Who Are These Guys?, Week 6: Wyld Stallyns

Four score and 7 quarters ago…

Considered by many to be the best time traveling movie ever made, Back to the Future is a must see film of the 80’s. Set in Hill Valley, California, Marty McFly accidentally travels back in time (to 1955) using a flux capacitor-powered DeLorean in an attempt to escape a band of angry Libyans. While there… well you know the rest. And if you don’t, shame on you!

Another time traveling masterpiece that gets much less attention, and in many ways is much more excellent, follows the wild adventures of Bill S. Preston, Esquire, and Ted “Theodore” Logan as they travel back in time with the help of Rufus and his magical phone booth to solicit the help of historic personalities such as Napoleon Bonaparte, Abraham Lincoln, Ludwig van Beethoven and So-crates, to help them pass their history class assignment. That’s right, you guessed it. I’m talking about Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure. This movie was so excellent, it even had a much less excellent sequel entitled Bill and Ted’s Bogus Journey. Believe it or not, I saw this flick in the movie theaters. Shame on me? I was only 14 years old. But even more believe it or not, a third installment to this pseudo legendary saga is currently in the works. So buckle up folks and get ready for another excellent journey!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Learn more about our 2024 Fantasy Football Subscriptions!

The best blend of accurate and bold weekly projections for QB/RB/WR/TE + PK + Defensive Teams and IDP as well as a kick-ass DFS lineup optimizer and projections for DraftKings, FanDuel, and Yahoo!

Legion of OOPS

by: Jay

Well, wasn’t that something. The game was, well, close for the most part. And by close, you have to consider context, as they Seahawks didn’t score 45 points in the first quarter, which certainly exceeded my expectations. But it’s no surprise that Jim Haslett was implementing his no cover defensive scheme throughout the game, and Jay Gruden’s sh*tty play design was certainly well masked by the players poor execution of it. But if there’s one takeaway here, it’s that the game was closer than it ever had a right to be, though, it is fair to say, the outcome was really never in doubt. So Washington hung in there…, bravo. That’s definitely worth something. Well, I mean, it’s worth a loss. So yeah, I guess that sucks.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

MNF, Week 5: Seahawks vs. Washington Football Team

October 6, 2014 | 2014 Fantasy Football, Fantasy Football Gameday | 55 Comments

by: Jay

Our football cuppeth runneth over…eth… I guess? With another Sunday in the books, Monday Night Football has arrived, just in time to give us a reason to drink for at least three hours tonight. Or maybe that’s just me. But it won’t be once this game gets started. While you could find reasons to support tonight’s affair being a trap game for the heavily favored Seahawks, I assure you, it would take a meteor dropping down in Landover, MD of epic dinosaur extinction proportions to affect the outcome of this game. And I hate to tell ya, but Bruce Willis is still alive and well. So, we must drink! Coming off a bye, the Seahawks have also won eight straight Monday night games and still have an elite defense that will face Kirk Cousins, who is coming off a career-high four interception game. Should be a mix better made for a Thursday Night Football game. Then again, as my Chargers proved, the Seahawks aren’t as dominating when outside the proximity of fish-throwers and Space Needles and smarmy coffee drinkers, but you’d have to think a functional defense would help here. Washington… does not have that.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Matt Prater Will Have a Couple of Voicemail Messages Waiting for Him Today

October 6, 2014 | 2014 Fantasy Football, Fantasy Football Daily Notes | 75 Comments

by: Jay

In a thrilling day of footballing, there were nine games decided by a touchdown or less, three games decided by a field goal or less, and two overtime victories. It was enough to make some teams (looking directly at you Jim Caldwell and the Lions) wonder why someone like Alex Henery, who single-handedly (or footedly? Is that a word?) lost the game against the Kyle Orton led Bills 17-14, (to what was a 58-yard field goal to Dan Carpenter) still holds a job in the NFL. Missing one field goal is okay. Missing two is unacceptable. Missing three in a game, one of which came with 51 seconds remaining… well… if anything, Henery should be immediately cut just for allowing the above photo to be a thing. Fun fact: If you look up the word “d*ckish” in the dictionary, you’ll find a smug Jim Schwartz smiling right back at you. And while you could easily see getting carried off the field after beating Detroit in the fifth week of the regular season as the most Buffalo thing ever (landing as a tie with eating and drinking too much before sobbing uncontrollably… or is that Cleveland?), apparently asking your team to do this in the preseason, as far back as OTA’s seems, I don’t know, spiteful? Smarmy? Maladjusted? Well, to be fair, with Schwartz, no one would ever see him being that kind of guy… But hey, some good came out of this. Kyle Orton threw for over 300+ yards with a touchdown against the number one ranked defense in the NFL, which is pretty good. And probably the eighth sign that the end of the world is here.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

SNF, Week 5: Bengals vs. Patriots

October 5, 2014 | 2014 Fantasy Football, Fantasy Football Gameday | 42 Comments

by: Jay

Just in time for tonight’s prime time festivities, there are reports surfacing like leaky submarines (stay with me here) that “tension” exists between Tom Brady and the New England Patriots. If by tension you mean “sh*tty quarterback play”, then yes, I can see that.

Two sources told ESPN that former rookie quarterback Jimmy Garoppolo was drafted as Brady’s successor and the move could happen “sooner than later.” No source suggested that “sooner” would mean a change during the 2014 season.

So the question here is, what the heck does “soon” mean then? Soon to me is, like, soon. Not 365 days from now. Let’s figure out what these words actually mean before using them, yes?

Cincinnati, who could arguably be one of the best teams so far, brings in a well-balanced offensive attack, despite all the gingerness, not to mention a physical defense that has helped generated the only undefeated team in the AFC. Then again, the Bengals have a propensity to lay down in meaningful games, but lucky for them, this isn’t the playoffs.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Week 5 Late Games: Bye Bye Bye Week

October 5, 2014 | 2014 Fantasy Football, Fantasy Football Gameday | 10 Comments

by: Jay

The surprising Cardinals (3-0) are set to take on the Broncos (2-1) after both teams enjoyed their byes. That sounds hot. Denver has been surprisingly pedestrian in a lot of ways so far this season, beating the Chiefs and Colts by a touchdown before the overtime loss against Seattle. There’s been no word as of yet if authorities have located Demaryius Thomas, but I’m assuming they are just doing what Peyton Manning has been doing and confusing which Thomas is which. No, it’s that one. No, not that one. That one. Wait, now I’m confused. The undefeated Cardinals, which is not an oxymoron, I swear, is still without Carson Palmer. But that’s okay if you have a defense that’s only allowing 15 points a game and just 2.9 yards per carry. Sorry Montee Ball owners. But don’t worry! Next week he’ll be going against the… Jets… ewww. Yeah, nevermind.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Week 5 Early Games: Questionabletron

October 5, 2014 | 2014 Fantasy Football, Fantasy Football Gameday | 94 Comments

by: Jay

The latest reports coming out of Detroit are expressing caution… ever since the mayor signed a deal with the mega-corportaion Omni Consumer Products (OCP) to run and control the underfunded police force. Obviously, the city itself is on the verge of total collapse and anarchy, due to financial ruin and a high crime rate. To help combat this, OCP, in partnership with Hasbro, has created Megatron, a sentient robotic lifeform that has the ability to transform between his robot shape and that of a 29 year old, 6’5″, 236 lbs wide receiver, who, because of some sort of ankle circuitry malfunction, is questionable to fight against the ED-209 at OCP HQ to save the Detroit Police force, and also continue making Matt Stafford look like a good quarterback in this Sunday’s game against the Bills.

And that’s how you take Robocop, Transformers, the Detroit Lions, and Fantasy Football news, mix them together, and produce hot, edible nerd sauce for most meats and garnishes. Call me, ladies.

Week 5 Rankings have been updated for today’s games. You can check them out here.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

The Stats Machine, Week 5: The Full Nelson

October 4, 2014 | 2014 Fantasy Football, Fantasy Football Buy/Sell | 16 Comments

by: malamoney

In the 1980s, Hulkamania was running wild in almost every household in America. Even today, nearly 30 years later, when my iPod shuffles to “Real American“, I get transported back to the days when I believed in “The Immortal” Hulk Hogan. I am far from ashamed to admit that the Hulkster was one of my childhood heroes. Back then, it was practically impossible not to be captivated by the World Wrestling Federation and its cast of real life superhero-like characters. From The Ultimate Warrior to King Kong Bundy. From Junkyard Dog to Brutus “The Barber” Beefcake. And from Randy “Macho Man” Savage to Rowdy Roddy Piper. The list could go on and on. [Jay’s Note: Uhhhh, no mention of The Nature Boy Ric Flair? Tsk tsk…] Vince McMahon had built an empire that would entertain millions worldwide for decades to come.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Betting With Beddict, Week 5: Seahawks Looking to Scalp Washington

October 4, 2014 | 2014 Fantasy Football, Fantasy Football Buy/Sell | 32 Comments

by: LT Murray IV

Overall: 22-23-1, Week 4: 6-6-0.

Sorry to disappoint the millions of #Disgrace/Delight fans this week, but Beddict was moving from the “Beddict Penthouse” to “Beddict Manor”. With no internet, countless supplies to unpack, and a chicken coop for my baby, Beatrice, there was simply no time to put forth the proper effort into my Wednesday post. I was told the move would take three hours total… it took nine! Not even the Elder Gods could have foretold the savage beating my wallet endured. Kudos to those of you who are professional movers or have at some point worked for a moving company, for those men are soldiers of the highest order. We can chat about this another time, but feel free to come watch football with me in my new pad and watch some football anytime. Sky’s in my basement right now. “SKY!!!! It puts the lotion on the skin.”

A couple side notes here… Last week’s lock of the week, the Baltimore Ravens (-3), destroyed the Carolina Panthers as Steve Smith Sr. gave his old team the kind of pounding I haven’t witnessed since the Pam Anderson/Tommy Lee sex tape. If we stop there, it would seem like I had a great week… A young man named Matt correctly pointed out that I didn’t seem to realize Oakland was playing in London this past week and not in their home stadium. If only my editor could not only fix my countless grammatical errors, but also do all of my research for me, maybe then, I’d be better at this. [Jay’s Note: Maybe!] Seriously though, that was amateurish of me and it will not happen again. That is, if Jay(Wrong) alerts me when and which teams are playing in London. [Jay’s Note: Sure thing! Here ya go…]

I didn’t get in my Thursday pick last week, and I changed my pick Philly/SF pick to San Francisco at the last minute, giving me a .500 record on the week. Normally, I’d be disheartened by such a performance, but that was before speaking with numerous sharps who seemed to have similar issues. Remember guys, if betting was easy, everybody would do it.

I hit Twitter multiple times with my Packers pick this week, as I was feeling blowout all the way. I also nailed my Matt Asiata prediction (of him scoring no more than 5 points). Unfortunately for me, I was forced to start Asiata everywhere, but you know what makes the pain from being bent over in fantasy go away, don’t you? Yeah, having some floozy from Tinder ride you like a pony with the bidet at full blast hitting that special spot. Winning money is another possible cure, and that’s the focus here, so let’s get to it. This is Betting With Beddict!!!!

The quest for the perfect week continues…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Start ’em and Sit ’em, Week 5: Davis’ Cup Runneth Over

October 4, 2014 | 2014 Fantasy Football, Roster Strategy | 34 Comments

by: SethDaSportsMan

“Start ’em and Sit ’em” was on hiatus last week as I made my way to Boston to catch Derek Jeter’s farewell game on Sunday. Things went well. Some random dude gave us a free parking pass when we were driving up to Fenway, Jeets got a hit in his last at bat, and I even caught a foul ball.

So did you miss me? (You’re supposed to say, “yes”). I’ll just assume you did, and we can all move on. Fantasy football didn’t stop for me just because I didn’t put out a Week 4 column. I never got off the saddle — well, maybe once to enjoy a warm bowl of chowdah. Hopefully you survived that hectic week of byes, and let’s keep on, keepin’ on to Week 5…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Handcuff Report, Week 5: The Walls Of Jerick-O

October 3, 2014 | 2014 Fantasy Football, Roster Strategy | 27 Comments

by: Geoff

I’m pinching myself right now, because I’m pretty sure we went an entire week without a running back of note getting injured, arrested, or abducted by Martians. BTW, always remember to capitalize Martians, because they are a specific type of being. Don’t be rude, show our brothers and sisters in universal existence the respect they deserve. Anywho, here we are in week 5 and things are starting to make more sense. Well everything except this coon skin cap I’m wearing. That makes no sense. As Jay mentioned in his rest of season rankings on Wednesday, we have enough of a sample size to make educated decisions as to what players have gained or lost value compared to their preseason expectations. For example, after another inactive status last week, I can say with some confidence that Bernard Pierce is droppable. Unfortunately, due to the flux and general injury risk of running backs, it’s tough to gauge who’ll be useful for more than a week or two at a time. This is why handcuffing has become an increasingly effective strategy for savvy players out there looking to keep the points coming from their running back position. With this in mind, today’s focus will be less on handcuffs with immediate value and more on handcuffs with great potential for rest of season and dynasty leagues.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

On Pace, Week 5: Touch Donnell

October 3, 2014 | 2014 Fantasy Football, Fantasy Football Buy/Sell | 27 Comments

by: malamoney

In hockey, three goals is called a hat trick. In basketball, three 3-pointers is 9 points. In baseball, three home runs is a monster day. In football, three touchdowns is now known as a touchdonnell! Surprisingly, there have already been 6 touchdonnells through the first 4 weeks of the NFL season. Julius Thomas in Week 1, Antonio Gates and Brandon Marshall in Week 2, none in Week 3, and Jamaal Charles, Matt Asiata and Larry Donnell this past week. Congratulations to all fantasy owners that reaped the rewards of these players’ performances, and my condolences to those that had them on their bench.

Those of you that have read some of my other posts will know that I am not a big fan of projections. At their core, they are the fantasy sports version of fortune telling, and I don’t know about you, but I consider anyone that claims to be able to look into a crystal ball or use tarot cards to predict the future, to be full of sh*t. I have studied the art of sleight of hand since I was about 13 and I can guarantee you that what a few might think is “magic”, is not. It’s the result of countless hours of practice, routining and misdirection. With that said, it might surprise a few of you that I am about to shuffle a deck of cards and make a few predictions of my own. However, instead of pulling some numbers out of my a** hat, I am going to use current stats to project future stats. It’s a little trick I like to call “on pace”.

Please, blog, may I have some more?