Remember way back in February, back before I’d even started on my 2020 fantasy football rankings, when you went from store to store buying up all the toilet paper you could find and then sold it all on eBay in March for $20 per roll yielding a 1,000% profit? First off, not cool. Second off, think of these  backs outside of the top 20 running backs as rolls of toilet paper. There’s a good chance you’ll use these TP backs at some point, even if their utility is limited to just one chili filled Sunday in September. But if things go right—or really wrong—these running backs, who you thought you’d be wiping with, might just bring you returns beyond you wildest dreams. Alright, so maybe not that wild, there’s no large sausages or broomsticks in this dream—hey, I’m not judging your fantasies! But last year guys like Austin Ekeler and Mark Ingram (#4 & #11 RBs in PPR scoring) and the year before James Conner, James White and Tarik Cohen (#6, #7 & #11 RBs in PPR scoring) were all found on the shelves of these aisles. Chances are there’s at least one or two RB1s lurking in this group if you’re a thrifty enough shopper. Anyway, it’s not quite as exciting as my top 10 running backs, but here’s my top 40 running backs for 2020 PPR fantasy football:

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Since time immemorial tight ends have perplexed the world. We all know you want an end that’s tight, but how tight is too tight? The great Albert Einstein tackled this enigma with his theory of relativity, where he concluded Darren Waller epitomizes the perfect balance of tightness and plumpness in the end department. And who is Donkey Teeth to argue with genius Einstein? Waller’s an adonis of a man, and well endowed too.

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When looking at defensive back rankings you’ll notice a fair amount of variance. Scoring systems play a role, but attempting to predict how many passes a player will “defense” or intercept is far from a science. It is why the top of most IDP rankings are filled with safeties with high tackle profiles and not the highly touted cornerbacks. Here I’ll highlight players 26-50 after covering 1-25 last week.

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Like most of you, 2020 has been the best year of my life. It all started while I was watching NFL Network one Sunday morning last December, gearing up for some late season football with my hand down my pants like Al Bundy. Then a commercial flashed across my television screen that would forever change my life:

Turns out the curved erection was the original pandemic, back before pandemics were cool. And after several hard months of treatment, I can officially confirm: you don’t have to live with the curve guys. Right now you’re probably asking one of two things: 1) How can I too ease my Peyronie’s disease? or 2) What does this curved penis nonsense have to do with fantasy wide receivers? I’m glad you ask! 1) Go see Dr. Bent Johnson, he’s the best penis bender in the country; and 2) I can now watch D.K. Metcalf pain-free. The Metcalf erections of  2019 were bittersweet with my condition, but I was still tempted to put the big sexy in my top 10 wide receivers for 2020 fantasy football. I didn’t, but there was temptation. Anyway, here’s my top 20 wide receivers for 2020 PPR fantasy football: 

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So Zeke caught the Rona? I’m not surprised, that guy is always asking for people to feed him. Just goes to show you how important it is to feed yourself during pandemics, there’s no telling where other people’s hands have been. So depending on who you talk to, this Zeke news means one of three things: 1) there will be no NFL season, 2) Zeke is now the #1 fantasy pick since he has all those glorious antibodies, 3) our lizard rulers are using 5G to control the population size. The clear answer is #3, but the idea of COVID-immunity really solidifies Elliott as #3 in my top 10 running backs for 2020 fantasy football. I need to figure out how to steal some sweet antibodies away from those reptiles on Capital Hill. Update: I just read that humans may never develop immunity to COVID-19. C’mon 2020, throw us a bone! Speaking of bones, here’s my top 20 running backs for 2020 PPR fantasy football:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Defensive back rankings can be highly variable based upon your scoring system and even with that, there is a lot of year to year fluctuations especially at cornerback. If you read my DB drafting strategy article you know that my advice is to wait on drafting them.  Yes there are some elite players, but in general, the production from this position varies from week to week based upon who the player is going up against and what you expect the game flow to be. This is the most streamable position in IDP leagues, especially if the league separates out the safety and cornerback positions.  

The reliability of the linebacker position to get you points and the lack of depth at the defensive line position should lead you to drafting them first before going after defensive backs. The main exception is if you play in a very tackle heavy format where getting one the top safeties could be an advantage. Regardless, safeties remain the backbone of combined rankings as the volatility of corners on a week to week basis is what makes them streaming candidates.

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So the country is mostly reopened now. New Orleans has even reached “phase 2” of their reopening, and as you can see in my sub-tweeted image below, folks are really getting out there. The guy in the back right is particularly out there if you know what I mean—don’t look!

Did you look? I told you not to! So there’s lots going on in the Big Easy lately. First we had the whole Drew Brees BLM saga, then protesters toppled a slave owner statue and now Dick’s taking full advantage of phase 2. But in the midst of all this craziness we find one rock: Michael Thomas. The guy just keeps getting better with receiving yardage totals exceeding 1,100 in 2016, 1,200 in 2017, 1,400 in 2018 and 1,700 in 2019. 2,100 yards in 2020 is logically the next stop, should be easy enough for Thomas to demolishing Megatron’s single season record by 140 yards. Anyway, here’s my top 20 wide receivers for 2020 PPR fantasy football:

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Have you ever seen the show Alone on the History Channel? It’s a wilderness competition to see which contestant is able survive the longest in severe climates with no food and very few supplies. There’s no camera crew, each contest is responsible for filming all their own footage so they’re legit alone out there. A new season just started and *spoiler alert* one of the guys found an old boat which he repurposed into a hot tub by filling it with water and starting a fire underneath the hull. Man’s genius knows no bounds. Point of this tangent is I’m that guy. I’m out here alone in cold, ranking Austin Ekeler, Miles Sanders and Kenyan Drake acres ahead of the rest of the fantasy world. It’s alright though, I’m chilling over here in my homemade boat tub sipping on some juniper tea. Anyway, I went over most of these guys in my overall top 10 for 2020 fantasy football, but I won’t make you click—only click if you really want more nonsense—because here’s my top 10 running backs for 2020 PPR fantasy football with projections:

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Have you signed up for your chance at an entry into the 2020 RazzBowl yet? Remember when you tried out for your high school’s rendition of Little Women back in the day, but didn’t make the cut? Well now you have one more shot at fame and glory. So what are you waiting for!? I know, beating some idiot named Donkey Teeth in the largest fantasy football joes vs. pros best ball contest in the world may not sound all that glamorous, but Andy Behrens, Heath Cummings, Jake Ciely, Jeff Erickson, Derek Van Riper and Michael Salfino will all be competing too, along with a slew of other big names from the fantasy football world. Darik Buchar of the National Fantasy Football Championship joined us on last week’s podcast to discuss the RazzBowl format and strategy. The Boof and I also talk a little about the RazzBowl format on our wildly popular new YouTube show, Fantasy Football Malpractice (11:20 mark):

In other news, the 2020 dynasty and redraft rankings page—including positional rookie rankings, devy rankings and IDP rankings— is filling out almost as quickly as my quarantine waistline. A couple days ago I gave you my top 10 quarterbacks for 2020 fantasy football. Without further adieu or click-bait, here’s the top 20 quarterbacks for 2020 fantasy football:

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What a time to be alive! 2020 has brought us pandemics, protests, rioting, looting and working from home in your underwear. You can cut the country’s social tension with that frosting spatula you’ve been using to itch your back. But whether you’re black, white, brown or cartoon, there’s one force with the power to unite us all: 2020 fantasy football rankings! Who’s with me? *crickets* Alright, maybe I got a little overexcited. It’s been awhile since I’ve had any human contact. Forget about six feet, I’m not allow to get within 300 feet of my girlfriend, Kerryon. But enough about the sad life of a donkey in love, here’s my top 10 quarterbacks for 2020 fantasy football:

Please, blog, may I have some more?