I just snuck out of a court ordered gambling rehab facility to write this post, so I’ll have to be brief. After I was arrested for stealing old ladies’ purses from the retirement home down the block to fund my string of Arizona Cardinals’ Super Bowl wagers (a 50:1 lock!), the judge sentenced me to 6 month’s of in-patient rehab. Since I’ll be releasing my weekly fantasy football rankings each Thursday morning for the duration of the season, I’ve decided to throw in some bonus bold Thursday Night Football predictions along with my expertly handicapped pick for the contest:

Cincinnati Bengals (+6) at Cleveland Browns

Forecast: Nice of the NFL to serve us up the Ohio Toilet Bowl as a week 2 primetime game. On the plus side, you know Odell Beckham Jr. is always ready to go for the toilet bowl! But Odell’s disturbing fetish won’t be the only story line of our week two Thursday Night Football match up. Don’t take your eyes off Myles Garrett on the opening drive. He’ll sack the Bengals rookie QB, Joe Burrow, and knock him out of the game by ripping Burrow’s new bling chain off and beating him over the head with it. After the rookie’s departure, Ryan Finley will keep the Bengals in this one by peppering A.J. Green and Tyler Boyd with his deep ball, in the 5-7 yard range. On the ground, Nick will get his Chubb back, but Mixon will continue to leave his owners limp. And down the stretch, it’ll be Case Keenum flinging the feces to OBJ; Baker Mayfield has accidentally doubled booked for Thursday night and he’ll have to sneak away at halftime to record a few Progressive commercials.  Browns 28, Bengals 17

Wager: Browns -6 (1 Unit)

2020 Season: 0-1 (-1.1 Units)


Anyway, here’s my fantasy football rankings for week 2:

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Did you know that Rudy Gamble spent a full year at BBQ joints across the south and midwest studying to prepare the Pigskinonator? That’s dedication! Ultimately, pit bosses got wise to his tricks when he kept complaining about the “small sample size” of pulled pork he was getting. After his sojourn, Rudy returned to the nacho-cheese coated interior of Razzball Headquarters and developed the most advanced imaginary football management player performance predictor in existence: The Pigskinonator. Ultimately we had to get a restaurant permit because it turned out that Rudy really did roast a whole hog every time he ran the numbers. He said offers of roasted pork shoulder really appeased the fantasy football gods. Anywho. You should take a gander at the premium football offerings that Rudy provides because they’re legitimately the best way to think about whether you want to start Boston Scott or Nyheim Hines this week. Starting at $1 a week, you’re getting Rudy’s constantly updated weekly rankings, which account for, well, everything. If you’re into daily fantasy, check out the DFS option, which gives you an awesome lineup optimization tool that will make setting a competitive DFS lineup a breeze. On Rudy’s #1 projected lineup for the Thurs-Monday slate on DraftKings last week, I made nearly 300% return on investment. Whether it be your office league or DFS, all fantasy sports is about stacking the odds, and it’s good to have a tool in your belt that can help out in a pinch. 

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Your WR top 80 3.0 is here! Now we have some real live NFL data to help make adjustments. Some players were removed due to injury or ineffectiveness, and some new faces have forced their way onto the scene.

This list is not league or format specific, but it is based on 2020 projection only. When thinking through tiers and rankings I asked myself simply – “all things considered who would I rather have on my roster?”

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Did someone convince you to play IDP? Enjoying it? Played before and are basking in the glory of still winning despite not starting Marcus Maye? Need some waiver advice? Let’s take a quick look at last week’s highlights and then see who can help you this week and the rest of the season on the IDP waiver wire.

The Football Team’s defensive line were the stars of the week. Eight sacks of Carson Wentz led by Ryan Kerrigan’s 2 sacks. Rookie Chase Young looked good and had 1.5 sacks along with unheralded NT Matt Ioannidis. Are they that good? Well….they’re good, but don’t expect this production across the board each week. The Eagles were playing with a decimated offensive line. The only player playing their projected position was C Jason Kelce. All-Pro G Brandon Brooks and LT Andre Dillard are done for the season. Lane Johnson missed the game still recovering from ankle surgery and Jason Peters, signed to replace Brooks at guard moved over to left tackle, a position that the Eagles moved on from him after last season. The Football Team had its way with a second and third-string line. Do not expect the same production in Arizona, but they are a good group and will be heard from again.

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Welcome to week 2! I was really encouraged last week when nobody in any organization tested positive for Covid. I’m really starting to thing we are going to make it through this year with minimal messiness. As for my week 1 rankings, the week 1 FantasyPros accuracy report hasn’t been released. Outside of Monday night, I felt like things went well. For sake of context, I was out on Ben Roethlisberger and JuJu but they put together some magic together. Can’t hit ’em all. 

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B_Don and Donkey Teeth are back to discuss the happenings in week 1, some possible situation changes, and go over @Al_FF_Red’s waiver wire article. After we compare our top picks with Boof’s top pickups, we go over some contract talk with Allen Robinson and RBs getting paid. Then, we get into our observations for week 1. 

We start at QB  with Kyler putting up points in week 1. Then, we look at some established QBs that struggled in Carson Wentz, Tom Brady, and Ryan Fitzpatrick and discuss our level of concern on each. 

Next, both hosts admit to being wrong on Clyde Edwards-Helaire. They discuss what takeaways there might be from that match up, and one of the hosts is slightly higher on him than the other. Austin Ekeler and Nick Chubb both disappointed in week 1 and we talk about some realistic expectations for the rest of the season.

The guys start the WR discussion by answering a listener question regarding D.J. Moore. Both of the hosts remain positive on Preston Williams before looking into the Giants WR breakdown. Is it Quintez Cephus time or was it just an adjustment sans Kenny Golladay? 

We wrap up the show on the back end with tight ends. B_Don asks DT if he’s ready to move Andrews into his elite tier at the position. The guys discuss some young TE performances from week 1 and look at the potential for trading and streaming the TE position early in the season as your competitors are scrambling and panicking. 

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Ladies and gentlemen, this isn’t just a trade column. This week mostly won’t be. In the spirit of week 1 overreactions, I want to provide a buy and sell of narratives and performances this week. I can’t think of a better way to celebrate Josh Jacobs being on pace for 48 regular season touchdowns. 

Too often, people get caught up in overreacting to week 1 boxscores without seeing the whole picture, but sometimes the reactions end up being valid. August didn’t give us a preseason to work with so the week 1 sample size is what we have to work with. There were things that every analyst was right and wrong about coming out of week 1, including me. But whether you are heading into week 2 1-0 or 0-1, there is still a ton of football to be played. 

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As the final night of Week 1 of the 2020 NFL season winds to a close, I find myself updating Razzball’s top 60 running back rankings with some unusual sights dancing in front of my eyes. Stephen Gostkowski has missed three kicks and a field goal, Noah Fant looked like the best player on the field in the first half, Corey Davis is shredding the Broncos defense and my dog is licking his butt in the corner of the room as I scream about all of these things. Also on Monday were some unusual running back performances, highlighted by Saquon Barkley’s six-yard game on the ground and a breakout day for Benny Snell of Pittsburgh. Oddly enough, it looked for a little while like we really might see a 50-50 workload split in Denver before Melvin Gordon took over in the fourth quarter. If you’re already losing your mind over realities such as these, it might be a long 16 weeks to follow for you. On the plus side, we’re here to help you navigate the rest of the way with your running backs, as the weekly top 60 picks back up today with some drastic changes including some movement inside the top 10. First, let’s take a quick trip around the league.

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Welcome back to another trek to the highest peak. If you followed me last year, you’ll know that I am going to be your guide through this fantasy season. The first checkpoint in 2020 feels like the 50th as we have all already weathered a storm much more dangerous than fantasy football. However, we’re here now and ready to work. 

Take a sip of your morning coffee, brewed extra strong for the journey ahead. Week 1 is behind us and now there is much work to be done. I will group the adds by position and then within the position, rank them in order of preference. You’ll also be able to tell who is more valuable by the free agent acquisition budget (FAAB) suggestion, assuming a $100 budget. The sherpa will only advise players who are rostered in less than 33% of ESPN leagues. DISCLAIMER – at press time Tennessee and Denver had not kicked off yet. 

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Has anyone else been up since Thursday night? This football stuff is a hell of a drug. My hundredth sleepless hour was marked by a somber event on Monday morning when we conducted a Viking funeral on a nearby pond for my Kerryon Johnson Fathead. The Jonathan Taylor Fathead was disturbingly excited to launch the flaming arrow into Kerryon’s boat. When the police showed up to our fiery procession, I explained what was going on and they laughed at me for drafting Kerryon Johnson, again.

Monday night couldn’t come soon enough.

Unfortunately the Steelers/Giants game had me wishing I was back at Kerryon’s Viking funeral for most of the first half. The big story from that first game was Benny Snell who easily looked like the best running back in the Steelers backfield, rumbling for 113 yards on 19 carries. With James Conner appearing slow and also “being evaluated” for a mystery injury, Snell jumps to priority numero uno on my waiver claims list this week ahead of Nyheim Hines and Joshua Kelley; the Steelers’ second year man has legit RB1 upside. Here’s what I said about Snell when I ranked him #59 in my top 60 running back rankings, “It’s a crowded young backfield behind James Conner, but Uncle Benny is my favorite Steelers RB target this year. He looked great in his rookie season before getting banged up. Conner’s now been injured each of the last two seasons. Two plus two equals Benny. Someone please check my math there . . .” The interns did check my math and I guess it checks out. So open up your pocket books and Snell the coffee. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday for fantasy football:

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