that potential stud running back to make their dreams come true. I just hope for you Tinder-roni’s that your potential hook-ups offer more than this week’s hot pickup Justin Forsett.

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