I’m confused, I tell you. Flat out, straight up consternated. While everyone out there said Chris Johnson was done, I believed. Then he underperformed vs the Lions who gave up 44 points. Then he overperformed vs a Houston defense that normally doesn’t give up much on the ground. Then he went back to being an Ostrich with it’s head in the sand vs the Vikings. So what does he do tonight? Of course, the unexpected vs the PIT defense. Now I’m not going to say it was awe-inspiring, but 91 on 19 carries to go with 23 on 4 catches is definitely what the doctor ordered for those ailing from CJ2K deficiency. I’ve heard you can get that vitamin supplement for that by eating more sweet potatoes, BTW. Just sayin’. In the end, I am starting this Thursday Night Football extravaganza with CJ because he just keeps confusing me. On the one hand, he couldn’t punch it in from the one for a TD, unlike Jamie Harper whose end line of 2 rushes for 1 TD for 1 yard just flat out angers me as a Johnson owner. On the other he still ended with that stat line. What do I do? I feel like I took what I thought were normal vicodin pills at a pharming party and ended up with horse tranquilizers and woke up in the backyard with both my socks on my hand and no shoes to be found…anywhere. In the end, CJ lives in a church where he lives with voodoo dolls, and won’t give up the search for the ghosts in the halls. Oh, you don’t understand what that meant? Yeah me, neither. Like I said, CJ truly is building a mystery. I’m still on my buy low wagon for him but I’m not spending anymore than ConundrumJ2K is worth. In other fantasy football news…
Ben Roethlisberger – I tried googling about his record-setting night as he overtook the Steelers all-time passing yards leader trophy from Bradshaw but I got to ‘Ben Roe’ and google said the second most researched term that started with that ended in ‘rape’. That’s just…hrm. Weird legacy going on there. Outside of that not so enjoyable news to talk about, Big Ben did end the night with a solid statline going for 363 and a 1/1 TD to INT split. Overall, it was a good night, just nothing to write home about. Unless you’re from the 1800’s in which case people wrote home about everything. Dear Mother, it has been a trying time with my freshly knitted socks given my boots have not been broken in. My room at Devonshire is nowhere near as large as my room at home and I miss everyone terribly. That’s you in the 1800’s which you read about on your smartphone. Man, those phones can do everything! Even take you back in time! Seriously, though, the O-Line took a big hit tonight and it might be worrisome going forward. Put that in your back pocket right next to your surrogate girlfriend.
Heath Miller – Almost…soooo close…Heath nearly gave his owners the TD I was expecting tonight. He stilled ended with a solid 6 for 67 line, further proving he’s a big enough part of that offense to be considered a decent play, week in and week out at the TE position.
Kenny Britt – Had plenty of almosts of his own – two drops in the endzone, four overall for the night – but did cash in when it mattered. Ok, it mattered the first four times too but whose counting? Besides everyone, I mean. He played like a bonehead out there, IMHO, but still got the ball enough to make it matter for fantasy purposes. On the flipside…
Kendall Wright – Was actually thoroughly impressed with him out there. One of his catches near the end of the first half led to a field goal. There was nothing spectacular about the play but his awareness coupled with a few moves put Tennessee up 6 at the half rather than 3. And they won by 3 so it counts for something. He was only third in targets on the night on the team with 8 but still had the most receptions with 6 for his 71 yards. TEN will play from behind most of the year. Even if Britt is back to full health, there’s still value here.
Rashard Mendenhall – Tomlin called me after the first half and asked if I had seen him. I had not. I put up the missing posters around the neighborhood just like he asked. Ended the night with 6 carries on 6 yards and left some singing where have all the Mendenhalls gone. Wow, two Lillith fair references in one post. The worst part is, I can’t promise I’m done. In all seriousness, it was stated Mendy had an Achilles injury. No further news at this time can I give you.
Isaac Redman – Ran the ball well. Ok, that’s after he caught a pass. Led the Steelers in receiving yards with 105 and was second on the Steelers running chart with a whopping 14 yards on 5 carries. Also left with a leg injury. Can we stop talking about this running
joke attack of Pittsburgh please?
Baron Batch – Fine, I guess we’ll cover one more. Not gonna lie, thought he was Chris Rainey for a while. That’s what happens when your team has a 2.5 YPC average on the night. You all start looking the same to me. I can neither confirm nor deny if Baron was actuallyCharlie Batch in disguies. Whatever, he’s the RB that got a TD. Consider this my Office Barbrady moment. Nothing to see here, children, move along!
Mike Wallace – Only 4 targets but 2 receptions for 94 yards and a sweet TD for 82 yards. Yeah, he’s not a PPR stud but he can score in under 60 minutes. I don’t know if that bad pun or a bad compliment. Let’s chalk it up as both and move on.
Antonio Brown – Led his team in targets with 10. Then only got 20 yards on 4 receptions. Nights like these make people think he’s a sell. Nights like these remind me he has 59 targets in 5 games this year and that he’s a buy. Nights like last night remind me that, much like Michael Turner, I had more than two beers. And with that, I give you all in fantasy football that mattered to me last night.