Targets and Touches: Jimmy Graham Goes Green Eggs and HAM

Greetings! Tis I, the extraordinary Mr. Beddict, here to shoot fantasy football knowledge from my fingertips to your brains. I’m gonna shoot. I’m gonna shooooooot. After scouring the box scores for days on end, I’ve concluded that some of my guidance in the comment section might have actually been advantageous. And for that I give myself, Tehol Beddict, two snaps and a twist! It’s reigning men out here in the fantasy football world, and my duty here at Razzball is to handpick a squad of these demi-gods every week and dissect their targets and production for your reading pleasure. It’s been said Bill Simmons flogs the dolphin to my posts. There’s been rumors Peter King has my 1997 Playgirl foldout on his wall. What they don’t understand is that no amount of money could ever tear me away from Razzball, the home of legends like Grey, Rudy, and my sensei Sky-dog. Ok, that’s probably an overstatement. Five hundred would probably get the deal done. Enough about me (is that possible?), let’s get to the players we rode like Seattle Slew for the win, or the so called gladiators who performed like gelded steers during mating season:

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Jamaal’s the Eggman, Reid Is the Walrus, Goo-Goo-G’Joob!

by: Sky

It was a nice return to Philly for the Walrus, Andy Reid, as his Chiefs took down his former team. The team that has been a talk of the NFL despite starting 1-1 with a defense made of wet paper with holes big enough to make Jenna Jamison blush has overshadowed Reid’s new team. You know, the one that has flown under the radar to a 2-0, now 3-0 start. This isn’t fantasy relevant, says the casual reader. Well, CR, I have news for you. Entering the 4Q, Jamaal Charles had 10 carries for about 26 yards. He ended the night with 20 carries for 92 on the ground and a touchdown. You getting the fantasy relevance yet? With how quickly the Eagles offense could strike, Reid went to the drain the clock well down the stretch, leading to what was a decent but boring fantasy night and turned it into fantasy gold as Charles finished with 27 total touches – 7 for receptions – for a total of 172 yards and a score. He could’ve another one in the 4th but real football got in the way of our fake football dreams and dashed it. Moving forward, Jamaal’s still the man in KC and still looks to be a top 3 back in the making. Given Smith’s game managing ways, Charles should see plenty of check downs and yardage the rest of the way. To put it in Beatles terms, ‘Sitting on a cornflake, waiting for the van to come. Corporation tee-shirt, stupid bloody tuesday’. Hrm, well I give up. There’s zero ways to make a drug-induced song by the Beatles relevant to tonight’s game other then the title. Goo-Goo-G’Joob! In other 2013 Fantasy Football news from week 3…

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Weekly IDP Rankings: Week Three For 2013 Fantasy Football

September 19, 2013 | 2013 Fantasy Football, Weekly Rankings | 22 Comments

by: Kevin Kumpf

They say one week is a fluke, two weeks is a trend, and three weeks is reality. Who says that? I don’t know, I may have just made it up. But it applies for early season breakouts on both of the offensive and defensive side of the ball. So while you one-dimensional owners debate over Eddie Royal and James Starks, I’ll dive deep on some impressive early-September IDP performers in this week’s Adds/Drops/Rising/Falling:

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Bet the Farm: NFL Week 3 Betting Contest

September 19, 2013 | 2013 Fantasy Football, Bet The Farm | 35 Comments

by: Josh Carey

Welcome to Bet the Farm, Razzball’s weekly NFL wagering contest. We’re back for our second season and ready to take you on over the course of 17 weeks of NFL play. For those new to the game, here are the rules:

You start with $1,000 in contest money to make wagers with. You may join in any week.
You can wager on the spread or Over/Under for any NFL game, so long as your pick is made by kickoff of that game. The Yahoo Sports Odds page is a good place to get betting lines: you may use the best line you find available when you make your post, but revisions to wagers are not allowed.
Your wager must be in an increment of $10.
You must beat the House: Therefore, you only receive 90% of your wager for a win ($9 on a $10 bet), but lose 100% of your wager on a loss.
Your wager may be any amount between $10 and your full bankroll.
New this year: If you lose your entire bankroll, you are allowed a re-buy for another $1,000. Unlimited re-buys are available.
New this year: Bet the Farm staff will keep track of the full leaderboard for all participants. However, any player who has taken a re-buy will be listed below all players who have not taken a re-buy – even those with lower current balances. It’s always better to not lose all your money. Players with two re-buys will be listed below those with one re-buy, and so on.

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Weekly Rankings: The Treacherous Trent Trade

September 19, 2013 | 2013 Fantasy Football, Weekly Rankings | 351 Comments

by: Sky

So you draft in the first round and you take ‘your guy’. You know who I’m talking about. He’s the one you had circled in your draft that was gonna carry the load for you this year. Sure, his surrounding team is pretty boring but he’s the workhorse there and nobody is there to take his place. I’m talking of none other then Trent Richardson. He used to be a Cleveland Brown but now he’s in Indy blue and I”m pretty sure some owners are both happy and sad about this, at least for this week. You see, I have a hard time believing they’re gonna just throw him out there in San Fran and make him the main back for the offense this weekend. Not saying he won’t get touches and have a chance at being productive, but do you remember your first day at school in a new town? Remember how uncomfortable everything felt? You didn’t remember where your locker was and you walked into the girl’s bathroom a few times? Well, it’s already a bad matchup being in San Fran after the whoopin’ they took in Seattle last weekend. Imagine not knowing the whole game plan to boot? He could have a really solid game but I’m sorry to say he’s flex-worthy this week. What, you’re 0-2 and were counting on him this weekend to produce? Tough. Your RB2 was Ahmad Bradshaw? Well, it’s clear God hates you. Moving forward, I’ll have to see how Trent looks to know how well he’s gonna fit in there. The RBs in Cleveland leave much to be desired right now so they’re down in the ‘I play in a 20 team league with 5 flexes’ area cuz…yeah, it just isn’t looking pretty in Cleveland right now. This also means your streamer defense of the week is the Vikings as the Browns try to compete with Jacksonville for ‘worst assembled team in 2013’ the rest of the way. Outside of that, I’m still a Cam Newton believer…I really don’t know why. Ok, NYG just haven’t had it on defense so far this year and think Cam could break out of his funk. They’ve also allowed plenty of TE points and that could lead to a solid day for Olsen. If Cam doesn’t succeed, we’re officially broken up until he proves he still loves me. Outside that, nothing too drastic. Knowshon is an RB1 against week run defenses until he proves otherwise and if Bush is injured worse then it appears, Bell will wiggle up into high end RB2 this week with a tasty Redskins matchup on the docket. And with that, I am off to bed. No wait, I have to leave work first…nah, I’ll just go to bed. The boss will think I came in early! Just gotta remember to wipe the drool off my keyboard. But enough about my social graces, let’s take a look at the rankings for week 3 of the 2013 Fantasy Football season…

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Week 3 Players to Play/Avoid: The Chronicles of Ridley

September 18, 2013 | 2013 Fantasy Football, Rush & Pass Strategy | 70 Comments

by: Loudon

Holy injuries Batman! The number of concussions, questionable statuses, and long-term injuries has been staggering this year. Thought you could count on Roddy White, Eddie Lacy, Larry Fitzgerald, Malcom Floyd, Andre Johnson, Reggie Bush, Ray Rice, or any number of fantasy-relevant stars without worrying about their health? Think again. It looks like most of those guys will still play next week, but you better keep an eye on their status as the week goes on. For some, the matchup may be a good one, but concerns about targets/carries may not merit the start. Fantasy Football is all about weighing your options and there has already a lot more of that necessary than there has been in past seasons.

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DraftKings – Fantasy Blues Forget-Me-Nows

September 18, 2013 | DraftKings | 4 Comments

by: JB Gilpin

Well week 2 is in the books, and many fantasy players’ hopes and dreams have been crushed by the really big fantasy disappointments piling up. David Wilson? Should’ve listened to me! Maurice Jones-Drew? Yikes, what a terrible team. Roddy White? Dude, he’s killing me too. Let them take HGH again pro sports!

So how do you get out of the fantasy dumps and either win back your league dues or get back into that winning spirit with an underwhelming RCL team? DraftKings is here with your fantasy blues forget-me-nows, with huge weekly contests like their SUNDAY QUARTER MILLION contest! The top winner nabs $25 grand and the other three top winners get awarded tickets into their huge Fantasy Millionaire Grand Finale contest which will wrap up the season on week 17 and crown someone a millionaire. For playing fantasy football! If you’re looking for something close to the Razzball Contest we did over at baseball, they’ve got an awesome $20,000 FLEA FLICKER – which is what I played in last week – for only $5 where you can win the top prize of $1,500 bucks and a coveted entry into the Millionaire Grand Finale. The prizes are huge at DraftKings football so go out and win Razzball Nation some money!

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Officer Buy Brady

September 18, 2013 | 2013 Fantasy Football, Fantasy Football Buy/Sell | 282 Comments

by: Sky

Normally I lead these buys off with a play I think is glaringly clear but my call this week is based on how negative everyone seems to be about the New England Patriots and – in particular – Tom Brady. Much like Warren Buffet, my trade mantra has always been ‘be fearful when others are greedy and greedy when others are fearful’. Yes, I read things that aren’t Fantasy Football related from time to time. I know, it surprises me too. But what I’m trying to say about this scenario is it’s all negative right now for Brady and company. Gronk, ‘dola, Sudfeld and Vereen are hurt. The duo he’s left with at WR on the outside – Dropkins and Dropson – are having what many would call ‘issues’. The lone bright spot so far seems to be Julian Edelman who averaged 6.0 yards per catch last Thursday night which is underwhelming even for a 3rd down passing back, let alone the guy who looks like he’s going to lead his team in receptions and yardage. But I’m seeing some silver linings here and think with how pessimistic the world is about Brady and company, you could and should take advantage. Though it’s not set in stone, week 3 has been marked as the return of Gronk. That in and of itself will be a huge help for this team. He may also get back Brandon Bolden who – though not as dynamic as Vereen – is definitely strides better then Blount as a secondary RB to have. The third is we’ve been here before. Remember when everyone was touting the Pats demise heading into 2011? Moss was gone and all they had was Deion Branch and the rotting corpse of Ochocinco lining up out wide? Yeah, Gronk and A-Hern went off, Welker was Welker and we didn’t really worry about those outside guys. I’m not saying I can promise smooth sailing from here on out but I think Brady could be had for a backup QB at this point with all the negativity floating around. That’s worth looking into in my book. And if he doesn’t go off? Well, your backup was Andy Dalton so…nothing to see here, move along. In other buy/sell news for 2013 Fantasy Football…

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Jam it or Cram it: Starks Raving Mad – The Bizarro World Edition

September 17, 2013 | 2013 Fantasy Football, Waiver Wire | 126 Comments

by: The Guru

Week 2 of the NFL season was like a visit to Bizarro World in the old Superman comics or, for those not comically inclined, the Seinfeld episode where Elaine meets Bizarro Jerry. She had man hands! Those not familiar with the term please note what the scholarly website Uncyclopedia says: “Bizarro World is a situation or setting which is weirdly inverted or opposite of expectations.” In Bizarro World, Bizarro Budweiser tastes like Heineken, Bizarro KFC is made from real live chickens and Bizarro Tim Tebow is a right-handed-pot smoking-antichrist that actually completes passes. What in the name of Lex Luther occurred in our Bizarro Fantasy Football World last week? Philip Rivers played like a de-bearded Dan Fouts, Eddie Royal was catching passes like a goggleless John Jefferson and James Starks morphed into Paul Hornung on a hot streak. If you suffered through an unearthly Sunday, you’re not alone. Half of the top 6 fantasy scorers last week are less than 50% owned across most leagues. If you were one of the 2% that started Charles Clay on Sunday, I surrender my turban to you. Maybe you should be writing this, Bizarro Guru. It’s time to jam it or cram it.

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RCL Football Update: Week 2

September 17, 2013 | 2013 Fantasy Football, Commenter Leagues, Razzball Writers League | 41 Comments

by: JB Gilpin

2013 RCL Football Week 2 has wrapped up with another huge week of RCL Football action. If you haven’t seen it yet, we’ve got the full interactive 2013-2014 RCL Standings tab up under “Leagues” that shows you how you’re stacking up against the Razzball competish in your journey to RCL glory. It ranks teams by RCL points, which is the gold elixir of truth determining the RCL winner. If you are confused by the scoring parameters, scroll down to the bottom of the standings for a full explanation.

RCL Top Scorer TOP SCORER: Congratulations to Chris Schultz’s Team for putting up the most RCL points this week. Leading through Sunday as well and getting the Podcast shout out, Schultz dumped all over The Shituation Room with 213.56 points in a nearly 120-point defeat over the meat curtains. What are these curtains, Vegan? Disgusting! Schultz’s entire roster came through with the only single-digit scorer his kicker, with big games from DeSean Jackson, Julio Jones, Jimmy Graham and Marshawn Lynch. Unfortunately for Schultz, he only moves into third place after a brutal week 1 where he didn’t top 100 points. One Potato Two moves into first place and will look to go to 3-0 against one of the multiple Heisenberg squads. There’s just so much bad breaking! Awesome job this week Chris, and hopefully your guys keep it up into week 3!

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My Favorite Bluth Is Spelled ‘Gio-B’

September 17, 2013 | 2013 Fantasy Football, Fantasy Football Daily Notes | 249 Comments

by: Sky

To quote our magnificent G.O.B. Jr, in response to magic tricks, ‘Illusion…A trick is something a whore does for money…’. That pretty much sums up what must be happening in that Cincinnati Bengals backfield at this point. It’s the only way I can sum up the lack of totes for our man Giovani Bernard over The Law Firm this year. But of course, that’s why BJGE is slinging dirty tricks and we get left with the majestic that is Gio-B’s elusive (illusion = elusive, ok? Get it? No? Meh to you too) running style for only 8 carries on that night. But oh, what great carries they were. Bernard finished the night with only 65 total yards – 38 on the ground and 27 via one catch – but he electrified his team and his fantasy owners, scoring 2 touchdowns in rout to a pretty damn good night for only having 9 total touches. Is Gio that good? Yes, yes he is. Are the Bengals smart enough to take advantage of that moving forward? Sadly, I have my doubts. For some strange reason, I keep hearing about these Cincy Cats being in Super Bowl contention this year and from watching the game tonight, I don’t get it. Do they have the talent? Sure. But do they use their talent wisely? Mmmmm, if the discrepancy between BJGE and Gio’s touches say anything, I’m gonna have to say our talented running back is caught up in a state of…Arrested Development? Pinkie to mouth, mo’fo’s! This team seems to be built to play it conservative and moving forward, as much as I like Gio-B, I can’t get behind him being anything more then a low-end flex moving forward this year. I know, I’m heart-broken too but I don’t run the Bengals anymore then I do the Jets (#FreeIvory…#again). This is a team that’s gonna Raconteur it’s way into the playoffs just like it did last year and Gio is gonna be hit and miss because of it, i.e. through no fault of his own. I’m not saying Bernard is a 30 touches a night guy but 9? Cincy? Really? Beads? BEES?!? Ok, Bengals, you keep starting BJGE, we’ll see who brings in more honey. In other 2013 Fantasy Football news from Monday Night Football…

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The Razzball Football Podcast – The One Where JB Cries About His Terrible Panthers

September 16, 2013 | 2013 Fantasy Football, Fantasy Football Podcast, Razzball Podcast | 23 Comments

by: JB Gilpin

Well, it was about as bad a week 2 as it could get. Desperately needing some offense from anyone besides Marshawn Lynch, the 49ers/Seahawks game turned out to be a dud and my terrible Panthers found yet another way to lose. Lucky for me, David Wilson was awful yet again, finally putting the nail in the coffin for Nick’s hot tub. In a great twist of irony, the NY David Wilson’s face the horrible Panthers in week 3 and I actually think he’s an upside flex play. It’s over with now. Fin. Nick and I then go over all of week 2’s final scores and break down our thoughts, I recap the RCL top scorer through Sunday, and Sky and Murph bring us some waiver pickups and the carnage report. Good luck to everyone tonight if your game is hinging on Monday Night Football and good luck in week 3!

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