jsteww1315

Technically, it’s “Newton’s law of universal gravitation”, but let’s not cut hairs here when it comes to aesthetically pleasing titles. I’m into that whole brevity thing, man. But like Newton’s law — that two bodies in the Universe attract each other with a force that is directly proportional to the product of their masses and inversely proportional to the square of the distance between them, or, like how Paula Abdul explained while singing with a cartoon cat, that opposites attract, Cam Newton has been able to work with what is probably the most underwhelming receiving depth in the league. Not counting the Browns. (You never count the Browns.) I mean, Ted Ginn Jr. is a starter. THIS IS CRAZY. With last night’s win against the hapless Saints, the Panthers are now 12-0 and the only undefeated team remaining. Or, if you live in Carolina, they are now the only undefeated team with a 11-1 record. Regardless, no matter what unfolds the next month, at this point, it looks like the Panthers are set to make their run to the Super Bowl, where they’ll likely face off against the not-Bengals

Here’s what else I saw during Week 13’s Sunday games…

New to Daily Fantasy Football? Try out this new free FanDuel’s contest, where half the league is guaranteed to win. (Played on FanDuel before? You can build a team for $5 for a chance of $100,000, part of a one million dollar prize pool!)

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Odell Beckham Jr. – 6 REC, 149 YDS, 1 TD. Imagine how good Beckham would be if he had a quarterback that could hit him in stride…

Sam Bradford – 14/24, 120 YDS, 2 TD and 1 CAR, -1 YDS. Sam Bradford, ladies and gentlemen. “Where?” – Sam Bradford.

Tom Brady – 29/56, 312 YDS, 3 TD, 2 INT and 6 CAR, 17 YDS, 1 TD. Complementary football: 1) A good offensive line and talented running back on the same team. 2) Listening to the media talk about Tom Brady.

Drew Brees – 24/42, 282 YDS, 3 TD, 1 INT and 1 CAR, 12 YDS. Little known Football fact… after Hurricane Katrina, the Saints rebuilt New Orleans under the direction of their head coach Sean Payton and their personal lord and savior, Breesus Christ.

Donald Brown – 7 CAR, 26 YDS and 1 REC, 31 YDS. Might as well rename the team when they move to Los Angeles. Ladies and Gentlemen, your Los Angeles Donald Derpies! (Formerly known as the San Diego Chargers, the only team that ever felt the need to give an actual job to Donald Brown.)

Jordan Cameron – 1 REC, 4 YDS. What happened to Cameron Jordan? More importantly, what happened to Jordan Cameron?

Scott Chandler – 4 REC, 61 YDS, 1 TD. Patriots – Gronk = Jets, apparently.

Jay Cutler – 18/31, 202 YDS, 1 INT and 4 CAR, 10 YDS. Cutler furthering his mantra of “Kindness in words creates confidence. Kindness in thinking creates profoundness. Kindness in giving pick-sixes creates love.”

Austin Davis – 25/38, 230 YDS, 1 INT and 3 CAR, 4 YDS, 1 FUM. The number of states closing their boarders to refugees from Cleveland has now reached 32. “We’re not going to accept any more refugees from this dangerous zone known as “Cleveland” into the state of Texas,” Gov. Greg Abbott said on Fox News on Tuesday. Texas has had 4,582 Brown fans resettle there in the last three years, the second highest number in the nation. On Tuesday, Abbott directed the state health commission to suspend services for refugees from Cleveland and told his Department of Public Safety to “keep an eye on them”. “They want to form their own little fandom within your fandom,” says Robert Langley, a retired taxidermist in Arlington County. “That’s not acceptable. That’s not the American way. My feeling is they shouldn’t let them into Cowboys country and spread their sadness.”

Vernon Davis – 2 REC, 25 YDS. You *can do this Vernon! (*He can’t.)

Zach Ertz – 2 REC, 9 YDS, 1 TD. Whoa, giving Ertz some fantasy points for the first time this season? That’ll do, Eagles. That’ll do.

Ryan Fitzpatrick – 36/50, 390 YDS, 2 TD and 5 CAR, 47 YDS. Harvard brain, noodle arm, mixed with a bit of paprika, and BAM, Fitzmagic.

Nick Foles – 15/35, 146 YDS, 1 INT and 2 CAR, -2 YDS. The one good thing about Nick Foles is that he isn’t much of a cap hit.

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Blaine Gabbert – 18/32, 196 YDS, 1 TD and 6 CAR, 75 YDS, 1 TD. I hadn’t seen Jim Tomsula that happy since he found that turkey leg just sitting on top of the trash in the dumpster.

Ted Ginn Jr. – 5 REC, 80 YDS, 2 TD. Ted Ginn should really give out advice on safe sex instead of playing football, because I don’t think he could even catch AIDS if he tried.

Melvin Gordon – 12 CAR, 55 YDS, 1 FUM and 1 REC, 8 YDS. Melvin is such a… melvin. Tee hee.

LeSean McCoy – 21 CAR, 112 YDS. The Bills have a never ending supply of vultures. To be fair, there is a lot of rotting flesh strewn about the Buffalo area.

DeMarco Murray – 8 CAR, 24 YDS. Chip Kelly’s just getting his guys tuned up for the Kraft Foods Armed Services Bowl.

Cam Newton – 28/41, 331 YDS, 5 TD, 1 INT and 10 CAR, 49 YDS. R.I.P. WHITE TWITTER.

Greg Olsen – 9 REC, 129 YDS. Can the Saints re-hire and then re-fire Rob Ryan? Would that help at all?

Adrian Peterson – 8 CAR, 18 YDS and 4 REC, 6 YDS. Hey folks! Did you know you can beat the f*ck out of your kid, and then be praised for workplace improvement the next fiscal year? Try it now with this limited time offer!

Matt Ryan – 30/45, 269 YDS, 1 TD, 1 INT and 1 CAR, 4 YDS. Geez, Matt Ryan is one average-ass quarterback nowadays.

Matt Schaub – 32/46, 308 YDS, 1 TD, 2 INT and 1 CAR, 0 YDS. Ah yes, Schaub with another pick-six. The nostalgia…

Will Tye – 3 REC, 70 YDS. I feel like this was more due to Jets stupidity than the Giants capability.

Clive Walford – 5 REC, 53 YDS. What’s a Clive Walford? You’re not Amari Cooper (4 REC, 69 YDS).

Sammy Watkins – 3 REC, 109 YDS, 1 TD. WHAMMY WATKINS. Can’t wait till I start him next week and he ends the day with one reception and four yards…

James White – 2 CAR, 4 YDS and 10 REC, 115 YDS, 1 TD. Good thing for White that Tom Brady’s receivers are mediocre…

Russell Wilson – 21/27, 274 YDS, 3 TD and 9 CAR, 51 YDS, 1 TD. Whose recovery water is that? That’s Russell Wilson’s recovery water.

 

Final Thought

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  1. Nick says:
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    & there goes my fantasy season. Thanks for nothing AP, DeMarco & Stevie J. FitzMagic was my bright spot but would have been better off playing Mariota or Bortles as you had mentioned.

    At least my Jets won yesterday! Good luck the rest of the season & GO NYJ!

    • Jay

      Jay says:
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      @Nick: That was a fun game though against the Giants. But yeah, a lot of big time guys did not show up yesterday for a lot of team. There’s always next year!

  2. RePete says:
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    My season is in the balance today. Win or go home matchup with a 21 pt lead going into tonight’s game. I’m done and he has DeSean Jackson and Redskins kicker left. It’s a 0.5 PPR league and kickers have a FG bonus of 4pt for 40+ and 5pt for 50+ yards. DeSean is always hit or miss so if he hits I’m out. Still haven’t decided if I’ll follow the game, that can be torture. Thanks for all the advice this year!

    • Jay

      Jay says:
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      @RePete: Still, 21 points seems somewhat favorable. I think your chances are okay, but good luck! Let me know how it plays out.

  3. Scott says:
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    Yep, carried DGB all season long, and dropped him last week. Gahh!

    • Jay

      Jay says:
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      @Scott: No one would have blamed you, that’s for sure.

  4. Christine Michael: one Unlucky Whitehead (just pop him or not) says:
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    oh man, it’s funny, in one league my opp considers his luck so bad he played my lineup in a daily (thinking it had to be fanduel, as i have a lot of expensive players here) and won some money even as my same lineup took him out of playoff picture. my roster has 3rd most pts in this 14 team league.
    rodgers
    evans/parker/a.brown
    stewart/j.allen
    gates
    Flex: chandler
    BN: snead/hurns/white/duke johnson/garcon/t.coleman
    K ARI kicker

  5. Mobin Can't Hack It says:
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    with lee outproducing breeland 17 – 3.5 i’m only losing by .9 now. this game going on longer is now again good for me. till that breeland pass defended though i was winning by .1 stupid douchebag d-jax likely just lost me playoffs. i would’ve only needed 1 more lee tackle. yep, was in great shape for lee to get 1 more tackle till d-jax gave the game away likely.

    • Mobin Can't Hack It says:
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      @Mobin Can’t Hack It: wow, might be enough time for lee to get a tackle (or anything more) now.

      • Mobin Can't Hack It says:
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        @Mobin Can’t Hack It: ahhh, need more than a split tackle, only losing by .4 now though.

        • Mobin Can't Hack It says:
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          @Mobin Can’t Hack It: hmmm, overtime could be the best thing for me really.

          • Mobin Can't Hack It says:
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            @Mobin Can’t Hack It: at least i’m finding out that when a WR runs out of bounds on purpose to save clock that counts as a tackle. back to down 2.4 though so it’s probably over…. damn extra hope. dirty dirty hope.

            • Mobin Can't Hack It says:
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              @Mobin Can’t Hack It: inman doesn’t get hurt early best team in league doesn’t miss playoffs by 2.4 pts.

              • Jay

                Jay says:
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                @Mobin Can’t Hack It: Ah, that’s terrible to hear man. Washington in prime time isn’t always the funnest thing to sit through either, and yeah, Inman was set to have a pretty good game considering before getting taken out.

  6. Zandy says:
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    Playoff time
    Winston over Cutler or Rivers this week?
    Thanks!

    • Jay

      Jay says:
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      @Zandy: It’s really tempting. Hard for me to fathom, but I think it’s close… double check on Thursday though. My gut right now says Cutler, Winston, Rivers, but I’m weary of what’s going to happen in KC.

  7. Zandy says:
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    also who do we prelim like on DEF – Cin, Chi, Cle, Det, Giants, Jax (if its whitehurst)? i think I just vomitted

    • Jay

      Jay says:
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      @Zandy: Cin a little bit. Jax if it’s Whitehurst is really tempting. I got nauseous too!

  8. Eric says:
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    Hi Jay,

    Some DST questions for the playoffs…
    I’m thinking I have to start the Cards at home vs Minnesota rather than Rams at home against Detroit – you agree?

    And looking forward (not counting my chickens before they hatch, but my league has a 2-move limit each week, so have to think in advance), who would you rather start Week 16, at this point?
    Texans @ TEN
    Lions vs SF
    Dolphins vs IND

    Thanks!

    • Jay

      Jay says:
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      @Eric: I think so. At 16, that Texans squad seems interesting. I slightly would want them over Detroit.

  9. I don't want to brag, but i have irritable bowel syndrome says:
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    wow, just me or is this the first week no major injuries have really made a waiver guy seem important to add, at least in many weeks, if not first time all year.

    stick with ajayi or regrab white? this is for RB#5 or 6 in PPR. might want to hold the upside of MIA’s starting RB if Miller were to get hurt.

  10. ryanoger says:
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    .5 ppr league

    I got the number 1 seed heading into the playoffs, and with my RB situation looking like this:

    RB- Latavius, DeMarco, James White, and Alfred Blue

    Should I drop Alfred to grab one of the following?

    Sproles, Powell, Riddick, Starks

    What are your thoughts on James White going into the playoffs? With DeMarco’s situation looking grim…I man use White to fill that slot…

    thanks jay!
    Ryan

    • Jay

      Jay says:
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      @ryanoger: I’d hold on Blue, at least he’s reliable depth. I like White in any ppr format.

  11. ryanoger says:
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    Also…

    Would you rather stash Breshad Perriman or Josh Gordon for next year?

    thanks again man!
    ryan

    • Jay

      Jay says:
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      @ryanoger: Perriman. And any time!

  12. I got $100 for groceries, $1400 for liquor, and $6,000 for you to bail a couple of shit puppets out of jail says:
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    with ingram news i’m trying to grab hightower in a 1/5th PPR where i have all of m.jones/riddick/ingram/mccoy/andrews/hyde and have to start 3 RB per week, with 2 flexes, although with injuries i never play a RB at flex. drop jones or riddick (powell also out there) for hightower tonight (waivers are 1 day later here)

  13. ryanoger says:
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    .5 ppr league

    You think Spiller or Hightower is the better add?

    thanks
    ryan

    • goodfold2 says:
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      @ryanoger: spiller’s coach called him out as too stupid to learn the playbook back in week 7 or 8.

      • goodfold2 says:
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        @goodfold2: and if that wasn’t enough his entire season performance (hopefully) sheds some light as well. not to mention usage. Hightower apparently has more K.Robinson type skill set, who clearly would’ve been the guy to get this job, except he too is injured.

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