Have you heard Kyler Murray was not only the #1 overall pick in the 2019 NFL draft but also the #9 overall pick in the 2018 MLB draft? Of course you’ve heard, you haven’t been living under an Antonio Brown fart for that last five months. Wait, you HAVE been living under an Antonio Brown fart for the last five months?! What was it like under there? How did you survive? Tell me everything! Oh right, Kyler Murray—he’s an incredible athlete on par with the Deshaun Watsons and Lamar Jacksons of the world. Murray flashed his freak athleticism Sunday afternoon against the stout 49ers defense going 24/33 for 150 yards with 2 passing touchdowns while tacking on 8 carries for 67 yards and a rushing touchdown. Kyler Söze now has 14 passing touchdowns and 3 rushing touchdowns on the season as he led the Cardinals in a valiant effort against the first place 49ers, falling just shy of a huge upset. Anyway, here’s what else I saw during yesterday’s late games in fantasy football:
Kenyan Drake – 16 carries for 67 yards and 6 catches for 13 yards. I haven’t seen a Kenyan run this well since Rio 2016.
David Johnson – Was active and didn’t touch the ball in this one. He’s now the highest paid back up since Dicky “Reverse” Johnson.
Christian Kirk – 6 catches for 41 yards. This to follow up his monster 3 touchdown breakout game a week ago. Captain Kirk now has 12 catches on 19 targets over the last two weeks and has crept up into my WR2 territory, rest of season.
Larry Fitzgerald – 5 catches for 37 yards and his 3rd touchdown. Legend has it, Larry is the man.
Jimmy Garoppolo – 34/45 for 424 yards and 4 touchdowns—he now has 18 touchdowns on the season. I’ll come clean, I was hoping Garoppolo would have a bad game so I could use my Jimmy G Poo joke.
Tevin Coleman – 12 carries for 14 yards and 3 catches for 48 yards. 1.2 yards per carry was also my average when kids tried to ride me back at the petting zoo.
Deebo Samuel – 8 catches for 134 yards. If I’m reading my Chinese calendar correctly, 2020 will be the year of the Deebo.
Emmanuel Sanders – 3 catches for 33 yards. Sanders recovered from his achilles injury in record time earlier this year and now he’s back from a very painful rib cartilage injury after missing only a couple quarters. I’ve figured out why Pigskinonator liked Sanders so much this week (WR#17), Manny is a robot!
Ross Dwelley – 4 catches for 14 yards and his 1st and 2nd career touchdowns. George Kittle (knee/ankle) may be ready to go next week but who needs Kittle when you have Dwelley? Several of my best ball teams, that’s who!
Tom Brady – 26/47 for 216 yards and no touchdowns. Brady’s clones are getting worse by the week.
Julian Edelman – 5 catches for 53 yards and 1/1 for 15 yards and his 1st passing touchdown as he wildly outperformed Brady thru the air.
Sony Michel – 3 carries for 33 yards and 1 catch for 11 yards. Should’ve just bought Microsoft! Never bet against Bill Gates company, nor Bill Belichick’s ability to drive fantasy owners mad with his backfield usage.
Mohamed Sanu – 2 catches for 4 yards. I wasn’t excited about Sanu’s outlook when he was traded to the Patriots but I was ready to take the L after his 10 catches with a touchdown in week 9. Looks like my gut was right, I shouldn’t have eaten that 15 day old burrito.
Phillip Dorsett – 3 catches for 33 yards and his 5th touchdown. Pretty nice day for Dorsett but there’s just too many mouths to feed in New England. Tough to feel comfortable about starting any of them. Speaking of mouths to feed, 16 day old burrito anyone?
N’Keal Harry – 3 catches for 18 yards as the Patriots 1st round pick made his career debut. I’ll be interested in the Big Harry One next year.
Carson Wentz – 20/40 for 214 yards, 3 carries for 17 yards and his 16th passing touchdown. Trivia: how many 1 touchdown games does Wentz have this season. Answer: 6 out of 10. Yuck.
Dallas Goedert – 3 catches for 36 yards and his 4th touchdown. I’ve said it before, Goedert will continue to be Zach Ertz (9 catches for 94 yards) owners’ worst nightmare.
Miles Sanders – 11 carries for 38 yards and 2 catches for 9 yards. Sanders was unchained this week with Jordan Howard (shoulder) on the shelf. Sadly Sanders faced off against the dominant Patriots run defense. Better days are ahead for the youngster.
Jay Ajayi – Was active but didn’t touch the ball in this one. Some people were excited to pick Ajayi up when he signed with the Eagles this past week. Some people are easily excited.
Derek Carr – 25/29 for 292 yards, 5 carries for 1 yard with his 14th passing touchdown and 1st rushing touchdown. Carr and I have the same number of games with 300 passing yards this season.
Darren Waller – 5 catches for 78 yards. I don’t even care what his stats look like. There’s always space in my lineup for shirtless Waller riding the stationary bike.
Tyrell Williams – 4 catches for 82 yards. House Tyrell of Oakland is back on the radar in the Fantasy Football Kingdom.
Josh Jacobs – 23 carries for 112 yards and 3 catches for 12 yards. Pigskinonator projected him for 113 rushing yards this week. That’s how you project, robot! One of the many smart fans over at the r/fantasyfootball subreddit had some harsh words for Rest of Season Projectors’ placement of Jacobs as the #4 running back. Don’t question the machines! Also, please note: Rest of Season Projector isn’t updated with this week’s data until Tuesdays at the earliest.
Joe Mixon – 15 carries for 86 yards, 1 catch for 17 yards and his 1st rushing touchdown. You toss him in the bath tub and I’ll pour the hydrofluoric acid in to dissolve the body. Wait, he just moved! Mixon’s alive!
Auden Tate – 4 catches for 56 yards. Sending some positive vibes to Auden Tate and his family as he was carted off on a stretcher for spinal support.
Tyler Boyd – 1 catch for 0 yards and 1 carry for 10 yards.When I hit rock bottom I was living under a bridge giving out $2 ZJs. Not sure Tyler Boyd has hit rock bottom quite yet.
Ryan Finley – 13/31 for 115 yards and 3 carries for 47 yards. At least the Bengals didn’t spend the 2nd overall pick for this type of production. I’m looking at you Bears.
Jared Goff – 11/18 for 173 yards and no touchdowns. In a battle of the most disappointing top drafted quarterbacks since JaMarcus Russell, Goff prevailed over Mitch Trubisky (24/43 for 190 yards and his 9th touchdown). Baker Mayfield is still thinking about tossing his hat into the ring but these two are tough competition.
Todd Gurley – 25 carries for 97 yards, 3 catches for 36 yards and his 8th touchdown. So that’s what happens when Todd Gurley gets 28 touches. I had almost forgotten. This was his first game with 20+ touches and he’d only gotten 17 carries in one other game this year. Needless to say, this is a huge development and will likely have to be the new norm if the Rams want to make the playoffs. I’m almost on board the Gurleywagon, but I still can’t say I trust him to stay healthy.
Cooper Kupp – 3 catches for 53 yards. This after being skunked last week. If your trade deadline hasn’t passed yet, the buy low window is officially open.
Josh Reynolds – Had a huge touchdown catch called back on an illegal formation call. I’ve been telling you to add him for weeks in the wake of the Brandin Cooks concussion news. What are you waiting for!
Robert Woods – Was a surprise inactive with a “personal issue.” Let’s hope it’s nothing too serious.
Darrell Henderson – Active but didn’t receive a touch or target. Not even sure if he saw the field. You’re breaking my heart Hendo! Let’s blame McVay and his stupid spiky hair.
David Montgomery – 14 carries for 31 yards and 1 catch for 19 yards. He wasn’t a Full Monty in practice this week so I’ll give him a pass. Look for a bounce back against the Giants mediocre run defense next Sunday.
Tarik Cohen – 9 carries for 39 yards, 5 catches for 35 yards and his 3rd touchdown. That’s back to back week’s with a score now. I’ve always maintained Cohen should be a bigger part of the Bears offense so hopefully this is the start of a trend.
Chase Daniel – 1/4 for 9 yards as he came in for the Bears last drive. Trubisky benching speculation was rampant but Nagy insists Mitch’s hip was bothering him the last couple drives. But what was wrong with him the other 9 drives and 7 games this year? I want answers!
Allen Robinson – 4 catches for 15 yards. Robinson deserves better than this awful Bears offense.
Eddie Pineiro – 0/2 on FG attempts but 1/1 on XP attempts! Besides the Gurley show, Pineiro’s kicking drama was the highlight of the horrid Sunday Night Football game this week. Da Bears kicking curse lives.
