Oh wise and powerful Elder Gods, I beg of you to release me from this bondage of constant anguish that my fantasy players have brought down upon me this season. For you, I would give my left nut and sacrifice my best friend and prize chicken, Beatrice, if you so asked me to (please do not). The pain, the pain… I cannot bear it much longer. But this isn’t all about me though. My readers still have hope. Do not punish them, oh Gods, for they don’t deserve your vengeful scorn. They pray to you, the same as I. Bless them with bountiful treasures of fantasy glory.

With that being said, I do own Jerick McKinnon in most of my leagues, and that, my friends, is a very good thing. Of course, it’s because I owned Adrian Peterson, so I suppose that takes some of the luster off of it. Either way, McKinnon must be owned and ridden like that Thai girl (or boy?) rode me one in that fateful night in Bangkok. His explosion is legendary, and watching him run in the open field is an event of unsurpassed beauty. Running for over 100 yards on a Buffalo team that was previously giving up only 2.8 yards a carry is no simple feat. Matt Asiata… he’s no longer relevant. We’ll always have that 3 touchdown game, Matt, and I thank you kindly for the memories. McKinnon’s in line for another special performance against Tampa Bay this week, and I suggest you place him in your fantasy lineups.

I am Tehol Beddict, and this is Disgrace/Delight! Take Heed!

 

Players Who Delighted

Chris Ivory  Well, would you look at that. Give Ivory a healthy amount of carries, and he produces like a number one running back. Shocker. Unfortunately for us, the addition of Percy Harvin (FML) makes this offense even more difficult to predict than that dude/chick from It’s Pat‘s sexuality. Still, I wanted to give my homey Ivory some major kudos, because he deserves so much better than he’s received.

Denard Robinson  D-Rob won’t surpass 126 yards again on the season, but still, this was a major accomplishment for the former Michigan QB. Storm Johnson can now be dropped like a bad bag of dope, and you should probably forget the name Toby Gerhart entirely.

Golden Tate – Seattle Seahawks fans miss Tate like Khloe Kardashian and that crack-infused long-D from Lamar Odom. Tate was deemed expendable with a healthy and heavily paid Percy Harvin around… hold on a minute while I repeatedly bang my head on my granite counter tops… okay, I’m back. Tate needs to be in your lineup every week at this point, even when Calvin comes back. On a positive note for Hawks fans, the better Tate does, the higher the comp pick Seattle receives. Yaaaaay. That’s like finding a cubic zirconia ring in a steaming pile of cow dung. Better than nothing, I guess.

Andre Ellington – The coolest part about Ellington’s special day was him pulling himself from the field after he single handedly took the Cardinals down to the 4 yard line. He wanted to reward the legendary Stepfan Taylor for taking all of the reps in practice last week… ARE YOU F*CKING KIDDING ME?!?!? Either way, Ellington’s pre-season injury scare is firmly in the rear view mirror, and I expect some more monster outings in the near future.

Ronnie Hillman – Montee Ball could be seen panicking on the sidelines with each big Hillman play against a depleted 49ers defense. Blame him, I do not. Ron Ron juice has been flowing like wine the past couple of weeks, and I fully expect him to remain the starter, even when Montee Python the Holy Frail, returns.

Tre Mason  Stacy’s out. Trey-day is in. Auburn fans, rejoice! War Eagle!!!

Non-NFL Delight: 

The Magician Trilogy– You know your boy Beddict is scholar when it comes to the Elder Gods and other mystical art forms, so this trilogy was right up my alley. I randomly grabbed the first book at a Barnes and Noble (These still exist) before my fishing trip to Canada a few months back, and was quite delighted with what I discovered. Author Lev Grossman delivers what some would call a Harry Potter for adults. I stopped reading those books once I realized Harry was never going to drill Hermione Granger. There’s enough piping in this series for all, so feel free to dive in. Beddict approved.

 

Players Who Disgraced

Ben Tate – Over the past two seasons, Ben Tate has bent me over a barrel and shown me all 50 states at least five or six times. My main man, Paul Posluszny, absolutely owns his soul, and he had to crush my soul one last time before tearing his pectoral muscle. Double kudos to him as I’ve always thought ‘Pos’ one of the most underrated backers in the NFL. I would have added Brian Hoyer on this disgrace list, considering he’s the worst starting QB in the NFL, but he’s simply not relevant enough. Anyway, Tate is dead to me, but he still holds value for those of you willing to risk inserting him in your lineups.

Jay Cutler – Cutler is the Ben Stiller of fantasy football quarterbacks. From time to time he drops an absolute gem, a la There’s Something About Mary, Meet The Parents,  Tropic Thunder, Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story, and maybe the most underrated performance of all time in Heavyweights. [Jays’s Note: Where’s Flirting with Disaster?] Buuuut then he’ll shat out a Mystery Men, the disgraceful, Duplex, or the even more pathetic and criminally horrific Envy with Jack Black. Last week’s game was a dud of epic proportions, as he produced single-digit fantasy points and let down not only the entire city of Chicago, but his thousands of fantasy owners as well.

dodgeball

Giovani Bernard – Maybe the most disappointing performance of the week, considering we were all expecting a heavy dose of G.B. against a Colts defense I still have no respect for. Maybe I should alter my viewpoint on that subject?… or maybe Bernard should sack up and deliver fantasy greatness each and every week like a good boy. Tragic, just tragic.

Vernon Davis – Vern needs a backiatomy, and his fantasy owners are hoping Dr. Kevorkian is performing the surgery. “Know what I mean, Vern” has suffered what might be the worst two-week stretch of his career as far as dropping balls are concerned. Let’s hope it comes to an immediate stop, for I can’t witness many more of these tragic performances.

Larry Fitzgerald – Father Time is undefeated, and Fitz has been fighting a losing battle for almost half a decade (sounds longer than three years). Michael Floyd and even John Brown seemed to be the preferred targets at WR for veteran QB, Carson Palmer. This situation reminds of how Sylvester Stallone somehow keeps getting movies green lit, even though every single one is an epic fail (do people still say this?). Somewhere in a Hollywood alley, Christian Slater is bawling his eyes out.

 

Thank you for joining me for another radical edition of Disgrace/Delight. As per usual your comments and questions will be responded to below. It’s something I look forward to and all of your input, whether positive or negative, is much appreciated. Enjoy bantering with Beddict (Me)? Follow me on Twitter at @Tehol143. Have a fabulous week, ya’ll.

 

P.S. My Thursday night pick for “Betting With Beddict” is the Denver Broncos (-7.5) at home against the San Diego Chargers. I will be buying half a point to ensure my success but that’s up you. Denver looks unstoppable right now, and I think the Broncos are going to give the Chargers the kind of lashing that would make Adrian Peterson proud.

  1. Sliz says:
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    If the Vikings and McKinnon are going against Washington this week who is Dallas playing Monday night?if you need an editor hit me up,I’m about as cheap as that thai hooker.

    • Jay

      Jay says:
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      @Sliz: Fixed. There are currently no editing positions open.

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Sliz: Tampa/Washington same thing right????? Err my bad

  2. Brad says:
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    Need trade advice: I have Julio, considering trading him for Dez… who do you like more for the rest of the year, particularly playoff weeks at the end of the season (14, 15, 16)

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Brad: Both have great schedules. in 14 15 16 for sure. Id probably roll Dez just because the O line is 1000 times better and nightmare season for Atlanta

  3. Kevin says:
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    I’m in 1st, 6-1. Just got offered a trade in PPR league.
    Decker for Russel Wilson
    This is my team, what do you think?

    Carson Palmer
    J Nelson
    Alshon Jeffrey
    Allen Robinson
    D Murray
    Vereen
    J. Reed
    Decker
    Crabtree
    T. Kelce
    Sproles
    Antone Smith
    Denard Robinson (WR/RB eligibility)

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Kevin: nah man, i wouldn’t do that. I don’t trust Carson and russell is a fantasy legend right now. Decker aint too exciting. i would take wilson side of the trade

      • Kevin says:
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        @Tehol Beddict: I would be getting Wilson giving up decker lol

        • Tehol Beddict says:
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          @Kevin: then yea. hit that up, K-dog. nice work #Kudos

  4. goodfold2 says:
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    now 19-22-2. i got SD +9.

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @goodfold2: i will tally up my record for saturdays post but it looks like you had a major bounce back. #Kudos. Yea i took broncos at 7.5 but its obviously risen dramatically. Id maybe still take em all the way up to 10.

      • goodfold2 says:
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        @Tehol Beddict: we should get the same line if we’re competing, i hadn’t read your note at the bottom when i posted the +9 line. I would’ve taken DEN at -7 or -7.5, so i’ll call it a win there.

        • Tehol Beddict says:
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          @goodfold2: okey dokey! 1-0

  5. John Rambo Jr says:
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    Concerning A. Jeffery…was last week a fluke or is there real trouble w/ him this week against NE? Revis covers Marshall this week leaving Alshon to do the damage? Thoughts? I’m actually thinking of starting M. Wallace this week instead of him. Crazy sauce?

    Thanks in advance,

    JRJ

    • John Rambo Jr says:
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      @John Rambo Jr:

      Anyway you would start R. Hillman over Gio this week?

      • Tehol Beddict says:
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        @John Rambo Jr: Wow tough call since Gio looked like dog ass last week and has tough baltimore team this week keying on him. Id probably still go Gio tho. i hate thursday night games

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @John Rambo Jr: Not too crazy as Wallace gets a questionable Jags secondary, although they have been playing well. New England has been playing the pass very well and has big old Browner for Jeffery. I might not sit Jeffery but i can’t blame you for starting wallace whatsoever.

      • John Rambo Jr says:
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        @Tehol Beddict:

        Good thoughts. Thanks!!

        • Tehol Beddict says:
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          @John Rambo Jr: you got it, dude (Michelle Tanner voice)

  6. J $ says:
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    Which two RB would you start, bradshaw, forsett, oliver? PPR

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @J $: Bradshaw and Forsett fo sho! i avoid thursday night games out of superstition but I still like those other guys better

      • J $ says:
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        @Tehol Beddict: Thanks man, keep up the good work.

        • Tehol Beddict says:
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          @J $: will do. thanks buddy

  7. Xavier says:
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    Got offered Hopkins + Ben Tate for Alshon, or Lamar Miller for Alshon straight-up. I’d be lying if I said I couldn’t use the help at RB. Not a big believer in Tate ROS though. Thoughts?

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Xavier: Fuk that, X-Man. Hold tight. Jeffery gonna get us some major points. maybe not this week but I despise Ben Tate.

  8. Dom B says:
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    Should I trade Delaine Walker or is he still a TE 1

    • Dom B says:
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      @Dom B: @Dom B: should I trade d.Walker and Percy harvin for Jordan Reed

      • Tehol Beddict says:
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        @Dom B: that seems like selling bottom barrel on Percy Harvin. If you’re deep at WR i don’t have problem with it tho.

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Dom B: depends on what you can get for him. We knew he couldn’t continue the early pace he was on but he should be ok

  9. B.J. says:
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    What’s up boys? I have a guy in my 12 team NonPPR league offering me Jimmy Graham and Shane Vereen for Matt Forte and Mark Ingram. My current TE is Owen Daniels and my other RBs are Shady, Ellington, McKinnon, C. Johnson, A. Dixon. Would ya?

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @B.J.: Beeeeeeeej! What up, cuz?Hell yea you need to make that trade. don’t need forte with those top 3. lets just hope Graham is good to go SHORTLY. #Kudos

  10. Dom B says:
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    Flex start Roddy White, Doug Martin, Malcolm Floyd

    • Nikko Respeto says:
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      @Dom B: White

      • Nikko Respeto says:
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        @Nikko Respeto: Actually I think Floyd. I can’t see Matt Ryan doing well this week. He truly has been Matty ICE

        • Tehol Beddict says:
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          @Nikko Respeto: Floyd aint going deep on this secondary. no waaaay

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Dom B: Roddy. sorry for late response. was with a woman of incredible beauty

  11. Vin Scully says:
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    I just traded Vareen and Sanders for Calvin in a 10 team PPR league. It leaves me with Mccoy and Crowell/Dixon at RB. I also have a whole bunch of running back handcuffs on my bench like Hill, Randle, Hyde and Knile Davis. Was this a good trade?

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Vin Scully: Hard to argue with trading for Calvin, Vinny. buuuut it leaves you crazy thin at rb and you praying for injury. got to go dixon until that point. whats the rest of your roster look like? ANother trade, perhaps?

  12. Nikko Respeto says:
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    I need some last minute start/sit advice!! I have a flex spot up for grabs and I have: Hillman, Reggie Wayne, VJax, Sankey and Mike Evans. And I cannot decide!

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Nikko Respeto: I’d start HILLMAN. HURRY THE F UP!!!

  13. Todd says:
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    I love razzball and read daily, football and baseball. I have read most of your articles and You are by far the worst writer. Not trying to be rude but you shouldn’t be paid to write, it’s a mess and a joke. The last line of this article is unacceptable. You are a great example of everything that is wrong with this world.

    I’m sorry razzball nation for the negativity but this is unreal.

    I pray for you and pray to all elder gods to help you understand where you went wrong.

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Todd: well……..I’m not actually paid to write…..sooooooo. how bout those Royals?

    • Chicken Dinner says:
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      @Todd: Is that you Kid A?

      • Tehol Beddict says:
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        @Chicken Dinner: no way. This man is probably much older so I understand how he wouldn’t appreciate some of my stuff. i knew the Peterson thing was a little over the line but comedians say stuff over the line on a consistent basis. I’m a fantasy sports columnist not running for mayor.

        • FrankGrimes says:
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          @Tehol Beddict:
          it wasnt over the line it just wasn’t original or funny haha
          meanwhile you should do more write up on the RCLs
          their not getting enough love this year
          twice as nice is beating your ass send me my shirt fool!

          • Tehol Beddict says:
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            @FrankGrimes: FRANK da Tank! hahahah. it’s funny talking about it now tho isn’t it?!?! I’ll leave the adrian peterson comments go. I was drunk. or something. or lazy. eitherrrrr way. So what did you beat me in? DO I owe you a shirt? for baseball? if so I’ll send ASAP

    • Crapshoot Kershaw says:
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      @Todd: so now one team beating the other one in the balls is unacceptable? this is clearly not Kid A he doesn’t type that many words in the same message nor is he pretend to be that polite about his hate. This is probably the cousin (father, both?) of one of those guys who quit Smokey’s posts. Tehol for MAYOR!

      • Tehol Beddict says:
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        @Crapshoot Kershaw: Mayor Beddict has a certain distinction to it. interesting. very interesting. RIP, KID A

    • Switched at 4:20 says:
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      @Todd: Come on, man…lighten up. Since you’re NOT new to Razzball, you should expect these columns to combine football insight with lewd, irreverent, tongue-in-cheek humor. There are NO SACRED COWS here.

      If you don’t like the author’s style, move on…but, spare us your indignation. We’re astute enough to understand that the author isn’t condoning or encouraging us to whip our kids with trees.

      Tehol – you keep doing what you do, brah. Great insight and you do know how to turn a phrase.

      Full disclosure: I drafted AP this year. After he was revealed to be a tree murderer, my team names included Switched at Draft, Switched All Day…currently Switched at 4:20. Guess I’m part of what’s wrong with America, too. Sue me.

  14. dan says:
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    ^ tell us how you really feel dude. LOL Anyways don’t listen to that guy, You along with Grey are my favorite writers. Keep up the good work Tehol. Also I totally agree with you on McKinnon, I was shocked last week when someone dropped him…. for the incomparable Jared Cook. Mwahahaha, I’ll take all the good breaks I can get though..I need to win out the rest of the year to even have a shot at the playoffs haha.

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @dan: wow!! That guy went in on me and it kind of hurts. Ouch. Thanks for your support, oh Dannnnny Booooy. Nice work on McKinnon. I need him to go big this week for I too may need to win out lmao

      • Dan says:
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        @Tehol Beddict: 1 point ppr, you’re starting Mckinnon over bradshaw? Bradshaw has yet to let me down this year, but I feel like mckinnon could (probably will) go against what TB calls a “defense”… and that Bradshaw can’t keep up the hot pace..

        • Tehol Beddict says:
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          @Dan: I’m not so sure, especially with T-Rich hobbled. Bradshaw gets a Pittsburgh team that gets abused on a regular basis. Starting McKinnon is just more fun tho, you know?!? very tough call. Playing it safe would be Bradshaw……..Sometimes I like to live dangerously

          • dan says:
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            @Tehol Beddict: Ahhh! I didn’t know Richardson was hobbled. Can’t believe I missed that! Nice little nugget of info to have…thanks. Sage advice sir.

            • Tehol Beddict says:
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              @dan: he might still play but i double effectively since, you know, its T-rich

  15. Jkg says:
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    Sorry have to admit this is the first I’ve read any of your work, but that may have been some of the most awesome and funny writing I’ve ever read. Awesome job man lol.

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Jkg: wow,this seems like I asked someone to write this right after I got dissed! hahah. Thanks, Jkg! you’ve come to my rescue when I needed it most. keep coming back

  16. Julio White says:
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    congratulations that child abuse joke just dropped you below banana slugs on the evolutionary ladder. look out earthworms here comes lowell thomas.

    • Switched at 4:20 says:
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      @Julio White: smh. Go sit in the corner and count to 10

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Julio White: What’s a Lowell Thomas?

  17. John Clum says:
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    Would you start Ben Tate, McKinnon, or Joique Bell alongside McCoy?

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @John Clum: That’s a really difficult call, JC. I have all 3 in my top 15. Tate always lets me down but he should be solid. Bell will get pounded against soft Atlanta team….but McKinnon thooooooooo.I think I’d go Bell with a gun to my head but all 3 should have nice games so you should be good

  18. Stanman says:
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    Would you rather have alf Morris or McKinnon?

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Stanman: someone just offered me Morris for mckinnon. I declined for now but mckinnon playoff schedule is brutal so I might prefer Morris in a couple weeks

  19. Adam says:
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    +1 PPR, +3 bonus at 100 yds receiving or rushing

    Who would you go with this week at FLEX? Andre Holmes @ CLE or Denard Robinson vs MIA

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Adam: Holmes. I think Denard gets shut down this week

  20. Jax says:
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    I hold these 5 RBs in a PPR league: D. Murray, G. Bernard, J. Forsett, J. McKinnon, and R. Hillman. Obviously Murray is a must start. I debated back and forth for my RB2 and Flex this week. I ended up playing Hillman as Flex last night. Not a bad performance… but those TDs would have been nice. Now my question is: Bernard, Forsett, or McKinnon as RB2? I always play Bernard, but last week’s performance worries me. Would it be better to go with McKinnon or Forsett?

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Jax: I think you still have to play Bernard but Mckinnon should also be in line for a nice game tho I’m worried Tampa brings it a bit after their bye week. I’d go bernard

        • Tehol Beddict says:
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          @Jax: for you, Jax, anything

  21. Switched at 4:20 says:
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    Would appreciate advice on the following roster decisions (1 PPR):

    RB2
    Lacy vs NO – good matchup against 11th ranked def that gives up rushing TDs…he’s running violently again, but GB seems committed to timeshare with Starks
    McKinnon vs TB – great matchup against 19th ranked run def…subject to rookie uncertainty

    I’m leaning to McKinnon.

    WR3

    Torrey Smith vs Cin – doing better TD-wise, but still not seeing a lot of targets…only 1 TD in six games vs Cin
    Brian Quick vs KC – tough matchup against strong pass def…already been tailing off after strong start
    Jermaine Kearse vs Car – good matchup against very soft pass def…may see few more targets with departure of Harvin

    I’m leaning towards Kearse

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Switched at 4:20: Mckinnon isn’t a bad call over Lacy. Im totally fine with that tho I’m not positive I would sit my hog, Lacy.

      Also fine with Kearse but, personally, I’d ride Torrey.

  22. Tehol Beddict says:
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    Betting with Beddict picks in Print if you don’t have Twitter. Picks with points next to them.
    CHallenge me

    Packers (+1.5) @ New Orleans
    Baltimore (-2.5) @ Cincy
    Washington @ Dallas (-10)
    Indy @ Pittsburgh ( +3.5)
    Chicago @ New England (-6)
    Seattle @ Carolina (-5.5)
    Detroit (-4) @ Atlanta
    Minnesota @Tampa Bay (-2.5)
    St. Louis @ Kansas City (-7)
    Miami (-6) @ Jacksonville LOCK OF THE WEEK
    Buffalo (+3) @ NY Jets
    Houston (-3) @ Tennessee
    Philly @ Arizona (-1.5)
    Oakland (+7) @ Cleveland

  23. goodfold2 says:
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    20-22-2.
    WAS +10
    PIT +3.5
    OAK +7
    ARI -1.5
    HOU -3
    MIA -6
    STL +7
    ATL +4
    CAR +5.5 (they are dogs here, as i’m sure this was just a typo)
    CIN +2.5
    NO -1.5
    CHI +6
    MIN +2.5
    BUF +3 (this might be my lock of week)

    • goodfold2 says:
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      @goodfold2: change that MIN to TB -2.5

Comments are closed.