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While it’s a bit too tempting to take time in the lede to discuss what was the “potential Super Bowl match-up” of the year between the Packers and Patriots, or even the discussing the Ravens snatching defeat from the jaws of victory against my Chargers. And heck, you could even throw in the Jaguars beating the Giants, who were in full derp mode, making Tom Coughlin even more salty and vinegary (to be taken at it’s most literal definition), but, in the end, I do find the slow collapse of the Arizona Cardinals team fascinating… While I normally don’t root for Cardinals, (that’s more St’ Louis’ and Busch’s fault. Double entendre alert!), you had to respect the fact that they found themselves 9-1 despite starting Drew Stanton, not Carson Palmer, for a majority of those games. While 9-1 and those two names don’t really make sense when used in the same sentence, a stifling defense and some luck have been two things that lesser teams have had success with (See Broncos, 2011). But ending the regular season against the Chiefs, Rams, Seahawks, and 49ers, there are legitimate scenarios where they could now miss the playoffs, and some, where the Rams could actually sneak in. This is all to say, wow, the NFC South is a dumpster fire in the truest sense of the word. You could ask for reasons why that gives context (they did just lose to the 4-7 Falcons), but I would still say NOOOOPE, I need no reasons.

 

Washington Football Team – 27, Colts 49

Andrew Luck – 19/27, 370 YDS, 5 TD, 1 INT an 4 CAR, 20 YDS. Yeah, ya know, it’s almost as if RG-3 isn’t the only problem with this Washington team. WEIRD.

Dan Herron – 8 CAR, 88 YDS, 1 TD and 2 REC, 8 YDS. Note to self: Start Dan Herron at flex from this point forward…

Coby Fleener – 4 REC, 127 YDS, 2 TD. Coby Fleener sounds like it should be the name of a cheese.

Donte Moncrief – 3 REC, 134 YDS, 2 TD. Protip: Washington, when playing a team, it’s wise to cover their receivers with, like, one guy, at the very least.

Colt McCoy – 31/47, 392 YDS, 3 TD and 3 CAR, 12 YDS. I can’t quite figure out if Colt McCoy is better as the name of a cheap beer or a cheap whiskey…

Jordan Reed – 9 REC, 123 YDS. Yeah, I owned you three weeks ago. Right on time.

 

Titans – 21, Texans – 45

Ryan Fitzpatrick – 24/33, 358 YDS, 6 TD and 2 CAR, 10 YDS. Fitzmagic: he’s the hero Houston deserves, but not the one it needs right now.

DeAndre Hopkins – 9 REC, 238 YDS, 2 TD. Gentlemen, I am at full hardness.

Andre Johnson – 7 REC, 53 YDS, 1 TD. There’s that Andre Johnson touchdown I’ve been waiting a month for… on my bench.

 

Browns – 10, Bills – 26

Kyle Orton – 17/31, 190 YDS, 1 TD, 2 INT. What’s Kyle Orton drinkin’ this week in celebration? My money is on 98 octane petrol.

Johnny Manziel – 5/8, 192 YDS, 2 INT and 2 CAR, 13 YDS, 1 TD. THE PERIMETER OF HOYER COUNTRY HAS BEEN OVERRUN. EVACUATE THE EMBASSY! B3t-ZLMCcAAknmu  

Chargers – 34, Ravens – 33

Philip Rivers – 34/45, 383 YDS, 3 TD, 1 INT and 4 CAR, 19 YDS.

firerivers

Keenan Allen – 11 REC, 121 YDS, 2 TD. I had Ryan Mathews (13 CAR, 38 YDS, 1 TD and 1 REC, 6 YDS.) as the one to start yesterday, and while he did actually do an okay job, it looks as if the old Allen is back. So yes, I have to own up to the fact that I called this one wrong. Yet the Chargers made me feel oh so right… the homerism is real folks. TOO REAL.

Torrey Smith – 6 REC, 65 YDS, 2 TD. Torrey Smith had his bi-annual “making Joe Flacco look good. And to think, I thought that was only Anquan Boldin’s unique skill! Do note that he may be dealing with a knee injury, but if you’d like to know, be sure to address John Harbaugh directly. Yeah, let me get right on that…       

 

Giants – 24, Jaguars – 25

Eli Manning – 24/34, 247 YDS, 1 TD, 2 FUM. Not so elite anymore…

Rashad Jennings – 26 CAR, 91 YDS, 2 TD and 3 REC, 3 YDS.      

 

Bengals – 14, Buccaneers – 13

Doug Martin – 18 CAR, 58 YDS, 1 TD and 1 REC, 3 YDS. Wait, Doug Martin got a touchdown? WHAT YEAR IS THIS?

Giovani Bernard – 10 CAR, 49 YDS and 1 REC, 4 YDS. Taking all of my Jeremy Hill points. SMH.

Jeremy Hill  – 13 CAR, 40 YDS and 4 REC< 12 YDS.) Taking all of my Giovani Bernard points. SMH.      

 

Raiders – 0, Rams – 52

Tre Mason – 14 CAR, 117 YDS, 2 TD and 3 REC, 47 YDS, 1 TD. In case you didn’t know, I’m quite the advocate for Tre Mason. But even this game seems a little over the top. Honestly, if the Raiders defense had a password, it would be “password”.    

 

Saints – 35, Steelers – 32

Benjamin Watson – 1 REC, 15 YDS, 1 TD. Wrong tight end Drew Brees (19/27, 257 YDS, 5 TD.)! HE DIDN’T EVEN PLAY BASKETBALL.

Kenny Stills – 5 REC, 162 YDS, 1 TD. More touchdowns to people who are not Jimmy Graham!

Jimmy Graham – 0 TGTS.  It’s as if millions of voices cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced… Honestly, I think Jimmy Graham must have sh*t in Brees’ locker or something.

Le’Veon Bell – 21 CAR, 95 YDS, 1 TD and 8 REC, 159 YDS.

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Panthers – 13, Vikings – 31

Thank you Carolina, for taking an additional bye week.

 

Cardinals – 18, Falcons – 29

Steven Jackson – 18 CAR, 101 YDS. So the number one ranked defense gave up 100 yards rushing to Steven Jackson, and it wasn’t in 70 carries? My faith has been shaken…

Julio Jones – 10 REC, 189 YDS, 1 TD. But of course…

Roddy White – Was a late sctrach from continuing complications of an ankle injury. Even though he was unable to practice the entire week, he was labled as questionable with Mike Smith “confident he would play” quotes being throw about. Harry Douglas (9 REC, 116 YDS), instead, played the part of “not Julio Jones” quite effectively.

 

Patriots – 21, Packers – 26

Aaron Rodgers – 24/38, 368 YDS, 2 TD and 5 CAR, 22 YDS. It’s a good thing the Packers pulled this one out. If they did lose, the only thing would talk about was how Rodgers beard couldn’t catch the balls too (so to speak).

Eddie Lacy – 21 CAR, 98 YDS and 2 REC, 17 YDS. I know it’s Lacy on the field, but it just as easily be D.J. Fluker at the combine out there.

Davante Adams – 6 REC, 121 YDS. Hey, you’re not Randall Cobb (7 REC, 85 YDS.)! Hey, you’re not Jordy Nelson (2 REC, 53 YDS, 1 TD) either! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE.

Brandon Bolden – 3 CAR, 17 YDS, 1 TD. Ah yes, it would be Brandon Bolden, not Shane Vereen (3 CAR, 6 YDS and 1 REC, 26 YDS.), that was in line for all the Bill Belichick “f*ck you, fantasy players” points.

 

Broncos – 29, Chiefs – 16

Peyton Manning – I never realized until just last night about how much Pey-Pey looks like Timmy from South Park.

South-Park-Timmy!!!

C.J. Anderson – 32 CAR, 168 YDS and 2 REC, 17 YDS, 1 TD. “Siri… can you call NFL Teams looking for a running back?” – Ronnie Hillman. And also Montee Ball.

  1. Tarman Got Him says:
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    Well, that’s a wrap folks.

    After this well, unless Tannehill gets around 15 points, my 6-6 team will be 6-7 and all but eliminatedz

    Sad when you factor in the fact that I own the most points even after this week by 100+ and can’t catch a break, oh, and my opponent start Roddy White…

    And my bench included Julio Jones(thanks, haha, jk, all love), Keenan Allen, Joquie Bell and my starters included Denard, Mike Evans, Odell, Forte and Forsett.

    If I do pull it off, I’m all but in

    Sorry, we all in the same team. Have to share my frustrations with you.

    On a bright note, I’m 13-0 in one leage, 9-4, 8-5 and 7-6 but all but in unless crazy things happen. The 8-5 I have no points but need to win the last week.

    Thanks for all the help this season and looking forward to the playoffs!!

    • Jay

      Jay says:
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      @Tarman Got Him: Yeah man, hoped we helped somewhat. To be fair, Tanne and 16 points seems possible against the Jets secondary.

      • Tarman Got Him says:
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        @Jay: Jay!! You always help!! I appreciate it! Sorry to “vent”, just having fun. You guys are the best! Always bring me to the Gold!!

        • Jay

          Jay says:
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          @Tarman Got Him: Ah, no worries, I didn’t take it like that. But thanks!

    • Aubrey Plaza'a Pillow says:
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      @Tarman Got Him: jesus, we have a best team in the league MISSING the playoffs, huh. Hey Tarman want to join a league (or many) for next year, in which we get rid of that crazy level of luck by doing something so simple: simply play your team against every other team each week of season (not playoffs, they’d still be 1 to 1). So there’d be no more 2nd most pts in a week losing, that team would go 10-1. No bad teams with easy, lucky schedules making the playoffs.

      • Aubrey Plaza's Pillow says:
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        @Tarman Got Him: jesus, we have a best team in the league MISSING the playoffs, huh. Hey Tarman want to join a league (or many) for next year, in which we get rid of that crazy level of luck by doing something so simple: simply play your team against every other team each week of season (not playoffs, they’d still be 1 to 1). So there’d be no more 2nd most pts in a week losing, that team would go 10-1. No bad teams with easy, lucky schedules making the playoffs. @Aubrey Plaza’a Pillow:

        oops, recently took computer back to factory settings, and old name wasn’t saved in system, i mistyped.

  2. Allan says:
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    I’ve lost two weeks in a row because of my opponents defense. Last week it was the Eagles defense and then last night I’m up one point only to watch the Broncos defense sack smith twice in the last minute and I lose by one.

    • Jay

      Jay says:
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      @Allan: Fantasy Football is a cruel mistress.

  3. Nick says:
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    Hey Jay, thanks again for all your advice, I wrecked my opponent 144-68 this week in my $500 pot league..I’m 10-3 in this 10-team non-ppr & I face the #3 next week while the #2 plays the #4 (funny how that worked on for last week of regular season). Here is my roster & questions;

    QB-Rodgers
    RB-Murray & R Jennings
    WR-Cobb, Beckham & K Allen
    TE-Witten
    Flex-Ingram
    K-Tucker
    D-ST Louis
    Bench-R Mathews, L Murray, McKinnon, Reed, Sanu, M Bryant

    1) Drop M Bryant for A Williams in case Jennings is hurt next week or role with my other backups if Jennings is out at all?
    2) Other free agents include D Adams, Charles Johnson, H Douglas (don’t think any of those guys are worth a stash for end of season, right?)
    3) Defenses available are Minn, Denver, Cincy, NE..but I definitely can roll out ST Louis against Washington next…then its Arizona for first week of playoffs…hold for now in 10-team or plan ahead?

    THANKS Brotha!

    • Nick says:
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      @Nick: Or a better drop than Martavis, would be Mckinnon with really hard matchups (NYJ/Detroit/Miami) the next 3 weeks (I dont think Id ever use McKinnon again, with D Murray, R Jennings, Ingram, Mathews, L Murray)

      Sanu could also be the drop for A Williams, but again, leaning McKinnon, right?

      • Nick says:
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        @Nick: I went ahead and dropped McKinnon for Williams as a handcuff to R Jennings (specifically for next week)..

        Now the question is, do you role out K Allen at WR3 next week against NE, or go with Sanu or M Bryant?

        • Jay

          Jay says:
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          @Nick: I might roll out Allen. Looks to be back.

    • Jay

      Jay says:
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      @Nick: Thats good to hear, thanks!

      I’d role with your bench on 1. Hold for now on 2, let’s see how White progresses. 3, I would roll the Rams against Washington. Love that match-up.

  4. Clint says:
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    Wonder how long it’ll be before Kyle Orton gets a letter from league prompted by activists all concerned with the “yutes” seeing him dipping on camera. I’m gonna go w/10 days as the over/under for the letter, 2 weeks for the over/under on his apology for doing so, and 2 months before we see him in a “don’t dip” awareness campaign of some sort.

    On a side note: go Chargers! Knock off Brady this week and Pay-tone next week to finish strong & blow up the AFC playoff race. And go Iggles to knock off the ‘Hawks this week so the Pack can secure that top seed once the Cards inevitably fail.

    • Jay

      Jay says:
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      @Clint: Kyle Orton fears nothing. Patriots are a tough match-up, the powder blues shall protect them. I think…

      • Clint says:
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        @Jay:

        On a fantasy note: who do you trust more for the fantasy playoffs if backed into a corner, Johnny Kick A Hole In The Sky Manziel or Colt 45 McCoy?

        • Jay

          Jay says:
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          @Clint: Manziel, if only because I know McCoy will shit the bed big time at some point. At least Manziel could very well be okay… maybe.

  5. Symptom of the Universe says:
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    Need to win to make playoffs and need 5.13 points in standard scoring to do so, let’s make it 8 to keep out of stat-correction margin. Need to start 1 RB and FLEX from players in tonight’s Dolphins/Jets game. Not going for upside, which 2 of Lamar Miller, Ivory, Chris Johnson, Mike Wallace, Harvin would you feel most comfortable starting?

  6. Scott says:
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    All hail FireRivers!
    Is it just me, or is the Cincinnati backfield starting to look like the Cleveland backfield?

    • Jay

      Jay says:
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      @Scott: I actually like the Browns defense a bit more. I think it has more speed, more aggressiveness, and isn’t as overly dependent on the pass-rush like the Bengals are. They’re young though…

  7. Dom B says:
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    Hey Jay Thanks for ALL the ADVICE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Anyway I need a TE for playoffs right now I have Larry Donnell and Delaine Walker. Should I keep these two or drop one for jordan reed or drop the colts d i have ravens D. Thanks!!!!!

    • Jay

      Jay says:
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      @Dom B: I would hold on those two, but go ahead and drop that Colts defense.

  8. Wilsonian says:
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    Thanks to CJ Anderson, Julio Jones, and the St. Louis defense I pulled out a win last night to get 1st place in the regular season. And that’s going up against Megatron, Rodgers and Brees – and me having ZERO DAMN POINTS from Jimmy Graham. Now I get to wait to Week 15 to see who I get to try to beat up on in the 1st Round of the Playoffs.

    Do you honestly see Hillman or Ball touching the, er, ball at all in the Denver backfield if they’re healthy and Anderson is, too? He’s been the best RB in the league since taking over. I can’t imagine Denver being dumb enough to remove him from that roll. Yahoo has him projected for basically nothing in Weeks 15-17.

    Thanks for the help this season.

    • Teddy Heater says:
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      @Wilsonian: Peyton LOVES Anderson,(thankfully he’s rostered on all but 1 of my teams going into playoffs) I wouldn’t be too concerned with Yahoo’s projections and he’s been great the last few weeks, so I think he’s won the starting job. Peyton has said that Anderson is great to work with, he takes direction to a T and he can block, so I don’t see Ball or Hillman taking over a few downs here and there. Not a great match up in week 15 v SD (they bottled up Forsett pretty good yesterday, hopefully CJ fairs better), but week 16 is against a weak Cincy front. BTW I got hosed on Graham this week too, I figured that Brees will make it up to it him in week 14 but I have byes on both of those teams, DOH!

      • Wilsonian says:
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        @Teddy Heater: Yeah, that’s what I was thinking too. I never take too much into account when it comes to Yahoo’s projection – I know they’re assuming he isn’t the lead back there with their projections. I can’t imagine Peyton being OK with CJ being benched for Ball and Hillman when he obviously loves the guy and he’s putting up such insane numbers anyway. There’s no way Fox wants to mess with Peyton’s chi going down the stretch by benching Anderson.

        I don’t need him this week, so as long as he ends up healthy after Week 14, I’m good. That’s all I want. I feel like I snagged a 1st Rounder for free after Week 10.

        • The Harrow says:
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          @Wilsonian: yahoo’s projections are even worse when it comes to IDP’s, they still have some guys who have been getting 8-11 pts per week for over a month as getting 0 most weeks (since they haven’t updated their playing time estimates at all in some cases)

    • Jay

      Jay says:
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      @Wilsonian: You probably pulled out enough points for three wins. Even with Graham’s disappearance. I think Anderson is the guy, and I’m pretty sure they know that too.

      Good luck!

  9. Sean says:
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    Anderson is no doubt the man. Not only is he explosive like Hillman but he has power like Ball. Basically if you combine Hillman and Ball and leave out the bad stuff and you get Anderson. Plus his pass blocking is exceptional, so peyton trusts him. John Fox seemed to enjoy seeing Anderson rip off big runs. They love him in Denver

    • Jay

      Jay says:
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      @Sean: Totally agree.

  10. Allan says:
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    Please tell the mathews stat correction to 40 yards is legit. That gives me one extra point and ties my matchup. I have way more bench points and that is the tie breaker.

    • Mordacious Levator says:
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      @Allan: wow, that’s an ugly way for yr opp to lose. if you work with the guy or otherwise know him in real life i’d protect my neck.

      • Allan says:
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        @Mordacious Levator: It is pretty ugly although he went ahead of me on that “sack” when smith ran out of bounds on their last play of the game last night.

        • Mordacious Levator says:
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          @Allan: that would have been worse way to lose.

    • Jay

      Jay says:
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      @Allan: Mathews deserves all the points!

  11. Allan says:
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    Please please please.

    • Aubrey Plaza's Pillow says:
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      @Allan: me too, i need jarvis to score about 26 more (due to rivers/RAMS D/ me dropping reed for walker), won’t happen. this is return yardage league though so jarvis had value weeks before he was standard league valuable (so i’ve had him for many more weeks than anybody else likely). also let’s have j.jenkins (LB) get another 4.32 or more in 2nd half (he already had 12, which is huge, in first half). Although i’m 17th out of 20 in that last one, and it could actually hurt my draft picks for next year if i move up.

  12. Montezuma's Revenge... right now says:
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    that’s gotta be the last time i play vereen over mathews and miller. at least those 2 get used in their offenses. I do understand why Miller was ranked so low this week (NYJ D), and Mathews had the same BAL D that messed up Ingram last week.

    • Jay

      Jay says:
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      @Montezuma’s Revenge… right now: I’m never investing in the Patriots running game ever again. I mean, I didn’t, but I’m definitely not buying them in rankings.

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