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I know, I need a bath now too. Here it is, week 17. The final slate of games and it’s actually a full one; no TNF or MNF or TNF on SN where the ‘S’ is for ‘Saturday’ which they can’t use because that’s for ‘Sunday Night Football’. Yup, 16 games ripe with intrigue and I lead off with talking Colin Kaepernick. I guess my new year’s resolution is to lose readers. WELP. I know it’s hard to get with the idea of this. Honestly, it’s hard to feel comfortable making the call for me too but here I am looking back on why I liked Russell Wilson last week and nothing has changed about the why. Both are QBs who can run and Arizona rarely leaves a spy on the backfield to stop that from happening and don’t look now but Kap has now rushed for over 40 yards in back to back games and rushed at least 7 times. Methinks the O-Co finally figured out that a Colin stuck in the pocket is a Colin wasted. Not like crunk wasted, more like ‘not used correctly’ wasted. It’s been a trying time for his seasonal owners. Trust me, I know, I suffered through him in one in a two QB league. Guess what? I picked up Kyle Orton and he never saw the light of day again for my team. But this is probably a Harbaugh swan song and I think he goes out and lets his guys do what they do and what Colin can do is run as showcased last week when he racked up 7/151/1 on the ground on his way to a 31.7 DK fantasy point night. What was the passing line you ask? Ehhhh…let’s not talk about that. The point is, his rushing game was worth 24.1 alone. I can’t say he’ll replicate but for a GPP go, I’m about to pop a Kap in dat and he has a cheap pairing partner that will also go under the radar…what, I ain’t tellin you now. This is the epic last DK post for fantasy football of the year, I’m gonna make you suffer. So strap in – or strap on, we won’t judge you – as we slide through this final go. So with no further ado, here it is: my final hot take on 2014 fantasy football DK slate…

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T.Y. Hilton did not play on Sunday due to hamstring injury. LeGarrette Blount sat out with a bum shoulder. And in San Diego, Ryan Mathews was inactive for the second straight week with a sore vagina. Oh wait, that was last month… it was an ankle this time. It’s hard to keep track with him anymore. Besides, who cares about the Chargers? Just kidding Jay! I mean with Matt Kemp, Justin Upton and Wil Myers joining the Padres, aren’t they the team to root for now in San Diego? That outfield sounds like the ghosts of fantasy baseball outfield MVPs of the past, present and future!

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Thus marks the end of Monday Night Football for the 2014 NFL Season. I can’t say it was a great catalog of games, but when your prime time competition is Sunday Night Football and Thursday Night Football, I guess finishing in the middle ain’t that bad.  And while the game immediately looked like a normal Bengals effort, Andy Dalton’s pick-six at the opening of the game seemed to have no ill-effects. Well, I mean, there was the Alex Smith game plan for a while there, but that only showed us that Jeremy Hill can do interesting things, especially against one of the best defenses in the AFC (not really saying much, but there it is.) In the end, Manning continues his descent into a smarter and more robotic Chad Henne, and depending on how the playoffs go, I wouldn’t be surprised to see him retire this offseason. Or he could play one more year and effectively throw ducks for 4,000 yards and 30+ touchdowns. That forehead could do it. Just as long as January has nothing to say about it…

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You know, I don’t really hate giving the lede to the NFC South, and if you’ve been spending any time here at Razzball, you know that I find this division so very… satisfying. Not in the good way, like, wow, this NFC South man, it gives the greatest head type of way. No… but to be honest, I have felt similar sensations. It’s the satisfying “oh my god, that’s about the stupidest thing I’ve ever seen, so I’ll just laugh at it and celebrate it for being the stupidest thing I’ve ever seen” type of thing. But the fact remains, I don’t hate talking about it. So at what point does it become masochistic? I mean, we are talking about the day after fantasy football “Championship Week”, probably the most masochistic weekend in all of fantasy sports, so yeah, it’s going to be theme. So with the Saints losing to the Falcons, we now have a NFC South “Superbowl” with the Panthers visiting the Falcons to decide who gets the home playoff defeat. Yes, the Saints are as good as eliminated, but if I understand math correctly (I really don’t), if this game ends in a tie, the Falcons, Panthers, and Saints will all just trigger a nuclear reaction that will re-birth the universe. What a place that would be! In other Sunday news, it’s apparent the NFL wants a Patriots vs. Cowboys Superbowl, and I’m not sure I’m ready for it. Then again, I probably wasn’t ready for a 7-8-1 (or a 7-9) playoff team… so there’s that I guess…

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Well, I think it’s official. From this point forward, all Thursday Night Football should be played only on Saturdays. In what could arguably be called two of the best prime time games of the season, Washington, powered by the vengeance of DeSean Jackson and Mark Sanchez’s mediocrity, was able to deal a striking blow to the Eagles playoff hopes. (While I wouldn’t be surprised at the Cowboys losing two in a row during December, nye, one could almost expect it, the odds are still not with them.) And in Santa Clara, the 49ers looked like the three-time AFC Championship game team we all knew and loved before this season… for about two quarters. Unfortunately for them, the last two quarters, they looked like something you’d normally find due east of San Francisco. Oakland, for all of you unfamiliar with California geography. And with that, the Chargers came back, 21 points down at the half, to win in overtime and keep their playoff hopes alive. So when it comes down to it, Thursday Night Football, Saturday Edition, on the NFL Network, CBS Edition (not acronymed enough to be honest) ended up being two close back-and-forth games, with one ending up in overtime, and plenty of entertainment value (touchdowns) to boot. I’d call that a successful night of football. This is it, all is lost. The world is ending…

Week 16 Rankings have been updated for today’s games for all your roster needs. You can check them out here.

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Trent-Reznor-III
Last week, Billy Corgan of The Smashing Pumpkins attempted to put himself on the same pedestal as Kurt Cobain and Eddie Vedder in an interview on The Howard Stern Show. Say whaaaat! While I do appreciate a lot of the music he put out in the 90’s, and consider Siamese Dream to be a masterpiece of sound, you Billy Corgan are not quite at the level of those two legends. Pearl Jam and Nirvana are in a class of their own.

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Last Week: 9-5-2, Season Record: 94-69-4 

Greetings! I come to you humbled and begging your forgiveness after my lock of the week pushed this past week, as the Seahawks failed to put their foot on the neck of the Whiners for reasons I’m still struggling to figure out. Myself and the Hawks will make up for it this week, and that’s a guarantee straight from the horses mouth… I’ve been compared to a horse for reasons I’ll leave up to your imagination, and I’m not talking Mr. Ed. Wiiiiiiiilllbuuuuuuur. Put on your big boy/girl thong and let’s get this mula!

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Jay’s updated his Week 16 Rankings for tonight’s games: the Eagles vs. Washington, and Chargers vs. 49ers. Check them out here!

It’s fantasy championship week.  I hope that you have made it to your respective fantasy finals, and that you’re in line to win major candy bars with a victory this weekend.  With the holidays next week, there won’t be a start and sit article for Week 17.  However, as the offseason approaches, there will still be plenty to read on the site, and within the coming weeks, I’ll have a way-too-early top 100 for 2015 posted on the site and numerous other strategy, draft and other articles to hold you over.

Let’s get to it, shall we?

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Let me begin by thanking all of you for reading this drivel I produce on a weekly basis. Hopefully you’ve found it helpful, informative, and most of all, put my suggestions here to good use.  Throughout the season so many handcuffs have found their way into starting roles and excelled. Some on a one week fill in, but others took the job and ran with it. We salute you graduated handcuffs. Thanks for making the draft meaningless. Just kidding, but seriously who would you rather have right now, Jimmy Graham or Justin Forsett? LeSean McCoy or Jeremy Hill? You don’t need to answer, the right choice is obvious. It just goes to show how increasingly viable the handcuff stash option is. The beginning of next year pundits, peers, and perts will be lined up by the dozen to tell you handcuffs are a waste of roster spot. To them I say this: if you make a costly investment in a running back, does it really hurt to buy an insurance policy? You would on a car, house, or collection of Star Wars commemorative plates. Right? What you don’t own any Star Wars commemorative plates? More of a Star Trek guy eh? What? You don’t own any commemorative plates! What do you eat your hot pockets on?

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If you have been paying attention to me, you might be wondering what I am doing over here with the RCL update. Oh you haven’t noticed my absence? Yeah, you and everyone else. My mom even told me what a lovely post I did last week. She lied to me about reading what wasn’t even there. You see, I had no post… thanks a lot mom! At least you’re supportive… Actually, I was very under the weather, and with it being the final week of the year, I felt doing my flex play post was not where I needed to be. You guys have been bringing a lot of good questions this year and I appreciate all the love. Don’t worry, you can still ask me any questions you want…. football or otherwise.

This is it, this is the end. It’s time to separate the men from the boys, or is it the girls from the women? How about the kids from the oversized kids? Children from the adults? Those that like country music and those that like real music? Okay, I also give Johnny Cash and a few others a free pass, but this new country pop music reminds me of the first time I tried to jump my bike and smashed the family jewels on the crossbar. Now take that pain and replay it every five minutes and you have new “country”. Now that I have finished standing on my musical soapbox, I think I should get to what you are here for. The RCL Update and trophy(s) you can win.

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So, I’ll be honest… I’m not quite sure if what I saw last night was an okay game or a boring one. True, we are talking about a prime time game that featured a then 2-12 Titans team vs. their ultimate mirror universe nemesis, the also 2-12 Jaguars. Let’s just say if they figured out how to include both the Raiders and Buccaneers on the field at the same time (why isn’t this a thing?), I would have fainted. And while there was some subtle competency from Charile Whitehurst (perhaps trying to grab the attention of Washington) at the beginning of the game, driving 12 plays and 84 yards for a touchdown, the game kinda settled into a mix of “gee, this seems like a good time to try heroin” to “I was promised derp! Where is the derp?” So, in the end, there was a mildly entertaining game between two teams that kinda stink. Which, I guess seems fitting for the end of Thursday Night Football this year, in that, this was probably a top-5 game for them this season. Scary, I know. So… with a Jaguars win and a Titans loss, the resounding takeaway probably is: YOUR MOVE JETS.

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Beddict: Sons of Razzball, I am Tehol Beddict.

Razzball Reader: But Tehol Beddict is seven feet tall!

Beddict: Yes, I’ve heard. He has an ass like Hercules, kills men and women in fantasy football by the hundreds, and if he were here, he’d consume our opponents with fireballs from his eyes and bolts of lightning from his arse. I AM TEHOL BEDDICT. And I see a whole army of my readers, here in defiance of coming out a loser this week. You have come to play with these Elder God blessed athletes, and ye are blessed in the same fashion. What will you do with your chosen soldiers? Will you fight?

VETERAN Razzballer: Fight? Against that? No, we will run, and we will start preparing for our fantasy baseball dynasty leagues.

Beddict: Aye, fight and you may lose in embarrassing fashion. Run and you’ll at least have made it the finals and kept some minimal amount self respect– at least for a while. And dying in your beds many years from now, would you be willing to trade all the days from this day to that for one chance, just one chance to come back here and tell your opponents that they may have boned your wife/husband before you married them, but they’ll never take your FANTASY TITLE?!

I am Tehol Beddict and this is Disgrace/Delight. Take Heed!

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