Welcome to Razzball’s dedicated gambling column-Teasers and Pleasers! Each Thursday during the NFL season, at 11:00 am EST, TnP will post our top bets for the upcoming week. Just sit back and win some money with us in 2020.

Last week these best bets were 2-1 against the spread, and we were 3-0 ATS on best bets for Week 4. Things are have been profitable, as TnPers are 6-2 in our last eight contests (14-7 over the previous 21). All aboard!

Whether you play fantasy football or are in the business of making player prop bets, Rudy Gamble’s Razzball Membership Tools are a must-have. He is giving away a FREE 7-day trial of all the tools you need to cash this week!

Now let’s get to it! Week 6 picks for your betting pleasure.

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Are you having fun yet? We’ve made it through week 5 with the NFL stumbling ahead trying their best to avoid Covid catastrophes. We’ve had rescheduled games and now we even have RB1s getting DUIs and others getting outright released! It is making it harder and harder for us to navigate the waters and put out winning lineups in our fantasy leagues, but we are doing it and hopefully you’re doing it well. With all the injuries, planned and unplanned bye weeks and Covid uncertainty it is even more important to find productive players to put in your flex spots. But don’t worry, we are here for you my friends.

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I just snuck out of a court ordered gambling rehab facility to write this post, so I’ll have to be brief. After I was arrested for stealing old ladies’ purses from the retirement home down the block to fund my string of Arizona Cardinals’ Super Bowl wagers (a 50:1 lock!), the judge sentenced me to 6 month’s of in-patient rehab. Since I’ll be releasing my weekly fantasy football rankings each Thursday morning for the duration of the season, I’ve decided to throw in some bonus bold Thursday Night Football predictions along with my expertly handicapped pick for the contest (I picked my favorite Sunday game this week since Thursday was cancelled):

Cincinnati Bengals (+8) at Indianapolis Colts

Forecast: The ghost of A.J. Green heads to Indy this weekend to train with Philly Rivers. You see, Rivers has developed an elite shot put academy where he’s training his 19 children to become shot put champions. Green, in search of a new profession, has signed on as their newest recruit. Around lunchtime on Sunday Coach Rivers will take a break to play some football. In a battle of hyped rookies, Joe Burrow will be sacked 16 times in the blow out loss while Jonathan Taylor tames the timid Bengals defense with 220 rushing yards and 3 touchdowns. Colts 42, Bengals 17

Wager:  Colts -8 (4 Units)

2020 Season: 0-5 (-4.95 Units) 

Anyway, here’s my fantasy football rankings for week 6 which will be frequently updated until Sunday kickoff:

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A lot of people think fantasy writers spend our days and nights surrounded by B-list rappers from the 2000s (I see you Chingy!), 16 big-screen TVs playing NFL Red Zone, and Mike Mayock on speed dial (does Twitter have speed dial?). OK, that’s actually how Grey and Donkey Teeth spend their days. But me? I’m a lowly midwestern Vikings fan living in Packers territory running DSL off a bankrupt company. Thanks to the novel piranhavirus that delayed the Titans/Bills game, I’m submitting this article before some of the top quarterbacks have even finished playing. But, I’m not alone in my wishes to be hanging with Luda, have a fiber connection, and a direct line to Dick Butkus (wait, did I say that last part?). Most of the fantasy world is delayed right now due to scoring glitches caused by Tuesday night football. So, let’s huddle up…no, not that close…and take a look at how the quarterbacks are shaping up for the rest of your fantasy football season. 

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Your WR top 80 7.0 is here! Now we not only have to deal with injuries, we have to account for COVID inactives and postponements. Tier 2 got bigger, but until the elites we are waiting on return, tier 1 remains a two man show. As a rule, injuries will always bump guys down. I am generally pessimistic that players will return on time at full strength without a setback. 

This list is not league or format specific, but it is based on 2020 rest-of-season projection only. When thinking through tiers and rankings I asked myself simply – “all things considered who would I rather have on my roster?”

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Week 6 is here and there isn’t a lot of turn around. We already have football again on Thursday! What a game we had on Tuesday night! (I’m writing this before kick off). Did you see when Stefon Diggs made that huge 4th quarter catch? Wow, so great! How about when Derrick Henry scored his 5th touchdown? Anyways, I’m just hoping this game goes under on the total. That’s where my money is. 

So far, my rankings accuracy through four weeks went quite well. I don’t yet have the results for week 5. I’m still 15th overall in the FantasyPros accuracy contest. Prettay, Prettay, Prettay good. Donkey Teeth and Rudy Gamble had great week 4s and I hope we are able to keep our names on the top of the leaderboard often this year. When we make it big, we won’t leave the reader behind. We are a humble bunch here at Razzball. We’ll never go Pop, promise. 

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It’s Tuesday Night Football! This comes around just as often as a global pandemic. Hopefully. The Tuesday night game really threw a wrench in my standard Tuesday evening plans of roller blading, Kama Sutra and Below Deck. I had my Ryan Tannehill lede all queued up when the big new broke about the Jets releasing Le’Veon Bell, who they were reportedly trying to trade just hours before. I’m pretty sure I play in a fantasy league with Jets’ GM Joe Douglas. He was the guy who kept offering me ripoff A.J. Green trades all the way up until he cut him. I’ve seen a lot of  speculation about where Bell might land, including Kansas City, Philadelphia, Arizona, New England, Chicago, Los Angeles Chargers and Saskatchewan. I’m not sure he’s more than a low end RB2 on any of those teams—except maybe the Saskatchewan Roughriders—also, is anyone else starting to pick up a little Antonio Brown vibe? As you might expect, the aftermath in New York isn’t very enticing. Frank Gore and La’Mical Perine are worth rostering, maybe even Ty Johnson too if you’re really desperate. Which I always am. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday for fantasy football:

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I usually write this while I watch Monday Night Football. But I will not be watching MNF. I will not watch the Saints until they put in Jameis Winston. It’s been sad watching the box score through the first half. I don’t understand the Taysom Hill plays, I don’t understand the dedication to Drew Brees. I guess New Orleans could be a destination for Dak Prescott when he’s healthy, eh? After not being able to reach a deal with Dallas in the offseason and suffering an unfortunate gruesome injury, I would be surprised if Dak signs in Dallas on anything team friendly. Jerry Jones has given Dak the runaround on a new contract the last two offseasons while Dak is just trying to get a fair deal in an ever changing market. If you look at the deals that Patrick Mahomes and Deshaun Watson received, Dak wanting 40 million per year wasn’t so crazy after all. The fantasy market is changing at a much more rapid pace than the quarterback market, so let’s get to the buys and sells for week 6. 

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Entering Monday Night Football, Alvin Kamara was already the season-long RB1 overall in half-PPR and PPR formats despite having one less game played than much of the competition. So although his 15.9-point performance in half-PPR represented his weakest game of the season, it did very little to change his standing atop the top 60 rest of season running back rankings. Kamara rushed 11 times for 45 yards on Monday, fulfilling his usual role in the passing game with eight catches on 10 targets for another 74 yards. Latavius Murray (eight carries, 34 yards; two receptions, 23 yards) was effective but unspectacular, as it was the QB-duo of Drew Brees and Taysom Hill that punched in both of the Saints’ rushing touchdowns in the red zone. Yep, just how the fantasy gods drew it up.

As for the Chargers, the one-two replacement punch of Joshua Kelley and Justin Jackson didn’t exactly play out the way many anticipated. Although Kelley was the popular pick to step into startable RB2 status with the absence of Austin Ekeler, he averaged a measly 2.6 YPC while totaling 29 yards on 11 carries, catching just one pass for nine yards. In fact, it was Jackson who handles lead back duties, out-touching Kelley 19-to-12. Jackson rushed 15 times for 71 yards (4.7 YPC), but the major takeaway was how much more effective he was in the passing game: five receptions on six targets for 23 yards. Both look to be risky plays until Ekeler returns, likely lending no value outside of weekly Flex consideration — but the unpredictable split between the two makes even that risky.

In other news, Le’Veon Bell is back, Todd Gurley finished as an RB1, Raheem Mostert’s return rendered Jerick McKinnon all-but-irrelevant and Chase Edmonds appears to be overtaking Kenyan Drake in Arizona. Before we get into the Week 5 rankings, let’s take a look at all of that and more via a quick trip around the league.

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Week 5 was light on the injuries until Dak Prescott broke his ankle and needed immediate surgery. COVID postponements continue to be a difficult thing to navigate both for managers and commissioners. Alas, we must press on. The rookie WR class is really showing out and a number of them will be big parts of championship lineups. 

I group the adds by position and then within the position, rank them in order of preference. The sherpa will only advise players who are rostered in less than 50% of ESPN leagues.

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I got into the weeds Monday afternoon researching NFL mascots. I never knew how much I didn’t know about football mascots. Turns out there’s a lot of great ones out there, including Viktor the Viking, Rowdy the Cowboy and T-Rac, the Titans’ funny looking raccoon character who may or may not have coronavirus. Of course the Titans would have a random raccoon mascot. The Saints come in strong with not one, but two mascots: a friendly St. Bernard puppy by the name of Gumbo along with Sir Saint, a large mustachioed caucasian man with an obscenely large chin. The Chargers on the other hand are mascot-less after their unofficial mascot, Boltman, retired back in 2018 due to climate change. Enter Justin Herbert. The rookie QB balled out on Monday night with a line of 20/34 for 264 yards, 4 touchdowns and no interceptions.  Five of those completions went to Mike Williams who finished the night with 5 catches for 109 receiving yards and two touchdowns. Many forget that Big Mike caught 10 touchdowns in his sophomore season, only two years ago. The young QB/WR tandem looks to have a very bright future as the new L.A. Chargers mascots. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday for fantasy football:

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Donkey Teeth is back to discuss week 5 with B_Don. Dak Prescott is down for the season and the guys discuss what it means for the receiving threats, Ezekiel Elliott, and where Andy Dalton fits in with some of the other possible FA QBs. Dalton Schultz was a big riser last week for B_Don, but the TE may be falling as the TE position seems harder to find each week. 

We discuss the Dalvin Cook injury and where Alexander Mattison fits in for week 6. We move on to talk about some of the big performances from week 5 in Chase Claypool, Henry Ruggs, and Travis Fulgham. B_Don asks DT about a couple statements from his week 5 recap article where he says Miles Sanders is a 1st rounder and Calvin Ridley is a WR1 all season. 

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