In stature he may be, but the kid has the endowment  to go deeper than Mandingo off three thirty bombs of cialis. The ineptness of Justin Blackmon, who was taken 5th overall in this year’s draft, is sickening, and let’s be real; Did we really expect free agent signee Laurent Robinson, to come close to matching last season’s totals? With a history of more injuries than Evel Knievel, I certainly did not. Oh yea and the Qb’s are Blaine Gabbert and Chad Henne. Talk about guys who must have a tough time facing their teammates in the locker room, and no I don’t mean just in the shower, though that’s more than likely also the case.
Dating back to the preseason, Shorts has shown the capability to make things happen on his own, so even if it’s him receiving a “short short” pass, the chance of a long td is most definitely there. I’m not recommending starting him unless desperate, but just so you know, Shorts can break the big one. His stat line last week: 4 receptions for 79 yards and 1 td on 10 targets. It seems Chad Henne and Shorts share a special connection. Maybe they chinese finger trapped a groupie together, or maybe they just developed a nice chemistry in practice. Personally, I like to think it’s the former.
I’m sure you’re wondering why I didn’t give you the incredibly long, intro this week. Oh you’re not? You don’t care? You’re glad I left it out? I’ll pretend you didn’t say that, and the reason I didn’t is that I have an extra special couple weeks coming up for you guys. I can’t reveal too much but it involves 90210 and the classic Ernest movies. Prepare yourselves. Let’s get into some more playas!
Randall Cobb– 8 receptions for 89 yards and 2 td’s on 8 targets. It’s beautiful to see a man capitalize on every single one of his targets (I’m calling you out James Jones) isn’t it? If you play in a league where you get points on return yardage, such as I do, the man is that much more dangerous. With Jennings being on the shelf, we’ve learned what Cobb and Jones are capable of and Cobb exploded like the girl from the bathroom scene in Hallpass. Very underrated movie by the way. I’m looking at Cobb like a solid number 2 wideout until Jennings comes back, with major upside potential. Start with no hesitation.
Jermichael Finley– 2 receptions for 32 yards on 2 targets. While on the subject of Packers, it’s shocking to me that I’ve yet to mention Finley in not a one of my posts thus far. The man has disappeared like the dude from An American Werewolf in Paris and Dead Man on Campus. Speaking of Dead Man, the real star of that classic was Lochlyn Munro. I highly recommend you clicking on that last link. Sure he’s had a couple guest roles on a few TV shows but nobody really cares. The Werewolf in Paris guy, not Finley. The fact that the aforementioned Jennings is out, makes it even more perplexing for Finley owners. It’s hard to even justify starting the big guy at this point. It’s extremely disheartening. Still, maybe a buy low candidate. You know how every time I bash someone on here they turn it around  like Ben Affleck did his career. Just when you least expected it. Although in this case, I guess we are expecting it, considering every one I trash turns into fantasy gold.
Santana Moss– 3 receptions for 67 yards and 2 td’s on 4 targets. Dip-set call Santana! Heeee’s baaaaaack! With Pierre more than likely useless for the rest of the season RG3 seems to have found a favorite new target. With all respect to Leonard Hankerson, Moss is looking like a man on the rise, even though he’s pushing 60 years of age. The loss of Fred Davis furthers Moss’s chances at fantasy glory that much more. Remember when the Jets traded Moss to get Laveranues Coles back on the roster? Maybe a bad call on their part, considering Moss is still a decent player and Coles evaporated like a fart in the wind. I like Moss as number 3 wideout moving forward. Griffin has to throw to somebody right?
Vernon Davis– ZERO receptions on ZERO targets- Being a Seahawks fan, I was elated when I noticed Davis was not even being glanced at by Alex Smith in last Thursday’s game. The 49er’s won the game so it ended up being a moot point. Fantasy wise, it’s another story altogether. How in the name of baby Jesus, can you have a game plan that doesn’t involve getting the rock to one of the most gifted tight ends the NFL has ever seen? It’s a god damn crime is what it is. I suppose you can expect Vern to move on from this embarrassing outing and go back to receiving his usual pitiful 3-5 targets per game, which to me is about as confusing as Heidi Klum marrying Seal. You know, before she started banging her bodyguard, which, is even more dumfounding when you throw in the facts that her bodyguard is neither rich, famous, nor attractive. Kudos to the bodyguard though.
Rashad Jennings– 21 carries for 44 yards for 1 td and 7 receptions for 58 yards on 9 targets. How could you possibly expect a post related to fantasy football this week without mentioning Jennings? I know, I know, you all remembered when I interviewed the former starter MJD before the season(41.20 mark), and that we became Bff’s afterwards, but I refuse to let my friendships get in the way of my fantasy advice. Jennings is a must own, and being that it’s now Thursday, you either picked him up already, or somebody else in your league did so. Drew’s injury doesn’t sound good, so Jennings shall be toting the rock for the foreseeable future. Granted, he’s not a superstar, the Jag’s are so god damn pathetic that it’s a given Jennings could be getting close to 30 touches a game when you include receptions. Stick him in there and expect production.
Daryl Richardson– 8 carries for 36 yards and 3 receptions for 43 yards on 3 targets. If it’s not obvious to you that D-Rich is a better player at this point than Steven Jackson, you’re fan hood should be removed immediately. Jeff Fisher, who is quite possibly the most overrated coach in NFL history, should be publicly flogged for not handing over the starting job weeks ago. Richardson should be having more balls laid against his chest than Pamela Anderson, and instead he’s getting less respect than Rodney Dangerfield (RIP). Truly Mind Bottling. Coach Fisher, please get my man the rock. He’s earned it, unlike how you received your current position.
Owen Daniels–Â 7 receptions for 59 yards and 1 touchdown on 10 targets. In a sense, Daniels reminds me of “The Ultimate Warrior,” being that he is one of the most if not THE most underrated of all time at his profession. Barring injury, Daniels has been a top 5 tight end now for years. Unfortunately for Daniels, he isn’t allowed the use of steroids like the Warrior was, or else he may have not missed so much time. Or maybe he would have been severely injured a long time ago. We’ll never know. The fact is you’re lucky to have him and please keep starting him with no hesitation.
Titus Young– 6 catches for 81 yards on 8 targets. If you discount the fact the Lions drafted a receiver in the 2nd round last season, fairly low production, reported bad attitude, inability to learn the playbook, and the embarrassment that is Young celebrating receptions when down 14 with under a minute to play, Young is a decent option going forward. Why should you discount all that you ask? I suppose I’ll state the obvious: “Nasty Nate” Burleson went down for the season. The Lions throw the ball a lot. But you guys are smart. You don’t need me to hammer that into your huge brains. Pick him up. While you’re at it, snag Broyles, who might end up being better in the long run.
Darrius Heyward-Bey– 4 receptions for 85 yards on 7 targets. Has Heyward-Bey finally lived up to his lofty draft status? Ummmm, no quite. He never will. That’s besides the point. The point I’m referring to is this: “Ay Bey-Bey” is long, strong, and he’s down to get the friction on. Two horrible rap references in one sentence? I’m sorry. That was bad. Young Darrius isn’t even the best wideout on his team, but if you’re desperate, and you just may be if you’re asking my advice, start him if you have 2 wideouts on a bye week like I do this week. You could do worse…..Like starting Justin Blackmon as I just did. WHOOPS! Gut call gone wrong.
Once again, feel free to hit me on twitter or on here as both will receive almost immediate responses. Let’s be friends. Uncle Tehol Beddict is here for you. I promise to give better analysis to those who send me naked pics of their significant others. Tehol out.
P.S. If the Razzball writers league thinks I will be caught slipping again because I have a sports gambling addiction, and leave in players who are injured, they are gravely mistaken. I do this for the people! I won’t let you down.
