Packin’ in the Rain

HISTORY IN THE MAKING PEOPLE

In what was an oft-rainy night an Lambeau Field (IF ONLY IT WERE SNOW, WE’D ALL EXPLODE), our long national nightmare finally ended. No, Alex Smith did not retire. Instead, he finally threw a touchdown to a receiver (shown above), something that hadn’t happened in the Chiefs last 17 games. Or, in calendar terms, not since December 8th, 2013. Folks, Andy Reid’s long con has finally paid off. That being said, it’s so very Chiefs that the record-breaking extravaganza for a useless stat occurred in a game in which they basically got blown out. The garbage time was strong with this one (even almost bringing the game within one possession with 1:25 to play before botching the two-point conversion), but it’s abundantly clear that the Chiefs may not be that good at the footballs. In a striking follow-up point, the Packers have shown that they might be pretty good at the footballs. If someone made a movie based on my time here at Razzball, it would be called: An Analytical Life. Or quite possibly WHERE ARE MY DATES? I WAS PROMISED DATES. But enough about myself and my movies, let’s make fun of Alex Smith more…

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Monday Night Football Live Thread, Week 3: Chiefs vs. Packers

by: Jay

After giving away a win to Peyton Manning and the Broncos last week, the Chiefs look to move to 2-1 against the Packers who are from the bay that is green. I believe that’s also the name of a Dr. Seuss poem. Or maybe I’m just a poetic person. OR MAYBE WHO CARES. Much like how I feel about this game. Sure, on paper the match-up is interesting, only because the principle cast involves guys like Jamaal Charles, Randall Cobb, Aaron Rodgers, Eddie Lacy… okay, I’m seeing a theme here. The principle cast is essentially from Milwaukee. But don’t let that dissuade you from not being entertained, we actually get another chance in our lives to see if Andy Reid will find some way to psychically eat his timeouts. I’m assuming he’s done so with the challenge flags, thinking they were ribs with ketchup on them. The game will essentially come down to how healthy Eddie Lacy and Davante Adams are, both suffering from ankle injuries this week. Both have practiced this week and are probable for tonight’s game, but if we’ve learned anything from semi-injured players miraculously being able to be suit up for their games this year, it’s that they’ll break your hearts and then punch them in the crotch. A heart-crotch punch, if you will. (See Anderson, C.J..) I’d say we’re in for an interesting game, but since it’s Monday Night Football, I’ll just say we’re in for a game. A football game, hopefully.

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Big Ben Down

September 28, 2015 | 2015 Fantasy Football, Fantasy Football Daily Notes | 78 Comments

by: Jay

Ben Roethlisberger was forced from yesterday’s game against the Rams when Mark Barron fell onto his leg, bending it awkwardly. While my initial reaction was to breathe a sigh of relief for all the women out there who are mobile enough to out-run a one-legged man, my next reaction was that this looked to be a season-ending leg injury. As of now, the prognosis has gone from leg implosion to ACL injury to MCL sprain, which normally takes around six weeks to recover from. Still, while the news improved throughout the day, this remains a huge blow to not just Roethlisberger, but also to the entire Steelers offense. I doubt Michael Vick ever wanted to start another NFL game again, but here he is, ready to provide clumsy pocket-presence mixed with a canon arm that fires anywhere and everywhere you don’t want it to. So basically a worse Ben Roethlisberger. While Heath Miller probably will stay the same (for now and eternity), Antonio Brown, Markus Wheaton, and Martavis Bryant (when he returns) will likely have some issues to contend with. Le’Veon Bell benefits the most, as check-downs need to go somewhere, and there will be even more emphasis on the Steelers rushing game. That being said, it can be a double-edged sword when defenses start game-planning against such things, so we’ll have to see what kind of magic Offensive Coordinator Todd Haley has ready to go. Haha, Steelers are screwed. But don’t worry, Big Ben’s third leg still works ladies! (Whether you like it or not…)

Here’s what else I saw in Week 3…

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Sunday Night Football Live Thread, Week 3: Broncos vs. Lions

September 27, 2015 | 2015 Fantasy Football, 2015 GameDay Notes | 16 Comments

by: Jay

In what is an interesting match-up, if only because we rarely get to see it (I’VE NEVER EVEN HEARD OF IT), the Broncos travel to Detroit to find out if last week’s fourth quarter “Manning being just being Manning” is actually repeatable. Much has been said of Denver’s lack of any rushing attack, mainly because of C.J. Anderson’s toe. Which seems ridiculous. I mean, you want a toe? I can get you a toe, believe me. There are ways, Dude. I can get you a toe by three o’clock this afternoon… There are some reports that Ronnie Hillman could start splitting carries, but I’m assuming the Broncos prefer positive rushing yardage, so I’m still in the Anderson camp, health and s’mores permitting. The Lions have started 0-2, I think mainly because Matt Stafford forgot that he has a thing called Calvin Johnson on his team. A stifling (I’m running out of adjectives) Broncos defense will continue to make that relationship tense (I’m running out of metaphors), but both offenses are capable of putting up yards. I for one hope this is the most amazing game in the history of games, only because with Drew Brees looking doubtful in Week 4, we’ll have a Sunday Night Football game that features Luke McCown and Brandon Weeden coming up. Jesus.

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Late Games Live Thread, Week 3

September 27, 2015 | 2015 Fantasy Football, 2015 GameDay Notes | 23 Comments

by: Jay

With the Late Games schedule lacking a bit, uh, what’s a good word to use here? Ooomph? Yeah, ooomph. I suppose the prime time game would be the 49ers hanging out with the Cardinals in Phoenix, or as Fox calls this match-up: “America’s Game”. Seems a bit presumptuous, since I like to think that Arizona doesn’t really exist as part of America. I suppose much of the tri-city area doesn’t really think too highly of San Francisco, but we might be getting too meta here. The Bills also go against the Dolphins, which should be an interesting defensive nap-fest, and seeing as how the Seahawks have been suffering so much, they get a one game reprieve as they go against Jimmy Clausen and the surviving members of the Bears. What’s my analysis here? Get your alcoholic beverages ready friends…

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Early Games Live Thread, Week 3

September 27, 2015 | 2015 Fantasy Football, 2015 GameDay Notes | 101 Comments

by: Jay

Na na na na na na na nana, Na na na na nana, Gettin stabby wit it

With no other “marquee” match-ups for the early slate of games this Sunday, I suppose I’m pigeon-hole’d into discussing the always “just about mediocre” rivalry of the Bengals and the Ravens. Not quite up to par with the Steelers and Ravens rivalry, which usually involves a lot of angst and stabbings (Ray Lewis misses those days), the Bengals and Ravens yearly face-off’s are like the adopted child of the AFC North’s divisional games. Baltimore has seen a bit more success in the playoffs in recent memory, but that’s only because I’m comparing them to the Bengals, who last won a playoff game during the Hoover administration. This very early 2015 season though, favors Cincinnati with their 2-0 start. You might say it’s because of Skyline Chili, but then I would say, have you ever had Skyline Chili? Rather, it’s probably from the surprisingly steady play from Andy Dalton. The Ravens could have a difficult road ahead if they lose and go 0-3, but they do have Murphy’s Law on their side. Which usually ends up being the best weapon against Dalton. Plus, the Ravens have the most elite quarterback in the NFL. His 2015 fourth-quarter passing rating of 34.6 and two interceptions proves this as fact. An elite fact if you will…

Rankings have been updated for today’s games, and can be found here.

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The Benchwarmers, Week 3: Loss Prevention

September 26, 2015 | 2015 Fantasy Football, 2015 Roster Strategy | 5 Comments

by: Doug

So, Week 3 is upon us and if you read my post last week, then surely you won your league already, right? That’s how it works but maybe you need another healthy dose of fantasy football information and that’s what this will provide you. Currently, the NFL is going through an injury epidemic right now with Dez Bryant, DeSean Jackson, Tony Romo, Andre Ellington, Tevin Coleman, Jay Cutler, Alshon Jeffery, Eddie Lacy, DeAndre Hopkins, Dwayne Allen, Lamar Miller, Drew Brees, Brandin Cooks, Eric Decker, Chris Ivory, DeMarco Murray, Ladarius Green, and Delanie Walker all dealing with injuries right now that either have them missing games or potentially missing games/limiting them. And we just started Week 3… This is where having the right handcuffs is most important and who to have on your bench could be the difference between a win and a loss on any given week.

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Start ‘Em and Sit ‘Em, Week 3: RAWLS is Not an Acronym

September 26, 2015 | 2015 Fantasy Football, 2015 Roster Strategy | 111 Comments

by: LT Murray IV

Greetings! Again… ughhhhh, I’m exhausted after competing in a First Tee golf tournament yesterday, but the show must go on. I can hardly walk, for my body feels like I just performed at five straight bachelorette parties. Ahh, the grand old days. If only middle-aged woman still paid me to rub my bulging package in their frothing grills for a few hours of ego-boosting excitement. A slipped disc and an opportunity at Razzball took it all away from me, but I’ll never forget those special woman. They showed me the meaning of true joy. The meaning of real pleasure. Getting paid extra to boink a few of them was just an added bonus. And now, I bring that joy to a few of you, the JPP handful of you, who actually read my posts in full. YOU have given me a reason to live, and for that, I thank you. Sure, serving more cream pies than the Cheesecake Factory has it’s benefits, but giving the rod a break for a few years and dusting off my keyboard has done me a world of good.

Oh, it’s still football season? Here’s who I like in Week 3. I am Tehol Beddict and this is Start ’em/ Sit ’em! Take Heed!

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The Stats Machine, Week 3: If The Shoe Fitz

September 25, 2015 | 2015 Buy/Sell, 2015 Fantasy Football | 19 Comments

by: malamoney

As I mentioned last week, it won’t be until after week 4 that The Stats Machine (TSM) begins including opposing defenses into its algorithm. It needs about four weeks of defensive statistics before they are really useful. So in the meantime, just bare with us as we still believe our data science is attention worthy. However, as a commenter pointed out last week, without defensive adjustments the results kinda feel like something we could get from Captain Obvious. I see his point, at least to some extent, and have decided to add a section listing the top ten players, according to TSM, at each position.

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Streamers, Week 3: A Little Amish Rifle Isn’t Foles Gold

September 25, 2015 | 2015 Fantasy Football, 2015 Roster Strategy | 26 Comments

by: waterloo

It’s going to get harder and harder to stream quarterbacks starting this week, as the injury plague is officially upon us. Here’s hoping that Drew Brees is actually okay, so there’s one less owner looking for a quarterback play this week. Last week, we did well, at least with quarterbacks and tight ends (Alright, Vernon Davis wasn’t that great). Let’s get to it for streamers for Week 3 of the fantasy season…

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NFC East Fever! CATCH IT!

September 25, 2015 | 2015 Fantasy Football, Fantasy Football Daily Notes | 56 Comments

by: Jay

PEAK WASHINGTON

I was promised derp, and boy did we get some derp. Sure, it took an insufferable amount of time to receive said derp (three-and-a-half quarters), along with sitting through an equally insufferable fourth quarter that lasted about 32 hours longer than it should have, but when that derp came… I mean, there was just no way to predict that Matt Jones would fumble there (shown above), but I think we all saw it coming in our hearts. And folks, it was everything I knew Washington derp would be. “District derp”, if you will. Which, coicidentally, will be the name of my new band. It’ll be a cross of Taylor Swift and Bon Iver. In a game that will further put the NFC East in flux, Washington came into Thursday Night Football as the favorites to win the division if they only existed and didn’t somehow die of dysentery. Hey, it happened all the time in Oregon Trail, which, if I remember correctly, was based on a true story. But alas, the Giants showed some competency (don’t hold your breath) and Washington returned to their roots. But with Dallas still pitting all their hopes on Brandon Weeden (now with more Matt Cassel back-up power!), and the Eagles struggling to muster two yards of total offense, the division remains up for grabs. So it wouldn’t surprise me if the 49ers somehow ended up taking division title from all of them…

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Thursday Night Football Live Thread, Week 3: Washington vs. Giants

September 24, 2015 | 2015 Fantasy Football, 2015 GameDay Notes | 18 Comments

by: Jay

As has been a reoccurring theme this season (and all of last year if you were hanging out with us), the NFC East is known for the derp and nothing but the derp. Call it the cornucopia of derp, if you will. And you should, because Thanksgiving is just a mere few months away. Which is close enough for me, because turkey. And while the Cowboys and Eagles always offer their own unique brand of derp, Washington and the New York “Football” (HUR DUR) Giants were born in it. Molded by it. Watching these two teams is always an existential exploration of mascochism for their fans, and when you combine two such forces of derp, it’s almost like going on a life-fulfilling camping trip. The air is so fresh, the scenery is so majestic. The catharsis of it all… and then you get lyme disease. It’s like the Greek myth of Icarus and Daedalus, but in this case, Icarus is the derp, we are Daedalus, and these two teams are the sun. Ya know, maybe I should have just stuck to writing about turkey…

Rankings have been updated for tonight’s game and can be found here.

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