Last night, Odell Beckham had 10 receptions for 146 yards and two touchdowns. Oh, yeah, he also did this…

obeck

That was the best one-hander since I lost my virginity.

I’d love to write more, but that would probably only take away from what you see before you. So when you’re finished watching this glorious depiction of a football player doing a legendary thing, join me below for the round-up. Don’t worry, it took me about two hours and an ophthalmologist to get me to move on…

 

Browns – 26, Falcons – 24

Brian Hoyer – 23/40, 322 YDS, 3 INT and 3 CAR, 12 YDS. Those three interceptions were all in the fourth quarter as Hoyer went into drunken sailor mode. So much so, drunken sailors immediately objected strenuously.

Josh Gordon – 8 REC, 120 YDS and 0/1. Well, no touchdowns, but Josh Gordon looked well rested. Totally mellow, relaxed. So much so that I really thought he was going to get 4 catches for 20 yards. Way to mess that one up bro.

Isaiah Crowell – 12 CAR, 88 YDS, 2 TD. Imagine how good Ben Tate must have been to hold this guy back.

Matt Ryan – 27/43, 273 YDS, 2 TD, 1 INT and 2 CAR, 6 YDS. Matty Ice? More like Matty Tapwater, amiright folks?

 

Titins – 24, Eagles – 43

Mark Sanchez – 30/43, 307 YDS, 1 TD, 2 INT and 4 CAR, 4 YDS. All that Sanchize action made me want some nachos. Let me go ahead and pass that forward.

LeSean McCoy – 21 CAR, 130 YDS, 1 TD and 1 REC, 1 YDS. Wow, that line takes me back to the days when Shady would get the ball and I wouldn’t expect something other than a bit of a shimmy and a 1-yard gain. I guess this means the presence of an offensive line is important in the game of football.

Zach Mettenberger – 20/39, 345 YDS, 2 TD, 1 INT and 2 CAR, -2 YDS. At this point, would Steve McNair starting at quarterback really make the Titans any worse than they are right now? Sure, there are a lot of holes in that argument, but I think it’s worth a shot.

Delanie Walker – 5 REC, 155 YDS. 98% of all his fantasy points this year has come in just two games. Twist: You probably didn’t start him in either one.

 

Lions – 9, Patriots – 34

LeGarrette Blount – 12 CAR, 78 YDS, 2 TD. LeGarrette Blount wasted no time vulturing touchdowns for his new team. What. A. Jerk. Belichick’s Blount addiction needs some sort of intervention at this point.

Jonas Gray – DNP. Apparently, a four touchdown effort means nothing when you show up to practice late once. BILL BELICHICK IS SUCH A MOTIVATOR GUYS.

Tim Wright – 5 REC, 36 YDS, 2 TD. Looked better by the second on my bench.

Matthew Stafford – 18/46, 264 YDS, 1 INT and 3 CAR, 18 YDS. Stafford’s game inspired me to go outside and rake leaves and then pick up errant dog sh*t. But I wasn’t man enough to fully simulate the same experience by rolling in it.

Reggie Bush – DNP. Much like watching porn these days, you can never depend on Bush. However, reports are that he’ll be playing this Thursday for the annual Lions Thanksgiving game.

Calvin Johnson – 4 REC, 58 YDS. Why they do anything other than just throwing jump balls to Johnson, I’ll never understand.

 

Packers – 24, Vikings – 21

Eddie Lacy – 25 CAR, 125 YDS, 1 TD and 2 REC, 13 YDS, 1 TD. Eddie Lacy ate Jerome Bettis. I’m pretty sure that’s what happened here.

Teddy Bridgewater – 21/37, 210 YDS, 2 TD, 1 INT and 5 CAR, 32 YDS. The Bridgewater to Charles Johnson (3 REC, 52 YDS, 1 TD) combo wouldn’t score any points in a fantasy league involving both of their mothers.

 

Jaguars – 3, Colts – 23

Trent Richardson – 13 CAR, 42 YDS, 1 TD. Trent Richardson is an All-Pro guys. But just in case, the Colts have Dan Herron (12 CAR, 65 YDS and 5 REC, 31 YDS.), who actually showed an ability to carry the ball more than two yards at a time.

T.Y. Hilton – 4 REC, 122 YDS, 1 TD. T.Y. Hilton sounded like Sergeant Lincoln Osiris, played by Kirk Lazarus, talking about the war…

Blake Bortles – 15/27, 146 YDS, 1 INT and 5 CAR, 24 YDS. How many Bortles could a Blake Bortles Bortle, if a Blake Bortles could Bortle Bortles? You know, if a Jaguars fan was a thing that actually existed, I would ask them if 95% of Bortles completions come after the team is down by 20.    

 

Bengals – 22, Texans – 13

Andy Dalton – 24/35, 233 YDS, 1 TD, 1 INT and 7 CAR, 6 YDS. I find Dalton interesting, in that you never know which one will show up; will it be The Good, the Bad or the Ugly? Well, granted, the ugly always shows up. So I guess it’s just the good and bad flipping a coin to see who’s turn it is. Just remember though, you can’t spell “regretting” without “G-i-n-g-e-r”.

Jeremy Hill – 18 CAR, 87 YDS, 1 TD and 1 REC, 9 YDS. To be fair, “Here, Giovani Bernard (17 CAR, 45 YDS and 2 REC, 22 YDS.), we’re gonna give the ball to you off left tackle over-and-over agian with no variation. See what you can do with that” was pretty much the entire game plan. I like both, Hill a little more, but with both of them healthy, their collective ceilings lower a bit.

A.J. Green – 12 REC, 121 YDS. The Texans needed to cover A.J. Green. What? They did cover Green? Yeah… about that.

Ryan Mallett – 21/45, 189 YDS, 1 INT and 1 CAR, 2 YDS. I keep forgetting… why didn’t the Texans draft a quarterback this year? What was the reasoning?    

 

Buccaneers – 13, Bears -21

Matt Forte – 23 CAR, 89 YDS, 2 TD and 5 REC, 23 YDS. Led team in offense, including both carries and receptions. The limb I’m out on is pretty shaky, but I’m going to say it. Matt Forte is pretty good.

Vincent Jackson – 5 REC, 117 YDS. Jackson wants you to know that he is alive and well. On your bench.

Mike Evans – 3 REC, 47 YDS, 1 TD. The Mike Evans scoring train just keeps on chugging away! Choo-choo muthaf*ckers.    

 

Cardinals – 3, Seahawks 19

Russell Wilson – 17/22, 211 YDS, 1 TD and 10 CAR, 73 YDS. So did Russell Wilson celebrate yesterday’s win by punching a kid in the face?

Drew Stanton – 14/26, 149 YDS, 1 INT and 4 CAR, 23 YDS. Drew Stanton put up a JaMarcus-esque passer rating of 54.8 yesterday, yet still was one yard off the highest rushing total for the team. Not sure if that should make you laugh or cry.

John Brown – 3  REC, 61 YDS. It must be incredibly confusing having John Brown and Jaron Brown (3 REC, 24 YDS.) on the same team.  

 

Rams – 24, Chargers – 27

Ryan Mathews – 12 CAR, 105 YDS, 1 TD and 2 REC, 8 YDS. Wow. Such Mathews. Much run.

Keenan Allen – 6 REC, 104 YDS, 1 TD. Keenan Allen making up for past mistakes.

Shaun Hill – 18/35, 198 YDS, 1 TD, 2 INT. Hill has the weirdest release motion I’ve seen. Then again, so do I… but I cuddle afterwards.  

 

Washington Football Team – 13, 49ers – 17

Robert Griffin – 11/19, 106 YDS and 4 CAR, 11 YDS. I haven’t seen an Indian lay down and given up like this since the Trail of Tears. (Too soon?)

Alfred Morris – 21 CAR, 125 YDS, 1 TD and 1 REC, 5 YDS. The “keeping the ball out of RG3’s hand’s” game plan was a solid one for the most part. But honestly, just put Colt McCoy in and be done with it already. Or is it Kirk Cousins turn? F*ck it. Why not both?

Colin Kaepernick – 20/29, 256 YDS, 1 TD, 1 INT and 9 CAR, 14 YDS. More like Kaeperpick, amirght?    

 

Dolphins – 36, Broncos – 39

shaking-dolphin

Peyton Manning – 28/35, 257 YDS, 4 TD and 2 CAR, -2 YDS. It’s certainly hard to say after producing a great line, but for much of the game, he was continuing the past few-weeks trend of throwing the ball as well as the pizza that he shills for. Still, if that’s what passes for a 4 touchdown game, the world’s gonna be just fine.

C.J. Anderson – 27 CAR, 167 YDS, 1 TD and 4 REC, 28 YDS. Just curious with Montee Ball… has any Wisconsin running back not sucked once they hit the NFL? Ron Dayne was almost adequate one season. OK, maybe one month.

Wes Welker – 4 REC, 18 YDS, 1 TD. Welker gonna get some extra Molly this week with that touchdown.

Ryan Tannehill – 26/36, 228 YDS, 3 TD, 1 INT. Maybe Tannehill will wind up being good for something other than hot wife jokes after all… naaaaaaaah.    

 

Cowboys – 31, Giants – 28

This is all you need to know about this game…

Tony Romo – 18/26, 275 YDS, 4 TD. See above.

DeMarco Murray – 24 CAR, 121 YDS and 2 REC, 22 YDS. See above.

Dez Bryant – 7 REC, 86 YDS, 2 TD. See above.

Eli Manning – 29/40, 338 YDS, 3 TD. See above.

Odell Beckham Jr. – 10 REC, 146 YDS, 2 TD. See above.

  1. Nick says:
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    your still not dropping Andre Johnson for Dan Herron, right? Not when I have D Murray, Ingram, R Jennings, R Mathews, McKinnon & L Murray, right?

    Is D Heron a better stash over L Murray, just by virtue of the better team & much favorable matchup schedule down the line?

    • Steve Stevenson says:
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      @Nick: No and no.

    • Montezuma's Revenge... right now says:
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      @Nick: AJ over King of the Streets here.

    • Jay

      Jay says:
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      @Nick: I’d hold on everything for now.

  2. Poo Poo Platter says:
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    Odell or Julio ROS in a PPR? Please factor in insane catches and the fact that one of these men is in fact spiderman.

    • Sky

      Sky says:
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      @Poo Poo Platter: Jay’s driving or something so I’m swinging for him here. Have to give slight edge to ODBJ just for consistency purposes but it’s close.

    • Jay

      Jay says:
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      @Poo Poo Platter: Leaning Jones slightly, but I’m not going to argue it. Both are freak talents.

  3. Zandy says:
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    getting a jump on setting waiver priority
    my WRs are Andre Johnson, Wallace, Torrey Smith
    0.5 PPR w/ 2pt bonus @ 100 yrds and 4pt bonus @ 150 yrds

    Pick 3 to add to the bench roster that have potential to start for me down the stretch
    Only have to start 2 WRs
    Stills, Colston, John Brown, Crabtree, Jarvis, Stedman, Charles Johnson, Welker, Hunter, Baldwin, Hawkins

    • Sky

      Sky says:
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      @Zandy: With that amount of talent on waivers, you really should just go week to week and play matchups. For now, Stills/Hawkins

      • Zandy says:
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        @Sky: thanks sky!
        instead of playing no TE with Clay randomly getting hurt during the week and having already used my 2 roster moves on him and Colts Def – I got trapped and sent Colts Def for Jace Amaro so I’d have a tight end and then played my Denver Def. Wouldve won the week if I had just played Colts Def and no tight end….. in pain right now

        • Sky

          Sky says:
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          @Zandy: Damn, sorry to hear that.

          • Zandy says:
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            @Sky: in retrospect, what would you have done in that situation? Indy Def and No TE or Den Def and Amaro?

            • Montezuma's Revenge... right now says:
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              @Zandy: get out of league with ridiculous rules like 2 pickups per week, there’s more than enough luck in this game without that draconian b.s.

            • Sky

              Sky says:
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              @Zandy: Probably would’ve stuck with IND def. Amaro’s upside was pretty limited

    • Jay

      Jay says:
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      @Zandy: With Sky here on everything.

      • Zandy says:
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        @Jay: so the difference in my week was either indy def or the beckham insane catch – either one and i win
        ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

  4. Wilsonian says:
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    Sky, would you take this offer:

    Get: Benjamin and L.Miller
    Give: Edelman and Shoelace

    My Team:

    QB – Brady
    WR – Julio
    WR – Hilton
    WR – LaFell
    RB – Forte
    RB – Shoelace
    TE – Graham
    W/R – CJ Anderson
    Q/W/R/T – Ryan
    BN – Edelman
    BN – J.Matthews
    BN – M.Bryant
    BN – L.Murray
    BN – Vereen
    BN – Olsen

    0.5 PPR – 3 point bonus at 85 yards rec/100 yards rush – 6 point bonus at 135 yards rec/150 yards rush

    • Sky

      Sky says:
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      @Wilsonian: Sure, I could get behind that.

  5. Jason Morgan says:
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    Looking ahead to week 15, which DST do you like better?

    Vikings @ Lions
    Titans vs Jets

    • Sky

      Sky says:
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      @Jason Morgan: Like neither. Could go Titans, I guess.

  6. Robert says:
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    Yo Sky- I am among the panicked, on the bubble for the playoffs guys. The curse of Adrian Peterson continues to haunt me. My RBs are Mason,McKinnon, Jackson, West. Pick up Blount and hope for the best or try to trade? I have Jordy, Julio, Mike Evans. I could trade Julio for Alfred Morris. I would appreciate your advice. Thanks.

    • Sky

      Sky says:
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      @Robert: Hold, having good WRs is better.

  7. Scott says:
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    ROS, Rashad Jennings or Giovanni Bernard?

    • Sky

      Sky says:
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      @Scott: Rashad

  8. Steve Stevenson says:
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    With the way CJ Anderson’s played, are you holding or dropping Hillman if you own both? I want to have the DEN RB for the playoffs, but could use a roster spot (to pick up Stills while still a FA in case he blows up tonight, and if he doesn’t, to grab a DST with good playoff matchups).

    0.5 PPR, start 2RB, 2WR and a flex. My RB are Forsett, Anderson, Mason, Hill, Hillman, L. Murray and K. Davis (who I want to hold because the Charles owner is finally ready to trade). My WR are Dez, Benjamin and Roddy.

  9. Trafton says:
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    Quick question. Who would you start tonight. I need 9 points PPR. Sammy Watkins or Colston?

    Thanks

    • Sky

      Sky says:
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      @Trafton: Sorry, been busy at work. Would’ve said Watkins

    • Jay

      Jay says:
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      @Trafton: Sky’s right, has to be Watkins.

  10. Richar says:
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    What up sky!,
    ROS who would u rather hav L. Murray or crowell

    • Sky

      Sky says:
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      @Richar: Crow

      • Richar says:
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        @Sky:
        thx mr. Sky was leaning that way as well

  11. Wacha Wacha says:
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    Hey there, whcih side do you like better in 12 team standard?

    Ellington, R White and J Cutler
    or
    E Sanders and D Brees

    • Sky

      Sky says:
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      @Wacha Wacha: Ellington side

  12. Dom B says:
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    Would you drop Larry Donnell for Kyle Rudolph leaving delaine walker as my TE 1 and Rudolph 2 and would you drop Charles Sims for Daniel “Boom” Herron

    • goodfold2 says:
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      @Dom B: yeah donnell is starting to look just like what he should’ve always been, the guy none of us had ever heard of. damn shame i couldn’t sell him high in 20 team dynasty many weeks ago. I tried right away.

    • Jay

      Jay says:
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      @Dom B: I like Donnell better there.

    • Sky

      Sky says:
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      @Dom B: I’d make both moves.

  13. Chicken Dinner says:
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    Drop Hurns for Chad Johnson? My WRs are Jordy, Wallace, Michael “Stink” Floyd.

    I like Jax schedule and they will always be behind.

    Johnson appears to be the number one but his match ups aren’t as good and the Vikes are a better team.

    Gotta give a slight edge to Hurns in the QB debate.

    • Jay

      Jay says:
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      @Chicken Dinner: Eh, I’d rather have Hurns as depth right now, especially at quarterback. Is the Ocho still alive?

  14. Good Will Hunting 2: Hunting Season says:
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    while TE valuations are in the air, i currently have reed and picked up paul to handcuff him. we believing in walker or any of these to drop one or both of them for:
    walker @ HOU (HOU good at TE’s is 6th against)
    reed or paul @ IND (IND are terrible at TE’s, 27th)
    rudolph vs CAR
    cook vs OAK (OAK actually good at TE’s, 4th)
    wright @ GB

    better off adding randle/blount (i’ll have waiver somewhere from 7th to 10th) and dropping 1 of those TE’s, or keeping 2 of them (which two if so)
    1 pt per 10 return yards, start 2 RB/ 2 WR/ 1 TE/ 1 non-TE flex
    murray/ingram/mathews/ivory/sims
    gordon/julio/landry/patterson/m.bryant
    paul/reed

      • Good Will Hunting 2: Hunting Season says:
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        @Good Will Hunting 2: Hunting Season: different league, same TE’s available, except i have daniels, and paul is owned by somebody else.
        daniels vs SD (28th vs TE’s). sounds like stick with daniels in this one.

    • Jay

      Jay says:
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      @Good Will Hunting 2: Hunting Season: I might just stream and roll out with Rudolph this week. Yeah, if someone wants to give you something for Randle or Blount, totally.

  15. Good Will Hunting 2: Hunting Season says:
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    man these coaches, it’s almost like they sometimes do the exact opposite what you would think they should do. F-Jax tries to come back from injury for 2nd time in last 2 weeks, and now he’s returning punts (i would think the most dangerous type of carries in NFL there are)

  16. Aubrey Plaza's Pillow says:
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    with that jimmy G garbage time TD, i’ll lose in every league in same week for first time all year. yuk.

  17. Justin gallant says:
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    Give up spiller to get denard Robinson. .wanna win this year..thoughts? Keeper league

  18. SMLV1 says:
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    Drop Fitzgerald for John Brown, Michael Floyd or Sanu?

    Rank these defenses for week 13 – Giants, Rams, Bengals and Browns

    • Jay

      Jay says:
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      @SMLV1: Eh, I think I might hold. They are probably right next to each other.

      I’d go Rams and then Bengals.

  19. Nick says:
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    Hey Sky, looking ahead to week 12 in my 10-team, non-ppr league. I have the following part of my roster set but need a WR3 & flex’

    QB-Rodgers
    RB1-D Murray
    RB2-R Jennings
    WR1-Cobb
    WR2-Beckham
    TE-Witten
    K-Tucker
    D-St Louis

    WR3- M. Bryant v NO/ K Allen @ Bal / Sanu @ TB / A Johnson v. Tenn
    Flex- Ingram @ Pit / Mathews @ Bal / McK v. Car / L Murray @ STL (if he clears concussion protocol)

    What do you think about those 2 spots? Mind you if I wanted to go WR heavy, I can put one of my bench WR into the flex as well, but in NON-PPR, I think you have to go starting RB heavy…Thanks

  20. Scott says:
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    I’m thinking once the Giants are out of contention in weeks 15 and 16, they’ll give Rashad a rest and try out Andre some more. Since I am already in the fantasy playoffs, I’m considering dropping Rashad and take some flyers on WR and backup my RB studs, Jamaal Charles and CJ Anderson. Thoughts?

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