Through the Wire, Week 14: Getting Wired with the Elders

Greetings! How are things? Terrible? Alllllll-Riiiiiiighty then! I had a dental appointment at 6:00 AM (more on this later), this Monday morning, so please, I beg of you, do not hold me accountable for anything inappropriate or offensive I may write in this post. I wonder, did Donald Trump give that warning before advocating a removal of all Mexican and Muslim people in the United States?… YEESH! I already own a pretty annoyingly flashy car. I GUARANTEE you that if I put a Trump sticker on that bitch, I’d get a shattered window within 24 hours. Should we test it out? I’d rather not, but I heard Jay, the greatest editor/writer in the history of sports writing, is heavily involved in Dump’s campaign, so maybe he’ll test this theory for us.

Anyway, I bet not one of you have had to get a gap filled in where you chipped a tooth when a significant other went super freak and put a dildo in your mouth… I mean, I’m always down for experimenting, and who really knows what I’ve done during my countless Molly sessions, but blow isn’t mind altering enough to get me to inhale a fake D… I’m embarrassed. I’m humiliated. I’m exhausted. Let’s talk football before these pain killers knock me out for the count.

I am Tehol Beddict and this is, Getting Wired with the Elders! Take heed!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

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The Benchwarmers, Week 14: Fitzmagic the Gathering

December 8, 2015 | 2015 Buy/Sell, 2015 Fantasy Football | 2 Comments

by: Doug

We are officially in Fantasy Football playoff season, and that means that if you’ve made it this far, it’s because you’ve read my articles and followed my advice, obviously. You’ve still got a chance to win money and if you listen to me, we’ll go far together kid. Plenty of gems on the waiver wire to snag now as we get serious in our Fantasy Football leagues with cold, hard cash on the line (and/or pride too). Let’s get to the nitty-gritty now.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Bear or Bull: K-Ci & “JoJo” LaFell

December 8, 2015 | 2015 Buy/Sell, 2015 Fantasy Football | 8 Comments

by: Son

When I discovered that Brandon LaFell’s nickname was “JoJo,” I immediately went to YouTube and looked up one of my favorite songs to sing at karaoke. It’s a song that describes owning LaFell in fantasy football. You see… Lately is about a guy that thinks his girl is cheating on him. He doesn’t want to acknowledge it but it’s impossible not to. The signs are smacking him right in the face. At some point, he needs to deal with it and move on.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Newton’s Law

December 7, 2015 | 2015 Fantasy Football, Fantasy Football Daily Notes | 43 Comments

by: Jay

Technically, it’s “Newton’s law of universal gravitation”, but let’s not cut hairs here when it comes to aesthetically pleasing titles. I’m into that whole brevity thing, man. But like Newton’s law — that two bodies in the Universe attract each other with a force that is directly proportional to the product of their masses and inversely proportional to the square of the distance between them, or, like how Paula Abdul explained while singing with a cartoon cat, that opposites attract, Cam Newton has been able to work with what is probably the most underwhelming receiving depth in the league. Not counting the Browns. (You never count the Browns.) I mean, Ted Ginn Jr. is a starter. THIS IS CRAZY. With last night’s win against the hapless Saints, the Panthers are now 12-0 and the only undefeated team remaining. Or, if you live in Carolina, they are now the only undefeated team with a 11-1 record. Regardless, no matter what unfolds the next month, at this point, it looks like the Panthers are set to make their run to the Super Bowl, where they’ll likely face off against the not-Bengals…

Here’s what else I saw during Week 13’s Sunday games…

New to Daily Fantasy Football? Try out this new free FanDuel’s contest, where half the league is guaranteed to win. (Played on FanDuel before? You can build a team for $5 for a chance of $100,000, part of a one million dollar prize pool!)

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Sunday Games Live Thread, Week 13

December 6, 2015 | 2015 Fantasy Football, 2015 GameDay Notes | 50 Comments

by: Jay

Now that the Thanksgiving festivities are behind us, we go into a no-bye schedule from here on out. No offense intended. That’s right folks, if you were tired of watching just two games in the afternoon slot and 67 games to start off the day, well then, the time is here, with a full slate of games, to have… four afternoon games? Seriously? You’d assume in the year 2015, the NFL would have discovered the mathematical operation of dividing by two to plan out a day of football… but we are talking about the NFL here. I suppose if the schedule came out deflated or smoked a joint, it’d be something to fix. But whatever. Who cares when we have such enticing match-ups like the Jets and Giants (The Derp Awakens), and, uh… the Jaguars and Titans? Well, that’s one way to drive traffic to MLBtraderumors… There are the Eagles facing off against the Patriots and for Sunday Night Football, the Colts and Steelers will battle to see who can surround as much mediocrity around their star quarterbacks as they can. To be fair, I think the Steelers win on the count of Andrew Luck being injured. From churning butter. Prove to me he didn’t injure himself churning butter. You can’t, can you?

Rankings have been updated and can be found here.

Join myself and your fellow readers in a special Razzball-only Contest! Buy-in is just $5.00 and the top-5 finishers in a 22-team league are all part of the prize pool! Sign up here!

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Razzball FanDuel Contest, Week 13: Heat Check

December 5, 2015 | 2015 Daily Fantasy, 2015 Fantasy Football |

by: M@

The heat check. Familiar with it? When you’re comin’ in so hot to a matchup that you feel like you’re as on fire as the Mike D cheat code from NBA Jam TE, you just start trying anything. Shooting from 30′ in basketball, swinging at anything thrown to a catcher in baseball, or attempting to break free in football by running more horizontally than vertically. None of those things I just mentioned are sound decisions, but you’re in the delirium of the heat check. Mr. T and his entire A-Team couldn’t stop you from doing what you need when you’re on fire. But it’s in these moments where you forget what made you so hot…and you get stoopid.

That hot streak you rode in on just blew a tire to send you tumble-weeding face first into the embarrassment of soured achievements. Now before you get all defensive and read this as a prodding of your glorious and gluttonous track record in fantasy football, because I’m sure you’re the king of the world of the water cooler of your work, but deep breath…these fun little analogies are incredibly befitting of none other than me.

A new week, a new storyline. It’s the beauty of fantasy football. Week 10 brought with it some exciting highlights in my fantasy football season: my teams went 7-0, I came out strong in the DFS games, and I began my writing foray here at Razzball covering the weekly game we offer. How’d I finish in my inaugural attempt? 2nd. And with it a little bit of instant clout. I was feeling good about my entry until time failed to stop at Week 10, moved on with the calendar seven days, and brought with it Week 11. Ever had one of those moments in sports where your heat check cooled into something a frigid as Elsa’s fingertips way too fast (yes, I just referenced Disney. You’re welcome.)? Yeah, for Week 11, ‘hot’ was the last thing I was comin’ in as. Week 12? Still didn’t learn my lesson, even though we didn’t offer the Razzball FanDuel Contest. What’s that you ask?

Each week we offer a 22-man Razzball-only FanDuel Contest that pays out the top-5 finishers. Think you’re good enough to operate beyond just luck and work your way to the prize? Then put your money where your fingertips are and enter the $5 Contest for Week 13!

Time to remember what got us here and take advantage of the final week of the fantasy regular season. Here’s how to navigate Week 13 in a 22-man contest…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Streamers, Week 13: Goodbye, Byes

December 5, 2015 | 2015 Fantasy Football, 2015 Roster Strategy | 7 Comments

by: waterloo

At this point in the season, you’re looking for streamers because you’re dealing with injuries, right? The bye weeks are over, and you’ve had 12 weeks now to find a suitable fill-in at quarterback, tight end and the pointless positions (kicker and defense).

If not, I mean you’re probably just playing DraftKings or FanDuel, because your regular season is over.

Let’s get to it…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

The Stats Machine, Week 13: Yo Adrian!

December 4, 2015 | 2015 Buy/Sell, 2015 Fantasy Football | 19 Comments

by: malamoney

Well… we’re at that point in the season where we’ve separated the men from the boys. Sorry ladies. It’s just an expression. Those of you that have already clinched a playoff berth, congratulations. Those that are no longer setting their lineups, SHAME ON YOU. Please notice the CAPS. There is very little I despise more than when someone does not set their lineup. Leaving a player that is on a bye or out due to injury is UNACCEPTABLE at any time of the season. I get it, we all have lives and hiccups are going to happen along the way, but more than once is a season is enough for me to want you out of the league. Sorry, but if you can’t find the little bit of time it takes each week to make sure you at least have a lineup of active players, you don’t belong in my league. You’re affecting the outcome of the league when you do this and I won’t stand for it. I won’t sit for it either. In one of my leagues I have gotten my league mates to agree to a fine of $20 for every inactive player left in a lineup. I could go on, but I actually had a different agenda today.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

FanDuel, Week 13: The Lucky Number

December 4, 2015 | 2015 Daily Fantasy, 2015 Fantasy Football |

by: Zach

Alright, we get it. Everyone is going to win this week because everyone’s lucky number is 13. Enough! Something very interesting happened Monday Night on DraftKings last week. Something that defines how Fantasy Football is such a fickle mistress. The setting? DraftKings’ $600k Blitz. Per RotoGrinders.com-

This one came down to the very last play. “GregieC03” was sitting pretty and looking as if he would lock up the six-figure payday if Cleveland could make the game-winning field goal. Instead, the Ravens blocked the kick and returned it for a TD which catapulted underjones from out of the top five into the lead by the slimmest (.20) of margins. “Underjones” would also take fourth place and win a live final seat to cap off a great weekend for him.

Final Standings:

1. underjones 217.84, $100,000
2. GregieC03 217.64, $50,000
3. FitnessKING613 214.34, $25,000
4. underjones 212.4, $15,000
5. Josh677 211.5, $10,000

At this point you have to laugh and just settle for $50k. I know, what a settle.

Week 12 was a bad week for the chalk WR’s. Players such as Julio Jones, DeAndre Hopkins, and Antonio Brown all scored below 10 points, which absolutely destroyed a ton of people’s tournament lineups, as D-Hop was owned by 52.9% owned in Fanduel’s Week 13 Sunday Million. Let’s review the rest of Week 12….

Join myself, Jay, and your fellow readers in a special Razzball-only Contest! Buy-in is just $5.00 and the top-5 finishers in a 22-team league are all part of the prize pool! Sign up here!

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DEFCON Lions

December 4, 2015 | 2015 Fantasy Football, Fantasy Football Daily Notes | 28 Comments

by: Jay

In what was a mix of Packers being bad and the Lions being good, one wondered what kind of dark wizardry was at work. True, the Packers had, for the most part, been struggling a bit lately after starting the season 6-0, losing three of their last four heading into last night’s game. Also true is the fact that the Lions, not too long ago, were in a heated competition with San Diego for the first overall pick in next year’s draft, but have surged a bit from worst in the league to a pretty solid below-average team. So while the Lions taking a 17-0 lead at halftime was a bit surprising, one could only help but wonder, how were the Lions going to Browns this up? Well, one thing’s certain… they sure nailed it. In what was a last-ditch hail mary (shown above), Aaron Rodgers was inexorably able to hit Richard Rodgers in the end zone to win the game. I’m calling it: that is the most Lions thing ever. EVER. If something can top that, I’m not sure the world would be ready for it…

Join myself and your fellow readers in a special Razzball-only Contest! Buy-in is just $5.00 and the top-5 finishers in a 22-team league are all part of the prize pool! Sign up here!

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The Injury Report, Week 13: Gronk’s Absence Leaves Gaping Hole

December 3, 2015 | 2015 Fantasy Football, 2015 Injury Report | 7 Comments

by: RotoLance

Rob Gronkowski’s sixteen game, standard scoring, fantasy point pace for 2015 was 214.4. That’s a hefty number. That’s a number good enough to keep the “is he, or is he not worth a 1st round draft pick” debate going. If there exists a knock against Gronk, it is most likely that he can’t stay healthy. Which is something that I think is technically true, but it also might be unfair. I think we need to acknowledge that most tight ends are injury prone. For whatever reasons, they just seem to miss more time than their wide receiver counterparts. This has been especially true for the most dominant tight ends in fantasy of the past several years: Antonio Gates, Rob Gronkowski, Jimmy Graham, and Julius Thomas. Gronkowski and Thomas have missed the most games, while Gates and Graham have mostly managed to stay on the field, albeit often with lesser production as they struggled with injuries .

So it’s arguably not really Gronk being injury prone, per se, because the top tight ends as a whole get injured a lot. Other oft injured tight ends include Jordan Reed, Kyle Rudolph, and going back a little further to when he was useful… Owen Daniels. Going back even further, you have Dallas Clark. Arguably, Tyler Eifert and Jordan Cameron deserve to be labeled as injury prone. The only exceptions I can think of are Greg Olsen, Jason Witten and Tony Gonzalez, three truly durable players.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

The Max Factor: A Hill to Tanne On

December 3, 2015 | 2015 Buy/Sell, 2015 Fantasy Football | 3 Comments

by: Max

So, you are missing the fantasy playoffs this year. I apologize for the injuries your team had this season. I apologize you lost weeks because you benched players that outperformed your starters. I apologize for you scoring the 2nd or 3rd most points that week, but you played the #1 point performer. Now you are probably sad, angry, and frustrated or unhappy that you are not going to have bragging rights over your opponents. I assure you it could be worse. I read a case in my business law class Monday and I would like to share it with you. This Canadian man, we’ll call him Julius, bought two lottery tickets at 8:59 PM on day 1. As of 9pm, the tickets you buy are for the next days lottery. One printed at 8:59PM and 45 seconds, the other at 9:00PM and 7 seconds. Julius’s 2nd ticket had the winning numbers for day 1 and he tried to redeem his ticket, but was denied by the clerk stating the ticket, at 9:00 and 7 seconds was for day 2. Now Julius obviously fought this and argued he bought the ticket the previous day at 8:59, but was consistently refused. The highest court in Canada also refused him and now Julius is sad, angry, frustrated, and unhappy. Folks, it can always get worse. Now for all of you happy and fortunate beings that are still fighting for a playoff spot, let us talk football!

Please, blog, may I have some more?