There were concerns after Pro-Bowl guard Nicks went down for the rest of the season. People were saying that the statement game against Minnesota was now also the swan song for Doug Martin and his season. Well just letting you all know the Martin show might have been cancelled but it looks like this one will survive it’s first season. One week in without Nicks and Martin is still teaching everyone how to Dougie. Martin went…I don’t even know what he went. Choose your own musical adventure. Gangnam Style maybe? Nah, too played out. Infinity and beyond? Too kid friendly. I’m gonna go with a weird neo-classic (yeah, I don’t think it’s a word either): This $h!t is bananas, B-A-N-A-N-A-S. It suits the Buccaneers and their tropical team, no? Yeah, whatever. When a running back goes for 100 yards, he had a good day. When they go for 150, they had an amazing day. But what happens when they go for nearly 275 total yards and 4 touchdowns? I usually call him an Oregon Ducks running back but you can call him the running back people were comparing to Ray Rice. Many laughed at the comparison despite the physicality being very similar and now maybe many will start to believe and you can count me in on that. We love you, Muscle Hamster, and wish you were on our team. In other fantasy football news…
Mikel LeShoure – Alright, it’s time to tell how fantasy savvy you are this year. Before Mikel scored three touchdowns on the ground today, name the Lion with the most rushing touchdowns this season…I’m waiting. I’m still waiting, I’ll give you a minute. You stumped? Ok, it was Matthew Stafford. Yes, before today’s game, Stafford led his team in rushing touchdowns with 3 on the year. Now as much praise as I would love to give to Mikel, let’s realize a few things. One, his longest touchdown run on the day was 8. Two, though it’s nice to score that many touchdowns in a day, no one expected this even against a poor rushing defense in the Jaguars. Three, the dude runs TO contact; he missed a lot of better gains yesterday. Four, I told you to sell earlier this week and kudos to you if you didn’t and had him today. Now get away from this Lion before it turns cowardly. Though he’s a decent player who is a reasonable flex play most weeks, the fact of the matter is – outside his first game of the year where he touched the ball 30 times – LeShoure has not surpassed 100 total yards in any day. And to keep things negative, Joique Bell touched the ball the same amount of times as LeShoure today while producing a similar line, minus the scores (he had a measly 1….pssh, amateur) while also being the main running back for the passing game in terms of targets (5 for Bell compared to 2 for LeShoure). Oh and BTW, if you’re wondering why this LeShoure blurb is so long, it’s because it was the lede until Doug Martin went at the Raiders like a spider monkey on speed with fully automatic weapons. Oh well, more food for thought!
Adrian Peterson – Had 100 yards rushing and two touchdowns before 20 minutes were up in the game. Afterwards, his teammates handed him the game ball and he ran it out for another score. I had my doubts he’d start the year healthy, let alone in the starting lineup. I should’ve read my fantasy football bible closer. Purple Jesus died for your fantasy sins but was resurrected for your fantasy pleasure…hrm, this fantasy football bible makes him sound like a zombie hooker. Wait, who switched out my FF Bible with 50 Shades of Purple?
Brandon Marshall – Marshall, Marshall, Marshall! Went for 122 yards on 9 receptions and 3 touchdowns. I’m just gonna say I know he’s talented but considering how bad Jay Cutler has been of late, Tennessee really tanked on defense today. I mean, if a QB completes nearly 50% of his passes to one guy, you’d think you’d want to cover him, no? Yeah, I’m just bitter I had to face that line this week and traded it away in another for MJD & Alshon Jeffery earlier in the year.
Eric Decker – Was the WR de jour for Peyton Manning today – 8 receptions for 99 yards and two TDs – but not necessarily for the best reasons. Demaryius Thomas left for a bit with what looked like an ankle tweak and was off to a great start – 4 recs for 58 yards – before it. He finished with 77 yards on 6 receptions but played second fiddle to Eric for the remainder of the game. Hopefully for DT owners his initials will be more associated with Manning next week than ED. Viva Demaryius!
Reggie Bush/Daniel Thomas/Lamar Miller – Not really sure what Miami’s trying to do here. Maybe they’re trying to keep everyone fresh but I don’t like seeing the carries split 60/40 even when I’m on the winning end. I wasn’t concerned after last week but now? If I’m a Reggie owner, I go Kim Kardashian on him by dumping him, then marrying another guy, then get a divorce, then start dating Kanye West and then start pronounce how upset I am that he’s with another girl who’s having his kid. Or you could just do the normal thing and try to trade him to avoid the headache. Either way. PS, I might have my Kim K. timeline a bit off. PPS, I really couldn’t give a flip so don’t correct me.
Chris Johnson – His day was saved by an 80 yard touchdown run. Without that, he fumbled the ball twice and only has about 65 total yards on the day. Some days it’s better to be lucky than good. Just ask DeAngelo Williams owners! Yeah, Jonathan Stewart got the shaft despite running the ball well. I might live to regret my buy call on him but at least I got the CJ buy call right…right? Yeah, probably not a consolation for you, Stewie traders.
LaRod Stephens-Howling – Another useful day with roughly 60 yards and a touchdown. I said I liked him more than William Powell *checks links*…hrm, must’ve only said it in the comments at one point. See, you have to pay attention to everything I put up here to get the full experience. Even this. If you don’t understand how that will help your fantasy team, I can’t help you. Oh and BTW, I see LeShoure & LaRod as the same player just with different pricetags associated with them and that’s not just because they have a foreign ‘the’ to start a part of their name. Neither guy is gonna wow you but someone would spend on Mikel. Sorry, LSH owners, you’re SOL.
Andrew Luck – Set a new record for rookies with 433 passing yards on the day, eclipsing Cam Newton and his record 432. Just for the silliness factor, he beat the old record on a 2 yard pass to Dwayne Allen with over 6 minutes left in the game. You’d think with that type of time left he would’ve finished with more than just a yard over the previous record. Well whatevs, if you own him and started him on your fantasy team this week, I hope he shares the record plaque with you. He played like a guy who wasn’t a rookie, getting the ball to 8 different receivers with Donnie Avery and T.Y. Hilton both going over 100 yards apiece. If you own him in a dynasty league, enjoy the next 15 to 18 years. It should be fun.
Randall Cobb – Did his best James Jones impersonation by catching only 3 balls but scoring 2 touchdowns. And while we’re not on the subject, how do you complete less than 50% of your passes yet finish with a QB rating of 110.8? When you’re Aaron Rodgers, that’s how. Important news of this game was Jordy Nelson left with a right ankle injury. Given the current injury to Greg Jennings, this could get dire for Rodgers owners…wait, nah he’s got Tom Crabtree. He’ll be a’ight. Oh and cut Jermichael Finley from your team and your life and do it all with a rusted butter knife so he knows the pain you experienced from drafting him.
Owen Daniels – Obligatory TE shoutout as Daniels went for 62 receiving yards and a TD. Owen has been what people wanted him to be since forever this year. He’s playing like and looking like a top 5 TE for the year and there’s no reason to believe it slows mainly considering Houston is in no hurry to get their offense off the field when they get out there. No run and gun here. Just a lot of run and grunt work as they rely on their defense and Owen is good for that.
Russell Wilson – If you drafted him in a two QB league this year, congrats to you. If you drafted Tim Tebow, well…why? Wilson was pretty hyped coming into the fantasy season. Now while I didn’t think he’d be fantasy viable, I did like him in deep keeper leagues for his potential. Well apparently he brought his potential with him as he threw 3 touchdowns and managed his team to a win. Given how good the Seattle defense is, it’ll probably be rare you see a 300 yard passing day from Wilson but I’m here to tell you if it’s needed, he can do it and even if he doesn’t, his legs and intelligence on the field will make up for it.
Brandon Myers – I wanted to rank him higher this week but just couldn’t bring myself to do it. I mean with studs like Pettigrew and Gresham, how could I? Two touchdowns later…yeah, I shoulda ranked him higher.
Isaac Redman – So apparently the Steelers have figured out how to run the ball again. Redman rushed for over 100 yards and a touchdown as he and Jonathan Dwyer have given Pittsburgh three straight games with a 100 yard rusher. Meanwhile, Mendenhall owners just Rashard’ed in their pants. If you had asked me last week which RB would be the top RB for the rest of the season for the Steelers, I would’ve said Dwyer. Now I have to say it could still be Dwyer but I don’t know if I’d call someone who rushes for 800 while another guy rushes for 650 the top rusher. Ya know what I’m sayin? Still a mess back there. Hope you enjoyed the start if you had him today but who knows, maybe next week it’ll be Chris Rainey.
Eli Manning – Third straight sub-par fantasy start with only 125 yards passing and no touchdowns. I’d tell you to sell but only if I were a masochist seeing as I own him in the Razzball Writers League. If you don’t have him and need a QB upgrade, I’d see if I could buy low on him. If you have him, you hold him. Maybe sing a lullaby or two to him and stroke his hair back from his brow and say ‘there, there little Eli; some day you’ll be as good as your brother…some day’.
James Starks – Don’t say I didn’t warn you, Alex Green owners. Looks like Alex and Starks got put into a timeshare today and both performed well. It might just be that neither is a full load back which means owning either feels like a full load in your pants right now. You done got RBBC’ed, son! Obviously you’re holding for now but I wouldn’t be surprised if the splits we saw today are what we’ll see ROS. Well if you don’t liked being called ROS, don’t call me Rachel…btw, why did you get rid of Marcel? That was your best feature.
Carson Palmer – Went for 414 yards and 4 touchdowns. Value-wise, he’s floating around being in the top 15 for most of the year in terms of quarterbacks. Yep, right up around where Michael Vick and Andy Dalton currently reside in yahoo leagues. Yet both of those two are owned at 95% and 71%, respectively, while Palmer is only owned in 48%. I’m gonna go on a limb and say today changes that number for him. I swear I mentioned something about Oakland playing from behind and needing to throw a lot making the receivers viable. Well, Palmer is a decent backup and a solid QB2 if your league is like that. Yeah, saying Palmer is your QB2 isn’t as sexy as saying it’s Wilson but they’ll probably pace out the same when the year is done. And the bonus? You won’t have that weird fantasy football erection you keep having to explain to your wife. ‘Babe, I’m sorry, but you GOTTA take a look at this set of WR3’s I have! They’re amazing!’
Julio Jones/Roddy White – Finally fantasy relevant on the same night despite neither scoring. This may or may not be the start of this weird little quirk of home/road goofiness going away or merely a blip on the radar. If you’re curious what the frank and beans I’m talking about, go take a look at the home/road splits for both players prior to last night. Frequent commenter Murph noticed it earlier this season while covering his entire living quarters in tin foil to keep out the gamma rays.
Michael Turner – Really the only major player to write home about – or my home on the internet as it were – as he was the only player of fantasy significance to score that wasn’t a kicker in the late night game. No, Ogletree doesn’t count. See how I didn’t bold him? I don’t care you play in a 20 team 5 WR league, he still doesn’t count. Turner actually had a solid performance, carrying the ball 20 times for 102 yards to go with the score. Since his DUI, Turner has turned the page, rushing for 4.4 ypc on 100 carries to go for 443 yards and 3 touchdowns over 6 games to the tune of roughly 73 yards per game on the ground and that doesn’t even include his expanded passing role. No I didn’t crunch the numbers for you. This is the last person of a long post and I’m going to bed you crazy fantasy kooks!