Fantasy Football Rankings, Week 5

Period	Rank	QB	RB	WR	TE	K	DST
Week 4	5 out of 141	60	15	6	49	4	62
Week 3	22 out of 139	41	18	62	21	7	32
Week 2	96 out of 139	96	116	38	107	13	8
Week 1	66 out of 138	63	73	34	116	32	23
2016	26 out of 135	68	39	14	57	4	10
2015	22 out of 123	–	–	–	–	–	–
2014	31 out of 125	–	–	–	–	–	–

Yeah, so… I started doing this post that tried to provide an inside look into my rankings results, players I hit on, missed, etc. (like this), partly because I liked the idea of providing more disclosure with my process, and partly because I didn’t have to clutter the top of this rankings post with that ugly box of numbers. But let’s be honest, we had no idea what the ef was going on with that new information. Looking at it, I couldn’t really figure out what it actually provided that was beneficial, so I think we’ll just move on from it and do the same old thing we’ve always done. And speaking of which, Razzball had a great week… myself, Tehol, and Rudy all averaged out in the top-25 rankings put together, and separately, Tehol finished in the top-50, and Rudy (and his Pigskinator) finished 11th out of all experts, including getting first overall with quarterbacks! Our success is your success, as one of those motivational posters with a kitten lifting a fire truck or whatever says. One of those.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

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Handcuff Report, Week 5: An Artis-Payne-ful Week to Watch

by: mikeMaher

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If you think that headline is bad, the other one I considered was “Seeing the Forsett for the Trees.” And if you don’t like making a pun out of a phrase that is at least a few centuries old, then I don’t know what to do for you. Oh well, maybe you and I are just not meant to be. It’s not easy coming up with running back puns every week based on fantasy relevance. Sometimes you have to dig deep and get weird with it.

Before we get down to business, everybody, pour a little out for the homie Justin Forsett. This dude has had a rough couple months. Forsett got cut at the end of the preseason, got resigned a week later and STARTED week one, got benched in week four, and now—as if watching Terrance West go off for 100+ yards on Sunday wasn’t hard enough—just got released on Tuesday. His release has been described as a mutual parting, with Forsett hoping to get an opportunity with another team, but this is still a tough run for a running back who turns 31 in less than two weeks.

Now that we have that out of the way, has everyone finished cursing the name of John Kuhn? While Mark Ingram owners received a solid day and a touchdown from him, they had to watch John Kuhn vulture not one, not two, not three—OK, it was three—touchdowns on the day (I’ll never forgive myself for linking to that clip). I’ll pause here while you break things around your house, as I probably brought this back up just as you were starting to forget about it. Kuhn was easily the biggest surprise on Sunday.

And now, to the report…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Who Are These Guys?, Week 5: Rising Higher and Hoyer

October 5, 2016 | 2016 Fantasy Football, 2016 Roster Strategy | 25 Comments

by: malamoney

Last week Brian Hoyer would have made this list had Trevor Siemian not had such a strong outing. This week Hoyer would not be denied, finishing as a top ten QB in week 4. He was no Matt Ryan, but he did throw for 302 yards and two touchdowns. That’s a whole two more yard than Julio Jones had receiving. As a matter of fact, Jones had more yards than all but five quarterbacks. I think HBO just inked a deal for a new show called Game of Jones. Julio Jones, Matt Jones, Jacoby Jones, Chipper Jones and James Earl Jones all battle it out for the right to have their way with one of Lolo Jones, Rashida Jones or Catherine Zeta Jones. My money’s on Darth Vader. Although I think Indiana Jones could at least make it entertaining. For those wondering, this will be a much better show than Keeping Up With The Joneses.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Bear or Bull, Week 5: ODB

October 5, 2016 | 2016 Buy/Sell, 2016 Fantasy Football | 17 Comments

by: Son

Image result for beckham and odb

“Oh baby I like it raw. Yeah baby I like it raw.”

We play a fantasy game that tabulates stats from the performances of human beings playing the real game of football. To win, one must devoid emotion from the process and select the players that project to score the most points. It’s a very cold and robotic process, something the NFL (No Fun League) is probably ecstatic about. Yet, we are human. Antonio Brown scores two touchdowns and starts twerking in the endzone? We are on cloud 9 and put Antonio on the short list of baby names. C.J. Anderson fumbles at the goal line, costing countless owners a win, and people flock to Twitter and send death threats and racial slurs. One of the excuses I see thrown around to explain this behavior is that fans are passionate (but that’s not an excuse for stupidity, but that’s another discussion for another day). Okay. But you know what? Football players are humans too!!! And they have just as much passion, if not more than you or I. How else could you explain the willingness to consciously get into multiple car crashes a day?

I’ve seen so much silliness the past week regarding Odell Beckham Jr.…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Disgraces and Delights, Week 5: Mike Evans Lets His Snake Out the Cage

October 5, 2016 | 2016 Buy/Sell, 2016 Fantasy Football, 2016 Weekly Rankings | 129 Comments

by: LT Murray IV

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Greetings! I hope this note reaches Jay in time, for tomorrow, I leave on a boat trip through the treacherous San Juan Islands, and yes my goodmen, I’m on an epic adventure in search of mass amounts of plunder and booty (mostly booty). The simple and honest truth is, I could be killed, kidnapped, ransomed, or even frog-humped and feathered for all I know. If I go down with my ship (150 ft. yacht), I’d like you all to remember me for the man I was… check that, remember me for the man I was going to be, for I haven’t yet come close to reaching the spiritual levels I’ve slowly begun to master on my way to level four ninja-sex master-God… and that would have been a sight to see. Lord Beddict at a level four? Only the Elder Gods could even begin to imagine the amount of swimsuit models impregnated by a man who will never actually meet the children. For they shall watch him from afar, through their televisions or computers, preaching to the world the sort of positive impact fantasy sports can have on child’s life. They shall know him as Lord Beddict, and they shall be proud. They shall be proud and say: “That beautiful, sexy, shredded, poetic, charming, loving man, once stuck his meat thermometer in momma’s turkey. It’s an honor.” Or something of that nature. You get what I’m saying, don’t you? [Jay’s Note: LOL] No? Good, because I have no idea what I’m talking about.

I am Tehol Beddict and this is Disgrace/Delight! Take Heed!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Working the Wire, Week 5: Left Wanting More After Week 4

October 4, 2016 | 2016 Fantasy Football, 2016 Waiver Wire | 43 Comments

by: M@

Few things make me excited to wake up. Haha, I mean, I love life, but I also love my sleep. And I’m just guessing here, but I don’t think I’m alone in that. However, one day a week I am genuinely excited to wake up the moment my alarm goes off. And it’s not because doing the grown up in the morning (although always fun).

Nope, it’s Tuesdays. Because Tuesday means I can check the updated standings in my fantasy football leagues, see the new point totals within the standings (the true measure of how well you’re actually doing), start setting my lineup for the next week, and give my first glance at how I need to work the waiver wire. Does that make me weird? I’ll vote no. And I’ll imagine that a lot of you feel the same. Tuesdays…the best non-football day of the week.

This Tuesday was no different from any others. At first. I woke up before the sun, walked over to grab my phone and began scrolling through all my leagues to see the updates now that we’re four weeks in. So much anticipated joy was shortly replaced by an increasing disappointment. Sure, I didn’t do wonderful in Week 4 (went against Julio Jones in 3 leagues, and Matt Ryan in another 3…including one where my opponent had both. Ugh.), but the real cause for disappointment was found in the LACK OF ANYTHING TO WORK WITH ON THE WIRE! Haha, ok…now I’m getting ahead of myself. Let’s examine just whom is actually worth targeting, and see if any deserve a dope emoji next to their names. Here’s how you can work the wire for Week 5.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Hit it or Quit it, Week 5: My Dixon Isn’t a Smallwood

October 4, 2016 | 2016 Buy/Sell, 2016 Fantasy Football | 26 Comments

by: Jennifer

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Welcome back, my Horde! I am sorry that I once again had to leave you in the lurch last week. I know how you so depend on your weekly interactions with me, not only for spank bank fodder, but your required human socialization as well. It turns out that Mother Goddess was ill and being the sensational daughter that I am, she had to come before all of your perverted needs. Needless to say, she is on the mend and has given me permission to attend to your needs now. Ugh, it is so trying being so in demand, but I understand your addiction. I am quite charming, after all. So, first things first, how did you fare in Week 4? Me? Not so good. I was beaten so badly that Chris Brown Tweeted that he had nothing to do with it and was nowhere around me at the time. I swear. Look it up. I am chalking this week’s shellacking up to being a good daughter and not prioritizing Fantasy Football over Mother Goddess’s health and well-being. So, for those of you who went up against me this past week, enjoy the freebee, because I don’t come cheap. I also managed to lose some of my muscle on my teams to my Black Widow Curse, so it is good to know that at least that is consistent. I am sure that you all got nailed too (and not in a good way). So, without further ado, let’s see what I can do to assist you in repairing your damaged rosters with this week’s edition of Hit it or quit it, Week 5.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

World Wide FAAB, Week 5: Consider Me, I’m Marty B.

October 4, 2016 | 2016 Fantasy Football, 2016 Roster Strategy | 24 Comments

by: RotoLance

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I didn’t see any big shakeups this week. Did we truly go a week without an injury to a fantasy starting wide receiver or running back? Well anyway, what I have here are some names we know very well, the most promising names here were drafted in most leagues. Sadly, I know many of them are not widely available in 12-team leagues but I would rather include oft owned players than not have analysis available for those of you that need it. I also think that many of these players will be hard to get into your starting lineups. There’s a lot of uncertainty with them, which makes sense considering some of them have been owned previously but dropped. Also,”I TOLD PERCY I’D DO THIS!” Wait, what? Here’s fantasy football advice…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Bradford-Turner Overdrive

October 4, 2016 | 2016 Fantasy Football, 2016 News & Notes | 137 Comments

by: Jay

Well, we had some derp, we had a whole bunch of boring, and so… we had your prototypical Monday Night Football game. But clearly, let’s be sure to give them their due, the Vikings are for real. Sorta. Maybe. I mean kinda. That’s my definitive opinion. In what was a not particularly close game (but not really a blow out), the Giants once again proved that they have one of the best wide receiver trio’s in the NFL and have no idea how to use them correctly. Ben Mcadoo-doo and Eli Manning keep trying to make Will Tye a thing, and I have no clue as to why. He’s like the Hollywood version of Jai Courtney. And while the Giants shortcomings on offense have been a big frustrating so far, the same can’t be said for the Vikings. I mean, I haven’t heard this much praise for Norv Turner since he defended Earth from that meteor shower. And who would have thought Sam Bradford was the next coming of “Sam Bradford fulfilling his potential”? I mean, the Vikings are 4-0… incredible. And yeah, half their wins were against the Titans and the Giants, the version of which we saw last night that was quite meh. But the other two are against the Panthers and Packers. You put all this together, and you actually have a team that is on it’s way to the playoffs. And a lot of sad Bears fans…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Monday Night Football Live Thread, Week 4: Giants vs. Vikings

October 3, 2016 | 2016 Fantasy Football, 2016 Game Day Live Thread | 57 Comments

by: Jay

Elidealwithit

Well, I’ll give Monday Night Football credit, I haven’t seen these two teams matched up against each other in a while. So there’s that. Will the MNF curse hold strong, give us either derp or a horse tranquilizer to the eyes? Well, the Giants are involved, so derp is a given, but let’s not get ahead of ourselves. Both these teams are riding surprising starts, a theme also echoed by ESPN, who also wrote that the Vikings hadn’t lost a game in eight months. It sounds like a lot when you realize that football just started a month ago. While the Eagles are probably the biggest surprised in the NFC East, I’d would agree that the Vikings have already blown my expectations away. They’ve beaten the Packers AND Panthers already on the arm of Sam Bradford and on the leg of not Adrian Peterson. What a weird time we live in…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Happy Patriots Schadenfreude Day!

October 3, 2016 | 2016 Fantasy Football, 2016 News & Notes | 57 Comments

by: Jay

Yesterday we had a little bit of everything, didn’t we? After voluntarily waking up early for a Colts-Jaguars game in London, I wondered: What happened to my life that would make me do such a thing? I mean, you’d think after all we’ve done for the United Kingdom over the years, they’d have the courtesy to be on the same time zone. And we had plenty of expected outcomes like my Chargers once again clutching a loss from the jaws of victory, the Browns being their usually Brownsy selves, a boring Sunday night primetime game, Cam Newton concussing (a word?) himself again, and, of course, DeAndre Hopkins showing us where all hope goes to die. And then something… majestic happened, something rare. (Some say it only happens once a decade…) But we, as a nation, for the first time this season, witnessed the first Patriots loss of the year. And it was to the hapless Bills. What a time to be alive. In fact, both (or one, or none, who knows?) of the Ryans coached a defense that shut out the Patriots for the first time since 2006, and the first time in New England since 1993. Seems good. But as someone once said, you don’t know the sweet unless you’ve tasted sour. The sour? The Rams and Raiders, the current and former Los Angeles football teams, are currently in playoff contention. One team is coached by Jeff Fisher, and the other by Jack Del Rio. Soak that wierd sh*t in for a second…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Sunday Night Football Live Thread, Week 4: Chiefs vs. Steelers

October 2, 2016 | 2016 Fantasy Football, 2016 Game Day Live Thread | 26 Comments

by: Jay

When given the opportunity, I will never not use this. You have my word.

Look guys, if I could make a post where it was just that GIF and nothing else, I’d do it. But that’s kind of like someone spending a few hours making you cupcakes and then just eating the frosting. Sorry mom! And trust me, this was a hard decision-making process I went through there, with all the HARF HARF Big Ben GIFs that we have uploaded and ready to go, sorta how Roethlisberger describes himself around the bathroom stall. And while it sucks that I’ve been writing about football so long that I know how to spell Roethlisberger’s last name without Googling it first, it does give some perspective on a pretty intriguing Sunday Night Football game, probably the most intrugingest of the year. On another note, I’ve been doing this long enough to make up my own words, so yeah. Both teams have a questionable loss, but are 2-1, both teams have playoff aspirations (with potential… I’m sure the Browns, actually, no, I’m sure the Colts have aspirations, just not the potential, for example), and both are expecting their star running backs to make their debut tonight. One because he’s gets injured every three weeks, and other because of the ganja. Who will make the bigger impact? Which team will come out on top, thus taking a closer step to eventually losing to the Patriots in the playoffs? How many timeouts will Andy Reid eat? Find out all the answers to these questions and more tonight!

Please, blog, may I have some more?