Has any one set your gaze upon the mystifyingly glorious Great Pyramid of Giza? Perhaps you’ve often thought about, as I have, about dedicating your lives to attempt to discover the whereabouts of the remnants of the Ancient Gardens of Babylon? Indeed, we’ve all fantasized about having a magnificent statue erected of ourselves, such as the statue of Zeus at Olympia, where we shall ever be remembered for our celebrated conquests and remarkable achievements. Truly you, like me, Tehol Beddict, have ever fantasized about bending over some fair maiden in the Lighthouse of Alexandria, all the while marveling at the thunderous waves crash far below. If what I say is true, and you know it is, then you’ve more than likely often dreamt about the power and the glory that is none other than Julio Jones.
These are exciting times we live in, I tell you. For we are witnessing something not even the legendary Nostradamus could have predicted. The Great Wall of China is but a mere stack of worthless stone when compared to the imposing and striking figure that is Julio. The Taj Mahal is a pathetic shanty when placed next the radiant splendor that is Julio, and that is why he can’t be grouped in with these supposed great buildings that still stand to this day. NO!!! Julio truly belongs among the greatest creations this world has witnessed. He is a legendary being and he shall be treated as such. Yes, when I am old and grey, locked up in my office with nothing but my chicken and numerous wenches who bathe, clothe, and feed me, writing the history of our lifetimes, there will be numerous chapters dedicated to the prodigiousness of the famed and wondrous figure that was Julio Jones and how he became the 8th Wonder of the World. Yes, after the Elder Gods have placed me in my rightful position as this worlds foremost historian, children will sing the tales of the noble Julio for all of eternity. WITNESS!
Players Who Delighted
C.J. Anderson – I have little doubt left within me that Anderson is the answer at running back Denver has seemingly scoured the earth for. It’s an absolute shame they drafted Monte Ball in the 2nd round of the NFL Draft, only to have an undrafted free agent out of LANEY COLLEGE show he’s, by far, the superior back. Ronnie Hillman could and should be a decent change of pace back in the future, but honestly he’s needed about as much as another De Niro turn in Rocky and Bullwinkle follow up. 3 TD’s were scored by “Ceej” last week, as he continues his attempts at becoming the next Terrell Davis.
Le’Veon Bell – A few months back, when I said that Bell was the best running back in the NFL, some of you people scoffed. Some of you questioned my sanity as well as my manhood. Others have named me the chosen Prophet of modern civilization. Choose your side.
The Seattle Seahawks – Not since the prolific leadership of Genghis Khan have we seen a man such as Pete Carroll. We are now witnessing the modern age Mongol Empire in the Seattle Seahawks, and I hope you all will continue to enjoy the show because there’s nothing ANYONE can do to stop it. Witness.
Non NFL Delight
The First Law Trilogy – I’m almost ashamed to admit I just now discovered British author Joe Abercrombie and this incredible tale. There’s nothing I love more than bing watching a TV show I came upon late, other than of course binge reading an epic book series. No waiting around for the next one to come out. No excuses or pushbacks of release dates. If you say one thing for Tehol Beddict, he’s impatient. Seriously, this man may have written classics superior to those of George R. R. Martin. You may know I’m a fan of his from my many Game of Thrones themed fantasy baseball posts (prepare yourself, winter and fantasy baseball are coming), but Abercrombie may have bested him here. Head down to your local library and swoop these books up, ASAP.
Players Who Disgraced
Giovanni Bernard – I hate to ask this for it hurts me, but has young Giovanni become the Christian Slater of fantasy football, only over a much shorter time period? I mean, at least Slater gave us Will Scarlett and the criminally underrated Hard Rain (am I the only person who loves that film?). Bernard hasn’t given us much but a few weeks of solid play before going down to injury and now being behind rookie, Jeremy Hill, on the depth chart. Last week’s numbers were the definition of a disgrace, and I’d certainly be nervous about starting him going forward.
Ryan Tannehill – R.T.’s ability to throw the ball down the field continues to be peasant-like, and to not be able to go long on what is one of the most pathetic secondaries is downright inexcusable. I have ZERO faith in Tannehill becoming an elite or Super Bowl winning quarterback. He’s the Mark Ruffalo of NFL quarterbacks, and by that, I mean that he is nowhere CLOSE to carrying a team to anything I’d like to watch.
Josh Gordon – 2 receptions for 15 yards with Vontae Davis injured and missing the game? Thanks for showing up in the fantasy playoffs for those poor souls who kept you rostered the entire season, only for you to choke, and ending all purpose in their lives. Seriously, Gordo, you let us down more than this new Terminator trailer. Thanks for nothing.
Peyton Manning – This one has to sting worse than a horrific case of the clap. Countless Manning owners went down in flames this past week, owners will more than likely NEVER eat Papa John’s pizza ever again. It’s not that good anyways… Seriously though, what an epic disgrace. I’ll sacrifice three goats to the Elder Gods in honor of all my fallen soldiers who trudged into battle with who they thought was their glorious leader.
Betting With Beddict TNF Pick: Rams (-4.5) – This seems like too many points, but the bloodthirsty Rams are playing as well as anyone in football right now and the Cardinals are hanging on by a very thin thread. Tough call, but it has to be made nonetheless. See the rest of my picks on my Saturday column.,,
Thank you kindly for joining for another edition of Disgrace/Delight. It has been an utmost honor being with you during what was no doubt another epic NFL season. For those of you who were put down like a rabid dog, there’s always next year. You can’t win them all. You have to be realistic about these things. But for those of you still moving forward for glories that shall live on in memory for all of existence, I ride with you another week. Victory is within your grasp. Take it!!! Can’t get enough Beddict? Follow him on Twitter at @Tehol134. You have to be realistic about these things