I’m not gonna lie to you, I don’t know where I am right now. I just came back from the bars at 4 am to have a breakfast of waffles and scotch and I forgot to make the waffles. If you’re reading this then it probably means Sky’s lazy ass is somewhere ‘with family’ or some shit and I got a chance to step in and take over and give out these ridiculous Fantasy Football awards ‘in the spirit of the season’. First off, I guess I should preface this: I cuss a lot. Then again if you didn’t know that from the first couple of sentences, you’re either drunker or stupider than me. Secondly, WTF are you doing reading this on Christmas? Don’t you have some damned family around to make you sandwiches or something? Kid, my liver is the size of a Baleen Whale at this point so don’t be pretending you give a crap about what I’m writing unless you mean it. I’m what they call ‘an angry drunk’. I’m also an angrier sober so keep me socially lubricated. Now WTF were we talking about? Yeah, Fantasy Football. In a 12 team league, there are 11 people who’ve have their heart ripped out of their dong hole at this point except for those lucky few who do championships in week 17. And why are you doing that, exactly? Seriously, the JC Superstar owner is pretty much boned out of contention by that nonsense. Get your shit together. If you wanna include week 17, make it a two week championship then. Oh what, my harsh words gonna make you cry? You gonna tattle to Sky on me? What are you, five? Well if you are, let me tell you something: Santa’s not real. Yup, you guessed it there’s just a bunch of drunk arseholes like myself dressed up like this during the holidays and mommy and daddy are putting you on my lap to get your stupid picture taken. Reality bites, kid, get used to it. But enough school of hard knocks lessons from me, let’s cover who’s been naughty, who’s been nice and other fantasy football awards for the 2013 season before I throw up, get naked, and pass out (and not necessarily in that order)…
Please, blog, may I have some more?
Candlestick Gets A Night Kaep
December 24, 2013 | 2013 Fantasy Football, Fantasy Football Daily Notes | 21 Commentsby: Sky
A wise, ancient pop song proverb once read, ‘Just when I thought our chance had passed, you go and save the best for last’. On the night of what could be the final game played in Candlestick park, a player that has been pretty much a fantasy afterthought all season since his big week 1 finally came through for his owners when they needed him most. Or maybe those owners had finally moved on from him and grabbed Nick Foles or something. Or maybe because of him they’re on the outside looking into this championship season. Whatever the situation is, Colin Kaepernick has been a bit of a fantasy albatross all year. You couldn’t drop him because you had so few guys to drop him for but you sure couldn’t start him with confidence most weeks. Putting Colin in your starting lineup required more than one or two drops of courage from his owners on a weekly basis. He has definitely not been the guy we all thought we were drafting when he was going off the boards around QB6 for the year. To his credit, he hasn’t been playing with his offense at full steam as he was missing Crabs terribly but that’s also a knock on him: there are plenty of good QBs who can get it done without having major key components. So on the one hand, I’m recognizing the deck was stacked a bit against him but on the other I feel it necessary to point out the flaws because they’re pretty glaring. He needs playmakers in order to be effective. You can’t just sub in Andre Caldwell and expect magic from Colin so keep that tucked away for future ideas when drafting this guy. That said, when the cylinders are clicking, it’s hard to not like the end result. Colin finished the night and possibly Candlestick off with a fantasy flourish going 13/21 for 197 yards passing, 51 yards rushing and two total touchdowns with one coming on the ground as he finished week 16 as the 4th highest scoring QB and with a reminder of what he can do when given the right setup. If he won you your league, good on you. If he sunk your battleship before you even got to play this crazy playoff game well, there’s always next year…and Fantasy Baseball! Sorry, couldn’t resist. I’m bi-fantasexual. I used to be tri but I don’t have time for Fantasy Basketball anymore as much as I liked it. I’ve only played Fantasy Hockey once so I have very little reference to it…and yet I keep just adding links pointlessly just to see if I can hyperlink hypnotize you into clicking. Is it working yet? Yeah, didn’t think so. Either way, just trying to spread the word that we aren’t just Fantasy Football around here. And for those who follow Razzball and are worried about missing my beautiful, grainy face, you can catch me on the baseball side in a limited capacity all year and I’ll still be over here churning out Fantasy Football like the Amish make butter. Now I’m feeling like I’m having my OWN personal final Candlestick moment…I told myself I wouldn’t cry! And I wouldn’t have if it weren’t for my damn Uncle. That is some rank gas! Damn the Holidays and not having a guest bedroom! Ok, let’s get this show over with. Here’s what else I saw for Monday Night Football from week 16 of the Fantasy Football season…oops, PS I MIGHT not get those week 17 rankings out to you until Friday. We’ve got some, as they say, babies to shake and hands to kiss…or something. Look, just realize the rankings will come out but maybe it’ll be Friday and maybe it’ll be Thursday. Look, if I can be flexible, so can you. Now on with it…
Please, blog, may I have some more? Who Went From Chump To Champ From The Cut On A Dime?
December 23, 2013 | 2013 Fantasy Football, Fantasy Football Daily Notes | 107 Commentsby: Sky
I guess this question is really a two parter because there’s a yang to this yin. But to be honest, it’s Monday after week 16 has almost concluded. Losers need not apply. *Hears readership heading for exits*. Wait, wait, wait, did I say losers? I meant Lugers! Yeah, that’s it! You know, people who luge? Yeah, get the eff out, winter Olympic sports people! And take that Jamaican bobsled team with ya! Now where was I before I was rudely interrupted by a buncha sore Lugers…oh yeah, we were talking Fantasy Football, of course. The kind of Fantasy Football that wins championships, i.e. the bestest kind. For all the talk of JC Superstar and Knowshon this year, it’s kinda been lost in the shuffle that LeSean McCoy has been beasting all year. Ok, it’s hard to say that about @CutOnDime25 but when you think about it, it’s kinda true. Everyone talked about how he could be a fantasy stud in the off-season when Chip came to town but really, everyone was talking about Chip not him. Then Vick started the year off hot, so Michael Vick was the point of discussion. Then Vick sucked and that, of course, was the point of discussion. Then in waltzed Nick Foles who started running Chip’s offense at full steam and then he was the point of discussion. It’s odd that a guy can lead the NFL in rushing yards and be a bit of an afterthought in this game we play but that’s what happens when you’re consistently good but rarely breakout great in this game. Everyone wants week 15 JC Superstar, week 8 Megatron, week 13 Josh Gordon (will someone PLEASE give that man a nickname). But Shady has just ‘been there’. He’s had some big rushing days, don’t get me wrong as his 133 yards on the ground Sunday were his 6th 100+ yard effort of the year and he does have a 200+ yard snow game to his credit. I don’t know, maybe I’m Chris Collinsworth’ing this whole shizz and creating a narrative that doesn’t need to be made but I swear I’ve heard more about other players of this caliber over the course of the season than LeSean. Here’s to you, Shady, and the joy of the championships you brought to all those peoples out there who aren’t Lugers. In other news from week 16 of the 2013 Fantasy Football season…
Please, blog, may I have some more?
Last Second Decisions – The Last
December 22, 2013 | Last Second Decisions | 164 Commentsby: JB Gilpin
I know what you’re thinking… The last week? Â The last LSD of the season? Â But unfortunately, it is the last of the Last Second Decisions, as I am officially retiring from fantasy football after this season. Â It’s been an absolutely incredible ride the past three years fielding the last minute questions, three years of Last Second Decisions, helping out with Team Previews, RCLs, a couple Daily Recaps, everything that makes Razzball be Razzball. Â Good news is Sky is gonna keep Razzball Football the best in the biz heading into next year, while I focus everything on Razzball Basketball to bring you the hoops hardware. Â Or the hoops scissors. Â As in cutting down the net. Â Don’t run with them! Â Again, it couldn’t have been a happier ride, and if you have any Fantasy NBA teams, be sure to keep up with us on basketball through the rest of the NBA season!
Please, blog, may I have some more?
Sawbones Scribings Week 16 – Who Can You Trust?
December 20, 2013 | 2013 Fantasy Football, Injury Report | 29 Commentsby: Andrew Nordmeier
In most leagues this is championship week. It also means 80 percent or more of players are done for the season. For those who still remain, let’s take a look at the key injuries that can make or break your title dreams.
Adrian Peterson (foot, groin) was limited in practice the last couple days as was Toby Gerhart (hamstring) and Matt Asiata didn’t practice either so the Vikings’ running back situation looks like a big mess heading into this week against Cincinnati. Today should provide clarity as to who will do the running against the fifth-best rush defense in the league.
If Peterson’s available, you play him. Gerhart is more of desperation play and Asiata looks like someone to avoid all together. While Asiata scored three times last week, keep in mind his low yardage totals. Asiata should only be used in TD-only formats if both AP and Gerhart are out.
Please, blog, may I have some more?
The Handcuff Report – THIS IS THE END, MY 12 READERS, THE END!
December 20, 2013 | 2013 Fantasy Football, Handcuff Report | 43 Commentsby: J-FOH
I found it fitting to quote the Doors classic “The End” to signal the finale to our FFB season. If your championship is next week then I feel sorry for you because your commish is really bad at his/her job and deserves all the condemnation that is coming to them. Now back to this whole “The End” thing, this is it for me, next week is my awards show, which reminds me that I need to grab my tuxedo T-Shirt from the dry cleaners, and all we have are the real life playoffs. *makes hip thrusting motions at monitor* My Broncos are in, what about your teams? Now is the time to show all your “skills” and hopefully the people you choose will play all four quarters, get their projections +, and they don’t suffer some game ending injury that makes you look terrible at fantasy because when your guys get hurt it’s all your fault. How stupid must we be to play a guy that gets hurt, didn’t you get the crystal ball that came in the box of Captain Crunch. We need to keep a few things in perspective, play smart but not over think ourselves, look at the floor vs. the ceiling if it’s close and keep a box of tissues with us at all times on Sunday. The best thing about this week is we have no TNF, which IMO, is the worst thing the NFL has done since allowing this jackass back in the league. Oh wait, that’s right, they have no integrity…or soul, they can play god with fines for questionable hits and suspend people for smoking some weed but this a**hole gets to play every week? WTF is wrong with this picture?….besides that dudes hair. Hey look it’s a fantasy paragraph below, let’s check it out. Actually two paragraphs down are fantasy sports, the next one is fantasy becoming reality, go ahead Kid A, insert your snark now.
Please, blog, may I have some more?
Weekly IDP Rankings: Week Sixteen For 2013 Fantasy Footbal
December 19, 2013 | 2013 Fantasy Football, Weekly Rankings | 14 Commentsby: Kevin Kumpf
It’s hard to believe that the season kicked off a full 4 months ago, but here we are: Championship Week. I’ll be back with some rankings next week for you crazy kids with 17-week schedules, but for the majority of the free world this is it. I’m sad to say that I did not reach the finals in any of my five leagues. As much as I love IDPs, unfortunately there is an offensive side of the ball as well, and I did a miserable job drafting and setting my offensive lineups this year.
But enough of about me, you’re here for some IDP cheer just in time for the holidays. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: When making turkey chili, always cook for one hour less than directed. Wait, wrong piece of advice. Let’s try again: In the fantasy playoffs, don’t get cute, start your studs. Joe Mays and someone called Dekoda Watson each put up huge days last week, but you’re not starting them over the guys that got you here.
With that in mind, here are my top players at each position for Championship Week:
Please, blog, may I have some more?
Bet the Farm: NFL Week 16 Betting Contest
December 19, 2013 | 2013 Fantasy Football, Bet The Farm | 6 Commentsby: Josh Carey
Welcome to Bet the Farm, Razzball’s weekly NFL wagering contest. We’re back for our second season and ready to take you on over the course of 17 weeks of NFL play. For those new to the game, here are the rules:
- You start with $1,000 in contest money to make wagers with. You may join in any week.
- You can wager on the spread or Over/Under for any NFL game, so long as your pick is made by kickoff of that game. The Yahoo Sports Odds page is a good place to get betting lines: you may use the best line you find available when you make your post, but revisions to wagers are not allowed.
- Your wager must be in an increment of $10.
- You must beat the House: Therefore, you only receive 90% of your wager for a win ($9 on a $10 bet), but lose 100% of your wager on a loss.
- Your wager may be any amount between $10 and your full bankroll.
- New this year: If you lose your entire bankroll, you are allowed a re-buy for another $1,000. Unlimited re-buys are available.
- New this year: Bet the Farm staff will keep track of the full leaderboard for all participants. However, any player who has taken a re-buy will be listed below all players who have not taken a re-buy – even those with lower current balances. It’s always better to not lose all your money. Players with two re-buys will be listed below those with one re-buy, and so on.
Standings After Week 15:
Please, blog, may I have some more? Weekly Rankings: Red Head Redemption
December 19, 2013 | 2013 Fantasy Football, Weekly Rankings | 243 Commentsby: Sky
Oh week 16, why do you come along and always make things weird? It’s championship week, could you f’ing not? The Fantasy Football season was trending along just fine, thank you very much, and you come in to a crowded room where everyone is dancing and fart as loudly as you could without even so much as a hint of being embarrassed. Miley Cyrus comes in like a Wrecking Ball, you just come in like William Hung. So of course in a week like this, I just have to rank Andy Dalton in a spot that makes me feel ridiculously odd but what can I say? You know the old addage: red on the head like a dick on a Dalton…or maybe not. IDK, you know I hate this guy but I try not to let my emotions get in the way when the sitch fits and this one fits like a Christina Hendricks top: it covers everything but definitely leaves you wanting to see a bit more. I think I’m mixing my analogies now so let’s just say why we like Andy now, shall we? First, he’s a different type of ginger at home with a 14:5 TD to INT ratio and almost a 20 point swing in QB rating. What makes this matchup all the bestier is the team they’re playing: the Vikings or as I like to call them ‘the second worst defense against opposing QBs behind Dallas’. That’s really hard to fit on a jersey, though, so we’ll just call that their nickname. There’s no reason Dalton shouldn’t put up top 5 numbers this week in my opinion. In other rankings ranklings, wanna know what else the Vikings can’t defend? Yeah, opposing running backs…oh heck who are we kidding, they can’t defend anything. The Illusionist GOB should have a field day, especially in PPR formats as Minnesota gives up 6 receptions a game to opposing backs. Consider BJGE a nice flex option by default while we’re at it. Meanwhile, Jordan Toddman is asking for a High Five. In other news, Greg Little…wow. Again, Championship Week, you’re making it weird. At Tight End…c’mon fellow rankers! Ertz gets a prime matchup and he usually takes advantage when they’re presented. May not be a huge day but a red zone target and about 40 yards total and we’re good for TE. My sweet Carolina defense call? The Saints just had their mardi gras beads handed to them on the road by the Rams. NOLA isn’t the same away from the dome and I think the Panthers pounce at home for a division lead. And regarding Jacksonville: when others Jig, I Jaguar. Kickers were selected by sending them to the mall for last minute christmas shopping on a Saturday. Only those who came back to retell their sad tale were chosen. But enough about the joy of the season, let’s talk shop. Here’s the rankings for week 16 of the 2013 Fantasy Football season…
Please, blog, may I have some more?
Week 16 Players to Play/Avoid: Charles in Charge
December 18, 2013 | 2013 Fantasy Football, Rush & Pass Strategy | 45 Commentsby: Loudon
Sure, you got a few points out of him last week, but if you want to win your league championship game, you need to bench Jamaal Charles.
Oh good, you’re still reading.
Benching a player just because someone told you it’s the right thing to do is the fantasy football equivalent of jumping off a bridge because your friend told you to. If you even considered benching Charles after reading that first sentence, you need to get outside more. This is your team. As I’ve said all season, if you have a good feeling about someone, start them! Sure, Adrian Peterson is coming off an injury and has a tough matchup in Cincinnati, but are you going to bench the guy you likely drafted in the first round or traded some serious talent to acquire? Of course not! Sure, Zac Stacy has a tough game against Tampa Bay this week, but he’s done great things against tough defenses before and the Rams are handing him the rock often so there’s no way you can bench him now.
Please, blog, may I have some more? DraftKings – Someone’s Gonna Be A Millionaire
December 18, 2013 | DraftKings | 2 Commentsby: JB Gilpin
It’s here. Â Finally. Â The Finale. Â The big tamale. Â The Carne Asiata.
The ginormous 2013 Fantasy Football Millionaire Grand Final is this weekend, where the overall winner is going to win a million bucks. Â A thousand thousands. Â A million… ones… Â Imagine making it rain that much, Pacman! Â In a futile attempt all year, I unfortunately did not win a satellite ticket into the tourney, so I’m playing in a cheapy and not in line for the million. Â But hopefully you have enough to enter the contest or have won any of the several satellites to get in there. Â And if a member of Razzball Nation becomes a millionaire, maybe you buy me a couple crown and cokes? Â Yup, I’m gonna be “one of those” if you’re a winner!
Please, blog, may I have some more? Thinking Forward: Put Your Backfield In Christine Condition
December 18, 2013 | 2013 Fantasy Football, Thinking Forward | 71 Commentsby: Sky
Look, it’s your fault. You’re playing through to week 17 as your championship. No one put a gun to your head to make it that way. You went into your options, selected weeks 15 through 17 as your playoffs so now you get to talk about backups that no one has talked about all year. Well ok, we’ve talked about Christine Michael in passing. He had a strong preseason for the Seahawks but we all knew the story would end there. Seattle is Beastmode country and we all know it. But what happens if the Seahawks lock up home field advantage through the rest of the NFC playoffs this Sunday? What are they playing for in week 17? I mean, I get that it’s at home and they’ll want to keep that pristine home record intact but are they really gonna roll RW3 and company out there for abuse in a game that doesn’t matter much all day? I’m gonna have to say what my magic 8 ball says when I ask if I’ll become a famous hand model: unlikely…you’ve got a couple of hammer fingers…and why don’t you clean your nails? My Magic 8 Ball gets a bit personal sometimes…but nevermind all that, we’re here to talk about Christine. I have a hard time believing Turbin gets to run the show. He’s still too important for the playoff run to put him out there too much and so in steps Michael. Though it’s hard enough to predict the future in weekly rankings, I’m here trying to predict how a team will do in two weeks and whether or not they’ll even run their starters out on the field so give me some slack if this don’t work, y’all. Given that the Rams are in the bottom five for points against from opposing RBs, Christine is set up for a nice day if he finds the field. And if he goes off, we’ll have to spend the rest of the off-season hearing about him going in the 2nd or 3rd round in 2014. Joy. But let’s finish this show off. Here’s the rest of the ideas I’ve got brewing for week 17 of this crazy 2013 Fantasy Football season…
Please, blog, may I have some more?